Tana 3

Insinz was the last to join. His birth name was Hyzi, but he changed it upon discovering he was the Smoke. His arrival was unusual—he was the only one who came alone and revealed his powers without prompting. I rarely saw him interact with the others, and he seemed to require more hands-on mentoring than they did, often coming to me for guidance.

To describe him, his hair was a soft pink with fluffy curls, like a cloud, fading into purple at the tips. No matter how it was cut, the ends always darkened. He also has light brown skin, with kind-looking, electric blue eyes. One day after class, I was sitting with him, going over the ins and outs of his element, the best I could.

"Your strength lies in poison. We call it Smoke, and the gas you create is very similar, but you can alter the compounds to paralyze, damage, or even put your foes to sleep. Smoke is a specialized extension of Earth. I need you to make a Smoke Orb for me. We've been talking for a while—do you think you can do it?"

He grinned up at me, silver-blue eyes sparkling in the light."Nope. I don't get it."

I groaned."This is the third time I've explained it to you."

"Hmmm... Can you make one for me?" he asked.

"Of course I can't make it!" I snapped. I couldn't control such a volatile element... in fact, I can't control any.

I was ashamed of losing my temper, but he laughed it off and said, "You're funny." Then, without hesitation, he held out his palm and formed a perfect gas orb. "Like this?"

My heart pounded—but not from fear."You could have made it this whole time," I accused. He hummed, stood up, and said, "See you tomorrow, Tana."

Was he pretending to be slow just to spend time with me? A perfectly contained, poisonous orb is advanced. There's no way he could've gone straight into forming one unless he'd already mastered the basics. I've dealt with multiple Smoke users before, and there was one who hid his abilities just to extend his time with me.

I dismissed the thought by morning. There was no reason for him—or anyone besides my obsessive brother—to want to be alone with me. But for a moment… my heart felt warm.

During the Ritual of Right Rejection, I lost myself. When I came to, I saw that only Netalai and Insinz hadn't yet rejected a right and formed a vow. I told the others they could leave, then reminded them the vow window was only 24 hours each year. Still, it was good that they were giving it serious thought.

An hour later, Netalai chose his vow. Once again, I was alone with Insinz.

"Isn't there something… You think you could live without?" I asked. "Cera gave up physical pain—that could be useful."

"Yeah, I won't notice I'm dying until it's too late," he said sarcastically. He'd grown a lot since arriving, now finally in his adolescent phase, but his attitude hadn't changed.

"Well, Raijian gave up lying."He scoffed. "No thanks. That sounds inconvenient. I rarely lie, but one day I might need to. I want to… lose my sense of taste."

Taste? One of the great pleasures of life…"They never season the food here, and the poison I need to drink is so bitter—I'm better off without it."

"There has to be something you love to eat. There are still five hours left. Maybe I could get you a treat before you—"

He kissed my cheek.

"I've made up my mind," he said with a soft smile. "But thank you."

I touched the spot where he'd kissed me, my blood pounding."…Do I have to leave now?" he asked, stroking my cheek, his fingers grazing my scars without hesitation.

"You should go," I said quickly, pulling away.

"Wow… are you blushing? At your age?"I covered my face. "Do not mock me!"He chuckled, and I peeked through my fingers at him.

"Fine. I'll go."

A faint glow marked the completion of his vow. Then he stood and left.

He's flirting with me. What's wrong with him? Is he insane?

That night, I stared at myself in the mirror. With my unruly appearance and visible stitches, I couldn't understand Insinz's motives. He probably just wanted to use me. Whatever he wanted couldn't be good. He was too young for me to feel a genuine attraction anyway.

After that, I decided to limit our time together. Even when he claimed not to understand something, I dismissed him and focused instead on Zai. Sometimes the spirit of Lightning would take over when I was with Zai. I'd watch from within as it interacted with him using my body like a vessel. It was easier that way—I was too reserved to touch him on my own. But he needed to believe I was on his side… and thinking I loved him was a good way to earn his trust.

Despite his ambition, Zaikel only consented to the first step of the Power Ceremony. Raijian, on the other hand, insisted on all three. I was the one who invited him, but Raijian… hurt me. It reminded me of my first few months with his father, and I finally saw the resemblance. He even asked to continue, but gave up after I told him there was nothing beyond the third step. He frightens me now. Instead of visions of his mother and guilt, I feel weak and afraid in front of him.

Soon after the ceremony, Raijian was found being intimate with one of Vetro's concubines—an untouched girl, freshly brought from Infaniya. He hadn't even laid hands on her yet, but he was looking forward to it. Finding out his son had stolen her virginity infuriated him. The fight between them escalated so severely that I thought he might kill Raijian. I had to step in and convince V to banish him instead.

Things worsened when it became clear the girl was still attached to Raijian. I could tell V was seething, though he tried to hide it from me.

A week later, someone tried to assassinate V. The culprit was our head cook. My brother managed to purify the poison before it killed him and had the cook beheaded. In the chaos, he forgot to punish Aluma and left her to rot in the underground dungeon. It was up to me to bring her meals. I did so quietly, careful not to remind him she existed.

Since the princes had mastered all the general knowledge I could teach, I began giving one-on-one lessons. That meant, by default, I started spending time alone with Insinz again. Most had moved on to specialized training with element experts, but Insinz insisted he still needed me. I thought little of it—his door was always open, and at least he was sweet to me. Not like Zai, who only pretended to be kind, or the others, who not-so-secretly hated me.

"So… you understand?" I asked after drawing symbols that he needed to visualize for these skills.

"I have a gift for you." He said, instead of responding to what I asked. He jumped up from his desk and ran to retrieve something from under his bed.

"…You have been practicing, right? Not slacking off?" I chastened. To my surprise, he then pulled out a beautiful black flower with purple flecks. He held it towards me, which completely derailed my train of thought.

"For… me?" I asked, gently taking it. "Why?"

"I wanted to give you something." Tears spilled from my eyes before I could stop them."Oh… thank you. It's pretty. But how did you even get this?"He held a finger to his lips. "It's a secret. I would've brought a bouquet, but one flower was easier to sneak in… I'm glad you like it."

I clutched it to my chest—my new most treasured possession.

"Tana… why haven't you asked me?"

"Asked you what?"

"To perform the ritual with you."

My heart leapt. He pouted."I was waiting because… I wasn't sure if you'd… want to," I lied.

The truth was… my feelings toward him were different than what I felt for the others. It wasn't the spirit taking over, making me cling to him, looking for power. It wasn't my desire for revenge against Vetro. It was just… him.

"I want to," he said with such certainty it made me flustered.

This is just a ritual. No feelings involved, I reminded myself."When do we start?" he asked.

He pulled my hand to his lips and kissed my palm, holding eye contact. I jumped from my seat.

"I'll tell you later!" I clutched the flower to my chest and rushed from the room. I missed the doorframe and ran into it. He laughed, making my face burn hotter.

I pressed the flower into a book. I don't think I can stay impartial with him. I may have real feelings… so we shouldn't do the ritual.

Later, whenever he brought it up, I brushed him off and told him to focus. He'd grumble, cross his arms, then eventually go quiet, only demonstrating skills at my request. Not hearing his voice… it was lonely.

A few months later, during a blackout, I tried to kill V.

I had a knife in my hand that I didn't recognize, which was covered in a thick black poison. I was on top of him, bare, and he was unclothed under me, yelling,

"Zai? You're doing this for him?!" ... Zai?... I'm not sure what he's talking about. I don't even know how I got here. V yanked the knife from his chest, the poison was harmlessly pushed out from his wound, and the skin weaved itself back together. Then he rolled over and held me down. "You promised me that this wouldn't happen..." He muttered, wiping up some of the poison onto his thumb and forcing it into my mouth.

"Ahh... V ... I'm sorry! Please..." I pleaded, but he ignored my protests, strangling me as the poison spread through my body, and I lost consciousness. It was painful, and I was sure I had died. I've been alive so long, but death still scared me, and it would happen just when I got a glimmer of hope in my life, someone I looked forward to seeing...

An unknown amount of time passed before I finally woke up in my bed. I knew something was wrong immediately—the soreness in my face was gone. I rushed to the mirror and saw a reflection I hadn't seen in nearly 10,000 years.

"Are you happy? We finally found a successful way to treat you!" V burst into my room with a twisted cheerfulness. I scuttled away, hiding under my comforter.

"That boy… the Smoke one—he removed the curse on your face. After all these years of searching for a cure, he figured it out without issue. Isn't it amazing?"

"Why am I alive?" I asked in disbelief.

V laughed. "Oh… asking the important questions, are we? I couldn't stand to kill you—even if you betrayed me. I regretted what happened between us right away, so I called in everyone I could."

"I didn't! I don't even remember how we got to that point!" I shouted.

He sat beside me on the bed and hugged me tightly.

"Oh yes… it was during one of your episodes. I was quite alarmed. But I know you wouldn't hurt me—not the real you. That's why I called for a healer right away," Vetro said soothingly.

I hated having him touch me. Now more than ever.

When he pulled the covers off me, I wanted to disassociate—to forget, like I usually did. I prayed, silently and desperately, that he wasn't lusting after me in that moment.

That prayer went unanswered.

And worse, I remembered everything. Every touch. Every word. Every violation.

It made me sick.

A small part of me used to believe that he truly cared for me. But now I understood—he saw me unraveling and took advantage of it anyway. He never hesitated to force himself on me when he wanted to. My happiness never mattered to him. I wasn't a person to him—just an obsession. An idol. A doll.

When he finally ran out of energy and left me alone, I curled into myself and cried—damning my life, and myself.

That was when I had another visitor. Unexpected, but far more dangerous to my heart.

Insinz had come to see me.

I felt exposed, ashamed, especially because it was him. He was fully grown now, and the feelings I have for him, which were once mild, are now raging inside me.

I wrapped myself in the covers like they were a shield.

"I heard you finally woke up," he said gently.

I bit my lip, trying not to cry.

"Tana… what's wrong?"

He sat next to me. My heart began to pound uncontrollably. I yearned to pull him close, but I whispered instead,

"I'm fine. You should go."

Instead of leaving, he reached out and stroked my back through the covers. I jolted—but didn't pull away.

"I was worried about you… When I heard you almost died… all I could do was regret… that I was never open with you."

I pulled the blanket back just enough to peek at him."What do you mean?"

Insinz leaned in and pecked my lips. I was too shocked to move. Then he kissed me again, this time longer and gentler.

"You're beautiful," he whispered. "You've always been beautiful. You wouldn't believe how long I've waited to kiss you."

My cheeks reddened. A kiss has never made me feel this way.

"Why would you say that?" I whispered. "Why would you want to kiss me? I'm ugly. I'm dirty… I'm a witch. The king's whore. In fact, he was just here. And he—"

Insinz placed his hand on my cheek, gently turning my face toward his. Our eyes locked. The words died on my lips.

"You're not ugly," he said softly. "You never were. I could always see you—the real you. Selfless. Sweet. Delicate. Naive…"

"I don't know if I can agree… I've done so many bad things. I've enabled worse. I don't even know if this version of me is real. You wouldn't believe the things I've done—people have died because of me! I don't know what your game is, or what you want from me, but I have nothing left to give. I'm so powerless. So if this is the real me that you see… The me that's so painfully aware of everything I've done! I wish I didn't exist!"

Insinz hugged me tightly.

"Don't say that," he whispered. "It's not too late for you, Tana. You're still alive—that means you can make up for what's happened, little by little. And… personally, I'd be really sad if you didn't exist." His voice was calm, steady, and warm. My heart fluttered again—those same aching palpitations that always came when he was near. But this time… I didn't run away.

I let myself cry into his arms until exhaustion pulled me into sleep.