The Dilemma/ 59

(Tana's POV)

I was in the middle of hiding all the flowers under my bed skirt when V walked in. It startled me, but instead of approaching, he flopped facedown onto the bed. Thank goodness.

"Something is wrong with me," he muttered, holding his head.

I quickly pulled the bed skirt down, hiding the last remaining flower. If it had been just one, I could've explained it away—but over a hundred? That's much too challenging. I'm going to need to tell Insinz off... at least until I can figure out how to change this horrid situation we're caught in.

"What's the issue, V?" My tone sounded indifferent, but he didn't seem to mind.

"I must've overworked myself... I wanted to see you. I was sure I headed to your room, but I ended up falling asleep instead," he admitted.

I laughed nervously."Oh... dear... how odd..."

That time, my tone must have tipped him off. He squinted at me, then came close, grabbing my chin and staring hard at my face.

"What?" I asked, trying not to panic. Is he suspicious of me?

"When did you get this?" he asked, poking under my eye.

I blinked, unsure what he meant, then turned to look in the mirror—and gasped. A beauty mark? Right under my eye... This has never happened before. Why would I have one? The ritual only works on the Chosen... right?

"That's weird... I should get it checked. I'll ask Cynthea—she should know."

He tilted his head."Cynthea... So, it has something to do with the ceremony you've been doing?"

Wow. He caught on fast.

"Well... I don't know. It's just a guess. Maybe something went wrong this time."

He kissed the new mole. I instinctively yanked away in a panic, tripping over my candlesticks and landing in the middle of my mat. He looked perturbed.

"You've been rejecting me a lot lately."

I averted my eyes."You just surprised me... Plus, I need to go. You know Cynthea's only available during the day."

V sighed and shooed me away with his hand."I just wanted to admire you... Fine. I don't care anymore. Just go."

I could tell he was upset. Usually, I'd comfort him with a hug—it would make my life easier—but not today. Today, I needed answers.

Once I left the palace, I headed straight to the intercommunication tower and waited. Cynthea's hologram appeared in the seat across from me within a second. Her pale skin looked nearly white, framed by green hair, rosy cheeks and lips, and vivid red eyes. She smiled the moment she saw me.

"Hey, girl! It's been too long! You haven't contacted me in what... 322 years now?! Wow..."

I sighed."I'm sorry... It's hard getting out of the palace, and I need a good excuse to contact you."

I wanted to add that V doesn't like me having friends, but I kept it to myself.

"No need to explain yourself to me! What do you need?"

I leaned in so she could get a good look at me."I... have a mark of power."

She stood up and looked hard at my face."Wow... Oh wow."

She bit her nails. That couldn't be a good sign.

"Has the king seen it?" she asked.

I nodded."Yes."

We both sat down again. After a pause, she finally spoke.

"The Chosen you were with... has, um... picked you as his lifelong spouse. That's only possible if you embraced his feelings for you."

My eyes widened."Wait... you're telling me this is like a wedding ring?!"

"Well, you never had feelings for the boys you trained before... so nothing happened."

"Oh yes, something did! I had constant blackouts, split personalities, I even heard voices."

She smiled sadly."Well... that's stopped now, right?"

I nodded."Yeah. I figured it was because I'd been asleep for the past eight years. Maybe the side effects wore off."

She scoffed."That's something that only gets worse with time. It doesn't wear off. It only happens with spouses who pretend to love their Chosen partner for power and agree to the ceremony anyway. The energy from the Chosen Prince can't bond with their soul, so it travels through the body and assaults the mind... until death. Usually from suicide."

I clutched my chest. I had no idea I was putting myself at that kind of risk. Why didn't she tell me years ago? No... it's my fault. I was the one who stopped contacting her...

She continued while I was still processing.

"This is why your episodes stopped. The one you were with—" she cleared her throat "—the one who marked you, forced all the old energies out of your body. Then, he successfully blended his affinity with your soul. Love can make those energies very... territorial. He's not letting anything else remain inside you."

I thought hard about what she said, then extended my hand and tried to invoke Insinz's powers based on what I'd read. I visualized a sphere of gaseous poison and applied the proper formula to the atmosphere—and it appeared in my palm.

It wasn't as perfect as the ones he creates, but it was real.

The heck?! How am I going to get rid of this?!

"My guess is... he's been affectionate with you for a while, purifying you over time. Sadly, you know what must be done."

My eyes widened."I do not!" I screamed, clutching my head.

"Yes, you do. There's no way Vetro will let this go. I'm helping you because I pity you—but girl, your life just got a million times harder. I'm here to make things easier, not worse."

No. No! I can't see him hurt. The rules say I have to tell V immediately, repent, and watch Insinz get executed. V would never let me go. I'm not allowed to love someone else.

The only other option... is to send him far away. But that's only a temporary fix.

"Cynthea! I won't let him die for my sake. He will live a full life—with or without me!" I rose from my seat. "Thanks for the chat." And I ended the call.

She seemed like she had more to say, but I didn't want to hear it. What can I tell V? I need something believable... No! It's time I stop hiding behind lies. It's time to be proactive. I need to talk to Insinz!

I marched into the palace and straight to the Chosen Wing. When I entered Insinz's room, he was hunched over his desk, fiddling with something. He jumped when he heard me and turned around, nervous.

"Hey there..."

"I am sorry to the highest degree," I said sternly.

He blinked, confused. Then I rushed over, grabbed his collar, yanked him down to my level, and kissed him hard. He kissed me back, hugging me tightly and lifting me slightly off the floor.

"... Now I'm more confused. Happy—but confused."

My heart swelled. Once he set me down, I said,

"I'm sorry. I knew I loved you, but I didn't believe you when you said you loved me. I'm a troubled and cynical woman... I don't know why you'd want someone like me."

He laughed. I let go of his shirt and looked into his eyes.

"That's no reason to apologize. I know you, Tana. I knew what I was signing up for."

I wanted to hold him more, but I needed to say what was on my mind.

"You... left your mark on me."

He looked at me, then mumbled knowingly,"Your eye..." He touched my face. "It wasn't intentional."

"The expert says it means we're true lovers. So doing the ceremony... it was different this time. That's probably why you look different too." That's how I know for sure that Insinz truly loves me, there can be no doubts that our feelings are mutual with this.

He folded his arms, closed his eyes for a moment, tapping his foot. Then finally said,"Well... that's good, right?"

"It's not! I mean, it is, but—"

He placed his finger on my lips to silence me. Then, pulling his hand away, he moved it behind my head, tangled his fingers in my hair, pulling gently, and kissed me deeply. My knees weakened and a fire lit in my chest. He caught me before I fell.

Laughing, he held me close."I wasn't expecting you so early. Sit on the bed—I just need a few minutes."

Not sure what he meant, I sat anyway. I wondered if he understood how serious this was. A few minutes later, he turned around and held out his closed fist toward me.

"What am I supposed to do with that?"

He laughed."Open it."

I hesitated, then slowly pried open his fingers. Inside his palm was a gold chain necklace with a black, heart-shaped pendant. Inside it, stars glittered and smoke swirled. I felt tears building and forced them back.

"Can I put it on you?"

"I... I'm not allowed to wear jewelry," I sniffled, but he took that as a yes and clipped it around my neck.

"I knew being with you wouldn't be easy. I know your history... but I still want to be with you. I'm prepared to make it happen." He knelt in front of me and intertwined our fingers. "Never take that off. With it, I can always look out for you."

Was it supposed to protect me somehow?

"You don't know what he's capable of," I whispered, holding the pendant.

"Yes, I do." Then he added, "Also... I think you should see the physician."

"Why? I feel fine."

He huffed, grinning."Alright. Suit yourself."

Because of how he said it, I went straight to the clinic. And what I found out was... I was pregnant.

Insinz hadn't pulled out even once, but it had been so long since I had children that I never even worried it could happen.

Not ten minutes later, V was informed. I felt the building quake as soon as he heard the news.

The problem is... I haven't given him children since the war began. The only time I got pregnant before was when I disassociated so much that my hormones got confused.

Genetically, V and I are both Infaniyans. We were banished before the Angel's Blessing—a rite that only gives children to parents who both desire them—but even so, it's still hard for me to conceive without mutual affection. Eight thousand years with no kids... looks bad.

If I can't convince him this child is his, I don't know what he'll do.