Honeymoon Training

"And be careful out there." Dawn softly speaks into my ears as we give each other one last hug at the edge of the city.

"You know me. Careful is my middle name."

Zoey is just as concerned. "Are ya sure you don't want to take someone else with you? There has gotta be someone else who wants to go train in the mountains. Or..."

"Or?"

"Or I could go with you. You wouldn't need to worry about getting overwhelmed."

"You're cute when you worry. However, there's nothing out there that could overwhelm us. We won't go so deep that the pokemon will become a problem for us."

A little white lie. There is always danger that could get me at any moment. The trick is to flourish despite it.

"Besides, we need a few more team-building exercises as well." The girls raise their eyebrows. "Yes. Sewaddle is new to the team, and--" I can't tell them why I had a falling-out with Lopunny! "And there's always room to grow the trainer-and-pokemon bond further, right?"

"If there is a limit, you're probably going to reach the point." Dawn gives Lopunny a harsh look. "You're very close to your pokemon already."

"Well--"

"Do you still sleep with Lopunny?"

"Uhhh--"

"Isn't your bed always full then?"

"Yes--"

"Sigh." Dawn sighs. "I'm a little jealous, actually." A little? "Prinplup doesn't like cuddling, Mawile bites, Beldum is as hard as steel, and only Wormadam joins me at night, but she's too small to fill the hole."

She folds her hands in front of her chest before fluttering her eyelashes at me.

"In case you didn't get what I was hinting at, please stay so we can cuddle more."

"You can cuddle with Zoey until I'm back. I bet she would like it."

"I bet she would..." Dawn mutters before letting out a sigh. "Sigh. Mom did warn me of that. All trainer boys are the same. Alright. Have fun on your trip."

"I will try to, at least. And you too, but don't do you-know-what without me." I wink, and Dawn blushes.

Zoey grins. "Don't worry, I will hold myself back while you're away, honey."

"Thanks, honey. I'd better get going now, or else the both of you are going to keep me here forever."

We give each other another one last hug, and then I'm off to Route 211, a no-longer-used path leading from Eterna City to Celestic Town, the final frontier before Mount Coronet.

This side of the mountain is dominated by vast manmade grasslands. People removed trees for many kilometers around the city so the strongest pokemon wouldn't be able to sneak up.

The removal of any ambush points also allows the friendlier pokemon to inhabit these regions. They do not have to fear for their lives at every point; thereby, trust is fostered, and the conditions lead to increasingly friendly pokemon. 

Those who interact with humans then find out we give free food away sometimes, and then they move into the urban environments and parks.

Sadly, that means the closer they are to the city, the weaker they are, and the worse they become for battle practice.

As the city still looms in the distance, the first wild pokemon arrives, and we quickly defeat it in battle.

A simple Oddish.

Downed after an Ice Beam and Aura Sphere. His retaliatory Razor Leaf got blocked by Protect.

We continue further along the ancient trails. Now, only used by rangers to ensure the local pokemon are all happy and somewhat safe.

Lopunny places her head on my shoulder as we walk, since Riolu vacated the spot.

~"It has been a while since we traveled like that, hasn't it, master?"

~"What do you mean, Lopunny?" Salandit hisses into my other ear. ~"We've never traveled like that. Masster has alwayss been too careful."

We're walking out in the open, with nothing but clear blue sky to expect for the rest of the day. No wild pokemon that are likely to eat us, no dangerous cliffs or apocalyptic chaos, nothing.

Just as it had been only once before.

"You hadn't joined the team yet, Salandit." Those were calmer times. "It was right before we met you. We traveled on Jubilife's side of Route 218, battled every pokemon we saw, and even a few trainers we met along the way. It was exactly what Dawn, Barry, Lucas, and I had always expected from a pokemon adventure."

It has almost been three months since then.

Has it really been so long?

I guess it has. I've been avoiding battles ever since.

"Over there! A Starly! Riolu, get the first strike with Ice Beam!"

She missed. And Starly flew off.

Eh. There will be more opportunities!

I turn around, seeing the buildings have already disappeared behind the horizon. Ahead of us are the first trees.

It's all single trees from here on out. No forests for strong pokemon to use as territories, but instead small hideouts for weaker pokemon to hide from Starly or similar pests.

One of the pokemon in hiding is a Sewaddle. I can spot one among the leaves, chewing through them all day, I bet.

"Sewaddle, do you want to fight him?"

"Sew?"

~"Him. Over there in the trees."

"Se-- Sewaddle! Sewa."

He noticed us as well. Yet, he continues munching his leaves, only slower than before. "Let's see what you can do!"

---

Sewaddle lost.

The wild Sewaddle had the high ground. I should have known it would cause an issue. Sewaddle has such a poor range. After wasting so much energy climbing up, it was a simple matter for him to knock her to the ground again.

My excitement caused the loss.

~"Why didn't you replace her with him?"

"What the fuck, Salandit?"

~"I'm jusst curious. I didn't mean you should replace her! But why?"

~"Why do you care for the reason?" Lopunny asks, while walking by my side.

~"Understanding things can prevent mistakes." Riolu, who is not even half the size of Lopunny, glares at her.

Lopunny flinches before surrendering. ~"Alright, I get it. In that situation, understanding would have been bene... uhhh benevolent."

"Beneficial. And to answer your question: trust. Or, as my mom would say, the bond between trainer and pokemon is more important than pure strength. However, my father would say the opposite will get me to the top."

~"So which iss it?"

"Both, Salandit. You girls are all very strong, and arguably, we have a great bond. Ergo, we are on the way to becoming the strongest team in the world."

~"But Sewaddle is weak." Lopunny shuts her mouth when I glare at her.

Luckily Sewaddle is still passed out. I don't want her to hear those sorts of demoralizing lies. "She lost because I didn't utilize her strengths correctly. It was my fault, end of discussion."

~"Our bond could be even better." Salandit wags her non-existent eyebrows. ~"If you know what I'm talking about."

I know what she means. And the ancient knowledge... I'm sure I'm on to something there. It's not just cope so I can mess around with my pokemon.

If the long-forgotten texts are right, then I should be deepening my bonds with them.

Which is why I give Salandit a little peck on her snout-- "Yuck!"

~"Grosss!"

"Why would you put your tongue in my nose?!"

~"You sstartled me!" She scrapes her claws along her tongue. ~"Ssnot! Dissgusting! Why are human nossess sso grosss?!"

"Why would you do that when startled?!"

Lopunny lags behind, bending over in laughter. Riolu chuckles in schadenfreude. Salandit digs around in my backpack, flicking my face with her tail as she rummages.

"Come here, you gross little salamander." She evades my hands, diving deeper into the backpack.

A Spearow lands nearby, watching us wrestle until I unequip the backpack to pull her out by the tail.

She guzzles down a bottle of mouthwash. "Not so much! Are you insane?!"

The bottle pops out with a satisfying plop, and then her eyes lock into mine. A mischievous smile is on her lips, matching the one I feel on my own.

She curls up her body into a tiny sphere to get a grip on her own tail before climbing up it, up my arm, and up to my face within the blink of an eye.

Her claws grip the sides of my face. Her tongue is the last thing I see before she invades my mouth.

The taste of mint assaults my taste buds moments before the aroma - and her tongue - slide past my uvula into my windpipe.

"Cough." Her long tongue flies out of my mouth, slapping her in her silly, grinning face before she slurps it back into her mouth. "Gross!"

She laughs.

She laughs some more when I finally grab her and tickle her sides. "You think that is funny?" She laughs harder.

The smell of fire enters my nose. Her back lit up in flames, singeing the grass underneath.

~"I ssss--" She can't speak because she's too busy laughing. ~"Sssuren--"

Surrender? No way.

Her claws tear gashes into the ground. She wiggles around, trying to free herself.

But just as Buneary got to find out, humans are damn good at grappling.

There is no escape.

Her tongue tries to lick my hands to get me to let up, but I simply continue with slick fingers.

~"Ssstaaap! Hahaha! Sssurrender! I sssurrender!"

I let up for just a moment to watch her tail flick back and forth, her chest heaving up and down. She's panting. "Break time is over."

~"Nooo!"

She continues squirming under my fingers until I see the flames on her back sputter and die.

As soon as I stop, she takes a deep breath while still laughing, and the flames reignite. Tears collect in the corners of her eyes. She looks up at me with her claws pulled up to her chest.

Her chin is pulled up, exposing as much of her throat as she can. My eyes wander lower: she exposes everything as much as she can.

Mars pops up in my mind once again. The imaginary, hot-blooded, red-headed groomer on my shoulder tells me to keep going.

I bend down, holding her tightly. She closes her eyes.

I bite her throat with as little force as I can. Just until I feel the blood pumping through her veins against my teeth.

The claws that were pulled to her chest switch their target, clinging onto me instead with desperate desire. The sharp tips of her claws dig through my clothing and against my skin. When I retreat, she stays stuck in place, letting herself get picked up with me.

I feel her slender neck on my shoulder. She rubs her head against the side of mine while I rub the scales on her smoldering back.

~"That wass pokemon torture." After recovering for some time, she hisses into my ear. ~"I could tell Officer Jenny about it."

Something tells me she actually enjoyed this a lot. "Oh, no. I'm terrified. What do I need to do to make it better?"

She slips from my hold and climbs across my back to the other shoulder, looking at me with a bright grin. ~"You know what I want." Her tongue darts out, tickling the side of my face.

"A little kiss for my little lizard?" I smooch her snout.

~"Hmhm. For now. Once I'm a big lizard, I expect big kissses."

"With how little you've been training compared to Lopunny, that will be a while before it happens." Not really. She started picking up her slack. She just evolves at a higher level. "But that's why we are out on a training trip. See that Skiploom over in the distance? Try to sneak up through the grass and then roast him with Incinerate."

~"On it, masster!"

She doesn't sneak. She runs on her hind legs in that wobbly-looking sprint she does sometimes.

Skiploom sees her coming, obviously, and flies away long before Salandit could reach her.

---

After a long but enjoyable day, I fling my backpack into the corner of the tent. The inflatable mattress dents under my weight.

What a nice day-- "Oof."

My pokemon drop down on top of me one after another, earning some heavy petting in retaliation.

Lopunny drapes her ears across my body like a heavy blanket while I scratch and rub her back hard enough to feel her ribs and spine under the thick fur.

I'm a little more careful with Salandit's skin. Her defensive stats aren't all that great.

Riolu and Salandit mirror each other on my left and right, snuggling against my arms while continuing to receive their ministrations to the sounds of purring, soft growling, and hissing.

A little feeling in the back of my mind, fleeting and swift like a random shower thought, tells me that Sewaddle woke up.

After reeling the thought in, pulling it up to the forefront of my mind, I reach towards my pants, grabbing for her pokeball only to feel it tremble in my hands.

The ball pops open the moment I press down the button, and a beaten Sewaddle with a low-hanging head emerges from the flash of light. "Sewa..."

She slumps even further. Even her leafy hood seems to sag in her saddened state. Tiny droplets of tears appear in the corners of her beady eyes before pearling down her smooth, chitinous face.

"Sewaddle..."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. It was my fault we lost."

She looks up in wide-eyed surprise before collapsing again. "... Sewaddle..."

The others seem uncomfortable at what she said.

"And you shouldn't compare yourself to them either. They have been training for much longer than you have. We simply need to get used to fighting together, and soon you will be just as strong as they are."

"Sewa?"

"Yes, really. And guess what?" She tilts her head. "That's exactly what we are here for. Today is just the first day of many we will use to get stronger. Together. Now, come here."

I stretch my arm out of the pokemon pile to let her climb onto my palm before moving her on top of Lopunny.

"I doubt your recovery since you were knocked out was very restful, so you can sleep there tonight. I know for a fact that Lopunny's fur is great for sleeping."

As soon as my hand is free, I reach towards my backpack... It's too far away.

~"I'll get it." Riolu jumps up.

Why did I get the random thought that Riolu would enjoy playing fetch?

"Can you hand me a Sitrus and an Oran Berry?"

She opens up the leather flap before disappearing inside.

... The bag shakes around for a while.

~"It'ss in the third compartment." Salandit points out. ~"Right next to ssome Stantler'ss antlerss."

I should have tried selling that to the bike shop.

~"... I think I got lost."

Salandit groans before getting up as well, climbing across Lopunny before heading inside the infinite space bag.

What does it actually look like from the inside? I always just reach in and grab what I want. I've never really noticed its inner workings.

Speaking of unnoticeable things, "Banette, do you want to cuddle too?"

A dark spot appears at the ceiling, just behind the little electrical light I installed for reading or writing notes. Dark red eyes with slit pupils stare back at me from the depths of the shadow. Then the golden zipper of Banette's mouth appears.

Her voice resounds in the deepest part of my mind, accompanied by a feeling of despair and hatred. "No."

That's all she says before retreating back into the shadows, but I understand her. Why would anyone want to cuddle with me after getting used to Mary? I'm nothing but a poor consolation prize in comparison.

Or she is shy. Lots of ghost pokemon seem to be very shy in nature.

Either way, a part of me is kinda glad she said no. She looks too creepy. I don't know how to cuddle with a ghost either.

Salandit and Riolu return from their misadventures into the depths of liminal space. "Are you alright, Riolu?"

She shudders. ~"The things I saw."

Huh?

~"There are monsters beyond your wildest imagination in there."

Her fur stands up. Her whole body trembles with shivers until she cuddles against my side with a glazed-over look in her eyes.

"A-are you serious?"

~"Huh?" All of a sudden, her shivers stop, and her eyes focus on me. ~"No, I am Riolu-- Ouch."

I flicked her snout.

~"Ouch! Why me too?!"

Salandit probably convinced her to put on that act.

Lopunny chuckles a few laughs of delight into my ears while Sewaddle nibbles on the Sitrus Berry that Riolu recovered in her quest.

A guilty look still mars Sewaddle's cute, pudgy face. "Sewaddle, please don't feel so distraught. I know how a little setback feels - especially this early on your quest to greatness - but you will get better."

She nods as slowly as Lopunny does when she pretends to understand something.

When I brush my hand over her hooded head, I feel the velvety texture of her leafy clothes. She looks at me with her black, beady eyes. "You will improve, and that's all that really matters. A little loss here and there isn't the end of the world."

The actual end of the world is the end of the world.

"Tomorrow, we're going to--"

Ring ring ring ring. Someone's calling me on my phone.

"We're going to work on a new strategy befitting your fighting style."

I stretch my arm to reach the phone in my pants pocket and click the button to accept the call.

"Hello? Swole Solo here."

"Hi-- Is that your ear? Can you, like--"

"Oh! Sorry." It was a video call. "Gardenia?"

"Yes! It's me! Looks like I reached you at a bad moment."

The little window on the screen shows what she sees: a man in a tank top with a Lopunny facedown lying on top of him.

Except Lopunny covers the tank top with her body, so it looks like the man is completely naked.

Almost as if they were in the middle of having sex.

When I spot the growing red hue on Gardenia's face, I quickly nudge the camera to the side so it becomes obvious that we're not doing anything right now.

"Ahem." She coughs into her fist. "I read your message yesterday, asking for a date in two weeks."

A date for the match.

"I was busy until now, and your father hounded me with emails. He says you're alright with a difficult challenge for your gym battle; did I get that right?"

Huh?

"He wrote," Her face shifts a little into the blue range as she shimmies closer to a computer monitor behind the phone. "My son is going to beat Cynthia this year, so you might as well send out your real team against the man."

No. Way.

Not again!

My easy 10k₽ for a third badge is going down the drain!

Does my father find joy in shafting his own son like that?!

... He did write 'the man,' though...

"So I was wondering if you'd rather fight against Breloom or Jumpluff."

Fuuuck meee! Those are the pokemon from her main team!

"You would also get slightly different rules. You can use all four pokemon that you could usually select for your third gym battle, while I can only use one."

She looks a little smug. Sitting there on her pink office chair inside her bedroom, wearing a... Turtwig onesie. I didn't notice that before, but she looks ridiculous with the little sapling on her head.

Her smile suddenly turns from smug and confident to goofy and silly.

"What do you say, mister stoic man? Breloom or Jumpluff?"

"That offer came out of the blue. I will need some time to decide on that. Can I give you a reply tomorrow?"

She leans back in her chair, bathing in the bliss that comes from overwhelming an opponent. Gloating. "Of course. Take your time. Don't worry, though. From what I saw in your matches, you might have a sliver of a chance against either of them."

I will make her swallow those words the same way dream-Akari swallowed my load.

... That was gross. I'd better keep my thoughts PG-13.

"I will give you a response at the same time tomorrow evening then. Have a pleasant night, Gardenia."

"Hehe. You too. And don't let the excitement steal your sleep tonight."

"Oh no." I reply sarcastically. "With such a threat looming on the horizon, I doubt I will find a single moment of sleep. Whatever will I do now?"

Lopunny's ears twitch before she shifts her face away from my chest to look in my eyes with a mischievous grin.

I realize what my words could be interpreted as. But now it's too late.

"Just don't hurt your little Caterpie when you take your frustrations out on him."

She means my dick. "I was actually talking about making plans to beat you in battle. And I have a Sewaddle. Not a Caterpie. How did you come to the conclusion that I have a Caterpie?"

"Uhh..." She looks like someone who just used a dirty joke in front of a child and doesn't know how to explain it.

"Haha! Don't worry. I'm messing with you. I will call you tomorrow."

"Phew! You got me there. Same time, right?" I nod. "Looking forward to it. Bye!"

"Good night."

Beep.

...

"Fuuuck."

---

Jumpluff or Breloom... Grass and flying, or grass and fighting... 

I remember Gardenia's Breloom from TV. She has the Poison Heal ability and always carries a Toxic Orb with her. Meaning Breloom heals herself while poisoned, and the Toxic Orb ensures she will always be poisoned.

We don't have a way to change her ability through Role Play or Skill Swap, so she is guaranteed to be recovering permanently. 

No, wait. We do have Worry Seed. I can't forget that Sewaddle knows the move. But if we fail to change her ability, then the fight will be over.

There is no way we can win without attrition. Lopunny is strong, but she's no match against anyone of that caliber.

That...

Lopunny bites my earlobe as if she heard my doubts, prompting me to resume rubbing up and down her back until she lets go of my poor abused ear, nuzzling her face against it instead.

That pretty much rules Breloom out as an option.

In addition to her resistance to attrition, Breloom is an impressively strong melee fighter. A brawler much like Lopunny. However, unlike Lopunny, Breloom holds a crucial advantage: her fighting type gives her the upper hand against Lopunny's normal type.

This means we have to choose Jumpluff - the dandelion-like pokemon.

As the commentators from TV once called her: Gardenia's drugged-up, wet noodle. Extremely fast, but not very strong. A very misleading description. They are comparing Breloom against the other elite trainers and their best pokemon.

I'm still in range of the phone towers, so I can check her win rate online: 69% - nice.

No matter how nice, the number spells out doom for me. Jumpluff is a strong opponent, and Gardenia knows how to make use of her strengths.

Gardenia will undoubtedly fight with Sunny Day backing them up. That means Solar Beam and Synthesis. Fuck!

"Shit!"

~"What is the matter?" Riolu noticed the change in my mood.

"Don't worry about it. Focus on getting some rest." Her ears flick when I pet her head. "We will be fighting all day tomorrow, and I need you all in your best shape."

I feel their heads nodding in understanding, which is nothing but a flimsy excuse to rub against me. Sewaddle, of course, doesn't join in. She's too busy gnawing on her Oran Berry, oblivious to us.

The tiny fruit is quite the challenge for such a small pokemon. How much does a Cutiefly eat anyway? Never mind - focus. Not the time for distractions.

Synthesis is going to ruin us. With the sun boosting its power even further, we'll never chunk enough damage to wear Jumpluff down.

Unless... Flying and grass... Ice is four times effective against her. If Riolu can blast her with the strongest possible Ice Beam, then she might just... one-shot her...?

That is an... option. Definitely a risky option, but with enough preparation and trickery, it could work.

Yes. Sewaddle leads the fight with String Shot to slow her down. Salandit follows up, poisoning and burning her to weaken her physical attacks. Then Lopunny steps into the brawl, relying on her high special defenses to wear her out.

Synthesis won't restore her endurance. It's no substitute for a proper rest.

Finally, Riolu hits her with the best Ice Beam possible.

That's a solid strategy.

"... Too solid."

~"What iss too ssolid? Your--" Salandit mumbles the rest with her mouth held closed.

I can't forget that Gardenia is a gym leader. She battles for a living, and she has done so for the past seven years. She will see through the most obvious plan I can come up with. And the next two probably too. 

Riolu's moveset is public knowledge, same as Lopunny's and Salandit's. I won't surprise her unless I think outside the box.

I could get a TM for... "Can any of you learn Sandstorm?" Three shakes of their heads. 

No reply from Salandit. She doesn't even deign me worthy of a simple shake of her head. 

"No? Rain Dance or Hail?" Three nods. "Damn-- wait what? Hold on, let me read that again."

Three nods.

Sewaddle, Riolu, and Lopunny can all learn Rain Dance.

Why? That makes no sense... but I'll take it.

Anyway, Rain Dance is another option for the battle! It counters Solar Beam and Synthesis completely!

Rain in the arena would also allow us to use Thunder with a 100% certainty.

"Can anyone learn Thunder?" 

Lopunny nods.

But her special attack is abysmal.

Still... I need to write that all down!

Narrator: In the end, he really did have a sleepless night after all.