Getting Stronger (4) (Revised) – Rising Up Arc (19)

What was that? Why did I remember that just now? Well, saying I remember it's a stretch, the memory was so distorted I could barely make anything out. 

"Hikaru? Are you ok? Did you dream about our past life again? Like how everything was in our old world, how much can you remember Hikaru?"- Hana woke me up she looked straight at me with a warm smile, and her left hand moved toward my head, patting it gently.

"Well, I did remember something, the memory was so distorted that I couldn't make out much. I remember what looked like the first time I tried to kill myself. I don't know anymore"- My eyes wandered from the left to the right side of the room that we are staying at. I don't know what to say to Hana anymore since reminding Hana of this memory is going to do more harm than good.

"It's ok. I have dreams where I remember past events as well. I have a better memory of them than you have, but let's not dwell too much on them. It won't be good for either one of us"- Hana reached one of her hands to hold mine.

"Yeah, let's not. Maybe we should be thinking about something else. What do you have in mind tonight? We still have some time before daylight kicks in, so might as well have a look outside."- I buried my face in my own hands, I was a bit sleepy, I was about to fall asleep there but Hana jolted me awake.

"One more thing before we go You don't have to feel sorry for the past I came to realize something. I have an understanding of why you did what you did. I think I am the one that is selfish in this case. Everyone tried to keep alive despite everything that happened to you, we tried to give you treatments and keep you alive, but I am asking myself. Does Hikaru want that? How does he feel, we never really considered that, both I and your parents only considered how we would feel without you. Even knowing this I can't still imagine my life being the same with you dead."- Hana leaned on my shoulder and hugged me.

"Well, as you said, let's not dwell on things, at least for now. Let's get some fresh air outside" – I grabbed Hana's hand and the two of us sneaked out of Fumiko's mansion.

I don't know what to say. In this new world, I never gave too much thought and took everything for granted when arriving here. Damn it, the primary reason why I took it for granted is that I had more power, but I am nothing, I was nothing in my previous world as well. I hurt people that cared about me so much, I didn't think about them that much. These thoughts echoed in my mind while walking outside in the dark with Hana, it wasn't dark for us since we had night vision because we were monsters but it wasn't as bright as the day either.

!If there is any consolation I can offer, I can say that you are better than your previous self. Your actions in your previous world were justified due to your circumstances. Humans put too much value on life, you would have died anyway Hikaru, you only would have missed more misery, all of the misery that you have felt wouldn't be canceled by the fact that you have Hana by your side, your illness could have evolved further and be stuck in a mental asylum 24/7. And based on recent memories you would have been soon after the school year ended.!

"Well, it is a little consolation, thanks Sia, but we need to think of something else"- Hana and I stopped near a tree, and we could hear a soft hum.

"You 2 are here"- I can hear Ayame's voice echo from behind a tree in the forest.t

"Ayame, didn't think you would be here at this hour?" - Hana approached Ayame while she smiled at us.

"Well, I like to be alone sometimes. Sometimes you just need to take a walk and be alone with your thoughts." - She was down on the cold ground, and she moved her head up to look at the stars.

"Well, we were here for the same thing. I must say, the stars are beautiful tonight"- Hana and I gazed at the stars, the stars in this world look so different than the ones in our world, they are way more colorful and way bigger, even from a distance.

"Well, take your time"

We spent a few minutes in silence, just the 3 of us, moments like these are so beautiful and serene. After half an hour or so, we left and got back to the mansion.

I had a hard time falling asleep when I was there

!Sleep mode activated!- I can only hear Sia's voice before falling asleep again. I woke up the 2nd day, Fumiko, Ayame, Hana and the White Fenrir in her human form were sitting near my bed.

"Morning, someone slept in a lot."- Ayame looked down at me. Didn't she spend more time than us outside? How is she so up and early?

"Sorry, I will get started right away. I made the bed and could feel the tension in the room, what had happened?"

!Ayame told Fumiko about last night from what I can deduce from the current situation, it's nothing severe!

"That's good, I guess. I don't remember what I should do today. What was it again, anyway, it won't matter"

Once I was gone I went downstairs to the mansion and talked with Fumiko.

"So, what happened last night between you and Hana, I am just curious. You 2 seem like a pair of strange siblings. Walking around in the dark doing god knows what, just tell me you aren't doing anything dangerous, and Ayame as well, I don't want the three of you to get into trouble"

"Well, we are one strange pair of siblings all right, but we didn't get into any trouble, the followers of Ifrit don't seem as active now."- Fumiko looked at me weirded out.

"Well, you may have a point, but it's still dangerous, that goddess has complete control over the people she brainwashed. Going outside at night is reckless, plus you leave the mansion undefended. I want at least one of you here to defend the mansion"- Fumiko sat down on a chair looking straight at me.

"I understand Fumiko, we will try to not repeat this mistake. We just wanted some cool air, that was all. And also, both of us get some strange flashbacks from our old world. Do you happen to get them as well Fumiko? Like a girl and a strange world. You can tell us"- Fumiko let out a small sigh and then turned to do some paperwork, but she stopped after a few minutes.

"I do get them too, I feel like I am the person in the flashback but some things about me have changed. I don't know how to explain them, but, I do remember something. The Nanano is familiar to me, but I never could see myself as her, maybe it's due to the lingering mana illness. I don't know"- Fumiko moved her chair closer to us.

"Well, it might be beneficial for you if you try to remember more. I doubt you will change much from how you are right now"- I looked at Fumiko and gave her a warm smile.

"I don't understand this one bit. Why me? Like why do these things have to happen, I am getting tired of all of these things. Maybe I need a small break"- Fumiko breathed in deeply and managed to release some of her stored-up mana in her surroundings, that mana was so strong that she fell out of her chair.

"Careful there. Let me help you"- I help her get up. She looked a little bit more awake than she was, maybe I didn't notice it as much but when the illness is in effect she looks more sedated than anything.

"How were your lives in your original world? I have a feeling they weren't great. Also, can you drink this, I can't drink it now, it will go to waste otherwise"- Fumiko gave me a cold cup of tea that she had lying on her desk.

"I don't want to get into it. To make a long story short I was very ill in my old world, my mind and the ability to use my body were decaying as time passed and I couldn't do anything, I wasn't sane or had very little sanity left. Until I got reincarnated in this world, this cured me or at least made me immune to further degradation."- Fumiko nodded while looking at me. Her eyes were darting back and forth, from me to her paperwork.

"Well, I am happy you are better. Would you mind if you could help me with this paperwork? It's a lot, please?"- Fumiko turned her head and looked directly at me.

"Well, I mean, yeah. It's better to take the load off your shoulder, Hikaru and I will help you, just give us a piece of the paperwork.."- After she was quiet for all of this time Hana spoke to Fumiko. Fumiko nodded and with a bunch of papers in her hands she walked to us, giving each one of us part of her paperwork.

"Now, once we finish this, we can talk more, ok, Hikaru?."- Fumiko got back to doing paperwork, I couldn't see that something was on her mind that she refused to tell me, but something that she knew and was too afraid to tell me what has gotten into her?

"I understand. Damn, taking a look, this paperwork is complicated, at least parts of it. I guess without modern machines, in this world, you have to do documents by hand, they look pretty bad compared to the ones in our world."- Looking at the documents, they were so hard to complete, mostly because of them being old style, I am used to borders and everything in a document being straight and having small spaces and the grammar is perfect, but on some, the grammar is just atrocious.

"It's ok Hikaru. Don't stress yourself out too much. I can help you where you don't know how to complete."- I can hear Hana's voice from my right, she guided me to where I had to write what with the index finger of her left hand

!Emotional suppression is failling, emotional dischrage recommended!- What now Sia?

!Your emotions won't be in control for long, the feelings of the guild from when you killed Fumiko's father are coming back, you need to do something about it, and soon!

"This is bad Hikaru" – Hana started to me over the telepathic link

"I will just tell Fumiko, I will take all the blame, don't worry, I can't hide things from her anymore."

"Well, if that's what you want, she deserves to know the truth, at least that".