Getting Stronger (5) (Revised) – Rising Up Arc (20)

It's bad, why can't Sia suppress my emotions for longer, I don't know if I can simply just tell her, but she deserves to know the truth.

"What happened? Are you feeling alright, Hana, what's happening to Hikaru?"- Fumiko jumped from her chair and looked at me, her gaze darting back and forth.

"Oh, Sorry, but I have been listening in for a while, if I may speak"- Ayame spoke up, she was with us in the room, guess I didn't notice her right away, what am I saying, she was already here. It's getting harder to breathe.

"Sure…" - I managed to say while trying to calm myself down

"Hikaru isn't in any shape to explain it, so I will explain it if Hikaru wants me to explain. The situation is complicated, Fumiko, it will take a lot for you to understand" – Fumiko nodded at Ayame's words, her gaze shifting from me to her

"Yes, I can see. Ayame, please explain, explain as much as you want to."- Fumiko held my hand and smiled. Fumiko has such a beautiful smile, she looks beautiful, I made her cry once, and I don't want to make her cry twice but she deserves to know the truth

"Sia, why is this sudden flood of emotions?"- I can't explain why I was feeling like this all of a sudden.

!It is because I was suppressing them within unhealthy limits to allow you to kill people in this world, the guilt would have broken you even further, I decided to release some emotions right now because your mind wouldn't be able to hold them up anymore. You already got a warning message before, but it had to be done at a time like this.!- So, this is why.

I took this world for granted, it brought me here, I could have been in a worse spot than this.

Back in my old world, things were worse, I felt like a lazy bum, always sleeping, always on meds, it was so, hard. Even now I am pitying myself more and more. I heard that if you pity yourself your life will become a nightmare, look at me now… It was an endless nightmare back then without pitying myself but now that I do, I feel that the nightmare returns.

"Are you ok Hikaru?"- Everyone looked at me. I couldn't see their faces, I avoided their gaze as much as I can

"It's better to let Hikaru tell everything. Ayame, you might have not so accurate information on this case. Hikaru, you can speak"- The White Fenrir spoke, she was also here, well, it doesn't matter now, I have to have the courage to tell Fumiko what happened to her father.

"Hikaru, whatever it is, please tell me, no matter what will happen, please be sincere. I promise I will try to keep calm"- Fumiko's hand got sweaty, it seemed like she was expecting the worst out of me, but she would sadly get the worst. I don't know how much I can keep this secret from her.

"Do you remember your father and what happened to him?"- She looked a little bit confused.

"Yes, I do remember, and also, I found some documents and..."- This is it, Hikaru, you are going to lose everything if you say it. But I have to say it, I don't want her to live a lie. Why am I even worried about losing things? Maybe I should have found another way to solve the problems.

"I was the one who killed your father and made the scene look like that. I was the one who killed Rei as well"- Fumiko fell out of her chair, she was on the ground gasping for air. I don't know what to do, speaking with her more will only make it worse.

"Ouch, that hurt"- Fumiko got up from the fallen chair, looking at the chair, it seemed one of its legs broken.

"Hikaru. I already know. The documents I mentioned earlier, King Wieka gave to me, I was able to talk to his consciousness as well without the two of you knowing. He told me everything about his plan and you two. And from now on, I won't be the Fumiko you know. I am starting to recover more and more memories as Nanano, and that fall may have accelerated the process. Look, if you can get some time off to cool your head, have Ayame or Hana come with you. Be safe" – How and why? Doesn't matter, I need to cool off somewhere, maybe the old cabin.

"Again, I am sorry. I will go now to cool off"- I exited the room, going outside for some fresh air. I don't know if that will help. Now you have done it Hikaru, I can finally let go of my feeling. In what situation did I put Hana, I am such a coward for leaving her there.

I walked from the mansion to the hut, even if it took me hours. I am like a zombie, slowly doing actions, wondering mindlessly, not being able to sleep. Why now, why did the guilt come all over me now, right, Sia already told me why. But I am still asking myself the same questions over and over again

"What a crappy day to be alive, like always"- Why am I still living, after what I have done, I had help from Sia to suppress all of my emotions but now that the suppression is gone I am just a hopeless and defenceless child.

!Initiating Deep Sleep and Emotional Cleansing! - Before long I fell into a deep sleep

3 days later:

I woke up 3 days later. Someone was standing at the door of the cabin, it was the White Fenrir girl, what was her name?

"Hey"- I called out to her in a slow voice.

"My name this year is Oka. If you wonder why, I change my name frequently, so a new one every year. It's important. But I don't think you care about this now"- Oka walked near me putting one of her hands on my shoulders.

"Ok, Oka, what do you want? Do you want back the sproutling?"- I don't know how I will do that, but I will try to give it back if she demands it.

"No, I gave it to you for a reason. If you were the way you thought you were I wouldn't have given it to you in any case. Look at me Hikaru"- I turned my head to look at her. Looking up in the air doesn't help much.

"What do you mean by that? You know what I did, it's not that simple. I feel too guilty to do much now. I barely calmed myself down. I need to find a way to redeem myself, if there is one"- I looked in her eye, white like snow.

"Things are different, you see them in a negative light because of your current state. You made the tough choice to keep this kingdom and the world safe and follow King Wieka and his orders. Fumiko, I guess Nanano now, fully understand what you have to say and why you did it. I gave the sproutling you because of your decision-making, it may not be the best, but that's all that I could do." - Oka finished talking and stared at me for a few more seconds.

"Thanks, Oka. But, still. I need a bit more time. I will come back to the mansion today. But, I need to know, how Is Fumiko"- A small memory of Hana, Fumiko and I popped into my mind all of a sudden. I can see her smiling and laughing with the two of us.

"Fumiko is worried sick about you, she isn't mad at you, same with Hana and Ayame. They tried to make you shut up for a reason. It was healthier to let you talk, that's why I let you talk and tell her the truth. Now, come back to the mansion, it's already night" – I didn't even notice the time outside.

"Ok, will try"- I don't know why I accepted this offer, the past month everything had been going well, and I formed a lot of memories with Fumiko and the others. Too late for regrets now, what am I talking about, I regret everything done.

At the mansion: It was midnight when we arrived.

"Go and see Fumiko, the others are there as well. Fumiko is on the 2nd floor in her room"- I had gone to the 2nd floor in Fumiko's room, she was with Ayame, Alma, and Hana sitting on the floor looking at me with worry.

"Welcome back, sit down"- Fumiko pointed me to sit on a spot next to her. She looked happy to see me.

"Yeah, hello."- I look at the ground.

After a few minutes of silence, Ayame speaks.s

"Well, we have been worried sick about you Hikaru. I hope you got all the alone time you needed"- I look at Fumiko, she looks sad it's because of me, because of what I did.

"Never do this again Hikaru, don't run away from us."-Fumiko placed her left hand on my chest.

"What else could I have done, I caused enough grief already. My actions are not something I can change right now. I still feel guilt, no matter how you feel now, I don't that good about myself"- I touch her hand, she is warm to the touch but I can feel something else on it, self-harm scars, scars that I once had made to myself using a knife or a razor, how did she get them

!Kitchen accident, she was worried about you and sad at the same time because you ran away!

"I know that you still are a good person Hikaru. I am not upset that you hid things from me, but I know why you did what you did, I already told you, I spoke with King Wieka in his mental space. And I know that you are capable of doing the same for me. You did all of that to protect me and Hana, you didn't hesitate to help Princess Alma. The Fenrir recognizes you as a good person worthy of the sproutling. And to be honest, I am too attached to you to stay mad for a long. You are like a big brother. The only reason I can be mad at you is hiding it for so long from me, but now, I am glad that you are ok."- Stockholm syndrome, she got so attached to me that she is willing to forgive even this type of crime?

Fumiko leaned in closer putting her head beside my heart, listening to my heartbeat.

"It's so fast, Maybe you didn't calm down properly."- She leaned back. Hana sat to my right and Ayame to my left. I couldn't see Alma anywhere.

"Where is Alma?"

"She is asleep, she is sleeping before you even told Fumiko, she is an early riser"- Ayame commented.

"I feel like I am the lowest of the low for what I did, I deceived you enough, I don't think I deserved to be called a good person. I feel like a worthless person who doesn't deserve to live life in the first place, I am just a little kid who came to another world and took everything for granted, I was selfish and cared only for myself, I did it to further my own goals, I don't understand, what part of this is good?"- I manage to mutter slowly.

"Hikaru, I trust that you are a good person, you are lying to yourself, you are letting your inner self consume you"- Ayame put her right hand on my back.

"She is right. You aren't like that in any way shape or form, Hikaru, to us you are a good person"- Hana commented.

"You are wrong, even you Hana, back in our world, the amount of pain I cause you, Mom, and Dad can't be measured."- Hana put her right hand against my mouth.

"Hikaru, it's ok"- I can feel a calming presence wash over me, this is Hana using her skills.

!Mental Attack Detected. Starting counterattack!

"I will leave for now. Hana, I think you should do the same, we should let these 2 talk it over"- Ayame and Hana left the room, and the same calming sensation became stronger. I was left with Fumiko in her room.

Now what Hikaru, now what??"Hikaru, I am a little upset you didn't tell me that sooner. But on the other hand, I can see why you would do what you did. Don't worry about it too much. Might look even insensitive for me to say that to the person who killed my dad, but it's true, I discovered more dirt on my dad, compared to him you are clean. I don't regret that scumbag dying a bit now. And also, now, I am no longer the Fumiko you knew. I am Nanano, I was the same person but my personality was built upon the one Fumiko originally had. I managed to get the 2 of them under control, and it's now a mix of the two"- Fumiko walked closer to me, rose and patted my head

"Thank you, Nanano"- I looked up at her.

!Attacker detected.

Name: Ifrit

Attack Type: Emotional Backdoor

Threat Eliminated!

Wait, Ifrit?

!Your state was due to a mental attack from Goddess Ifrit, it's one of the reasons why I couldn't control your emotions for longer. Keep in mind that this would have still happened but with a lesser effect and could have been fought off alone!

"You saved many people by killing Lord Ikrel and Lord Welcia, including me."- What does she mean by this? Why am I feeling so sleepy all of a sudden

#Skill gained: Mental Attack Nullification#

!Emotion suppression activated, now starting Sleep Mode!

Everything was blank after that.