To be appreciated

No one can give me the love that I want. Is it too much to ask for? Am i not good enough to be loved?

Thoughts like these roam around my head throughout the day, a neverending cycle of worthlessness. Distractions do help but from what I've learned, it does not do much long-term. In the end, I go back into this spiral of thoughts I cant get out of.

Scrolling through tiktok, I saw a video I can never relate to. This person telling their loved one how much they love their laugh and voice. How nice to hear that from someone, one day.. I dont know when that day will ever come.

The act of appreciation is something I hold dear. Write me a letter explaining how much you appreciate everything I do for you? You will have my hand in marriage. It's just so heartwarming to be treated nicely. I do envy those who get to feel that way.

I sometimes think to myself that the amount of times I've shown gratefulness to another and how much Ive done to please them but that thought is quite selfish in a way. It was never asked of me to be obligated to thank them but I do so anyway. I shouldn't total up the things I've done for people and expect the same treatment back. That's just selfish thinking on my part, though I do try to justify my actions on selfish I can be but then again I go back into a spiral of "Am I selfish? No, I deserve to be treated right too. But no is obligated to do anything though.. so am I selfish?" and again and again and again till my mind collapse. So i distract myself. Try and get rid of the thought.

One day, I'll be appreciated.