Respect

Is it a trauma response to always feel like people will abandon you or decide to want out when things get difficult?

If there was a way to stop feeling like this, I would trade 10 years of my life for it.

I remember crying myself to sleep all night for weeks to a slighter change in tone or the way the other person reacted to what I said. I make up all these scenarios in my head and they all lead to one conclusion --- being abandoned. It is so hard to question, ask, bring up a sensitive topic without assuming they will react in a negative way and so I tolerated all the disrespect and carelessness from some people treating me that way. I violated the idea of self-respect because I was so desperate to make people stay with me.

The urge to lash out and just yell at everyone was incredibly high but because I keep thinking that might be the reason they will leave, I just choose to understand. I want to say "no" on certain situations but because they might think differently, I just take the uncomfortable path.