Chapter 12

I felt a groan against my lips, they tingled and I wanted even more. I was annoyed when Tae pulled away slightly and started kissing down the front of my neck and at my collar bone. We were once again moving and he carried us back home. I grabbed his face and continued to kiss him, until eventually I was pressed up against my front door. I was in shock how Tae never lost his focus on me, and how he was even able to put in the code for the door and let us inside. I didn't know how he was still holding me, I think it had been about 20 minutes not including the time he spent him swimming us out of the pool. My mind began to wander, and before I could ask to be let down he said, "Don't worry Rina, you aren't heavy." I pressed a smiling kiss to his lips and we entered the bathroom as he turned on the shower. Wait a minute, are we really doing this? What the hell did I get myself into. My mind was starting to come around, but I was completely unprepared. I didn't even have protection. I've never even done this before. Once again before I could protest, or do the exact opposite, he peeled me from him and placed me in the perfectly hot water. Everything in my head told me that was the right thing to do, but a little space in my heart repeated the words, no.

"I don't want you to catch a cold, so take a shower. I will wait right here in case you need anything." I frowned, did he not want to do anything else with me? My thoughts rambled on as I took off my bra and panties and started rubbing foamy bubbles across my body. Time passed before my brain started screaming at me, "Was that a pity kiss?!?! Because I almost died??" I completely misread the whole situation, I am such an idiot. I was thinking one thing and he was just being a gentleman as always a flirty gentleman but one nonetheless. It had nothing to do with me and everything to do with the kind of guy he was. Of course, if a girl started kissing him he would kiss back. He's probably done this plenty of times with all of the women throwing themselves at him. I was hurt, annoyed, frustrated, and embarrassed. The total combination of emotions: destroyed. I turned off the water and let the water drip for a few moments before my voice cracked, "Could you please leave? I need to dry off, and I took off my clothes already." What felt like a tear ran down my cheek. My face was soaked enough so it didn't make a difference. I was such an idiot. I don't know why I was so worked up when a few days ago I told him I didn't want a relationship. I was crying because I didn't want to admit that I liked him, I didn't want to let him go, and I wanted him to feel the same. Life was so fucking cruel. Could I ever love? And would they ever feel the same?

I opened the curtain and stepped out of the shower. I was reaching for the towel when my stomach hit a head of hair. I looked down to see Tae still sitting on the toilet with his head between his legs. "I asked you to leave. I don't get off on letting strangers see me naked." The words felt bitter on my tongue, what the hell was I doing? This is what I had wanted. I had. Did I still want that? I needed to get my thoughts in order. "Rina you were crying, you think I can just leave you like that? What the hell kind of guy do you think I am?" I wrapped the towel around my body covering all the important parts. I replied, "A nice person. That's the kind of guy I think you are, a really nice one." "Are you serious Rina? We fucking kissed and now I am a just a nice guy or stranger or whatever you just said?" I was expecting to think things through before I talked to Tae, but apparently he is a talk now kind of person so I was thrown into this conversation and I might as well just get this out now. "I almost drowned, I was shaking and crying and you consoled me. I am sorry you were the one to have to deal with that. I won't inconvenience you again." I realized, I'm not the type to talk things out now, I was beginning to cry again and I felt like I was losing control and I hated that so much. I couldn't have this conversation now. I need to leave. So I walked out of the bathroom. I couldn't make it far before Tae grabbed my shoulder. "Don't leave, your hair is soaking wet. I already told you I didn't want you to catch a cold." I suddenly became aware of his hand on my shoulder and the drips from my hair falling onto the floor. "I'll go, if that makes you more comfortable. Just dry yourself properly. I will grab you clothes so," his voice trailed off, "...you don't have to go." It was whispered at the end as he passed by me and closed the doors. He was still just in his swim trunks and probably colder than me. A knock at the door a few minutes later and he gave me one of his t-shirts and pajama pants folded. His voice was shaking, and his cheeks were red, "I didn't want to go through your drawers so I got you something of mine. Wear this for now. You can change after my shower."

I dried my hair a little more with the hair dryer and then put on his clothes. They were super baggy, I think because baggy clothes are in style. I tied the drawstring tight, I couldn't lose the pants as I had no underwear. I made a mental note to grab some quickly before I went to the living room. I opened the door and Tae was standing outside with his arms folded waiting. I faked a smile, "All yours" and pointed to the bathroom as I scurried onto the couch. I felt a familiar sense of dread as last time when I sat him down to talk. This time, I had no idea what should be said. I was so lost. I had never felt this way before and I felt pitiful for not understanding my own heart. I closed my eyes and let the thoughts pass. Why did he look upset when we played games today? Why did he stay in the bathroom? Was he that worried for me? Does he like me? Should I tell him that I like him? Oh, I forgot to put on panties my thoughts continued to reel and then sleep claimed me.