Chapter 35

I think I am going to get fired. I haven't worked for almost 2 weeks. Thankfully, I have the money from 'watching' Tae. It sounds creepy in my head, I basically got paid to fall in love with an Idol. What the hell?

Tae left his trace in every place of my apartment. I tried to rearrange and even clean. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I've been staring at his name on my phone.

"I just landed, I love you."

"I love you too! How was the flight?"

1 week ago. No response.

How bad did I fuck this up? Was I completely wrong about him? Was it all fake?

I remember his words, "I might not be able to respond to your text messages." I need to give him time. I need to trust him. I have been sick to my stomach with worry, I can't eat, I don't sleep. I sit on my couch that smells of Tae and watch every video I can of him on youtube.

I never took myself for the stalker type, but when your boyfriend, I think, is an Idol. I mean what else can I do?

I'm on my second box of saltines, third box of tissues when a video shows up in my recommendation. 'Woo5's Shin TaeWoo Seen On Romantic Date.' posted 1 hour ago.

Obviously this is fake, but I'd love to get a view of my Tae recently. The group has been oddly silent for the past month. Especially after their American tour came to a close. It makes logical sense though, they were missing a member. He was with me. I assumed they would pick up and post lots of content on their personal youtube. It's been silent.

Everything I have watched was from the past. I finally cracked a smile seeing Tae's face. It quickly turned as I ran to the restroom and vomited all of the crackers I had eaten from saltines box number 1.

Tae was holding hands with another girl. A beautiful, famous, solo singer. The image seared into my mind as I cried over the toilet. Tae loving holding hands with another woman at dinner. This seems completely sudden. Why would this post get leaked? I know his group is not ready to go public with romantic partners. Is it true?

Why am I so affected? I should not be throwing up over this. I should not be crying like this.

The logical part of my brain knows that this situation truly isn't that bad. He just got back home. He most definitely is busy. That could be his friend, just a really good friend. Unfortunately, in the three weeks we had I never got around to asking about his friends. It didn't seem important but I was clearly wrong.

I'm probably just emotional because my period is supposed to start. If I set my mind straight I will feel better. I peeled myself off of the floor and took a shower. Letting the tension ease. Tae's voice echoed in my mind, 'Don't forget to dry your hair.' The loving words he always spoke to me.

There is no way I misread him. I trust him.

I decided to get in the kitchen and cook myself some food. My queasiness has subsided after throwing up. I do a quick check on my phone, no messages. I check socials, and the official Woo5 pages. Nothing. Maybe the rumor is so outlandish they don't even want to denounce it.

I don't bother with overthinking, and put together a sandwich. The lettuce crunches with every bite. I flip through youtube videos and another catches my eye. 'Shin TaeWoo confirmed dating Lili from Free Stars.'

'I will treasure you every minute I can.'

'Don't worry about the future, just let me love you.'

'Will you wait for me?'

All of our beautiful moments rush forward in my head. I feel dirty, and sick. I make a break for the bathroom and hurl up the sandwich I just ate. I meticulously comb through every moment. Did I miss something?

'I think the day my dear friend lost her virginity was also the day I had a strange dream.'

It was Tori's voice.

'Did you even use protection?' 'Just hope your period comes this month.'

No. No. NO. NO! This isn't happening. I must have the dates wrong. I pull out my phone to confirm. All emotions have ceased, and I'm numb. My heart steadies to the sound of the dial tone.

"Brrr… brr…. Brrr… Hey, Rina? What's up girl, how are you?"

"I've missed you, did your boy toy finally leave so we can hang out again? Rina! Why aren't you saying anything? Is this a butt dial, you better not.."

"Tori. I need help. I don't know what to do."

"Oh honey, What's wrong, are you hurt? Is it an emergency? I'll call 911."

"It's not that."

"Then what the hell is it?" I hear a bunch of rustling sounds over the line. "You know what I am leaving now, just tell me what's wrong."

"Tori, I'm pregnant."