Chapter 54
The past 16 hours have been hell. I feel completely sucked dry with nothing left to give. My body is listless, and can't hold any position for long. I'm starting to feel the fatigue of pushing for the past two hours.
I'm just ready to give up. Tae is disheveled in a way I have never seen before, even when he was sick in the hospital. His head is sweaty and dark circles cast the skin under his eyes. Usually he is a sparkly diamond, if he looks like this how do I look?
"We are taking a break," the dreaded words the nurse gave me. "I'm going to speak with the Doctor."
I really wanted to have these babies naturally. Tae, who is still standing at my side, rubs my shoulders.
"You look beautiful, Rina. The most beautiful I have ever seen you."
"Don't lie to me" My voice cracks a little and Tori who was at my other side brings me a cup of ice chips.
"I'm not, you are incredibly beautiful and strong. I love that, I love you. It doesn't matter how they come, we will love them all the same." It was the exact reassurance I needed. Tori chimes in, "I'll love these babies even if they don't pass through your vagina." I laugh.
"How did you know what he was saying?"
She winks, "Kang has great methods of teaching." She winks again, and I can't help but laugh again. "Eww gross."
She folds her arms across her chest, "Don't eww gross me, you are the one who got pregnant on your first time."
Tae blushes, and I guess he figured out what she was saying. I go to grab his hand in a gentle loving manner. All thoughts are erased as one of the most painful contractions I have ever had runs through my back. I squeeze his hand so intensely my hand goes numb. He doesn't say a thing though. Tori flips on the call light and goes to look down at my splayed open legs.
Her face changes but she corrects it effortlessly. I would be embarrassed but I am having two fucking babies. I couldn't care less at this point.
I release my grip on his hand, and then yelp as it happens again. "Fuck!" I scream. Tae puts his forehead to mine. "You got this Rina, get mad at me. You can do this."
Tori comes in with a nurse, I didn't even notice that she had left. The nurse goes to check and then yells out. "Get the doctor." She looks at me, "I don't think we will be needing that C-Section after all, Mama."
She talks me through the breathing patterns, and I feel the worst pain of my entire life, it passes for only a few seconds. I push with everything I have just hoping I will get some relief and then it happens. The room seems to stop, and Tae breaks his gaze away from mine for just a second.
I look up to him, and commit his face to memory. The face of complete unconditional love. By the tears streaming down his face and the smile that caresses his cheeks I know one of our babies is here.
I start crying before I can even see it, but I'm bawling by the time I feel it on my chest. Tae is kissing my head and I've never felt love like I feel it now. Unfortunately the bliss ends quickly as they whisk her into a bassinet in another part of the room so that she can get weighed and checked out by the NICU doctor. I motion for Tori to follow that baby because I know there is no way Tae will be leaving my side.
"Great job, Mama." I see her pull out her phone and immediately start taking pictures. A thousand thoughts are racing through my mind but I need to focus. I still have another baby to deliver. I feel another contraction twist my stomach into knots and just as it is about to end I hear Tori.
"She's a girl! It's a baby girl."
The news feels foreign. I almost can't process it through the pain. "Holy shit, we had a girl." I turn to Tae. He nods. "I'm so in love with her, Rina."
Damn does this man know what to say at the right time. We've all but spent 30 seconds with her and he is in love. It takes about 15 minutes of contractions before the Doctor gives the okay to push again.
Tae has wiped my face clean, and I've heard about 15 minutes straight of oohs and awws from Tori, at least someone is having a good time. My first push is remarkably easier and the grip from Tae's hand is enough assurance for the second push. The contraction starts to pull.
I see that image of our cute baby girl, and it gives me all of the encouragement to keep going. "Come on baby, you have a big sister out here ready to meet you." I whisper through it. The doctor places the tiny body on my chest, slight whimpers are heard. "Twin girls" he says, and then whisks her away to her bassinet.
I feel like I am in a sleepy state for the next few hours as the babies are checked and I deliver the after birth. Then, I was asleep. Time escaped me and now I don't even know what day it is. I look to Tae for assurance and he says, "only thirty minutes" I breathe out deeply. My body aches, and there are a lot less people in the room.
"Where are the babies?" My voice is hoarse and scared. He nods to my left, where one sleeping angel with a little pink bow on her head is, blaringly obvious that her sister is not there.
"Rina, it's okay. Tori is with her sister in the NICU."
Tears start to form. He continues,
"It's okay, she is okay. You fell asleep while it happened. Tori texted me an update. She is just too small so they want to keep her there for monitoring. They also want to monitor her lung function. We can go see her whenever you are ready."
I nod. This was to be expected with twins. He stands up, and covers me with his body. Gentle not to put any weight on me. "Rina, I'm so in love. I can't thank you enough for what you did for me. I am forever in your debt, and I'll repay it to you every day for the rest of my life. I now have three beautiful girls in my heart, thank you so much for keeping our babies." He is crying, and I'm crying.
The tears turn to sobs for me, and now I'm not just crying out of love. It's heartbreaking. How can I ever forgive my Dad after what I just went through? Just like the universe heard my thoughts, Tori's Dad comes in. He spends about an hour looking at our sweet nameless baby then he checks on each of our conditions. He also brings food and sets it up for me. That's when he decides to drop a bomb.
"I know you are going to be mad, but Rina. I am a Dad too and he needed to know so I called your Dad. His plane arrives tonight."