School dances are so stupid

"So…you're telling me…that this totally normal girl who's met you like twice wants to spend time with you of her own free will? W-well…what is she on? What's wrong with her? I mean…"

Austin broke into cackles. He'd been in much better spirits since my falling out with Julia. My life was a constant I told you so.

Stuart fidgeted with his thumbs. "She must be a terrorist."

"Shut up."

"How else do you explain-"

"I don't know…" Austin's big old acne-head turned back on me. (Sorry, that was mean.) "What exactly did she say to you?"

My surroundings looked familiar. Too familiar. Was I at my house? Why were Stuart and Austin at my house? When did I get here? I glanced to my left to find a Jewish girl in a green turtleneck. Great. Kim was here too.

But no Willie. Hmm…

A big hand grasped my shoulder. "Dude, are you okay?"

"I…"

Every pupil in the room was directed towards my vicinity. Yeah…that statement makes sense.

Kim raveled her bleached bun back over her head. "When's the last time we actually heard him talk?"

I blinked.

"He mentioned going back home after therapy, and we all kind of invited ourselves. I…he doesn't talk a whole lot…I didn't think anything of it." Austin stuck his face in front of mine. "You good?"

Last thing I remembered was Valerie asking me…well, force-asking me to the dance. Then I was here. With them. Wait…no.

My parents. That's right, I had told them, and Dad had a spit-take with his coffee. Mom cried what I pray were happy tears.

"Yeah." I ignored my blistering headache. "I'm…great."

Kim squared me to face her. "You're not getting cold feet, are you?"

A blizzard hit my chest. I hadn't considered backing out—the situation didn't feel real yet. But the idea of ditching the frizzy pink chick made my head hurt even more than usual.

No, I wouldn't do that. Julia would kill me.

"So," I said, "What happens at a school dance?"

Now, I could tell you about how mom rented out black and white clothes that made me feel like a yin-yang, how Kim gave me a step-by-step tutorial on how to slow dance without looking like an idiot, or how Austin called up Valerie to change our plans and made himself a third wheel, well, fifth wheel. (Because we were going to take a car with four wheels, and I like puns). However, I think you'll be most interested to hear how I was tricked into the last thing on the agenda.

Curious?

Me neither.

Austin called up Valerie again and told her that he was going to be our chaperone-driver person instead of Ed, because he is overly involved and enjoys living more in my life than his own. He arrived at my house thwacked the car horn with three good blows.

I sighed and stepped outside my bedroom. My feet dragged down the stairs. The tux felt like an anchor in quicksand.

"You look so grown up." Mom pinned the last of her hair on her head. Her eyes lit up. "Oh, I have something for you…for her."

I stood there stiff as a Stuart. All of a sudden, I was holding a wristlet covered in gigantic pink petal things that were supposed to be flowers. Wow. This is what a corsage looks like.

You ever just don't know how to react to a situation? You end up coming across as some sort of dematerialized zombie-apocalyptic thing? I'm pretty sure I look like that all the time, but this was an extra special circumstance.

"Stephanie, let the kid breathe. He looks nervous enough as it is."

Dad peered around the corner and patted his thick hand against my back. I didn't want to know why my parents were dressed up like they were going to the dance instead of me.

"Alright," he sighed. "Try not to sweat, and treat her right or I'll…"

"Call Kyle to come beat the crap out of me?" I guessed.

He laughed, "Nah, I'd have a lot more fun doing it myself."

Austin honked again. Really loud.

Mom snapped her fingers. "Oh, Ben, I have a little surprise detour for you and Austin. Your…date already knows. She's meeting you there."

That can never be a good thing.

Dad practically shoved me out the door (in a good way). "Have fun. Be home by eleven."

I was not at all prepared for the events that followed. In one swift movement, Austin had me pinned in the back of the car as he sped towards the opposite direction of the school. We pulled into the parking lot of a building with giant red scissors on the window.

"What are we doing?" I asked.

Austin shushed me. "Valerie's getting her hair finished up, and your mom bribed me to get that rat's nest off your head."

My stomach did a flip.

No.

No.

Sensing my thoughts moments before I could register them, my acne-infested friend scooped me into his dinosaur claw and dragged me into the barber shop.

"Geddoff of meeeee!"

"No way. I'm broke dude! This is gonna help pay a whole lot of college tuition." He let me to my feet once I was trapped within the doors.

"How much?" I demanded.

"Money is just a number."

"HOW MUCH DID SHE PAY YOU?"

Despite speaking beneath his hand, the words came out perfectly clear. "Thirty bucks, but-"

"WHAT!?"

"Dude, you need a haircut. I need money. Don't ruin this for me."

"But-"

"YOU'RE NOT LEAVING HERE WITHOUT A HAIRCUT."

We were interrupted by a giant shroom that made me think of a vacuum cleaner. When I turned around, I found an innocent face hiding all the malice. A woman ushered me towards the back of the building after receiving a quick nod from Austin. They were all pinned against me.

"You'll be fine!" Austin whispered.

Panic settled as my limbs moved towards an awkward-looking chair. Austin faded beneath a giant rack of magazines. Each one had a celebrity haircut glued to the cover. The same haircut that was going to make a beeline for my head, but would only get lost in the maze that was my not black but dark brown head of chaos.

No local barber shop was going to change what I put all of my pride into.

"I hate you," I mumbled.

Austin grinned, "I know. I hate you too little buddy."

My legs begged to bolt, but when I spotted the pink-frizz mess next to me, I froze. Valerie was all the way on the opposite corner of the sad little shop, but I could tell she'd taken her time that day to look as much as the girl in my Julia White fantasies as possible.

Yeah, I'm having those now. Since I don't sleep anymore.

They should've put me under some drug-initiated coma so I wouldn't have to feel those scissors foaming up against my neck. Instead, I looked at the ceiling as I avoided the mirror. The barber eventually spun my chair to face the empty wall.

Snip.

Think about sunshine. No, think about nighttime. Focus on the thumps in your skull. Think about all of those sleepless nights imagining world concepts, stuff you wonder about Julia. Like her first bracelet. What the heck is the deal with that bracelet? I assumed it was some gift from Alexander, but I'd seen that thing on her for as long as I could remember. And now, Bracelet 2.0 was rotting in a public-school hallway.

Snip.

This woman had a mischievous smile. I hope she knew she had no creative liberties. She needed to keep my head looking like a rat's nest, as I'd prided myself in since I was three years old.

Snip. Snip. Snip spray snip.

I wonder what Valerie was getting done. Something about her hinted she came here a lot. I don't know what it was, perhaps her head that looked like cotton candy on a stick, seemed a tad unnatural. I would kill to know what color was hiding beneath that.

"And, voilà. Finished."

No. That was way too quick.

Sparks of hope replaced the doubt. She had given up. She knew that I was a lost cause, I was only good for being the most basic of all human beings. She could be using this time to do anything else.

The lady widened her eyes at me. Alright, I thought without my tiny person's assistance, You're getting so much better at this. What does she want?

I looked at her again.

Oh.

I had to look in the mirror now and try to react positively. Why had I agreed to this?

That's right. I didn't.

I sucked in a whole tank of oxygen before my eyes darted from the ceiling to the mirror. I found a strange face that I hadn't seen much of lately. Dark brown hair stood on the boy's head, but it wasn't the tangled cobweb I had hoped for. It was shorter, straightened out, swept over to its side. A suit too fancy to exist suffocated the kid's body.

The only thing I could find recognition in were the dirt eyes that trapped gold specks. Yes, they had done this to my body. No way was it going to last past tonight. Come tomorrow morning, everything would be back to its old, mangled self.

Just you wait.

I heard a voice sourced through a smirk. "Wowza, Ben, you cleaned up nice."

I'm not sure what Valerie was doing here, now that I got a good look at her. She looked the same: perfect with a hint of a wild peacock. Here I had thought she was going to undergo some hideous transformation and we could go to this thing ugly hand in ugly hand.

She'd only make me look like a bigger idiot.

Before I knew it, I was in the car sweating through my clothes, Valerie sitting beside me in an energetic heap. Austin decided to obey the speed limit for once, so the ride took much longer than I'd hoped. How does Dad do this all the time?

"First school dance, right?" Valerie bounced beside me. "You're gonna love it. So many people, all that energy…it'll be good for you."

My eyes got wide as she described my worst nightmare.

Errrrrrrrk.

We'd stopped moving. I guess I was supposed to get out now.

"Have fun!" Austin called. That's right. He doesn't go to Delcoph, he goes to Wildwood. The real reason behind being my chaperone? Thirty lousy bucks. "By the way, Ben, I told your driver to give you and Val a ride home."

Ed? God bless you.

I could hear the beat behind the soundboard from out here. I could feel the energy from the insane crowd of rowdy teenagers. I could sense the heat boiling to a melting point on that dance floor.

Valerie bent my elbow to a ninety-degree angle. A hand placed itself in mine.

"Shall we?" she asked through another giggle. The frills blocked my vision. "Hey, don't be nervous, alright? Deal still stands if you want to leave. Give me ten minutes to give you a glimpse of the high school experience."

It was awful, moving my feet without having my hair bounce in my eyes. I no longer had anything to hide behind. It was just me, exposed for the world; I couldn't blame any imperfections anymore. They were masked.

Except for my personality. Couldn't do much to hide that.

She guided me through the exterior and into the melting pot. My eyes stuck themselves on the body count to draw out an estimate. My analysis: too many freaking people. So many couples.

I had to check in with the guest forms at some point, but I don't remember much. Valerie let my eyes lock into hers. Just me. Just her. At least that's what she said.

"Hey guys!"

I saw a tiny frame, Leah. She was clinging to another dark kid, bubbly as he jumped up and down to a beat of a pop song I couldn't concentrate on. Joey. I think. Last time I saw him he was throwing up in a trash can. It's amazing, really. Side characters and their minimal influence on plot.

"Hey Val!"

Paige. Brooke's preppy sister. The insane junior who thought she was the freaking Queen of England. Seeing the full extent of what makeup and a skin-tight dress could do to a blonde rich girl? She was as tall as me and I was petrified.

Dude, I am shocked by my memory right now.

"Not going out with Joey my butt," Paige said. "You should be careful before you shoot that big foot of yours right off."

I think there was supposed to be an insult layered in there. I didn't get it; apparently, Leah did.

She charged up to the blondie with a folded fist. "You wanna go?"

"I wouldn't stoop that low."

Leah growled, but Joey pulled her into his grasp. "Hey, take a chill-pill. You should know by now that short little white girls can't help being pigs. It's in their nature."

He winked before dragging his girlfriend deeper into the dancefloor.

Swallowing is supposed to be a function of the body. It turned into my throat's weapon when Valerie's hand slipped out of mine and she turned to face the scary little blonde. Paige's eyebrow was too far up her head. She scanned my appearance like a tiger preparing to pounce on its prey.

"So, Val, you get the lamest date ever, and then you turned him into this?" she snorted. "I'm impressed. Maybe I should try this tactic."

Valerie stood eight stories over the brat. "Paige, where's your sister?"

"Over by the punch bowl with Julia and Mr. Player over there."

Something about these friends…I think they've got magnets on each other. That girl Brooke (who looks like she's twenty-six with that crazed blonde hair and caked face hider stuff) was suddenly there. Those curls were a lot more tamed than last time I saw her.

She shoved her sister. "Go bother someone else, Paige."

"Like who? Everybody's taken."

"You don't need a date. Just go jump around and pretend to be drunk like everybody else. It's not that hard."

Paige flipped her hair. "Why pretend? I'm sure Joey spiked the punch bowl anyway."

She gave me one more stone-cold glare before marching towards Joey and Leah again. Brooke rolled her eyes. It felt good to be hated again.

"I'll kill her," Brooke mumbled.

With one glance at my face, Valerie dragged me over to the middle of the mob.

"I need new friends," she muttered, but her face was too happy for me to interpret. "So, I assume you don't know how to dance? I mean, I guess you wouldn't. That's the whole point of me getting you out here."

She giggled when a song with a slower beat carried over the one that made everyone look like diseased idiots. I'm sorry, I'm running out of words. "Here. Just put your hands around my waist…" When I didn't move, she fisted my wrists to do her will. "Like this. And then my arms go up around your shoulders, like that."

Well, that's not awkward at all.

She rocked me back and forth, and I heard her voice talk. I tried to tune in. I couldn't help but stare off towards the punch bowl with frenzied jerks of my head. What was I doing? Who cared what Julia was doing with her perfect little—

What does he think he's doing with those crafty little lips of his?

"...I honestly just wish Leah would tolerate her a little more. I mean, you know the whole story, Paige is a brat, but she's been through a lot, you know? I don't know, I hope with all of us graduating that she'll be able to figure everything out. But she's too stubborn for that I guess."

Julia pulled away from their little kiss, then came in again. I looked at Valerie. Honestly, she was really pretty. Her eyes were dark, easy to get lost in. Her face was a masterpiece of makeup, down to the last curled eyelash.

"What are you staring at?" she laughed. Her left hand twirled a strand of her hair. "I mean, I knew you were spying on Julia, but what are you staring at now?"

My heart jerked. There wasn't a negative ounce of sarcasm or green envy or anything in her tone. "Sorry," I mumbled.

"Hey, it's all good. I'd be doing the same thing."

I didn't know what to say.

"What?" she said.

"Nothing. You're just kind of…amazing is all."

She smirked, "Not used to a girl actually having a tad of a temper, huh? You spend too much time with Julia."

She twirled her dress as high as it would go when the fast song transformed into the crap Kyle used to blast the house with. Dancing is kind of like jumping rope, I've noticed. Not that I would know.

Time did fly though. Despite my depression, my lack of sleep, and my headache, it was just about perfect.

That's when Alexander and Julia came close enough for earshot, and the next slow song came on. Valerie gave me her biggest smile yet. "Hey, how about a partner switch?"

I thought I was done giving dirty looks to nice people, but I couldn't help myself. My eyes became inverted crescents as she dropped my hand and snagged Alexander's, nudging him away from Julia.

He didn't budge.

Smooth.

I glanced at the girl beside him. Julia White. Green eyes. The "farmer's daughter" look was replaced by an elaborate masterpiece that would normally occupy my mother's head. Her height tried to climb up to mine with those shoes she wore.

And then there was the dress. Beyond words.

I have literally no idea how to describe dresses. But it was bright, tight, and flared.

Her eyes got wide when she scanned me up and down. There was a temptation to apologize about how I looked. I felt like I was trying to prove a point or something.

She blinked.

"Would you…like to dance?" I choked.

Alexander gave me a look that I could only describe as friendly death. When Julia nodded, he loosened his grip around her waist and released her into the world before marching off with Valerie. I attempted to apply what I had learned from Pinkie, my supposed date. Just sway to the music, she'd said.

Yeah, okay.

Sure.

"Ben, I-"

I attempted to set my hands around her stomach, yanked in tightly by the dress, just as I had done with Valerie, but it was harder now. My chest lurched when she snatched my fingers like a snake choking its prey.

Her eyes locked into mine. "Look, I didn't mean what I said, okay? I…I just…"

Julia made an unmistakable look towards her boyfriend that affirmed it all over again. However, when her attention turned, so did mine, on something much more important. For they fell on her wrist to find a familiar bracelet. My fingers spun around one of the pale blue beads.

She'd kept it. She'd picked it up.

"Ben can you please say something?"

My head thumped. "I'm…afraid if I talk, I might start yelling again."

She laughed, "Guess we wouldn't want that."

I shook my head slowly and found my hands around her waist again. For once, the music did its job and my body swayed to it nice and easy. Thank you, Life, for not failing me…this time. It would soon. Guaranteed.

She lifted my arm and spun beneath it. "Since when do you dance?"

I felt myself laugh. I think. "I don't."

"So…you…wow." Julia combed her manicured fingers through my hair. "I thought you said you'd die before you ever chopped this off."

"Dead man walking."

This was so easy with her. Dancing with her, I knew I'd do anything to keep that grin on her face. I'd be willing to go anywhere, be anyone, to be with her. I'd be whatever she needed me to be, even if it wasn't what I wanted.

Being around her…it made me better.

Julia White. Imperfectly perfect. One night with Valerie showed me how much I missed everything about Julia. I missed when she yelled at me when I broke her system on how she thought the world should work. I missed those eyes, how they were always brighter than the rest of her face. I missed her thin, pale lips that I knew she hated. I missed all of those secrets that she would come this close to telling me, only to find some way to change the subject.

I should thank Valerie. Tonight proved one thing: no matter how many times Julia denied it, I was in fact in love with her.

How did I know?

I liked Valerie. I liked her patience, her wild personality, her willingness to let me be myself.

But I loved Julia. I loved everything about her, and nothing was going to change that.

Sorry to sound like a greeting card.

"Mind if I cut in?"

With one more look at the emerald eyes, I released her back into Alexander's arms. Valerie pulled me into the mob, and I forced myself to smile.

So did she.