Encounter 9: Life and Death

Entry #03000

Jesse here, Eddie's ghost lover. Oops... but kidding aside, I am her knight ghost in a white hoodie.

I would like to write here about who I was until who I am now.

I was a student, in my last year of high school. I lived in the capital.

Like Eddie, when I was alive, I could see what normal people couldn't see.

I remember the first time I saw a ghost in my room. It was a bleeding white lady with missing arms. I cried and told it to my parents but they did not believe me.

Growing up, I was used to seeing ghosts from time to time. They didn't bother me because I put up a front, pretending not to see them.

Then, in my first year in high school, I met a little boy ghost. He was crying a lot while trying to talk to her living parents who couldn't see him. Out of pity, I helped him. He asked me to bring his dying message to his parents.

I was found out. The ghosts in the neighborhood discovered that I could see them. They disturbed me from time to time. I had no choice but to help them.

It was fine for me. I could still maintain my academic performance as the top student while doing favors for the non-living.

Everything was going smoothly until that unexpected day came.

While I was discussing with a ghost in the library once, a group of students saw me.

"Who are you talking to?"

Voiceless. I lost my voice to patch things up. I became the talk of the whole school.

'The top student has lost it. He is crazy!'

My friends cut their connections to me. My schoolmates avoided me. My teachers were terrified at the sight of me.

The way they looked at me... it was as if they were telling me, 'You do not belong to us.'

I could no longer focus on my studies. My parents got mad at me for my low grades.

"You do better next time! Never fail us, Jesse!"

I crumpled my class report and laughed. 'They didn't even ask me what caused me to fail.'

Everything was slowly losing its colors. I ignored school. I ignored my parents. I ignored the ghosts.

'I feel empty.'

I was having sleepless nights. Insomnia won me over.

One night, I went to the kitchen to drink cold water. Through the window, I saw an old man watching me. His one eye was pure black.

I came back to my room to wear my white hoodie before going out. Helping him might help me to waste time.

"How may I help you, Sir?"

"You seem lost."

I smiled. 'I am.'

"Do you need me to do you a favor, Sir?"

He asked me to bring him to the address he said. His house was located there. He wanted to see his wife.

The place was pretty far. I had to take a bus for a two-hour ride. The dawn came upon our arrival.

"Thank you."

"I am happy to help."

"What can a ghost like me do for you in return?"

I was surprised. This was my first time to be asked like this by a ghost.

'He might be able to answer it.'

"Then please, answer my question. I have been thinking about it for some time now."

"What is your question?"

"What do you feel as a ghost?"

"I feel nothing." He gave me a sad smile.

I sighed.

I went home after that. Instead of going to school the next day, I stayed in my room. The old man's words were lingering in my ears.

'I feel nothing.'

Then before I knew it, I was already looking at myself... sitting on the floor at the side of the bed... holding a Swiss knife... unconscious with a bleeding wound on the wrist.

'I died.'

My parents were shocked knowing my death. They hated me for doing suicide. To avoid tarnishing the family name, they hired a hospital to fake my medical records and said that I died from a heart attack.

They never shed a tear.

"He's a foolish son."

"Don't worry. We are going to have another child."

I left the house after my burial. They were no longer my parents.

'Being hated... it still hurts.' The old man said he feels nothing but why am I hurting? He might mean something else.

I sighed. "Whatever. I am already a ghost."

Before leaving the house, a text written in light appeared on the door and disappeared. 'You have three years to find your way,' the text said.

'Find my way.' At first, I did not know what it meant.

I was endlessly wandering. Going to different places and observing the living. Sometimes, I had fun with the ghosts like me and got into fights with the bad ones.

More than a year had passed. One night, while walking beside the street, I heard a group of teenagers gossiping about a creepy student, who they called a witch.

I went to their school and found Eddie. She was avoiding the ghosts who came close to her.

I kept my watch on her for several months.

'Only she can hear my voice.'

Like me, she is also isolated by her schoolmates. However, she does not let criticisms from others get to her.

And she has a loving family who cares for her.

One afternoon, two ghosts with ill intentions approached her. I beat the hell out of them as a warning.

I had the urge to be close to her so I asked her to be friends with me. She declined me again and again no matter how I insisted.

I gave up but it did not mean that I would leave her. I became his secret guardian, shooing away evil ghosts before they could hurt her.

But I saw her wounded. She was in pain.

I was planning to leave her alone completely that day and swore to never appear in front of her again.

'I can't leave her now.'

She accepted me as a friend later.

Thanks to the attachment I have to this world, I can hold things like how I was able to do it back then. I could treat her wound. I could help her. I could touch her.

I enjoyed being with her. I thought of a lot of things. I was able to feel the emotions I had never felt before.

She has shown me that others' stinging words do not matter. Eddie has a strong mind and heart.

I am very thankful to her.

Now, I have found my way.

'If only I had met her back then... I wish I had met her sooner...'

I regret ending my life.

- Jesse