Chapter Nineteen

When I awoke it was to the throbbing ache of my body. It seemed almost as if my entire body was crying out in a chorus of pain. It was literally that bad, but still the pain of the possibility of losing my mate was far worse.

How do you wait to hear the news of whether someone you love will live or die? Why should anyone have to wait? When all you can think about is what happens next, when they're gone, how you're supposed to live with yourself.

It's almost worse than if they were already dead because there is always this hope in the back of your mind that they'll live. Then when all your hopes are destroyed your heart feels as if it's crushed into fine little pieces of glass. Even then, you're still left waiting for them to actually die, knowing your time is coming to a close.

When they finally die it's almost like the pain crashes into you again. Your heart that's already so broken is ground into even finer pieces so as to leave you feeling as if you'll never be able to move on. Yet, you're forced to continue, if only for everyone else's sakes.

This whole time I'm just stuck laying here and my emotions play through their cycle of pain and emotion. Yet, the pain almost seems unreal and I begin to question everything. Even life itself begins to seem elusive as its meaning escapes my grasp.

Finally, I'm saved from the currents of my own mind as I spot Amerest at the doorway.

"Tiara was just here not that long ago. She looked Ashton over and I'm afraid the news isn't good."

That didn't sound at all like what I wanted to hear.

"Just give me the news, I'm not sure I can stand not knowing."

Too bad it still hit me and broke my heart all the same.

"I'm afraid Ashton is slowly dying and within a few short months he'll be gone."

His words enveloped me in a blanket of pain and I broke. I began to sob into his chest as he pulled me near.

"Is there no way to save him?"

I barely managed to get the words out between tears. Amerest pulled me back and looked me straight in the eyes. His dark, smoky black eyes seemed to hold a million secrets and when he answered my question it seemed as if it only led to more questions, more secrets, and a whole lot more pain.

"No, the only way to save him is for me to give my life up for his."

The only thing I could do was give in as my feet carried me away. I walked and walked through the house. The whole time I felt numb and as if my heart had been ripped out of my chest. When I finally found myself in my living room I fell to the couch.

I began to cry and it seemed as if my tears led only to more tears. The more I cried the more I felt like crying. There was just a constant sense of loss that seemed to wash over me again and again like the tide of the ocean over the sandy shores of a beach. I couldn't stop the tears and I couldn't say that I wanted to. It felt nice to cry, even if I couldn't do a single thing else, at least I could let go of everything.

That's exactly how it felt, like I was letting go of everything. I could finally stop caring and just felt. It was almost a relief to finally be able to stop. I could stop worrying about whether I'd ever be accepted, whether I'd be a good enough princess or Luna. I could stop worrying about having to be a good example or being dressed well. Instead, I could just cry and let the darkness take hold of me.

I felt as the darkness pulled me under. My body began to go limp and my tears began to die down. I knew soon I'd be able to forget, if only for a short while, as I succumb to the beauty of the dream world.

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Amerest's Point of View

I knew the news was going to be hard on her, but I had to tell her. She asked me if there was any way to save her other mate. I never planned to keep anything from her and I don't think I'll ever

really be able to deny her anything. I was already falling for her and it was almost as if I didn't know who I was when she wasn't there.

It is so foreign a feeling to finally have my mate. I was absolutely in love with her and whatever she does I can't seem to help but fall more in love. Love is said to be a drug, that our brains make

us crave love and fall for people, excreting chemicals that make us feel good. It makes us love being in love. Maybe that's true and maybe it's just a bunch of complicated mumbo jumbo that scientists like to use, but, either way, all I know, is I love Kendra.

Sure, Ashton had a wolf that was connected to hers, that constantly pulled them towards each other, but I don't need some extra voice inside my head constantly pulling me towards her. I can

still love her just as much. I can still provide a happily ever after ending where she gets to play the princess and me the prince.

She can't say she wants Ashton for the power she gets as Luna because she'd be my queen. She can't say it's because he already mated her because she's still very much unmated. He didn't even accept her at first, he was too concerned about what he felt were flaws.

When I look at her, I see just how perfect she really is. How truly beautiful she is from the way her curvy body, soft, angelic face, and luscious lips make me melt to the way her sweet and giving personality makes an impression on everyone she meets. She's unforgettable and I don't think I'll be able to give her up without a fight. I just hope she'll give me a chance.

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Ashton's Point of View

Everything seems so hazy. Kind of like when you're stuck in between a conscious and unconscious state. Like when you're asleep, but still have a sense of being, half asleep, if you will.

I think it's almost painful in a way, but not in the physical sense. Rather, instead, it's painful because my thoughts have the freedom to roam and I can reflect. I can remember all my mistakes and feel pain for it, but I can't fix it.

I've tried to wake up, but I can't. No matter how much I try I'm stuck in this state. I'm stuck here, thinking about how I've hurt Kendra. How she was the best thing I ever had and I just had to go and blow it.

I still haven't really gotten a chance to make it up to her yet. So, now, the guilt has my stomach churning as I continue to think about all the ways things have gone wrong. From the very first moment I laid eyes on her she had me love drunk. She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever laid eyes on.

My thoughts immediately turned to what it would be like to feel her soft, naked, and exposed skin against mine. To hold her in my arms as I slept late at night. Just the idea of coming home to her every night sounded like heaven and that was just at first glance.

Then my hatred and prejudice allowed everything to spiral out of control. I missed precious seconds with my mate as I avoided her. I gave her the cold shoulder and showed clear distaste towards her and everything she stood for.

I'm not sure I ever even deserved someone like her. Such a sweet and caring beautiful angel sent from heaven. How she'll ever forgive me, if she does, is a mystery.