Chapter-7: His Rendezvous With Love.

13th January, 2015...

The morning began with a gloomy atmosphere as Keshav contemplated how to handle his feelings toward Aadhira. Her heart is made of glass, but is he gentle enough? Every time she looks at him with a sweet smile, he gives in to the fantasy of having her, but if he were to stay away, how would he achieve it without losing her entirely?

"You look like you’re in deep thought." Aadhira looks at Keshav, wondering why he is down. She could feel it from the moment he came onto the ground with a grim look and had not smiled since.

"Nothing." He ruffles her hair in a gesture of endearment, but he immediately pulls away as he realizes what he’s doing. Aadhira furrows her brows in question, and Keshav just shrugs it off. It was at lunchtime that Keshav received a message, and if he had known what it was going to be about, he would’ve never read it.

Mom: Keshav, we have something to ask you.

Dad: Just tell him. Don't drag it out, Pragya; I still have a job to get back to.

Mom: If you're so eager, why don't you tell him? It's not like I have a lot of free time.

Dad: Exactly what are you doing to be so busy?

Mom: None of your business.

Dad: I don't care either. Keshav, here's the thing: you're not eighteen yet, so you need a legal guardian. So, I decided that your mother should get it. Since she claims that I have never been a good father and that she would have done better, I am giving her a chance to be a great mother.

Mom: You know, I have work and have no time to go around a lot. It will be hard for both Keshav and me. But you now have a mistress, Abhishek, and you can always get help from her. She's a housewife anyway.

Dad: What the hell, Pragya? Why would you even mention her?

Mom: Keshav, you know I am not abandoning you or anything, right? It's just not the right time for me, okay? Even when your father gets custody, you can always visit me.

Dad: 'If' I get custody. Keshav, say something.

Keshav: I’d rather live with grandma.

Only when a drop of water fell onto the phone’s screen did Keshav realize that he was crying. He immediately rushes backstage to get himself to calm down, but he can’t. His parents always claimed to have a tough time dealing with things, but they never understood what he went through. He remembered as a kid walking through that house that didn’t feel like home as he noticed the furniture change every week. It was not because they were rich enough to afford new furniture each week; it was because the furniture used to break by the end of the week.

"Finally, it’s over." Says Venkatesh as he grabs a chair and falls into it. Aadhira looks around and finds everyone sitting, too tired to go on anymore. A few other students are going to join in to finish the preparation, as they do not have enough time. The festival is going to be held tomorrow, and juniors can’t stay back to help because there is a curfew for the first years, so they had to call over a few seniors to help with the final preparations. Aadhira looks around for Keshav, but he is nowhere to be found. She goes in search of him and finally finds him sitting behind the stage in a slouched position. She wonders why he’s sitting alone here and slowly approaches him, hesitating if she should bother him since he doesn’t look to be in a good mood.

"Keshav? Are you okay?" Keshav lifts his head with tears streaming down his face upon hearing her voice, while Aadhira halts in her tracks as she takes in his appearance. She can tell this is not a good time, but she had to ask to overcome her disbelief. "Are you crying?"

This could be written down as the most embarrassing moment of Keshav’s youth. He had been holding on to his pride in front of her from day one, only to lose it all in a moment of vulnerability. If he had not been so out of it at the time, he would’ve laughed at how ridiculous he looked to her.

"I am fine. I just need some time alone. Would you mind if I asked you to leave?"

"Of course, I will leave if you want that, but do you really want me to leave you alone here?" Somehow, her leaving didn’t seem as appealing anymore, and Keshav felt a tug in his heart that he was sure was his fear of being left alone. He had always stayed away from people as much as possible, but it was a loneliness he never enjoyed.

"Stay." Aadhira sat beside him, not saying a word and giving him the privacy he needed. After what feels like an eternity for them, Keshav finally speaks.

"My parents are getting divorced." Keshav doesn’t see it, but Aadhira goes rigid at what he announced, for which she had no words to say. She stays silent for some time, thinking of saying something comforting but unable to come up with anything.

"I still remember when they used to fight. One time, they threw things at each other and argued like they were dying. I was, um, standing behind the drawer, looking at them to see if they were going to hurt each other. That was when it happened. My father was shouting, and so was my mother. I just wanted them to stop. Then my mom reached out to snatch my father's hand, and he jerked away and retreated. I thought he was trying to stop the fight, but his hand came back with such force that I couldn't concentrate on its movement. It landed on my mom's cheek. The weirdest thing is that she didn't cry or fight back. She did nothing. She left the room and never came to my dad's room after that." Words flowed out of Keshav’s mouth like talking about his parents is the easiest thing, but in reality, he had never talked about them with anyone because it was a wound not worthy of revisiting." What used to be their room is now where my father sleeps alone. The house that was supposed to be my safe zone became a war zone. Friends? It was from them that I expected the most support, but none was found. They decided it was time to take back their words of assurance. I know they were also young like me and didn't realize what hurting others meant. But it made me see that trust is harder to achieve than love. After that, I realized that when someone hurts you, it’s because you gave them enough importance for them to be able to hurt you, so I told myself, I will not let anyone hurt me."

"But not letting anyone hurt you is hurting yourself." Aadhira understands his point of view, which is why she knows that what he’s doing to protect himself is not a solution but self-punishment. "If you are distant from people because you want to keep yourself safe, then why do you look so guilty for not letting them in? Even though you don't tell them everything and try to keep everything to yourself, you still want to be friends with them, don't you? You still feel lonely when you are not with them, but you feel good with them around you. Even if it hurts you, you do want to try. What's stopping you?"

Keshav was surprised that she could see his longing for the friendship that everyone seems to have—the carefree attitude they hold when they tell their friends about the most embarrassing moments of their lives with no fear of being betrayed.

"I have no idea what’s stopping me either." They went silent again, and it was comfortable.

"Did they ever hurt you?" Keshav looks at Aadhira, confused by her question. "Your parents. They used to fight, right? So, did they ever hurt you?"

"They never laid a hand on me." Keshav was telling the truth. He was never physically hurt by his parents, but that is not to be said about them hurting him emotionally. Keshav could feel the tears building up again and reached out to hold Aadhira’s hand and gently place it in his lap. He looks down at their hands together and feels this unique comfort that he still has her by his side, and that’s all that seemed to really matter. "The thing is, I am not really sad that they are separating. Not at all. I think it's best for both of them to stay away from each other. I always expected them to part, and I thought I was prepared to let go of the idea of ever having a family. I don't need a family to complete me, but when they said they were splitting, I felt like throwing up. It hurts me more that I am affected by what I have already prepared myself for. It should be easy to let go, right? Then why is it that the more I convince myself, the more I feel like I am being choked?"

"Not necessarily. Everyone knows that they'll die one day, and nothing can stop it from happening. Still, people feel the terror and loss of death all the same. If I were to die tomorrow or the next moment, I would be scared. I would want to live and try to do anything that would help me live, even though I always knew that I'd die one day. It's not wrong to hold onto something optimistic knowing you'll most likely fail."

"And if I want to die?" Keshav doesn’t realize what he just said until he feels Aadhira’s hand twitch in his and tries to correct his statement. "I mean, even though I have these conflicting feelings towards their separation, I still want it to happen. Then, doesn't that make me a hypocrite?"

"No. It makes you human. Wanting something that one would dread happening is human nature. I want my father to retire as an accountant too because I think it exhausts him, but that doesn't mean I actually enjoy his retirement. It's that even though it would be good if he didn't retire, it would still be best for him. Even though you don't like your parents to separate, you still want them to because you think that's best for them. Maybe you think staying together exhausts them more."

On that night in January, Keshav thought that the woman in front of him meant a lot to him, and it was only growing with each passing day. She understood him without him having to explain, and when she doesn’t, she just accepts him for who he is. Aadhira was more proud of him than he ever was. For the rest of his life, he would regret not kissing her at that moment. For a person like him, who thinks love in his life would be the hardest thing to experience, he fell in love in the shortest period of time, in the easiest way. With her, love comes as easily as the sunshine in the morning, as smoothly as the music pulsing through his body, and as essential as his next breath. He knew she was a girl he would remember for a lifetime. She was his rendezvous with love.