Chapter-13: Winning in life or losing in love?

Vedhansh

Of all the things I could’ve seen, what I saw was this. Many engineering students have left the campus for summer break, but it’s a pity that such traditions don’t exist in the field of medicine. You work until you are tired, and you take rest until you get rid of the fatigue and get back to work. It's a dreadful cycle. Yet I find my solace at the lakeside at night after each long working day. Though I am just an intern, it gets hard to manage both the work and your studies. All of this suffering could’ve been exempted if it were not for my egotistic father, who detested doctors, if only he was willing to pay.

I still remember the day I learned that I got into Kasturba Medical College, Manipal. I couldn’t have been happier, but the feeling didn’t last long enough, for my father had made it clear that he was not paying a penny for my education anymore. That is, if I choose to become a doctor. Being a stubborn person myself and never giving up on what I want, I refused to step back. If it was going to be a fight, let it be. We were never on good terms to begin with.

I wasn’t able to get a full scholarship in Kasturba, as I hadn’t really expected my father to bail on me. I have always thought scholarships were meant for people who couldn’t afford them. I never thought I would become one of them. Even though I couldn’t get a full scholarship, it was a different story for SRM. I was lucky the entrance exam was held late, or it would’ve been too late to study hard for it before my father left me estranged. If only I knew it before hand, I would’ve tried my best to get a full scholarship at Kasturba Medical College, and I probably could've considered my craziness for a career in medicine.

After this great struggle, all I need is my MBBS, and then I'll be gone. It was the plan all along, and nothing should’ve distracted me—until her. She is a sweet torment that I didn’t know about when I started to crave. My feelings for her were sudden, like a storm. I am a person who takes a liking to anything that fits my interests, so it’s hard to tell what I truly desire. ‘You fall easily’ they said, but this is not me falling. It's me raising, and nothing can stop me from being on top. The air up here is pretty cold; the higher you go, the less oxygen you get. Yet I can’t help but climb up higher. Maybe it’s because I like the cold, or is it just me being stubborn?

A similar feeling is what dragged me out of my work and led me to the lake that night. A stroll was the only idea I had when leaving, but I still found myself by the lakeside, where I helped Aadhira’s friend recover from a panic attack. I can't believe it has only been a few weeks since then. Slowly, I walk towards the end of the lake at a leisurely pace, with my hands in my pocket. Why is it so cold tonight? I look over my shoulder to make sure no one spots me. I reach the spot just between a large tree and the lake. It’s the best place to hide. The dense bush-like plants around the tree shield you from the eyes of outsiders. I have often spent time here, forgetting about everything and relishing in the feeling of peacefulness.

That’s when I spot people near the lake. They are sitting in the grass, and the night light doesn’t allow me to see their faces, but their silhouettes suggest that they are very close, close enough to... I guess I have to leave. I was about to take my leave from there when I heard them talking.

“We just kissed," the boy says. Already busy in the head with a million different things, the last thing I want to hear is a confession, but the next words stop me in my tracks.

“Yes, we did.” That voice. I can recognize that voice anywhere. The voice that always sounds excited, the voice that breaks any awkward situation, the voice that belongs to the girl with bright caramel brown eyes, a radiant smile, and hair that waves around like a ball of fire The very girl that has been occupying most of my free time these days, the girl for whom I have mixed feelings, has just kissed someone else. Did they really kiss? If they did, does it matter? Why do I feel irritated? Why am I still standing here?

I leave the place immediately with my head filled with questions, and I wonder when I'll be able to go back to normal. I pack my bag and return to my luxurious apartment to find some solace, and I end up on the sofa with a beer in one hand and a book in the other. Comprehensive Ophthalmology by A. K. Khurana, a book I have read before. In a few minutes, the bottle gets emptied and the pages are flipped through; the only thing missing is my peace of mind and some concentration.

I don’t love her. Then, why is my heart breaking? Why does it feel so suffocating in my own apartment? I like her. I had this conclusion a while ago, but that’s not love. What's more, I am not a possessive person. I barely have anyone to be possessive about, let alone a girl I am not entirely sure about. That's why I can’t understand my reaction, but one thing I am sure about is that I have had enough of this feeling. This is neither the time nor the place for me to be in my head. I need to clear both my head and my heart. A player cannot open his mind or heart during the game, and this is a game I can’t afford to lose. That is why I have to keep my eyes on the target and never look at the audience. Even if the cheers and shouts reach and call out for your attention, you need to block them out.

To my father, failing as a doctor is my fate; to me, it is everything I am going against. A certain amount of effort can get you past the finish line, but no amount of luck can get you victory against fate. To win against my fate, like my father says, all I have with me are my efforts. And if, by any chance, I and Aadhira are meant to be, if she’s my destiny, then I'd much rather give up my destiny than give in to my fate.

***

Of all the things I could’ve seen, what I saw was this. Many engineering students have left the campus for summer break, but it’s a pity that such traditions don’t exist in the field of medicine. You work until you are tired, and you take rest until you get rid of the fatigue and get back to work. It's a dreadful cycle. Yet I find my solace at the lakeside at night after each long working day. Though I am just an intern, it gets hard to manage both the work and your studies. All of this suffering could’ve been exempted if it were not for my egotistic father, who detested doctors, if only he was willing to pay.

I still remember the day I learned that I got into Kasturba Medical College, Manipal. I couldn’t have been happier, but the feeling didn’t last long enough, for my father had made it clear that he was not paying a penny for my education anymore. That is, if I choose to become a doctor. Being a stubborn person myself and never giving up on what I want, I refused to step back. If it was going to be a fight, let it be. We were never on good terms to begin with.

I wasn’t able to get a full scholarship in Kasturba, as I hadn’t really expected my father to bail on me. I have always thought scholarships were meant for people who couldn’t afford them. I never thought I would become one of them. Even though I couldn’t get a full scholarship, it was a different story for SRM. I was lucky the entrance exam was held late, or it would’ve been too late to study hard for it before my father left me estranged. If only I knew it before hand, I would’ve tried my best to get a full scholarship at Kasturba Medical College, and I probably could've considered my craziness for a career in medicine.

After this great struggle, all I need is my MBBS, and then I'll be gone. It was the plan all along, and nothing should’ve distracted me—until her. She is a sweet torment that I didn’t know about when I started to crave. My feelings for her were sudden, like a storm. I am a person who takes a liking to anything that fits my interests, so it’s hard to tell what I truly desire. ‘You fall easily’ they said, but this is not me falling. It's me raising, and nothing can stop me from being on top. The air up here is pretty cold; the higher you go, the less oxygen you get. Yet I can’t help but climb up higher. Maybe it’s because I like the cold, or is it just me being stubborn?

A similar feeling is what dragged me out of my work and led me to the lake that night. A stroll was the only idea I had when leaving, but I still found myself by the lakeside, where I helped Aadhira’s friend recover from a panic attack. I can't believe it has only been a few weeks since then. Slowly, I walk towards the end of the lake at a leisurely pace, with my hands in my pocket. Why is it so cold tonight? I look over my shoulder to make sure no one spots me. I reach the spot just between a large tree and the lake. It’s the best place to hide. The dense bush-like plants around the tree shield you from the eyes of outsiders. I have often spent time here, forgetting about everything and relishing in the feeling of peacefulness.

That’s when I spot people near the lake. They are sitting in the grass, and the night light doesn’t allow me to see their faces, but their silhouettes suggest that they are very close, close enough to... I guess I have to leave. I was about to take my leave from there when I heard them talking.

“We just kissed," the boy says. Already busy in the head with a million different things, the last thing I want to hear is a confession, but the next words stop me in my tracks.

“Yes, we did.” That voice. I can recognize that voice anywhere. The voice that always sounds excited, the voice that breaks any awkward situation, the voice that belongs to the girl with bright caramel brown eyes, a radiant smile, and hair that waves around like a ball of fire The very girl that has been occupying most of my free time these days, the girl for whom I have mixed feelings, has just kissed someone else. Did they really kiss? If they did, does it matter? Why do I feel irritated? Why am I still standing here?

I leave the place immediately with my head filled with questions, and I wonder when I'll be able to go back to normal. I pack my bag and return to my luxurious apartment to find some solace, and I end up on the sofa with a beer in one hand and a book in the other. Comprehensive Ophthalmology by A. K. Khurana, a book I have read before. In a few minutes, the bottle gets emptied and the pages are flipped through; the only thing missing is my peace of mind and some concentration.

I don’t love her. Then, why is my heart breaking? Why does it feel so suffocating in my own apartment? I like her. I had this conclusion a while ago, but that’s not love. What's more, I am not a possessive person. I barely have anyone to be possessive about, let alone a girl I am not entirely sure about. That's why I can’t understand my reaction, but one thing I am sure about is that I have had enough of this feeling. This is neither the time nor the place for me to be in my head. I need to clear both my head and my heart. A player cannot open his mind or heart during the game, and this is a game I can’t afford to lose. That is why I have to keep my eyes on the target and never look at the audience. Even if the cheers and shouts reach and call out for your attention, you need to block them out.

To my father, failing as a doctor is my fate; to me, it is everything I am going against. A certain amount of effort can get you past the finish line, but no amount of luck can get you victory against fate. To win against my fate, like my father says, all I have with me are my efforts. And if, by any chance, I and Aadhira are meant to be, if she’s my destiny, then I'd much rather give up my destiny than give in to my fate.

***

Of all the things I could’ve seen, what I saw was this. Many engineering students have left the campus for summer break, but it’s a pity that such traditions don’t exist in the field of medicine. You work until you are tired, and you take rest until you get rid of the fatigue and get back to work. It's a dreadful cycle. Yet I find my solace at the lakeside at night after each long working day. Though I am just an intern, it gets hard to manage both the work and your studies. All of this suffering could’ve been exempted if it were not for my egotistic father, who detested doctors, if only he was willing to pay.

I still remember the day I learned that I got into Kasturba Medical College, Manipal. I couldn’t have been happier, but the feeling didn’t last long enough, for my father had made it clear that he was not paying a penny for my education anymore. That is, if I choose to become a doctor. Being a stubborn person myself and never giving up on what I want, I refused to step back. If it was going to be a fight, let it be. We were never on good terms to begin with.

I wasn’t able to get a full scholarship in Kasturba, as I hadn’t really expected my father to bail on me. I have always thought scholarships were meant for people who couldn’t afford them. I never thought I would become one of them. Even though I couldn’t get a full scholarship, it was a different story for SRM. I was lucky the entrance exam was held late, or it would’ve been too late to study hard for it before my father left me estranged. If only I knew it before hand, I would’ve tried my best to get a full scholarship at Kasturba Medical College, and I probably could've considered my craziness for a career in medicine.

After this great struggle, all I need is my MBBS, and then I'll be gone. It was the plan all along, and nothing should’ve distracted me—until her. She is a sweet torment that I didn’t know about when I started to crave. My feelings for her were sudden, like a storm. I am a person who takes a liking to anything that fits my interests, so it’s hard to tell what I truly desire. ‘You fall easily’ they said, but this is not me falling. It's me raising, and nothing can stop me from being on top. The air up here is pretty cold; the higher you go, the less oxygen you get. Yet I can’t help but climb up higher. Maybe it’s because I like the cold, or is it just me being stubborn?

A similar feeling is what dragged me out of my work and led me to the lake that night. A stroll was the only idea I had when leaving, but I still found myself by the lakeside, where I helped Aadhira’s friend recover from a panic attack. I can't believe it has only been a few weeks since then. Slowly, I walk towards the end of the lake at a leisurely pace, with my hands in my pocket. Why is it so cold tonight? I look over my shoulder to make sure no one spots me. I reach the spot just between a large tree and the lake. It’s the best place to hide. The dense bush-like plants around the tree shield you from the eyes of outsiders. I have often spent time here, forgetting about everything and relishing in the feeling of peacefulness.

That’s when I spot people near the lake. They are sitting in the grass, and the night light doesn’t allow me to see their faces, but their silhouettes suggest that they are very close, close enough to... I guess I have to leave. I was about to take my leave from there when I heard them talking.

“We just kissed," the boy says. Already busy in the head with a million different things, the last thing I want to hear is a confession, but the next words stop me in my tracks.

“Yes, we did.” That voice. I can recognize that voice anywhere. The voice that always sounds excited, the voice that breaks any awkward situation, the voice that belongs to the girl with bright caramel brown eyes, a radiant smile, and hair that waves around like a ball of fire The very girl that has been occupying most of my free time these days, the girl for whom I have mixed feelings, has just kissed someone else. Did they really kiss? If they did, does it matter? Why do I feel irritated? Why am I still standing here?

I leave the place immediately with my head filled with questions, and I wonder when I'll be able to go back to normal. I pack my bag and return to my luxurious apartment to find some solace, and I end up on the sofa with a beer in one hand and a book in the other. Comprehensive Ophthalmology by A. K. Khurana, a book I have read before. In a few minutes, the bottle gets emptied and the pages are flipped through; the only thing missing is my peace of mind and some concentration.

I don’t love her. Then, why is my heart breaking? Why does it feel so suffocating in my own apartment? I like her. I had this conclusion a while ago, but that’s not love. What's more, I am not a possessive person. I barely have anyone to be possessive about, let alone a girl I am not entirely sure about. That's why I can’t understand my reaction, but one thing I am sure about is that I have had enough of this feeling. This is neither the time nor the place for me to be in my head. I need to clear both my head and my heart. A player cannot open his mind or heart during the game, and this is a game I can’t afford to lose. That is why I have to keep my eyes on the target and never look at the audience. Even if the cheers and shouts reach and call out for your attention, you need to block them out.

To my father, failing as a doctor is my fate; to me, it is everything I am going against. A certain amount of effort can get you past the finish line, but no amount of luck can get you victory against fate. To win against my fate, like my father says, all I have with me are my efforts. And if, by any chance, I and Aadhira are meant to be, if she’s my destiny, then I'd much rather give up my destiny than give in to my fate.

***