Chapter-14: One Kiss Could Ruin Everything.

Aadhira

The sweetest of moments you share with a person turn black like your heart when you learn that all those moments were told to be your imagination. It was not the exact thing he said, but did he expect me to believe that he was just scared and insecure? If he’s afraid, who am I? Jhansi Lakshmi bhai?

Your hands grow cold and sweat at the same time in certain situations, when you’re anxious and tense, and when you are heartbroken over the wrong person, knowing that all of your hopes and bets were put on the wrong shoulders because your love fell short in front of others' criticism.

Everything was well through the summer; we got along and were in love like the young people we are. If only the summer lasted for eternity, but reality has a way of finding its way back to you, and we were back where we started. The campus was the same, and the people were the same. They still look at their phones during classes and care about nothing much. We got registered for the new semester and reached the hostel. I enter my room to find Amara’s bag over her bed. She must’ve just arrived, and I am sure as soon as she sees me, she'll give me one of her warm hugs and tell me all about her trip to Shimla during the vacation, where she hinted that she met someone handsome. With Amara, it’s always about the looks, which I have no objection to, but I know that she wasn’t serious about the people she met.

I sit on my bed and wonder how I got so used to this place that I now miss it. Amara’s phone buzzes on the bed, and I ignore it and roll on my own. I sit up as the sound from the bathroom stops and the door is opened for Amara to emerge out of it. As soon as she notices me in the room, she jumps into my arms, and we hug each other, not minding her wet body. We exchanged smiles and gossip over a four-slice pizza and a coke, and the sun started setting.

Amara met a boy named Raghav whose last name I can’t remember, and she thinks he’s handsome. She said she likes him, but I don’t know if that’s true because I have seen her with a boy a week and nothing changes as she jumps from one boy to another. The one thing I know for sure is that none of them mean much to her; she’s just good at appreciating appearances.

I tell her that I finally have my hands on Keshav. If only I didn’t tell her that day, if only I kept it a secret like it was meant to be, for Keshav.

For two people who are in love, what does it mean to be apart? Does it hurt? Obviously. Does it end everything for them? I don’t know. It seems there are quite a lot of questions I don’t know the answers to. Who knew one kiss could ruin everything?

***

That day, like any other day, I woke up on time, attended the classes on time, and they were over at the end of the day. That’s when Amara came to me, rushing to me with her phone aggressively held to her ear by one hand and the other clutching her college bag.

“How can someone share such private pictures? Did you find out who took them? Okay, let it be. First check with the faculty if it can be taken down."

As I look at her quizzically, she holds up one finger to indicate she needs a minute. She finally hangs up, looks at me with an exasperated expression on her face, and starts rambling on.

“How is it that you managed to be caught on camera on the occasion of the occurrence of your first kiss, and that too with the most wanted freshman? Wait, a sophomore now, I guess."

“Wait a sec. What are you talking about?” My heart is already hammering in my chest as Amara, my bestie on campus, takes out her phone and shows me the pictures. They were not so clear, a little blurry if not completely off spot, but you can still recognize my medium-length hair, my face, and unfortunately, one side of Keshav’s.

“It’s not everywhere because many of the students don’t know you, but enough people know about it because it’s Keshav that’s in the picture. I have already talked about it to some seniors who volunteered to help us take down anything on social media, but nothing can be done about the photos saved on the phones."

I was listening to nothing as she went on about how she'd take care of it because my head was filled with worry. What about Keshav? How is he going to react?

The truth is, I don’t feel good about this. As outspoken as I am, I thought I wanted everyone to know about me and Keshav, but now that it's out there with pictures of us on social media, I don’t like it. It feels like I am being pushed into something that I didn’t sign up for.

***

“Let us now look at the quick sort. From the name itself, you get that it’s a sorting algorithm that is quick, which means it has the least time complexity among the sorting algorithms. Here the time complexity is big O of n log n." As the professor goes on about sort and search algorithms, I drift into my thoughts, trying to avoid the person who has been avoiding me ever since the images leaked out. After the fiasco this morning, I was late to the class, which meant I had no time to talk to Keshav, who is now sitting in the middle row on the front bench and listening to the professor like the professor is giving out the question paper for the upcoming exams. Which are very far, by the way. I am currently sitting on the back bench, trying really hard not to stare at the back of his head. I might actually make a hole with my stare. I messaged him this morning to meet him, and there was no reply.

Animals sense a natural calamity like an earthquake or a tsunami beforehand; it’s a feeling that says you are about to face something you might not be able to deal with. That's exactly how it feels. I know something is wrong, and I also know that it’s about to get worse, and I can do nothing but sit in the class and listen to the professor teach me the steps to build an algorithm.

After the class, everyone piles into the corridor, and I stand on my tiptoes to find Keshav, but he’s nowhere. Now, he’s just running away. Communication is the key to any stable relationship. People who do not talk won’t dare to listen, but he has to listen and talk to me because I am not one to give up things I have good feelings about. I am someone who holds on to her happiness with all her might, come what may.

I silently wait at the gym, the only other place he goes when he doesn’t have a class, which I know he doesn’t. It's a good thing I have his timetable.

The moment he walks in and spots me, he freezes. Good. Now, you can’t escape. Then he turns around and walks the other way. On second thought, he can escape.

“Stop behaving like a child.” I grab his shoulder to stop him from walking away. He turns around and gets close.

“I am not. Please, I can’t do this. Not again.”

“What do you mean you can’t do this?"

“This.” He moves his finger between us to indicate ‘us’. “I can’t take it anymore."

“Is this about those images? Are you saying you regret it?"

“I...” he stammers, which is very rare of Keshav. The last time he stammered like that was when I confessed to him.

“Why are you hesitating?” I raised my voice a notch without even realizing it, and people started noticing us. “I like you. Just like I said, I am not afraid of how I feel. You dated me for two months now, and you are still not sure?” This time, I am whispering to him.

“Dated?” He looks at me like this is news to him, which infuriates me to another level.

“Didn’t we?” I ask because I genuinely want to know. Throughout the summer, all the things we did together—what did they mean to him? We never talked about it—the kiss or the dates—but they are dates, right? That's what they are to me. What were they for him? What did he think we were doing when we kissed under the tree in the backyard of my home? What did he think we were doing throughout the summer?

“Aadhi? I didn’t know. I didn’t know that."

Like a dam being opened, all my emotions flooded out. The optimistic Aadhira is no more.

“WHAT DIDN’T YOU KNOW, KESHAV?” If not anything, my voice resonated through the gym. Now, we have everyone’s attention. Keshav notices the crowd and grows anxious.

“Aadhi, let’s not do this, okay? Hmm? Let's talk about this later.” Coward. There was no other word left to describe Keshav anymore. He was so good at putting on a charade of being the most eligible boyfriend material on campus and being an all-rounder and all that, but he forgot one thing. No matter how much you decorate a wall, it is still made of rocks inside. It didn’t take me long to realize how much he had been hiding from me.

I was the only person Keshav opened up to; that’s what I thought, but is it true? Was he ever really truthful to me?

“Shut UP!”

“Aadhi, please...”

“’I AM NOT SURE’ is all you had to say, Keshav. You should’ve just said so, and I would’ve left you alone. Why did you act as if you’re in love with me?"

Keshav, the one I crushed on for a year now, is still looking like his life is collapsing, and I have no intention of comforting him.

“’I like you’ I said I liked you from the very first time, and you took your time. Then why didn’t you take more time if you’re not sure?"

“Stop it! Please, Aadhi. Don't talk. Please." He begs me.

“Shut up. And don’t call me ‘Aadhi’” I have no words to say about how I feel, but I want to let him know. I want to make him feel the same. “You lied to me. You delighted me when you told me you liked me. YOU COULD’VE DONE BETTER THAN THAT, KESHAV HARSHVARDHAN."

“Just stop it! Why are you doing this to me, AADHI?” He raises his voice as he grabs me by the shoulders. It doesn’t hurt at all, but there is something else that is hurting like hell—something in my chest.

“Because you are not doing anything. The least you could do is talk to me, Keshav.” I don’t know when the tears started pouring out of my eyes, but somehow I ended up crying. He turns to walk away, but I catch his arm to pull him back.

“Let go, Aadhi.” He tries to wiggle his hand out of my grip, but I won’t give in. “Please, Aadhi. Let go; you will get hurt.” I am already hurt. I wanted to say

“NO! You need to talk, Keshav. You can’t run away like that!” I pull him back as much as possible with my strength, which makes him stumble.

“LET GO, AADHI!" That was the first time Keshav shouted. Before I could register any of it, I stumbled back in reflex and almost fell to the ground, but I didn’t. One, because I regained balance in time. Two, because a pair of hands caught me.

***

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