Chapter 27

My eyes rolled open as the air I had been deprived of while dead rushed back into my lungs. It was ice cold on my burning lungs, leaving me to cough violently as they learned to breathe again. I was able to take in the backseat of my car before it lurched and I was jostled to my side. I threw an arm out to catch myself before I fell off the seat. I could just barely remember dying and had no idea how I had gotten into the back seat or where I was going.

"Alex?!" Elly yelled from the driver's seat.

"Yup," I moaned, still trying to catch my breath before speaking too much.

She slammed on the brakes again, sending my face into the back of her seat before she pulled the car over and threw it into park on the side of the road.

I could see tears streaking down her cheeks as she turned back to me. "Never fucking scare me like that again! That was the most sickening thing I've ever had to watch!"

"What'd it look like?" I groaned, trying my best to sit up slowly. I had never had anyone tell me what the regeneration looked like, I was just back when it was done.

Elly looked like she was at a loss for words. She looked from me to the keys she held in her hands. "There was…a lot of blood. Just completely unnatural puddles of it. Your throat had been ripped clean open. If it wasn't for your spine you would've been completely decapitated…" She shuddered at the memories, her face going pale. "Jody and Donna wanted me to leave you. But I just…I couldn't. I knew you'd come back, but I couldn't tell them that. Do you know how weird it was to explain that I had to take your body back? They looked at me like I was insane…"

"I…I'm sorry Elly." I said, leaning against her chair. "Did you see the healing? What did that look like?"

"Oh…uh." She shrugged, "Only bits and pieces in the mirror." She gestured towards the rearview mirror. "It got really hot in here, like a sauna almost. Steam would surround the part of you that was being healed, and then it kinda just…" She tried to use her hands to describe the motion of it all, and sighed with frustration when she couldn't get it quite right, "It was like watching everything in reverse."

I huffed a little, "Cool."

Elly smacked my arm, a little too hard. "You could've been more careful asshole!"

"Ya, ya." I winced, "Crowley wasn't happy about it either. He left me with a few new scars and some great words of encouragement."

"But, you're ok?" She asked softly.

"I'm perfect," I smiled at her, then climbed over the divider and into the passenger seat. "Where we at?"

"Just outside of Tennessee? I think. I'm not the best with directions, I could have gotten us completely lost." Her hand took mine as I got seated, pulling it to her and holding it to her chest tightly, "I was so worried about you coming back. You won't be a werewolf, right? You did get bit technically."

I blinked, taking her question into thought. "I uh. I don't think so. We'll make sure when we get back. Let me see the map." I said, taking my hand back and grabbing up her phone from the center console.

"Did I get us lost?" She asked, looking over the screen with me.

I took a minute to study it, zooming in and taking in the whole screen and trying to find where the bunker should be. It didn't take long to figure out where we were and where we needed to go.

"No, you're going in the right direction. We'll stay on this road for another half an hour-ish." I said, pointing at the road. 

"Alright." She sighed, started the car again, and carefully pulled back onto the road. "Does Ketch know?" She asked after several seconds of quiet.

"About the regenerations?" I gave her a side glance, her phone still in my hand.

"Ya." She laughed a little, "It's kinda like Dr. Who."

"Seriously? You too?" I looked at her and rolled my eyes a little, "Ketch could talk circles about that show."

Elly shrugged, "It's a good show. Makes being SuperWhoLocked bearable sometimes."

"I have no idea what that means and I'd like to keep it that way." I shook my head, laughing a little as I returned her phone to the console. I leaned back into the chair. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt so tired.

"I may write…fanfiction." Elly continued after another moment of silence, saying another unfamiliar word, "But you can't judge me for that."

"What kind of otherworldly place do you come from?" I teased her, "You write what?"

"They're like stories. About TV shows, or games, or movies. Sometimes even real people." Her cheeks were turning a dusty shade of pink as she continued.

"Why is that a thing? Do I even wanna know what it means?" I chuckled as her face grew darker.

"I don't know. It helps people cope with stuff." She glanced over at me as if she was trying to gauge if I was really paying attention or not. I could tell my interested gaze had thrown her off a little. "And most of the things people write about are…" She trailed off, her cheeks burning, "Very detailed about things of a sexual nature."

"You're telling me you write porn?" I asked, trying to keep the laughter down as a smile spread across my face. "Why are you telling me this?"

"I just…felt like you've told me this great big secret and I wanted to…exchange the favor." She cleared her throat. "Um…and I would say…about ninety percent of the porn is probably gay."

"You write gay porn about TV shows that you watch?" I couldn't help the laughter now as it bubbled up from my chest, "My god! Do you write about Cas and Dean?!" Elly didn't reply, but the blush that now reached her chest, gave me all the answer I needed, "You do! You write gay porn about my brother and his angel!" The laughter roared out of me. The strain on my lungs made my already aching chest hurt, but I couldn't hold it back anymore.

"If you mention this to anyone at all, I will murder you," Elly hissed, "You saw how easily I took out that werewolf over your shoulder."

"Ok, ok." I chuckled, "What else do you write about Miss Not-So-Innocent?"

"I…might write about your other brother too. But we don't have to go into that." She laughed nervously.

I paused, "That world knows about Gabe's little crush then?"

She nodded, "You'd be surprised what they make into ships." Elly answered.

"The fuck is that?" I laughed again, "It's like you have your own language."

"The internet does, though I'm sure you only use it to look for cases and watch porn."

"Hey," I pointed at her, "Don't judge my internet usage."

"Uh huh," She rolled her eyes, "Do you even know what a meme is?"

"A what?" My ribs burned the more I laughed, "Please stop making up words."

"They're weird little pictures people make." Elly shrugged, "It's what my world does to take up time because everything else sucks. Now answer my question. I Need the blush to leave my face…"

I took a moment to collect myself, letting the laughter die away. "No. He doesn't know about my regenerations." I held my ribs as they vibrated with low pain, "I'd like to keep it that way until I need to tell him. But I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to keep it from him." I smiled as Elly began to hum some song, "Do you mind if I take a nap?" I was starting to feel just how exhausted my body was again, "I don't want you to get lost again."

"I got us this far," She sighed, "I'm sure I can manage to get us home."

"Promise? I don't wanna wake up in a ditch somewhere." I teased.

"I'm not that bad of a driver." She said, smiling a little, "Get some rest. I'll nap once we get back to the bunker."

"Did you drive all night?"

Elly shrugged, "I'm fine. Sleep."

"Ok, ok. Wake me up when we get close." I said, leaning back into the chair again and closing my eyes.

"Jesus!" Dean yelled out, getting to his feet as we came down the steps into the server room. "Are you both alright?" He didn't give us a chance to answer before walking over to us and trying to assess the damages. "What the hell happened? You look like you went to war."

"Werewolves, Dean. A fuck ton of werewolves." I said, pushing past him playfully and walking towards the glass table. I couldn't see anyone else yet. It seemed like Dean had been sitting at the table on his laptop, hopefully looking up another case or preparing for the next step in getting Mary back.

Dean grabbed my shoulder, stopping me in my tracks. "You physically look like you got out without a scratch, but your clothes are shredded." He spun me and gripped my other shoulder, emerald eyes looking deep into mine, "Did you die again?"

"I swear I tried not to this time," I laughed nervously, trying to give him a convincing look.

"Uh huh.." Dean turned to Elly, "You look tired. Did you get any rest?"

"I'm fine Dean. I'm more in shock over what happened to her than the fight with the werewolves. I'll be alright." Elly smiled. It was a kind smile, but it couldn't hide the exhaustion in her eyes. 

She looked like a run-down rag-doll. She was still covered in blood, the rusty red patches of the dried stuff beginning to flake off around the slashes over her chest. She hadn't seemed to notice how revealing the cuts had made her shirt. Her hands and arms were the same rusty brown color, and I was sure it was more mine than hers. And her long blonde hair, hung loose with dried clumps of blood and dirt tangled into it.

"I'll take her to Cas anyway," I said, tugging on her arm gently to suggest we move in that direction. "Come on messy."

"Ya, ya. I'm coming." Elly sighed, stumbling after me.

"Dean," I turned back to my brother before we reached the hall, "Get your pistol ready, I wanna make a bet at the range."

"Is this a good time for betting?" Dean crossed his arms in front of his chest, a serious look on his face.

"I'll throw in fifty bucks if you just say yes." I shrugged, smiling as my older brother's eyes lightened.

"You got yourself a deal." He said all seriousness went at the thought of free cash.

I couldn't help the bubble of laughter that came from my chest. He didn't even know the bet yet but seemed so confident that he would win. That was Dean for you. Always the one to bluff it until he made you walk away from your entire wallet. Boy was he in for a surprise.

I supported Elly as we walked down the hall towards the room Dean and Cas had been more or less sharing. It was the room I assumed the angel would be in and was not at all disappointed when I opened the door and saw him there. Cas sat on the edge of their bed, scrolling through the smartphone Dean insisted he had with a confused look on his face.

"Hello, Cas." I did my best impersonation of the montoned angel.

"Hello, Alex. Elly." Cas looked up from the phone, crystal blue eyes going wide when he took us both in. "What happened?"

"Werewolf hunt." I pushed Elly towards him, "She could use a bit of healing."

The angel nodded and stuck his hand out to catch Elly as she stumbled towards him. She took his hand and in the same instant, Cas' eyes glowed an even brighter blue. In the blink of an eye, Elly's wounds had been closed up, bruises healed, and her body cleaned of blood and dirt. She sighed deeply and let go of Cas' hand, saying a small thank you.

"I have one last thing to ask," I said to Cas, "Can you tell if the bite I got affected me at all after the regeneration?" I had been nervous about the answer. Not that we couldn't solve werewolfism, but it was a painful task I didn't want to go through.

"I could take a look, but I'm sure the changes would have taken place already if it had," Cas said in his always matter-of-fact tone.

The angel stood and took a few steps towards me before extending his hand and touching his palm to my forehead. I watched his blue eyes change to that glowing, icy blue again as he searched for any internal changes. It had always been fascinating to me to watch his powers work. It was something I couldn't do, and I will always be thankful for him because of this. In a few seconds, his eyes returned to normal and Cas stepped away from me again.

"There doesn't seem to be any changes. You are as normal as you can be." Cas said, returning to the edge of the bed. "Although I recommend you rest. One of your ribs is bruised."

"Right. Thanks, Cas."

Sam and Ketch wandered into the bunker a few hours later. The rest of us had been sitting at the glass table for a while at that point. Elly was still excitedly counting out the money she had earned, now well past the fifty-dollar bet I had originally set. But that was how Dean got when he refused to be beaten. He glared at her now, sitting at the other side of the table, a glass of whiskey in hand.

"So the tip was right. We can pick up Rowena tomorrow…" Sam's eyes wandered over the table as they came up to us. A confused look passed over his features. "What's goin' on?" 

"I don't want to talk about it," Dean grumbled, downing the rest of his glass quickly and pouring another one. 

I smiled and looked over Elly again. She had been counting and recounting that stack of money over the last hour. Impressed with herself for winning it all.

"You're such a sore loser." I turned back towards Dean, laughing a little at the glare he shot me next.

"What are you talking about?" Ketch asked, tilting his head to the side as he snatched the bottle from in front of Dean, reading the label. Dean pulled it back almost just as quickly. "Where did you find that? I keep the expensive stuff hidden."

"Not well enough." I smiled at him, "Dean can sniff it out like a bloodhound." I explained, watching my older brother roll his eyes as he took another sip of the amber liquid, "He's upset because he lost a bet against Elly."

"At what?" Sam asked, looking between Dean and Elly as she finally stuffed her winnings into her pocket. Elly smiled at Dean and shot him a set of finger guns, making him huff and stand from his chair. "She outshot you?" Sam continued, in disbelief.

"Three for three." I smiled smugly, giving Elly a high five. Her bright smile glowed.

"No one can outshoot you!" Sam sounded baffled, "I can't outshoot you. Ketch can't outshoot you. Not even Alex can outshoot you!"

"I know," Dean's tone was sour. He downed the last of his drink and poured another as he continued to pout. "Bobby woulda loved her."

"What on Earth made you take her shooting?" Ketch asked as he rounded the table and came to stand behind me.

"She saved me from a werewolf." I explained, "Perfect shot, right between the eyes. So I thought she might give Dean and run for his money."

"Good job, pet." Ketch ruffled Elly's hair, "How'd you learn to shoot so well?"

"My dad was a marine. He taught me a few things before he died. It's been a while, but I guess it's just like riding a bike." Elly tapped her nails on the table.

"I guess I can respect that," Dean grumbled. He turned to Sam, "So we're heading out to catch Rowena tomorrow then?"

"Uh, ya. If the intel is as good as it seems to be, she'll be there tomorrow." Sam nodded, "We can get ready to go if you want. We can go take care of it easily. But I need to talk to Gabe before we go."

"That's fine. I want Cas to take a last look at Cael anyway." Dean added, clapping his brother on the shoulder before they headed for the hall.

"Is he doing better?" I asked, getting to my feet to stop Dean before he'd gone too far.

"As far as I know." Dean said, turning back to me, "He should be good as new soon. Or at least that's what Cas tells me. And if he's anything like the two of you say he is, that's probably for the better."

"I think he could help us in Apocolypse world," I stated, waiting for the eyes that inevitably fell onto me.

"You insane?" Dean asked, "If he's got enough of an attitude to piss even Cas off, I think it would be better to leave him…"

"It would be nice to have another angel on our side, Dean." Sam interrupted. 

"He hardly likes us." Dean waved his hand into the air, "He's Lucifer two-point-o."

"He's not that bad," I shrugged, "We can discuss it later. You two should get ready."

Both brothers nodded and continued down the hall. I turned back to the table, leaning across it to grab the bottle Dean had been drinking from. The bottle was tall and made of thick, clear glass that almost had the appearance of a crashing wave. The cap had seemed to be made of a nice silver metal. The alcohol on the inside held a deep, rich amber color, even when I tilted the bottle and it became thin. I raised the open top to my mouth and took a sip of the dark liquid. It burned the back of my throat when it first hit, but was quickly soothed over by the warm sweet taste of honey and full-bodied alcohol. It lingered on my tongue as I read the label.

"Bowmore Single Malt Scotch Whiskey," I mumbled, my tongue stumbling a little numb over the words.

"From 1957. Cost me nearly two hundred grand." Ketch mumbled, taking the bottle gently from my hands and taking a long drink from it. "No point in crying over it." He sighed, "Better to not waste it. Would you like any Elly?""

"It cost you how much?" Elly asked, her eyes wide with shock. "Alcohol should never cost that much." She took the bottle from his hand and took a better look at it. "What makes it so special? It's just grass juice."

I smiled. "Have you ever drank before?"

"I snuck some of my mom's wine once. I didn't care much for it." She looked over the bottle again carefully before tipping it back and taking a sip. She immediately gagged on the strong liquid, setting the bottle down on the table and couching. "It burns."

Ketch chuckled, smiling at her. He leaned down to whisper into my ear, "Would you like to have some fun while we have some time to ourselves? I'm sure she can handle herself."

"Is that all you ever think about?" I returned the whisper with my own, poking him softly in the ribs. He dodged silently before standing straight again and nodding towards the hall. I smiled. "Elly, we're going to…"

"Ya, ya." She said, waving her hand, "I don't wanna know. Just go before it ends up out here again. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

I was quick to stand and pull the man behind me and into our bedroom. It was seconds before I was in his grasp. He lifted me from my feet and I wrapped my legs around his waist, kissing him intently as he pushed my back against the door. It had felt like forever since I had been able to touch him like this. But I knew it was just the brush with my inevitable permanent end that made me feel like this. It made me want to be close to him forever. As close as I could be.

He took a step back before pushing me roughly up against the door again. It would have been normal for a moan to leave my lips, instead a wince found its way there. I leaned forward onto his shoulder as he carefully dropped me to the ground. 

"Be a little more gentle." I whispered, "I'm a little sore."

Ketch lifted my face to his and kissed me softly, "I'm not sure if we've ever had gentle sex, love." It was meant to be teasing, but the underlying growl sent chills over my skin, "But I can be gentle for you."

He bit my lip, sending another knee-weakening shiver up my spine. He scooped me into his arms and carried me to the bed, resting me gently on top of the sheets. He found my neck next, carefully kissing across my pulse, reminding me of the vampire I had survived not a week ago. His fingers found their way under my shirt, sending chills through me as he traced my body. My back arched into him as he cupped one of my breasts, and he took the opportunity to push my shirt up my body, exposing my still blue and purple ribs. 

I was already panting when his fingers came to a stop as they ran over one of the new, pink scars that had wrapped their way around to my chest. I fought down the nervous swirls that braided themselves into my stomach. It dawned on me that I hadn't mentioned the new set of markings that now decorated my body yet.

"Take your shirt off." It was an order, all play, and lust gone from his tone. He took the warmth of his body with him as he sat up and stared down at me, eyes a cold silver. "Now."

I pushed myself up and carefully pulled my shirt over my head. I got to my knees and turned around before he could give me the order to do so. I straightened as his cool fingers traced over the scars. He took care to trace each of the four large, long, scratches that adorned my back. I had studied them well when I'd cleaned up earlier and knew each one's start and end. The first, and the largest, started at my right shoulder, slicing through the wing tattooed there and winding its way diagonally down my back and wrapping around to my ribs. The next one started just below my shoulder blade and followed the first down. The third could have sliced a clean line from the middle of my right rib cage to the bottom of the left. The last, the shortest of the four, ran across my lower back.

"What happened, Alex?" Ketch asked. His voice was small and twinged with harsh air now.

"It's just a scratch from a werewolf. I'm fine." I tried to shrug, hoping he would drop it. It really wasn't that big of a deal. Or at least that's how I'd lied to myself about it. 

"This isn't fine. Did Cas heal you? This doesn't look like his work. It's…incomplete." I felt his fingers leave my skin after he traced the last one.

"He didn't heal me," I almost whispered. I knew this day would come sooner or later. But why did it have to be within the same day I had told Elly I hadn't wanted him to know yet? What was this irony Chuck seemed to be throwing at me?

"Who the hell did then?" It was a demand. I didn't care to turn and face him. I could feel the icy silver daggers that dug deeper into my skin than those claws had.

"Crowley. He did the best he could." I pulled my shirt back over my head, suddenly self-conscious of the scars. They had never been something that bothered me before, but now I could feel them burning under his gaze.

"Why the fuck did you go to Crowley and not Cas." It was less a question and more another demand with the way Ketch said it. Like he was slipping back into interrogation methods he hadn't used on me in several months.

"I didn't…have much of a choice." I bit my lip, "The situation I was in wouldn't let me…"

"The situation?" He scoffed, "Damn it, Alex. I thought we'd agreed to no more secrets. What the hell happened?"

I hadn't felt the tears pooling in my eyes until they were falling down my cheeks. Why did this hurt so much? He deserved to know just as much as the boys had after the first time I regenerated after a bad hunt. But with Ketch, this felt different. I hadn't told him for a reason, but now that reason felt moot and silly. 

I fell back onto my butt and pulled my legs up to my chest, heart pounding in my chest. It was suddenly hard to find the words. I wasn't sure how to explain it anymore. It had been so easy with Sam and Dean, but they had been there. They had watched me die, and then days later, watched me walk back into the motel room completely fine. I had to tell them. I had never wanted him to find out this way. I had never wanted him to find out at all, and that suddenly felt very cruel.

"Alexandria!" My full name echoed around the room.

"Crowley brought me back!" I blurted the words out through tears. My hands twisting into the fabric of my jeans.

"Brought you back?" 

"He revived me." My voice felt brittle like it would crack with another harsh word. I pulled for a better example but could only think of the one Elly had used earlier. "Elly said it was like Dr. Who."

"Dr. Who? You died?" There was a pause, the air around us thick with hurt, "Elly knows…" 

"She was there." I shot out defensively, "She had to fight Jody and Donna so they wouldn't burn my body."

"Crowley just brings you back?" Ketch asked, his voice getting further away as he stood and walked away from me.

"We made a deal a while ago." I sniffed.

"And just what kind of deal was this?" Anger had come back to his voice. It made me want to run and hide.

"I do small favors for him every once in a while. It's nothing serious." I pulled my knees closer.

"What favors could you possibly do for the king of fucking Hell?" 

"Just hunting favors. Why does it matter?" I challenged, immediately regretting the words as they left my mouth.

"What does it matter?" Ketch scoffed behind me, "What does it matter? Alex, you are being completely mental if you think that he isn't using you for something else."

"He isn't using me for anything." I hissed, "All that matters is that I'm ok. Why do you care so much?"

"You're being so fucking stupid." I shrunk at the word. "I love you, you absolute twit!"

I wasn't sure how to respond. I knew I should say it back, but at the moment it didn't feel right. This didn't feel like the place to say it anymore and I didn't think I could've even if it did. I turned around, daring to look at him. Ketch was staring at the ground, leaning against his dresser with his arms folded over his chest.

"I…" Couldn't find the words, "I'm going out." I shot from the room before anything else could be said, not caring to check my appearance before leaving.

I ran through the hallway and out into the server room. The room was empty as I stomped into it, glad for the silence as tears began to fall down my cheeks again. I needed to get out. I needed to get away and do something. I needed a good drink. 

I grabbed my keys from the glass table as I walked past it and made my way to the garage. I marched quickly to my car, fired it up, threw it in reverse, and pulled away from that makeshift home as fast as I could. I turned the car around as quickly as I could once I was outside on the pavement, surely leaving rubber burns on the ground before I was pointed in the right direction. I sped off then, not sure where I was going, only to find a bar. It didn't have to be the closest one, I just had to find one that was open.