An apology that doesn’t satisfy but is all I’ll ever get

>>Mavis

It was a quiet morning and I thought if I could come early I would get to train with Enri since he's always here and I want to spend more time with him.

He's training here every day at dawn so if I come at the same time I know he'd help me out!

My heart squealed at the thought and I felt overjoyed but didn't pay more attention to why I was this excited just to be alone with him. My heart was already full at the thought and I hurried towards the training grounds at the crack of dawn.

Surprisingly Enri was waiting for me, not on the ground but in the outer corridor, which was a little shocking.

"Enri?" He was looking toward the sky when I came close to him.

"It's captain for you now," He smiled as he turned to look at me.

"Ah!" I nodded, "Yes... Captain!"

He stepped closer to me, "I know you're here to train but we can't today."

"We can't?" I was heavily disappointed 

"No," He patted my head, "The Oracle is here to see you."

….

I felt strange all of the sudden. When I heard those words, something inside me cracked. I don't know why I had completely ignored it till now but I was angry at that woman. How did I manage to keep my anger under control?

My life is a mess because of the previous Oracle! How could I ever forget about that!!

"Hey?" Enri bent down towards me, "Are you okay?" The moment I looked into his eyes, my nerves automatically calmed down.

"I'm fine," I replied 

"You seem… A little- off,"

I looked at him, "Where is she?"

He stood up straight, "There's a guest room at the end of the hallway." He stepped to the side to make way for me, "It's not far from here."

"Alright." I was full of fury but still, I did my best to answer him calmly while I began to stomp my way towards the guest room.

It really wasn't far but that doesn't mean it was near either but it didn't matter to me. I banged the door open as I made my way into the room where the Oracle sat. I know she can't see but she still turned her head to look at me as I stomped my way towards her after slamming the door shut behind me.

"Answer me!" I was mad, "Why was this done to me!" I went over and slammed my hands on the table in front of her, "Why!!"

"Mavis…" She answered calmly, "Have a seat." She gestured towards the couch.

"No!" I had too much negative energy running around in me to simply sit down, "I want my answer. Why did you bring me back!"

This was it.

I had presented my innermost regret to her. It was the thing that had been eating me away the day I died and woke back up here again. There was so much sorrow in my heart even my mind preferred to remain shut.

The Oracle wasn't sure what to say to me at first. Then as she lowered her head she answered, "That's how the spell works."

"There was no need to bring me back into this shitty life." I wanted to cry. Now that I was laying myself bare I felt so emotional.

"Yes, there was…" The Oracle answered softly, "Till that point, your body played things out as you did in your first life but now, we're at an unwritten path and if you weren't brought back, your body would either run wild or turn into a hollow shell."

"So what?!!" I really didn't care. I gave no shit about a hollow shell.

"That would destroy the balance of the world." 

"I don't care," I glared at her, "You could have just killed me or something!"

"I can not do that." She said softly as she looked at me with concern, "I'm a divine priestess."

"You could have asked someone!!" I was furious, "No one would have cared!! I'm not even a side character! I hold absolutely no importance!!!" I was so angry that tears formed in my eyes automatically, "No one, would have cared, no one. I'm not important at all!" They streamed down my cheeks, "Why!?" My voice trembled, "Why did you bring me back!"

"..." I knew that the woman in front of me understood my pain and she was ashamed of what had been done so she took her time to answer me.

"Unfortunately," There was a slight frown on her face, "That's how the spell works. You were sent there with the other person and you had to be brought back together, there was no way to bring one of you back." She looked at me apologetically but it just made me feel all the more pathetic. "Perhaps, if you weren't sent there with the same spell it would have been a different story but because the previous king had to be brought back, he had a part to play to save millions of lives after all. So, we could not risk it for one person." 

And just like that, my heart shattered. 

Of course, no one would risk it for a single unimportant person like me…

"Do you know how hellish my life has been?" My legs began to give out but I stood my ground out of sheer will.

"I'm sorry," She apologized.

"You're sorry?" I scoffed as I looked at her, "Does sorry fix anything?" I honestly wanted to punch the shit out of her but I held it in, "Sorry?" It was like I was spitting venom out, "You even took so long to find me!! AND YOU'RE SORRY??!" I actually raised my hand a little to hit her.

She looked down in shame and made no attempt to defend herself even though she knew what I was about to do, "I tried to find you, but you're not human, so my powers were limited. If you were one, I'd have helped you right away." Her voice was feeble, "I'm sorry it took so long."

I clenched the hand that I had raised in the air, "Don't give me that bullshit!! This is all her fault!! She should have been more careful!!" I cursed the predecessor.

She stood up from the sofa and prostrated on the ground, "I'm sorry," She bowed down further, "All I can do is apologize on her behalf." Her head reached the ground, "I'm sorry."

My heart trembled at the scene. How could I say anything more now? The fist I had raised lost all its power and lifeless came back to my side.

I stared at the person bowing in front of me. It was a young fragile figure that looked younger than I was.

…

I sniffled and wiped the tears from my cheeks but they got wet again since I couldn't stop crying.

The person who caused this is already gone and the person who begged for it to happen too.

…

I felt utterly defeated.

There's nothing more I can do now.

I looked at the ceiling as I took a shaky deep breath and sniffled trying to stop my tears from coming out again.