Chapter Fifty-Four

She fell onto the stone just before the hill opened up to the plunge towards the sea. Gabriel rushed to her side, picking her up in his arms and he tried to shake her awake. Her eyes were closed, her mind barely together. He continued to shake her, and she let her mind go free, the chains on it tightening.

That night, she awoke to Gabriel grasping her hand tightly as he sat beside her on the bed, reading a book to her. He brushed the back of his hand against her cheek tenderly, and she smiled at him. She looked away, and painful memories returned to her. A tear slid down the side of her cheek.

"Gabriel, I'm sorry for doing that earlier."

"It's alright. Just don't do it again."

"I won't."

"You'll get through this, Lucie."

"I - I think - "

"What?"

She thought for a while, her eyes blinking in the dark room. She mused and mused, tears leaving her eyes. He patted them dry with a tissue the moment they left her eyes, but her tears could not stop.

"You know what? I didn't want to tell you, but I've been entertaining some cruel thoughts. I got to thinking, what if I never met you? What if your sister was never ill, and your family was whole and you never left your castle that day to drown your sorrows away in a brawl? You'd never stop by my flower shop, and we'd never fall in love."

He didn't say anything.

"We would not be married now, and I'd probably still be tending my flower shop. Nothing bad would have happened to me and maybe I might even have kids from another man."

Silence.

"I would have never been raped, and my life wouldn't have ended that night. My mind would be free and I'd be happy. But the reality is that you did come into my life and that tragedy did happen.

"And I got to thinking, what if? What if I were free of you and happy? Then I realised. The life I had pictured that did not have you in it was dark and bleak and void of happiness. There was no hope there, no life, no joy.

"Gabriel, I wish to death for your sake that it never happened, that we're whole. But I realise after all this time that if I could go back in time and change things, I wouldn't. I would still pick a flower for you at my shop, I would still say yes to your proposal, and I would still break my back to become the woman deserving to be called your wife.

"I hate that I've lost myself, but I don't regret it one bit. The more years I spend with you in pain, the more I realise that I'm actually one of the luckiest people alive."

Tears slid down his cheeks.

"I can feel it, Gabriel. My mind is slipping again. I'm going to become Lucianne Bell again. But now, I am no longer afraid. Because I get to meet you for the first time again, I get to romance you again, and I get to fall for you all over again."

"Lucie…"

"Thank you, Gabriel," she said, closing her eyes.

Her head was scalding to the touch and she felt heat in the back of her eyes. She was trembling, the tremors across her body steadily growing stronger. She felt like she was on the verge of seizing, and she tried to still her body, but it continued to shake.

"Goodbye, Gabriel."