Chapter Twenty-Three

Entry:

I saw you cry today. I wanted to comfort you, but soon realized it was only my own vision blurry with tears, and it was you comforting me. I wish you'd stop so my misery didn't infect you too. 

Phoenix

--

Phoenix couldn't remember what day it was since they'd locked her in here, and she didn't particularly care anymore.

  Her thoughts kept her company; Phoenix burned the days with trifling ideas and excessive pacing. Back and forth, forth and back, one more time, and again after that. There were no mirrors in this wholly white room, only the sun and moon to gaze upon. And the stars. Oh, how her sanity lived in the stars. 

She felt how messy her hair was from her running fingers through it and tears left a permanent saltiness at the corners of her mouth. There was water and plenty of healthy meals for her to ignore. Nothing mattered anymore. Hadn't she already had that thought?

The family, mainly Greyson, had explained it to Phoenix simply: she was to remain in this room until she recovered. It was no secret that if allowed to roam freely, Phoenix would hunt down the intruders. 

How did it become so drastic? Or perhaps Phoenix was simply dramatic? This might not be so bad. Wrong. 

The small journal Cole handed her sat on her bedside. It was a sketchbook of some kind, with drawings filled of Queen Amelia. Phoenix knew her family was never the target for the attack, this sketchbook proved it, but Phoenix was enraged. There the Queen was, sitting on her throne, commanding her army, paired with a dozen sketches of the crown. Phoenix snatched the journal and tore out one page after the other. Go away, be torn to shreds, stop looking with those cold eyes! Pages fell onto the floor, flying in differing directions before settling on the floor.

Everywhere, the Queen's gaze stared at Phoenix. Go away! Phoenix picked one image up and crumbled it into a ball. Her head spun in circles as she took in one page from the next, everywhere, all around her, the Queen judged her. Stop! Tears, more tears? Pathetic!

Phoenix could hardly tell when she was awake or asleep, laying in bed staring at the ceiling or into a hazy dream. One thought kept her going: everything would be okay because her family would come for her. But when? Was this all necessary, or was it cruel? Her family would never hurt her, so it must be the former. 

Had she always been so wild that she needed to be kept in a cage? 

Phoenix chuckled a little; she sounded like Lucas with all the petty questions. Lucas, how she missed him. The light chuckle quickly melted into a dropped head and teary eyes. She had promised to play with him, and she never did. 

The room was bearable until the long night. 

While sitting in silence her thoughts become desperately loud. Everything she had ever done rushed at her, a slap in the face and an echo ringing what a horrible person she was. Forcing the family out of their home and into the dangerous castle, killing that man. Was this all the Queen's fault, for simply wearing a crown? 

Time passed yet Phoenix remained. Questions infested her mind, tingling in her body and poisoning her head until she was sick with thought. Endless strands of fraying ideas, nothing sound enough to grasp and weave between her fingers. 

Phoenix sat in a corner and stared into the ground, hugging her knees to her chest. What would Daisy do in her situation? Phoenix's hands shook violently, out of control, stay in control. This time, her thoughts would swallow her whole. This time, the white would be replaced with black. 

Only after Phoenix began to feel some real emotion, some scarring pain, did that hideous door peel open. 

The maids opened that door explaining they wanted to do a checkup. They told Phoenix: one day left. In a flurry of thrown sheets and scattering limbs, Phoenix tossed them aside and ran out of the room before they could put their hands on her. 

Free and furious, Phoenix escaped. 

The first thing she did wasn't see her family. No. Phoenix sprinted to her room, making sure to smile at the portraits welcoming her back and checking corners to make sure she didn't run into anyone important. Her door closed quietly as she reached her room. She washed her body and hair, waited for her swelling face to go down, and got dressed. Keep busy. Good, poised, fake. The smooth material of her finest dress draped perfectly over her figure, the deep navy bringing out her paleness. Her family would see nothing but a collected individual, that Phoenix was sure of. 

The second thing Phoenix did was knock on Lucas's and Daisy's doors and told them to meet in Cole's room. 

Their prolonged silence of shock left Phoenix the opportunity to leave and head to Cole's room. She glared at his door and pounded against the dark wood. One, two, three times. The door creaked open a mere inch before she stormed in, right past an astonished Cole, and sat on his bed waiting for the rest of the family.

Cole looked like he wanted to say something, but he couldn't spit it out before the siblings arrived. Lucas burst in and cried, hugging Phoenix without hesitation. Daisy's soft eyes were lowered to the floor in shame, her confident demeanor smashed, replaced by hesitant and slow advances towards Phoenix. Cole's eyes were glaring slits.

"You're a hero, Bird!" Lucas cried, squeezing their connection tight. So, he didn't know she killed a man. 

Lucas spoke first, reliving the intruders barged in and how he thought that Phoenix was a hero. Daisy offered a small smile herself at Lucas' antics. Phoenix's chest warmed a little, her glare softened. 

A silence consumed the room as they held their breath for Phoenix to speak.

There was no wavering or hesitating when Phoenix opened her mouth, "I'm pissed. Fill me in on what happened, now."

Cole nodded. "Glad you're back. Once Greyson saw you had collapsed, he ran you down the halls asking for a doctor. I followed him with Daisy and Lucas, wanting them to be checked out too. The doctor took us up to the tower for examination. When you woke up after thirty minutes, Greyson said that you would stay.

"Greyson claimed he wanted you to be forced to relax. Think seriously about the plan. He didn't want us visiting to prevent us from spreading ideas," Cole looked to the floor and rubbed his elbows. "Honestly, I've never seen him so set on something. We should have fought harder, but the more Daisy and I pushed, the more Greyson seemed…" Cole's gaze fell to the floor, "angry."

Phoenix glanced at Daisy. She looked awful- her usually smooth hair was in a tangled, messy bun, her hands carried a handkerchief with obvious tear stains, and her feet were completely bare of any shoes. 

She turned to Phoenix, broken. "I know you're probably furious at us for what we did to you, and I just wanted to say—I'm so sorry. I didn't think Greyson would keep you isolated, especially after you saved us all. You deserve gifts, a parade even...not to be locked up. I am so sorry."

Phoenix smiled at Daisy's sincerity.

"But we don't really blame Greyson," Daisy continued, averting her eyes. "We were all worried you wouldn't listen to us and go off on your own, just how you used to go to work by yourself every day." 

Phoenix felt rage boiling in her skin. How could they do that to her? Not trust so her much that she had to be locked up? Scream, yell at them, get the point across- 

Instead, Phoenix lied. "I'm sorry I made you all worry, and I'm not mad. You wanted to protect me. I'm just happy that you're all safe."

"They attacked us all," Cole cried, more upset than Phoenix had ever seen him. "Bird, this plan of yours is crazy." 

"I know," she started, "but we can still-" 

"But we are going to take that damned crown away from that porcelain Queen. And maybe on the way, catch the people who are after her."

Lucas, Daisy, and Phoenix all took in Cole and his bold accusation.

It was rare to see him so passionate about something. Daisy and Phoenix exchanged a look before they got up and tackled him with a monster hug, pushing him onto the ground. Lucas joined and jumped on top of them with squeals of delight.

While Phoenix didn't tell them how conflicted she was still feeling, how hollow about killing that man, she could smile. They were together again, and they were safe.

#

Greyson was next. Phoenix found him sitting in the dining room, where the whole family would eat meals until the kitchen got re-done. It was a well-decorated room with glass figures, spacious seating, and small enough windows that humans couldn't get through. That Phoenix couldn't escape through. 

Greyson stiffened his posture when he saw her approaching. She didn't say anything, she just walked straight up to him and sat on the table beside his bowl.

"Bird, why didn't you tell me you were out-"

Phoenix interrupted him with her hand banging on the table. He looked up at her in astonishment. 

"The next time you lock me up, I won't come back." 

"Bird, I-" 

"No. Listen. I know you were worried about me. Great. But there's no point in over-protecting me to the point where I can't even think anymore. I value trust and family above everything else, and you seriously violated my trust in you and ability to see my family." 

Phoenix was going to continue, but Greyson did something she wasn't expecting. Bolted up out of his chair and lowered his head in an apology. 

"I am so sorry. If there was a bigger word for sorry, I'd say it," Greyson pleaded. "It's just, you were throwing up and then passed out… I thought you had died. I couldn't bear that idea; my head was spinning. I panicked and locked you up. If I ever pull something so disgusting and wrong again, I'll see myself out." 

There was an odd hesitation in his explanation. 

"It's okay to cry," Phoenix assured him.

"I don't deserve the satisfaction of feeling sorry for myself, I don't deserve the release of tears." 

  "Damnit Greyson," Phoenix said. "Raise your head, you look ridiculous. I forgive you, alright?" 

The loud sigh of relief that Greyson let out was beyond what she thought imaginable. She didn't think the emotion of relief could be so strongly conveyed with a single sound. 

"Now, let's talk about all this over lunch," Phoenix gestured to his half-eaten meal. "What soup?" 

"Tomato," he stated, playing along with her obvious change in conversation.

"Sounds good," she said, taking his seat and slurping up the remainder of his soup.

He just smiled a little and sat across from her. He held out his hand, gesturing to it, and Phoenix grasped it. 

"You saw your family, right?" Greyson asked.

"Of course. But you know, the room felt empty without you there beside us," Phoenix commented, taking another spoonful of the soup with her free hand.

"Have Cole and Daisy calmed down? I tried to talk with them, but they weren't happy about my visiting restrictions."

She put down her spoon and met his eyes. "They'll be okay, trust me." 

The image of Phoenix's curled-up body whispering "you'll be ok" to herself flashed through her head. Goosebumps rose on her arms and shivers danced atop her spine. She unclasped their hands, and her thumb felt tired, she must have been tapping subconsciously. 

"You're still welcome, so please don't put space between us," she said. "They all adore you, especially Cole."

Greyson's worried eyes melted at her reassurance. 

Greyson needs someone to encourage him, someone who will help carry him and help him with his self-esteem. 

No, the Prince wasn't right, the Prince couldn't be right. But even with the quick smiles and assuring words Phoenix and Greyson shared, flashes of hurt and distrust chewed at her, gnawed at her patience. A flame ignited in the pit of her stomach, and she didn't know what to do with it. All she knew was that the family was reunited. And that's all that mattered.