Chapter Forty

Entry

Imagined scenarios infect my mind. I'm stuck in my room, alone. I'm stranded here- no other being roams near me. A ghost haunts me. She's drowned in water- a lily in her hand. If I open the door right now, she'll get to me. 

Why can't I be alone anymore? 

I want to cut myself. 

The wind howls; the room creaks. My mind turns shadows into people, into monsters. I want to weep, weep. I must go, before they find me.

Phoenix.

--

Two weeks melted into a month and three days. 

Talon was infuriated with Greyson and Cole's progress. Sharing a room together, talking with one another? Holding each other's hands through the halls? Plus, Greyson had stopped talking to Phoenix altogether. Wiped his hands clean and moved on. 

Phoenix spent her days akin to a ghost. Talon, though he hated to admit it, found himself a bit of a stalker. Talon's family kept him busy and they were making progress tracking the thieves. There was no physical evidence, but rumors procured leads. 

But the updates lived in the back of Talon's mind- a warehouse in the Lowlands, a captured thief.

Soon even the state of Talon's own mind felt less important than just seeing her. He hurried to their usual spot and walked up with a smile. A scowl instantly tugged down his features when no one greeted him, Phoenix's chair sat empty. 

A heavy, disappointed sigh escaped his pursed lips. Now he had some searching to do. 

Talon fled the library. Where else could Phoenix be? Long legs carried him to the gardens, to her quarters, dining room, and the fixed kitchen her family used to eat in. Every room was filled with people who hadn't seen her. 

Sun through a window snagged his attention. The early buds of spring sprinkled branches, adding color to the grounds. Early buds of spring sprinkled branches. 

He walked towards the glass until his breath fogged the pane. Spring wasn't so colorful as he remembered. 

He marched back to his room. There, at the bay window. Talon stopped, covering his mouth as he let out a soft chuckle. So, she was in the halls leading up to his bedroom. Phoenix was perched in a window that overlooked the gardens. She looked at her lap as she scribbled something away in that journal Greyson had given her. What did she write? 

To see the journals, to see Phoenix's mind. 

She paused her writing and glanced through the glass. Talon followed her gaze and saw a girl laughing with a young gentleman who was considerably older. What was she thinking? Was she happy for that girl- concerned? Did Phoenix dream of having that herself? Enough staring. He closed the distance between them and settled down next to her. 

"Do you use that journal Greyson gave you?" Talon asked. 

Nothing.

"Could I read it?" 

No response. 

"I won't push you, I just want to know what you're thinking, how I can help you," Talon explained. Just say something, do something- why wouldn't she react?

Silent Phoenix.

"It's okay if you need time to think about it. If you ever want me to back off or tell me something, do so in that journal. Leave the journal on the chair you care for, and I'll read it. I'll investigate the library every night to see if it's there. If you're there." 

Talon wanted to say more, do more, help her, but every day he could see her slipping further into herself. He didn't know what to do. 

He would just have to visit the library every night and look for her journal. 

#

Faint giggles left Talon gazing curiously at a closed closet door. For the third time this week, he was heading toward the library to see if Phoenix left anything for him to read. Now he was being interrupted by the undeniable sound of young girls' laughter.

Facing the shut door, he squinted in thought- he recognized that laugh. It was innocent, full of life, and irkingly close to a high-pitched squeal. A sinister smirk slithered across Talon's face. Leaning his back on the wall by the door, Talon made a show of checking his nails.

"You know, mighty King and dear father," Talon chanted loud enough that the shuffling in the closet froze, "I was just thinking that we should patrol closets for Princesses and their secret lovers!"

There was a loud thunk! and a moment of silence before Isla creaked open the door. Isla had the decency to bow her head and straighten her dress, even if her ruffled hair and ruined makeup gave away what she had been doing. Osprey stormed out a second later, a hand covering the new bump forming on her head but forgetting to cover the marks on her neck.

"And what do you know!" Talon smiled at the girls, "After two long years of denial, she finally comes out of the closet!"

Osprey glared at him while Isla started to giggle. 

"I swear, if you mutter a word to anyone, I will pay that guard you hate to crash your wedding," Osprey cursed. 

Isla gently slapped Osprey's wrist before entwining their fingers. 

"What she means to say," Isla met Talon's humorous stare, "is that we would really appreciate it if you would keep quiet, please."

Talon's gaze dropped to where Isla had started to ideally stoke Osprey's hand and he felt a pang of jealousy in his stomach. 

"It's alright, Isla. Your secret is safe with me," Talon smiled. 

A silence settled on the company and Osprey huffed out a breath of annoyance.

"Yes, okay! I owe you one for this, what do you want?"

Talon took a step closer and crossed his arms in mock thought. "How kind of you to offer! But I can't decide, just how far are you willing to go?" 

Osprey opened her mouth to retort, but was cut off by Isla offering, "I'll talk with Phoenix."

The two royal siblings snapped their heads to her. Neither had actually expected to do anything for the secret to be kept, Talon was just teasing and Osprey played along like usual. But it would be rude to refuse the offer of such a kind lady, so Talon put an arm on Isla shoulder in appreciation. He tentatively let go when Osprey let out a low growl of disapproval.

"Her journals," Talon explained, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I want her to show me one of her journal entries. Could you convince her to share with me?"

Isla's eyes softened as she nodded her head. "Yeah, I'll do that. Thanks for keeping our secret."

"Anything for my future sister-in-law," Talon winked. 

Isla's mouth opened in shock and Osprey just flipped him off. With a chuckle and newfound bounce in his step, Talon left the lovers alone to continue their rendezvous. He was happy for his sister, though he'd never admit it. Talon told himself that his genuine smile was because Isla could reason with Phoenix.

#

After a week and a half, the night came. 

Talon sprinted over to Phoenix's empty chair. Empty, save a single leather-bound journal with a page bookmarked. Talon gently reached down and picked up the journal, turning it over in his hands. The cover felt rough to the touch, and when he brought it up to his nose, it smelt of musty leather. 

Talon needed to be so careful with this treasure, so gentle with Phoenix's mind. His fingers flicked to the most recent thing written. The letters and words connected with each other in a single thread, some lines crossed out in pools of excess ink. Talon was appalled when his eyes first saw Phoenix's handwriting, then intrigued by its absolute ugliness. 

It was written in red. 

Entry:

Life is long for the yearning soul. My mind bleeds through a stained glass- cracking. 

Red.

I see red, spilling from my mind to this page, spilling from his head onto my hands. I see red during the long nights dripping onto the floor and staining my clothes. I see red, like Sadie did, and I understand why she saw it. 

Insanity dripping into the sane- it's rainy- leave me-

Alone-

Phoenix.

The book dropped onto the chair. No, no, no. Phoenix wasn't thinking about walking through gardens with a companion or envying a girl's happiness, no! Phoenix didn't think she deserved happiness at all.

And red, she saw the moments of Lucas' death, she replayed those moments of horror, Phoenix saw-

Talon wiped his running face onto his white sleeve. How could he have screwed up so much that Phoenix thought she didn't deserve the fundamental right to her own future? She was plagued by such heavy baggage, such troubling thoughts. 

Was there any hope for her at all?

Talon shook his head and wiped his nose again. Yes, there was, there had to be. Phoenix showed him this entry, this was progress. Do not lose sight of the small victories. 

Even still, anxiety infested Talon's body. How much longer did he have to wait for Phoenix? No, forget the idea of them being together. What if Phoenix left this world, as a person? 

Talon clenched and unclenched his fist. How could Phoenix think like this, how had Talon failed so miserably? He turned away from the chair and stormed out of the library, his vision becoming red in a furry. No, it wasn't just him who had failed Phoenix. 

It was Greyson and Cole, too.

They left her alone, they let her mind fester and poison itself. 

Talon didn't have a perfect smile as he stomped through the halls. After weeks of being overworked, with no outlet, and constant stress and unrequited love, Talon felt powerless. And that made him furious. His face was one of utter disgust, his lip tilted upward in an unsightly fashion. 

What was he doing? This was the way to Greyson and Cole's room. Their room. Where they lived together happily without doing so much as visiting Phoenix.

A small voice inside him whispered that Talon should breathe, but he ignored it. Talon marched on, past trembling servants and confused councilmen, past the Great Hall and all the way to that shut door. With a tight fist, Talon pounded on Greyson and Cole's door. The banging was so loud it echoed throughout the hall. 

"Open up!" Talon shouted.

There was some shuffling before an annoyed Greyson creaked open the door. "What?"

"Let me in."

"No."

"Then come out here so we can talk," Talon lifted his chin in a challenge.

Greyson glared but stepped out into the hall. The two boys kept a healthy distance between them. Talon crossed his arms and Greyson kept a hand on his hip where his gun was.

"You abandoned her," Talon spat. 

"Are you really going to yell at me about this again?" Greyson asked dryly.

"You let Bird become this hollow shell," Talon felt the need to punch and be punched. "If you hadn't given up on her, she'd be better!" 

"What are you talking about?" Greyson shouted back. "This isn't only my fault, you know. It was your family who commissioned her! You're just like your father, toying with her for your advantage."

"I am not my father!"

"Yet you both keep silent pets," Greyson sneered.  

How could he refer to his mother and Phoenix as pets, after everything she'd done for him?

"At least I'm loyal to her and won't leave after things get difficult to fuck her useless brother."

"You leave Cole out of this!" Greyson screamed.

Greyson's body froze as he looked past Talon. 

Talon followed Greyson's eyesight and fell silent when he saw her, out of breath from yelling. Phoenix stared from a few feet away.

It was peculiar for her to acknowledge anything happening around her, especially in front of others. But there, her eyes, they looked right through Talon. No- see me- 

Talon's leash had snapped, and he lost control. 

"How can I help you? Why don't you tell me, all I want to do is help! This guy abandoned you," Talon gestured to Greyson. "I'm here, recognize me!"

Talon's chest was rapid, and he was surprised with his own ugliness. Why was Talon yelling at her? Phoenix just blinked in response. Talon snapped at her for the first time ever, and all she did was blink back. 

Phoenix turned to walk away from the scene. Recognize me! Reaching without thinking, choices without reason, Talon took the gun from Greyson's hip and pointed it at her. 

She had entertained her own death, right?

Talon closed the distance between them, until Phoenix consumed his vision.

"Please Bird, is this what you want?" Talon waved the gun around the air before pointing it at her head. "If you continue being so empty, you might as well be dead! Let me help you get better, please."

Phoenix faced him and stood proud in front of the gun. 

"What do you think I have, commitment issues?" Phoenix stepped forward and leaned her forehead on the barrel of the gun. "Death is only forever."

She had spoken; the silent Phoenix had muttered her first words. And she asked for death. Talon dropped the gun and flung his arms around her. He didn't know what Greyson was doing behind him, but it sounded like he picked up the gun from the floor.

Phoenix didn't hug Talon back, but she didn't push him away, either. She simply laid limp, impervious to all touch. Talon didn't care. He had respected her space before, but this time, he would hug her and let his adrenaline drain. 

"Please," Talon whispered into her ear, "tell me everything, let me read more of your journal, anything. Just let me in."

Phoenix lowered her head. Was she shying away in a no, or bowing her head in a yes? Talon didn't care, she had heard him, and he wouldn't give up. He finally released her after a minute and realized that Greyson had left the hall; only Talon and Phoenix remained. How could Greyson just leave again? No, Talon was grateful it was just the two of them.

"We have a lead on the murderers," Talon said. Anything to keep her hope up. "They're residing in a warehouse in the Lowlands, warehouse four. We're going after them in hopes of getting the crown and capturing the leader. I'll be sure to catch the scarred man alive, and you can do whatever you want with them. I promise."

Cloudy and distant eyes made it obvious Phoenix had gone back into herself. There was a minute of silence, and she remained motionless, feet glued still. It didn't matter to Talon; he would wait years before leaving her alone.

Phoenix had spoken. She was going to be okay. Talon pledged to himself to do whatever was necessary for that to be true.