Chapter 8: Breaking Point

The rest of the day was busy for me as well despite doing little to help everyone move in as I had to arrange and sort out my belongings whilst placing them where they needed to be inside my room. In the end, when I was heavily satisfied with my current customized room layout, I took the opportunity to travel around the manor whilst helping my other sisters and cousins to settle in. Despite my best efforts in trying to lend a helping hand to the twins Aila and Aina, my good will was rejected as they said they could move their things on their own.

Although their hard feelings towards me had somewhat mellowed out following my hard efforts to reconcile with them throughout the years, they were still awkward and uncomfortable around me. The fact that they seemed to harbor an instinctual deep level of fear towards me did little to help the awkward tension between us.

They had long since come to realize that the feelings of hatred they harbored towards me were unwarranted and fueled by nothing more than their desire to be loved by their father and the need to escape the torment they were suffering.

The love they craved soon gave birth to horror and disillusionment when the old man tried to do something utterly horrible and unthinkable to them when my mother having become fed up with his abusive nature denied him his conjugal rights and tried to take us and flee to her parents whose household was also on equal footing with the entire Hassaikai family another of the eight ducal households.

The old man had not taken kindly to this leading to him capturing the twins as hostages right before we could flee. He threatened that if she could not stay in her place as an obedient wife and kept denying him his conjugal rights, he would vent his frustrations and desires on her two daughters.

This was the final straw that broke the camel's back leaving the darkness of my father out in the open for me to finally witness and see him for what he truly was. My mother unable to abandon my sisters to such a fate fell into despair and decided to give up on her efforts to escape.

In many circumstances, it is normal for boys to choose the sides of their mothers as opposed to their fathers during conflicts in the family. I loved my mother and my sisters very much so when I witnessed my mom lying on the ground weeping in despair as my father threatened her using my twin sisters held painfully in his hands whilst he disgustingly fondled and licked their still immature bodies, something within me snapped and all I saw within my field of vision was red.

Like a mighty tsunami, all the thoughts, suspicions and doubts which had been bothering me for a while now that my keen hypersensitivity and awareness to my environment  had picked up on started to emerge and flood my mind. The numerous abnormalities and strange incongruences within the behavior of my family whenever I was around became so distinct to me in waves of memory so sudden and so strong that I briefly staggered as my mind struggled to process them.

"Its all your fault!!!" memories of Aila's indignant outburst when we were still children echoed within my mind.

"What right do you have crying and acting like you are the one being wronged when its ALL YOUR FAULT!!!"

Why....

  Why did I never by much attention to it up until now?! 

How come I never noticed the suffering my mother and my sisters were going through all this time up until it eventually led to this situation today?!

Why was father doing this to my mother and my sisters?! 

Why did I never notice any of the signs that things were wrong until this had to happen?!

  How come things had to go one for so long devolving into something so atrocious and so sad that I could only find out about it now?!

Why? Why? Why? WHY?! WHY?! WHY?! WHHHHYYYYYYY????!!!

Questions started to flood my head as my legs trembled in fear and my breath hitched, my lungs finding it harder to breathe with each breath I drew upon.

"Its all your fault!!!"

Aila's voice once more echoed within my mind and my chaotic mind immediately became still, as clear and gentle as a tranquil lake on a windless sunny day.

I see… it is all my fault, isn't it?

I had noticed all the signs for quite a while now and yet I barely acted on my suspicions of thought to look further into them.

Blaming myself for never putting more thoughts and efforts into acting on my suspicions was now meaningless. We were now long past the point of no return.

All that needed to be done for now was rectifying the current situation and saving my sisters from the vile clutches of that man.

I never noticed it when the murderous instincts which spent most of their time tucked away in the far reaches of my psyche began to leak out and surface at that moment.

My thoughts began to slowly deviate from any thoughts of using dialogue to resolve the situation, they were now steadily leaning towards murdering the man.

He was a threat to my mother, a threat to my sisters, a threat to my self and above all; a threat to the harmony and welfare of our family.

He was a threat which needs to be removed.

HE WAS A THREAT THAT NEEDED TO BE ELIMINATED!!!

What happened next forever remains elusive to me as I can hardly recall what I did at that moment. 

All I remember is how I suddenly found myself dyed in blood with my body littered with numerous injuries, cuts, bruises and bite marks as I stood over the eviscerated corpse of my father with my foot continuously stomping onto his crushed skull, the gray matter of his brain splattering everywhere with each stomp.

It was the very first time I killed someone... and the very first time I realized how much of  monster I truly was