Ch. 22 - A Word with Mother

I handed Jamie a sheet of paper and laid one in front of me on the kitchen table.

"Write down a list of rules or conditions for this … er … pre-relationship relationship," I said.

Jamie chuckled out loud. "Pre-relationship relationship?"

"Yeah, I know," I said with a small laugh. "But we've got to be serious about this."

Jamie nodded while making a mock serious face and picked up a pen. "So just write down anything I think is important?"

I nodded.

"Well, that's easy," he said and began writing. "What have you got?" he asked after a short time.

"Just a list of things that I think will keep us out of any precarious situations," I began. "One – no kissing, two – no hugging, three – no inappropriate talk."

Jamie opened his mouth to complain.

"One moment, let me get through them then we can discuss."

"Sure," he said with a small raise of his eyebrows.

"Four – no sending unnecessary photos, five – only minimal physical contact is allowed, but nothing too intimate, six – we only sit alone together in here, if we're in the front room we should be with Jay, seven – under no circumstances will we be alone together in my bedroom."

Jamie's eyebrows furrowed deeply in confusion as I continued to read the next fifteen items on my list.

"So, you've got twenty-one conditions?" he asked when I finished.

"Yes, subject to modification."

"Wow. So can we discuss, because 'No hugging' and 'No being alone', that's kind of extreme isn't it?"

I nodded. "Maybe, but I need something like this to keep my mind at ease. Plus, I don't know if I can trust you to know how far to go if we just leave it open."

Jamie gave a small snort. "Sounds more like you can't trust yourself. We can only sit in the front room if Jay is around? Are you some kind of sex freak that I didn't know about? Are you scared you might try to jump and ravish me if we're alone?"

"Of course not," I scoffed at his suggestion.

"Cause I'm going to be honest," he said leaning back in his seat. "I don't think I'll mind being ravished by you."

"Rule ten, Jamie – no sexual talk."

"It's pretty similar to rule three, isn't it?" he asked to which I gave a clear reason - "Specify!"

Jamie gave a small eye roll to indicate I was perhaps going over the top, but he still had a playful smile on his face nonetheless.

"Okay, let me ask you something," he said. "How old were you when you had your first kiss?"

I wasn't expecting that.

"Why?" I asked.

"Curious."

"I don't know," I answered vaguely before giving him an answer. "Around sixteen."

"Hmm," he said with a thoughtful expression before he continued. "So you were kissing boys at sixteen, but I'm not allowed to kiss my pre-girlfriend girlfriend even though I'm a two years older."

"This isn't the same thing and you know it," I argued an argument that clearly fell on deaf ears. "Besides I wasn't big on kissing when I was sixteen, it came with consequences."

Jamie repeated the word consequences with a questioning look on his face.

"You know me. I was the type of girl who thought I might get pregnant just from kissing a boy," I confessed before giving a small laugh.

Jamie smiled and took my hand in his.

"Rule five," he said. "Physical contact is allowed."

I smiled, much too impressed by the fact that he had actually paid attention to the rules to make any objection.

"You worry too much about what could happen to just enjoying living in the moment, don't you?" he asked.

"It's kept me out of trouble so far. Not to mention that the one time I did try to live in the moment, I ended up falling in love with a sixteen-year-old."

Jamie laughed then.

"And was that so bad?" he asked before raising my hand to his lips. "I mean, he's still here."

I couldn't argue with that. Despite everything, taking a chance on him was one of the best things I'd ever done.

"So," I started with hesitance. "Considering the type of person that I am, what would you suggest?"

"How about this?" He said, excited to get his thoughts out. "From eighteen to nineteen hugging is most definitely allowed ... No restrictions and kissing should be allowed too. From nineteen we get full make-out sessions and then after twenty," he gave a small chuckle. "Well, you know, and I think that's being very fair."

"Nope," I said in a firm matter-of-fact way. "I don't think you understand how difficult this is for me. I'm not going to make out with a nineteen-year-old especially as I'll be … what? … Thirty-five by then!"

Jamie let out a loud groan and shook his head.

"And while we're at it," I added. "Rule twenty-two," I wrote down. "No mentioning or making reference to your age. I don't need to be reminded, please."

"Fine," Jamie whined. "Are you done with the rules now?"

"Let me see yours first," I said, not knowing what to expect of his interpretation of a suitable rule.

Jamie lifted his paper and pressed it down on the table in front of me with a small smirk on his face. It was a simple sentence, 'Will you be my girlfriend?' with a 'yes' box and a 'no' box, just like the kind that kids would send in primary school.

"Breach of rule twenty-two," I said flatly to which Jamie laughed.

"You should add rule twenty-three – no joking," he said before straightening back up in his seat. "Come on. Please let's not take it so seriously. A lot of these rules can be merged, plus I think it's really unfair to expect me to not even get a hug. I'm not going to ruin everything by trying to go too far, this is too important."

Honestly, I didn't even know when I became such a stickler for keeping things in order and running things according to how they should be. All I knew was that it was this mindset that got me through all of those uncertain moments that life had thrown at me in the past. But then, maybe I was asking too much in this circumstance.

"Okay, a small revision," I said, smiling as Jamie's smirk grew. "We can hug, rarely and only if a reason permits it, and maybe a kiss on the cheek is okay, but no touching, okay?"

Jamie agreed.

I looked back down at his paper and drew a tick in the yes box.

"You know," I started. "You didn't put a maybe box."

"Not needed," he replied confidently. "I didn't need the no box either, I just put it for aesthetics."

"You're pretty sure of yourself, aren't you?"

"Well, you're the one who's scared you're about to jump me, so …" he gave a small shrug.

I watched as his hair hung loosely around his hand where his head rested, propped up by his elbow on the table and almost wished I hadn't written rule one.

"I guess, well, maybe just a little," I said to which he smiled. "I should rest," I continued. "I've had a busy day."

"You're going to bed?"

"Yeah," I said before rushing to add. "Alone."

"This is going to be fun," Jamie said with a small chuckle. "I love seeing you flustered the way you get when you're probably having inappropriate thoughts."

Automatically my face scrunched with disbelief. "I do not have inappropriate thoughts!"

"I didn't mention coming to bed with you," he laughed.

Fair enough, I thought and gave a small nod before rising from my seat.

Jamie rose too and we walked together to the front room where I said goodnight to Jay and Brian.

"You're staying down here, right?" Jay directed at Jamie, which sounded a little more like a command than a question.

"Of course he is," I answered.

"Rule seven, Jason," Jamie mocked which got a confused look back from Jay.

"Goodnight, Jamie," I said.

"Goodnight, beautiful," he whispered.

* * *

Waking up the next morning was like waking up after the most restful sleep ever and I even felt the spring in my step as I made my way to the kitchen.

I had already received the usual morning greeting from Jamie on my phone which I had accepted without any internal conflict. He also sent a few heart emojis and a message saying, 'So happy about last night. I love you.' A message that somehow fortified me with enough resilience to, at least believe, that nothing would be able to get me down for the rest of the day.

"What's up, little bro?" I said, ruffling the top of Jay's head.

"What's up with you, more like?" he said from beneath furrowed eyebrows as he combed his hair back down with his fingers. "I guess you're happy about your agreement with Leon?"

I nodded. "I think I am."

"Well, I'm happy if you are, although I feel Leon's about to start getting on my nerves."

"Why?" I said with some serious concern. "You two didn't fall out, did you?"

"Not exactly. He just wouldn't shut up about you all night, even Brian wanted to hit him. He talked through the whole movie."

I couldn't help but laugh despite Jay's frustration, which wasn't too deep-set as he eventually laughed too.

"You know I'm joking," he continued. "But it is kind of weird hearing one of my friends talk about you in that way. I'm dreading the day you guys ... er …"

"Nothing," I quickly interrupted, throwing a tea towel at him in the same instant. "Us guys won't be doing anything, especially if he's going to blabbing to his friends."

I gave my head a small shake and made a mental note to add a few more things to our rule sheet while Jay gave a small laugh.

"Honestly, he's not usually that bad, I think he was just super excited last night. Anyone would have thought you'd proposed to him."

I gave a small laugh that was suddenly interrupted by a memory of the night before, we had talked about marriage, was he really serious about his acceptance of that? Thankfully my thoughts were interrupted by the sound of my messages before my mind wandered down the wedding dress route.

I picked up my phone to see a message from Jamie explaining that he was just on his way out to do some chores and would call me later.

I let out a small sigh as my heart pattered thinking about the upcoming call. Why after knowing him for over a year was I starting to get excited palpitations just thinking about him?

I sent a quick 'okay' and continued my breakfast with Jay before going back up to get showered and dressed.

It had been a while since his last message by the time I was finished, and though I didn't really want to interrupt if he was out with his mother, I couldn't help but want him to know that I was thinking of him and waiting for his call, which of course, is what I messaged.

Less than five minutes passed before my phone rang.

"Hey," I said happily when I answered the phone.

An excited schoolgirl smile beamed from my face - a smile that instantly faded when a woman's stern voice replied with a single 'hi'.

Who …? What ...? My mind couldn't construct a legitimate question to ask before the woman spoke again.

"You must be Veronica?"

"Er .. Yes, I am," I answered, feeling all of the warmth drain from my body as my suspicion of the woman's identity was confirmed.

"I'm Jamie's mother," she said, her voice stone cold as she spoke.

"Oh, hello Mrs Banks," I replied.

My first mistake and such a stupid one that I almost slammed my head into the wall as soon as the words left my mouth.

"Miss Inui," she corrected with a firm stress on the Miss.

Yep, sure Jamie had mentioned that his parents were divorced, but right then my mind was working overtime just as my heart was and her intonation was only adding to the feeling making me feel more like a teenager caught doing something I shouldn't have than the adult I was.

I sucked in a deep breath and forced some composure into myself before replying.

"I apologise. What can I do for you?" I asked, trying to sound unaffected.

I guess that was my second mistake, as far as she was concerned.

"What can you do for me?" she scoffed. "I take it dating a teenager is a common occurrence for you then?"

"So, I see you want to speak about my relationship with Jamie?" I said, still keeping my cool as best I could.

"Your relationship with my eighteen-year-old son you mean?" she snapped.

Ok, she is not going to be easy, I consoled myself before continuing.

"I can assure you, there is nothing untoward going on between me and Jamie," I said, refusing to use the word 'son'.

I had imagined one day having a conversation with Jamie's mother, but never in such a way that it already seemed doomed before we had even begun. I wasn't planning to let her get to me though, although I did want to maintain my respect, she was Jamie's mother after all.

"So happy about last night. I love you," she said slowly.

My mouth dropped as I recalled the message Jamie had sent earlier.

She's read our messages!

"What exactly happened last night?" she asked.

"I don't think …" Forcefully, I cleared my throat to prevent an outpour I might regret later. "It was nothing like I am sure you're thinking. We just talked."

"I am going to cut to the chase," she said. "The only reason I have not involved the police is because of Jamie's insistent pleas that you were clueless about his age and you had called it off when you found out."

"Yes, that is correct," I said, my mind more focused on the word police than anything else.

"I would have had more respect if you had completely backed off, but you thought it was okay to have him staying overnight at your house when you knew the vulnerable state that he was in."

"No, I … "

"You thought that by keeping your presence lingering around him like a tempting carrot on a string you'd continue to stoke his desire to be with you until he was old enough for you to accept."

"What? I did no such thing," I argued as I felt my temperature begin to rise. "Jamie is the one who continued to pursue me."

She let out a small scoff.

"Well, if that's what you thought was happening, why did you allow him to come and sleep over at the house of a temptress?" I said in a slightly raised voice.

"Jamie is eighteen, there's only so much I can do to stop him. You however did not have to invite him into your home."

"You're making this sound a lot more calculated than it was …"

"Because it was only a little calculated is that, right?"

"That is not what I meant!"

"You have a younger brother, don't you?" she continued. "Be honest. How would you feel?"

She may as well as plunged a knife deep into my heart with her words the intensity of the pain that throbbed forth from it was.

I had already been over a scenario like this and many more, and in each one, I knew it was wrong. But I also couldn't deny that I truly loved Jamie in so many ways and all I wanted to do was take care of him.

Still, I admitted besides the pain it dealt, that didn't negate that an adult woman had no place being with a teenage boy.

"What do you want me to do?" I muttered, already accepting defeat.

"Simple. Call off this deal that the two of you have."

"Just like that?" I asked, surprised she'd gone straight there.

"Just like that," she confirmed.

Not many more words were said after that and I ended the call feeling cold and almost numb.

A day that had begun with such promise, hope and anticipation, had so soon transformed into a complete nightmare, and I now found my world shattered, casting me into a vortex of doubt and anguish.

She had been wrong, yet the truth was so close to her unfair judgment that its weight was almost too much to bear, suffocating any glimmer of optimism I'd had.

Once again I was shown how the complete trajectory of your life could change in one split second, and then before I knew it I was reliving a day so many years ago when such a thing had happened.

I can never remember my father as a live figure, I was fairly young when he died, but somehow I remember that moment as clearly as if it were just this morning. As the theme tune for my favourite cartoon played, I turned to watch my mother who had just accepted a phone call and witnessed the look on her face change from one of complete beauty to absolute devastation.

That was life and how fickle it was, which I've experienced over and over throughout my years.

So there I sat, once again, in one of those moments where, no matter how much I wanted things to be perfect, they weren't.

Jay had called upstairs at some point to let me know he was going out oblivious to my internal torment and then Jamie began to ring a short while later. While I, in my solitude, still relived those moments when life changed before my eyes -moments of happiness transformed into periods of pain.

I swiped away Jamie's messages as he explained he had forgotten his phone and his mom must have decided to check through it, and I opened my email account clicking into the last message from George which was the application for a work transfer.

We had already looked into housing solutions and financial help that Jay could get while I was working away, all I needed to do was apply.

Out of sight, out of mind right, I thought as Jamie's mother's words about me being a carrot dangling in front of him burnt deeply.

If we're meant to be, then this will only be a milestone until the time is right, I told myself. I just hope Jamie understands.