Ch. 23 - The Move

"You probably shouldn't be here," I said as I pulled the door open to let Jamie in.

"Yeah, forget about that," he said closing the door quickly. "What do you mean you're leaving?"

And this is what I didn't want to do, which is why I'd tried to explain it all in text, Jamie, however of course, refused to have such a 'serious discussion' over text and came straight around.

I leaned my forehead into his chest, not being able to look into his darkened eyes. "I don't know what to do."

"Just don't go," he whispered, pulling me into an embrace.

I let out a small sigh as I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around him, allowing that feeling of complete comfort to envelope me.

"I wish I could stay in your arms forever," I muttered my internal thoughts out loud.

"You won't get any complaints from me," Jamie says.

I know that much, I thought.

I don't think Jamie had complained about anything since the day we met. Bar my rules and restrictions, he'd always been happy to go along with anything I'd ever wanted.

Tears burnt from behind my eyelids as I held them closed forcing myself to contain them. The number of times I'd cried over wanting Jamie and still the obstacle hadn't changed.

Really, will it ever? I wondered and the heavy realisation, that I'd always been aware of regardless of how I tried to conceal it, dropped on me, reopening that same wound that I'd thought I'd put to rest.

We weren't simply two adults who would simply be subjected to a few jokes due to our age gap, we were a cautionary tale - reasons mothers should keep an eye on their youth and educate them well with regards to safe relationships.

"Why does my heart believe that it belongs with you when everything else says it's wrong?" I said, my body tremoring despite his firm hold on me.

"Please don't cry," he said in response to my soft, silent sobs. "Come on, you're a lot stronger than this, besides, it's all going to be okay!"

I straightened up to look him in the eye.

"Whatever did I do to make you think that I was strong?" I said.

I was definitely more of a survivor than a fighter.

Jamie pulled a tissue from his pocket and wiped my tears away.

"I'm pretty sure it's clean," he said with a small laugh, before leaning in to kiss me on the cheek.

I couldn't help but laugh too, half hoping he was joking but mainly just loving how what he was doing regardless of where the tissue came from.

"Are you crazy?" he said. "You're mad strong. You took in your baby brother and raised him ... by yourself."

"And cried most of my way through it, never knowing what I was supposed to be doing," I added.

"But you did it. That's the point."

I smiled softly, wishing that our solution would come by just sleeping on it, a technique I used many a time in the past when stuck on something. But this wasn't something that could be fixed after a night's sleep, the last year had already proved that much.

"Please don't go," Jamie said after a short silence.

"I don't want to," I admitted.

"Then don't."

"I have to," I said and ignored his further objections. "It's different for you," I continued. "You have nothing to lose, I'm the one who'll be written down as a child groomer or whatever your mother was trying to suggest."

Jamie pulled his bottom lip in under his teeth as if about to form an eff sound, but no word came out. Instead, his eyes rolled briefly to the ceiling while drawing in a deep breath before catching my gaze again. "I'm really sorry about that. She would never go to the police, I promise you."

That was something that scared me, but the truth was, it was more than just being brought before the police. Nothing had even happened, they'd have a hard time trying to put anything on me. It was more the thought of people thinking … of me thinking that there could be any truth to it.

That was the problem at the end of the day. I couldn't let go of the guilt of falling for such a young guy myself, no matter how I tried to romanticise the situation or tell myself how much we belonged together.

"One year, Jamie. We're planning to wait anyway."

"But so far away?"

I looked away and dropped my head into his chest again. The depths that sadness added to Jamie's already dark eyes were enough to break me even before taking in the fact that I was probably more than attributing to his sadness. Jamie secured his arms firmly around my waist, resting his head on mine, and I closed my eyes, again allowing myself to become lost in a space where I was his and he was mine and nothing else mattered.

How I wished that space were real!

"Twelve months will fly by," I said after what felt like an eternity of silence.

Another thing I loved about Jamie, he was never in a rush when it came to these moments.

"Then you'll be nineteen," I continued. "One year closer to a day when nothing will stop us then. Right?"

"You answer that, Veronica," he said, his voice almost resigned. "Nothing has ever stopped me from loving you."

"I promise, Jamie," I said while hoping that it would really be true.

A soft sigh brushed against my ear before he began to whisper.

"Rule one, you have to call me every day, no exceptions, and at least one ... no two calls in the week should be a video call."

"Huh?" I said with a small laugh. "We don't even talk that much now."

"Doesn't matter," he said before continuing. "Rule two, you have to send at least five texts per day."

"Okay," I said.

"Rule three, and this one's important, you shouldn't go to the restaurant or the cinema or any date-related place with George."

I laughed again.

"I am not interested in George in that way, you know that."

"Again," he said softly against my ear. "It doesn't matter, and rule four is the same as rule three, but it covers every other guy that's trying to hit on you," he said.

"Fine. I accept whatever rules you have, Jamie," I said and listened quietly as he continued to reel off his short list of impromptu rules before ending with a soft, "I'm going to miss you."

* * *

Four weeks passed as I set up my move. A flat share had been arranged for me with another work colleague, and as a stroke of luck a cousin mentioned they were looking for a place, so of course I offered mine.

As well as the financial help Jay was going to be receiving my cousin would be chipping in with rent. The only thing I had to worry about on Jay's behalf was the fact that I was going to miss him so much.

In all the years I'd cared for him, which was practically his whole life, he'd only ever stayed away for a night or two at the most and always just at one of his friends who were only streets away. I, on the other hand, had never stayed out of the house, at all. It was a big step for me, although Jay seemed as though he was coping a little too well.

Kimmie tried her best to reassure me that Jay was simply dealing with the situation as any almost adult would. He was surely going to miss me, but he understood that there were things I needed to do and in his support, he was showing me how well he would hold down the fort in my absence.

She was with us on my last day to have what she called a sending-off which consisted of tea, biscuits and last-minute packing. George was also with us as he had made the effort to come down to collect me which Jamie wasn't too happy about.

Jamie, of course, was my other concern. Despite the fact that I was leaving to put some space between us, I was already missing him and cursing how cruel fate had been to me by putting him in my path in the first place.

It was also quite an uncomfortable tea party, as I had given Jamie explicit instructions that our pre-relationship relationship wasn't something to be discussed or even expressed in front of anybody, but Jamie, being Jamie, had found it difficult with, what he had placed as, his biggest opposition present. Although he didn't make any specific comments there were a lot of low-toned comments and looks that anybody would have caught on if they were paying attention, of which I am sure George was. Kimmie I didn't mind too much as I had already confided in her the situation that Jamie and I were currently in.

"We should probably get on the road if we don't want to get back too late," George eventually said which earned him a deep glare from Jamie.

One he possibly would have noticed if I hadn't kicked Jamie ever so lightly from beneath the table.

"We'll take your bags out to the car," Jay offered before he and Brian got up.

George too left with them to open the car and help place all the bags in well.

"I'll be right out," I called after George. "Just let me grab a few things."

That was less of an excuse than I'd intended but Kimmie, of course, took it as exactly that and also excused herself with a wink, leaving me to dash around and grab a few bits and pieces I'd suddenly realised I couldn't leave behind which were of course, mostly memorables.

"Well, let's go," I said to Jamie, who was waiting by the front door for me.

His hand, quicker than mine, grabbed hold of my hand as I reached for the handle.

"I'd rather not say goodbye in front of George," he said before pulling me in for an embrace. "You'll probably try to kick me if I do this out there, won't you"

"Probably," I laughed as I too, wrapped my arms around him. "I'm going to miss you."

Jamie let out a small sigh. "Not as much as I'll miss you."

Typical Jamie, I thought with a smile.

"It will fly by," I said.

"I hope so," he said, before adding a small kiss to my cheek. "Just promise that we'll always be honest with each other. I mean, if George or anyone else," he added quickly. "Should get close to you, or you want to get ... er ... close to them."

"That's not going to happen," I said firmly.

"Just promise," he said again.

I pulled back to look into his eyes.

"I promise Jamie, I'll always be honest with you."

He nodded, seemingly satisfied with my response. "And I'll always be honest with you."

And after a small kiss on my cheek, we left, now increasing our gap with the distance of space.