Chapter 15

Oh, right. That's not possible.

I thought so while sitting in my room where the moonlight shines through. I trembled even though I was sitting still. At first, I thought I didn't use all the blankets, so I pulled the other ones up to cover myself, but it was still cold. I feel like I have fallen into ice water.

It's hard to swallow saliva because of my swollen neck, and my stomach feels like it's upside down. These issues came from the trouble of being out in the cold weather and eating food while being nervous and uncomfortable.

Sanya's body was weak, plus, I had stress digestive disorder from the beginning. Whenever I was stressed out, I would feel a terrible stomachache. I thought it would be fine because my body has changed, but there's still problems. I'm getting an upset stomach after eating delicious food, which surprises me because I didn't think it was possible.

I managed to get myself up from my bed to draw the curtains on the bright window. It was very thin, like paper. I barely moved when I felt my vision start to spin. I think I have a pretty high fever. My forehead was hot enough to melt my icy hand.

I don't think I need a wet towel when my hands are this cold. I didn't feel like calling people here, besides, I'm the owner of this palace anyways. If you wake someone up because you're sick and need assistance, they'll go crazy at once. Words would spread to the ears of the emperor and other concubines.

Besides, I didn't know where the court ladies slept. It was better to wait for the fever to go down than to fall unconscious while wandering in the chilly hallways. I'll get better soon, it's only temporary.

I left my bed and crouched down by the furnace. It felt warm, and it looks like something had been done to keep the heat on longer. I wanted to sit in front of it for a little longer, but my head kept spinning and I was feeling more dizzy.

I stood up again and laid back down. My bed was cold enough to feel like a sting on my body. I then rolled up my body and buried my face in my cold hands. I feel like my head is going to explode and my eyes will pop out.

Still, it wasn't that bad.

'Sanya, does your head still hurt? Do you want me to peel an apple for you?'

I could hear a faint voice. When I got sick, I thought of my mom. She would make me porridge and scorched rice with stir-fried anchovies on the side. My mom didn't go to work that day. She would hold my hand and tell me stories, so there were times I got ill on purpose.

Whenever I'm sick, that memory comes to my mind, but now that memory feels tattered. The difference between then and now is that when I wake up the next morning, I no longer have a mother. I feel myself tighten.

I should go to bed. I won't remember anything when I wake up anyways. I hope I don't dream about my mom, because I'll just be sad later.

I closed my eyes with those thoughts.

***

My head feels both hot and cold. I opened my heavy eyelids and looked out the window. The blue moonlight turned yellow before I knew it.

It's already morning.

And I'm still in this state?

I could hear people moving busily in the distance. It seems like they found out I'm sick. If the sun is already in the middle of the sky and I'm still in bed, it means the court ladies have already come and gone. When I tried closing my eyes again, someone opened the door and came in. Then, a spoon that had sticky liquid touched my mouth. I could barely swallow my own saliva because of how bad my throat hurts. How do they expect me to swallow this?

"Miss, please. You have to swallow it."

I knew the owner of that voice was Seo Yeon. I took the medicine with my eyes closed. A bitter red ginseng-like medicine went into my mouth. I could feel her touching my forehead and cheeks. Soon after, I heard another bustling sound. It was someone's voice who seemed embarrassed.

"Ah. Anyhow…she…"

At that voice, I realized why my neck was swollen and my lips were cracked. I was allergic to one of the foods I ate with him last night. I couldn't control my pent-up anger because I was tired. I grinded my teeth even though I was sick.

My head felt dizzy, but my stomach is starting to hurt even more.

What if it's appendicitis? They can't put a hole in your stomach in this world, and if you leave it, it'll only spread.

Oh, I don't know. It hurts. It hurts so much.

Someone approached me, maybe I made a sick sound without realizing it. I could hear the clothes dragging, then a cold hand touched my forehead. I heard someone humming, which I've never heard of, but got used to.

I stretched out after being relaxed for a little, and a greater pain hit me from my weak stomach.

"Ugh.."

As I curled up in pain, Mirina, who was standing in front of me, faltered back. I don't know why I'm still sick. Mirina's healing power is also limited to the body.

After that, I heard a few more hums, and I tried moving a different way to avoid suffering more pain.

Stop, stop, go away. A little…

I faintly fell asleep. I could hear people moving, then it would be quiet. It was noisy.

When I took the bitter medicine again, the bright sunlight had disappeared. Soon after, I heard the door open quietly. Someone touched my forehead. My eyes were half-opened, and I still have a headache where I couldn't come to my senses.

It was the emperor. She kept looking at me with a guilty look on her face. I wanted to get up right away and ask her to go away, but my condition didn't allow me to do so.

"I'm sorry."

She whispered in a low voice. Why is she sorry? Is it about making me kneel on that wedding day? Or the day when you gave me all those fruits? But why now?

"It's okay…"

I could barely answer. It sounded like a dying voice. It's okay, so don't come to me. I don't want to die.

"Go away, go away…"

My voice sounded gibberish from the fever. The thoughts in my head came out from my mouth without any filter. I'm sure there will be plenty of rumors of you being here. Go to your palace, or your concubines. Wherever it's fine. Get out of here…

The emperor whispered quietly to me.

"It's okay."

What? What's okay? Nothing is okay. It's not okay if you're here.

Go away. Get out of here…

In the end, I could only mumble. She lowered herself to listen to me.

"Go away…"

"Shh. There's no monster."

What are you talking about? You. I meant you. I was so angry because she didn't understand what I said. If my throat didn't hurt, I would wake up and scream. No, if it weren't for the pain, this wouldn't have happened.

I feel my consciousness slipping away again. Knowing that it's already evening, I think I slept all day, and I'm about to fall asleep again.

Instead, I whispered with my last strength to the emperor, like a dying person preparing their will.

"Go…"

When I wake up, I hope my head isn't lying on the emperor's hands. I fell asleep praying to god.