Chapter 17

An overthinker doesn’t need a deep trigger to start thinking about things. But it’s harder to get out of the situation when that kind of trigger appears. It’s pretty much what Eiharu’s mind is currently dealing with.

His old crush for Kanryou seemingly had died down, as he no longer felt the butterfly churning his guts like before, although he and Kanryou were sitting so close to each other. Under the big tree in the nearest park they come across, they only sit side by side in silence, busy with each other’s minds.

Eiharu’s last thought about Haruna has been occupying his brain. Back then, he also had the same thoughts about Kanryou: how perfect, good, and kind he was, and many more things he normally felt jealous of. Now that he faces Kanryou’s matured version, the old jealousy returns faster than he thought. Although he accepted his current self more than in his younger days, the ting of envy still lingers. However, he understands that Kanryou’s achievement came from hard work and sacrifice. Eiharu didn’t even put much effort into his daily life.

-If Mom had someone like him as a son, she probably wouldn’t need to work at her age anymore. He would have enough to provide for her-

Haruna never says something about wanting to stop working. She is too used to getting busy, so she becomes irritated when she has nothing to do. Though, as much as she genuinely enjoys her work, Eiharu understands she is no longer young. She often complains about how tired she is, and how the messy schedule took a toll on her body. Albeit she never blames Eiharu for it, Eiharu isn’t so heartless to feel nothing. Like any other kid out there, he wishes to see her healthy and happy, out of worries. With him being her biggest headache, what can he do?

Eiharu inhales deeply. He is too absorbed by his own thoughts and isn’t aware that Kanryou has been observing him all over. Maybe because Eiharu is too used to being alone in his room and didn’t need to mask his gesture, he forgot he is currently outside with someone else. Kanryou can see everything.

“Are you tired, Seishichi-san? It’s getting hotter now.”

“Ah?” Eiharu raises his head involuntarily. Indeed, the sky gets so bright it becomes too hot for Eiharu’s standard. “I’m still okay. It’s quite windy.”

“We can stay indoor if you want.”

“We can’t hangout anywhere without buying anything, can we?”

“Oh, it’s my treat.”

Eiharu shakes his head. “I can pay, that’s not what I’m worried about.”

“What is it, then?”

“It’s just…” Eiharu lowers his head. It’s still embarrassing to tell people about his unreasonable fear. “...it’s nothing.”

Kanryou’s eyes were on Eiharu, pondering. He doesn’t understand Eiharu’s unsaid words yet and dislikes guessing. However, he is unsure if it’s okay to make Eiharu speak out his mind in their first meeting. If he comes too hard on Eiharu, there is a big chance Eiharu will back away.

-Dealing with mental illness is hard. I faced this kind of patient a lot, and it’s still hard-

“I don’t want to be insensitive,” Kanryou speaks carefully, “but I think it’s wrong if I act passively.”

Eiharu looks at him in confusion. “I never think you have to take the active role here.”

“Well, can you?”

Eiharu doesn’t reply. He obviously can’t. Seeing Eiharu’s twisted expression, Kanryou lets out a chuckle.

“I enjoy taking the active role, you don’t have to be too reserved around me.”

“Normally, it’s called being a busybody.”

“Probably? Ah, you said the same thing back then.”

“...yeah.”

“I guess that part of me hasn’t change. I need to be noisy with my line of work.”

“I guess so…” Eiharu inhales. “Okay, I’ll tell you. I just… don’t want to go to places I never been before.”

“Even when someone else is with you?”

“If they have, I don’t mind. But if it’s also their first time, I…”

“Hmmm… I don’t really understand how you feel, but something I can make from that… you don’t feel safe?”

Eiharu thinks briefly. “I… think so?”

“You know nothing bad would happen, right?”

“I know. But I’m still restless, nonetheless.”

“So it’s a no?”

Eiharu looks at Kanryou. The younger man only stares back, waiting for Eiharu’s answer. Even though Kanryou doesn’t particularly force him to agree or beg him, Eiharu feels like he can’t say no. Unfortunately, he isn’t comfortable enough to agree with the offer.

“For now… no.”

“Okay, I understand. Let’s go on another day.” Kanryou smiles considerately. “I’ll get something from the vending machine. What do you want?”

“Aside from coffee or milk is good.”

“Okay, don’t go anywhere.”

Eiharu watches Kanryou’s back getting farther. His eyes haven’t left Kanryou’s figure as the man doing his business in front of the vending machine a few meters away from their sitting spot.

“It’s like we’re on a date, aren’t we?”

A date with Kanryou was something Eiharu dreamt of in his teenage years. A decade later, he accidentally has one, yet his feelings aren’t the same anymore. He wonders if he has stopped loving Kanryou altogether, or if his feelings have turned dormant for too long, and it needs more trigger. The comfort level is surely higher now compared to the past, and he couldn’t decide if it’s because he no longer feels anything or for other reasons he has no idea yet.

“Orange juice is okay with you?” Kanryou hands the bottle. “You don’t have any stomach problem, I hope?”

Eiharu shakes his head and accepts the cold drink. “Thank you.”

“It will take some time before we can hang out again.” Kanryou sips his bottle of water. “My schedule is a bit tight.”

“My mother said you are handling an important patient right now.”

Kanryou doesn’t respond immediately. He doesn’t want to talk about Toshiya in front of Eiharu.

“Mm, kind of. I’m just helping out.”

Eiharu doesn’t know how emergency treatment works, so he honestly can’t imagine how Kanryou is helping out.

“Oh…” Eiharu is unsure what to say next. “And how is the patient now?”

“He is recovering. The therapy works well.”

“If he is an important patient, does he get special treatment?”

“Depends on how you define a ‘special treatment’ is.”

Eiharu ponders. “Better nurse room?”

“It depends on whether he can pay for the service or not.”

“Oh… it’s not naturally given?”

“No.” Kanryou chuckles. “I mean, VIP patients and higher mostly have money, right? The more privacy they need, the more they have to pay. As for the medical personnel… I think that’s where the special treatment is. They can select the personnel as they wish.”

“Is that so.”

“Well, I hope I don’t see you as a patient in the future.”

“It’s okay. I dislike hospitals.”

“Oh?” Kanryou looks at him. “May I know why?”

“...just bad experience.”

“I see.” Kanryou nods his head. “The more reason I don’t want you to end up being a patient.”

“Mm.”

“The weather becomes hotter now. Shall we go home?”

Eiharu squints at the bright sky. Kanryou is right; the longer he stays out, the more likely he will catch a heatstroke. It’s better if they go home before the sun gets higher in the sky.

“Okay.”

“I’ll contact you again when I have a day off.”

Eiharu stands and says nothing. When Kanryou is a few steps away, he calls out,

“Yukisada.”

Kanryou turns around. “Mm?”

“I…”

Eiharu fidgets uncomfortably. His heart is pounding, trying to stop him from talking more. But if he doesn’t say it now, he won’t have the same courage later on.

“I… you don’t have to… wait until you have a day off to… contact me.”

“Yes?”

“I mean… feel free to text me whenever you like. Though I can’t promise I will always give an immediate response.”

Kanryou blinks. He carefully observes Eiharu’s expression to see whether it is a forceful situation or not. Aside from the awkwardness of how his eyes shift around, Kanryou feels the genuity. He ends up smiling happily.

“Okay, I’ll text you whenever I feel like it.” Kanryou chuckles. “Can I call you by your first name, though?”

“Hah?”

“To avoid confusion between you and your mother.”

“Oh… sure.”

“See you later, Eiharu-san.”

“Mm… bye…”

Eiharu feels his cheeks heating up.

=====

Hakaru was lazing on the sofa, watching the drama on TV with a leg dangling and a bowl of popcorn on his stomach, when he heard the front door open. He casually waves his hand at Kanryou, only grins without saying a thing thanks to how full his mouth is. Kanryou gives him a disapproving look, though he also makes no comment, just walks towards his bedroom to change his clothes before joining Hakaru on the sofa.

“When did you arrive?”

“An hour ago, maybe?” Hakaru offers the bowl, but Kanryou refuses. “How come you already home? It’s barely past lunchtime.”

“The weather gets too hot. I’m worried it won’t do well for him.”

Hakaru blinks. “Him? Not a girl?”

“Why did you think I met a girl?”

“I thought it was a date?”

“I already said I would meet an old friend.”

“It’s not like you have no old girl friends.”

Kanryou sighs. “It wasn’t a date, okay?”

“Tsk, and here I thought I finally get to hear about your love life.”

“Why are you the one getting disappointed?” Kanryou chuckles. “Nothing is interesting with my love life.”

“Because you never bring a date home, brother. Even Mom is worried about you.”

“I’m happy enough like this. I haven’t thought of having a partner yet.” Kanryou gives Hakaru a look. “You said that, but you’re the one being overly curious, aren’t you?”

“Not my fault. I never heard any stories about your exes, so I wonder what type of girl you are into.”

“What kind…” Kanryou ponders, “I like good personalities more than pretty faces, so it’s unlikely for me to fall for the first sight.”

“Is that so? So that friend of yours was good-looking?”

“Who?”

“The one you just met.”

Kanryou frowned in confusion about why Hakaru suddenly asked that, but he thought about it anyway. Since beauty is subjective, he never thought of anyone’s appearance as ugly. He isn’t against anyone who wears makeup, as he thinks self-care is important. With the right treatment, even someone considered ‘ugly’ by general eyes would turn beautiful and charming.

As for Eiharu, he isn’t particularly… bad-looking, just not maintained. He understands if self-treatment isn’t something someone like Eiharu would think of, but overall, Kanryou thinks Eiharu isn’t that plain either. He has beautiful brown eyes hidden beneath the solemn expression and deep eye bags. His skin looks dry and a bit rough but quite flawless. The disheveled hair would be better if properly combed and styled, but from Kanryou’s brief observation, Eiharu still knows basic hygiene, like showering and routinely washing his hair. He didn’t smell bad, either.

“Well… he’s not bad, just unpolished.”

“Who was it anyway? A friend from college?”

Kanryou shakes his head. “Remember that upperclassman I told you a while back? The one being bullied.”

“Oh! Was that him? You met him?”

“By accident, yes. He is the son of one of the nurses I worked with.”

“Whoa, the world is small, eh? How is he now? Is he okay?”

“Well… he looked healthy, to say the least. But things that happened in the past still weigh him down.”

“It’s understandable since he became a victim of a bully.” Hakaru sighs. “I don’t even know him, but I feel bad.”

“Mm, the talk was somewhat heavy. He even had a panic attack. Though I managed to help him calm down, it makes me think… about when he was alone. From what his mother told me, he never made any friends since childhood.”

“Sounds rough. I can’t imagine being alone that long.” Hakaru shakes his head. “Did he remember you, though?”

“He did, though he denied it at first. We didn’t talk much about the past because I didn’t want him to remember the bad stuff for too long. After all, it’s been a decade already. I told him we can start again and be properly friends, unlike back then.”

“And he agreed?”

“Not immediately.” Kanryou smiles faintly as he remembers how Eiharu behaved. “He listened, though. He wasn’t as defensive as I remembered. I guess… no matter how secluded he made himself, he has matured.”

Hakaru gives him a look. Kanryou works as a public worker, so his connection with people often cuts off abruptly as fast as how people enter his life, and it’s natural if he feels less attached to others, unlike Hakaru and his nosy personality. It’s rare for Kanryou to look burdened like right now, though it doesn’t seem like Kanryou realized it.

“Were you… guilty?” Hakaru carefully asks. “I don’t know how your relationship with him was before, but you always hate bullies, so…”

“I am, yes. I feel guilty because I didn’t do much.” Kanryou inhales deeply and slightly slumps on the sofa. “I met him again and that guy who made him suffer. This time, I will make sure not to let them meet.”

“Yeah, you better do that.” Hakaru nods his head eagerly. “You gotta protect him this time, alright? I know you can.”

“Thanks, Hakaru. I’m not as nosy as you, though.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine.” Hakaru waves his hand, and then he abruptly stops. “Come to think of it, I’ve been considering introducing Ei to you, brother. I feel like you two would be good friends.”

“Is that what he wants?”

“No, but I’ll try.”

“Seeing how long it took you, I don’t think he wants to add another nosy person to his life.” Kanryou chuckles. “It’s okay. Though I don’t mind adding more names to my short friend list, let’s wait until he is ready. Just do what you’ve been doing.”

“Nah, let me ask him.” Hakaru quickly typed on his phone, but the excited glint on his face immediately, dramatically, washed out. “He said no!”

Kanryou laughs openly. “You look like someone who got rejected.”

“I indeed got rejected! Ugh, that guy!”

“Okay, count me out already.”