Their Final Night

A glance revealed that Rachel had gotten out of the car but was still leaning in, picking around in the interior. Tim hastily rubbed his eyes on the back of his hands and arms. He wasn’t ashamed he had cried; he still wasn’t going to show her his tearstained face. He shifted his back and shoulders around like her was working on some tight muscles. It was a pretty flimsy ploy, he thought he may get away with it though. After what seemed like a perfectly normal amount of time, Tim stopped fake stretching and continued towards the room. Rachel slammed the door behind him and he heard quick footsteps against the loose sand and gravel on the asphalt. He smiled and waited.

“It’s chilly!” Rachel hustled up next to him, her hands empty, pockets bulging.

“Thanks for waiting.”

“Sure.” Tim didn’t want to disillusion her, plus he had waited that last few seconds for her.

Tim walked to the corner room and pushed the door open. Rachel stood outside while he entered. Standard room, no surprises. After his short inspection, Tim poked his head back out to see what Rachel was up to.

She hadn’t gone far; her back was pressed against the wall about a foot to the right of their door. She was sitting with her legs stretched out in front of her, balancing a few things on them.

Rachel looked up at him, her eyes sending a chill through him that left a hollow wake in its trail.

“I’m just going to sit out here and smoke for a bit.” She did a pretty admirable job of sounding almost normal.

“Uhh…sure. Enjoy.” Rachel seemed to want to be alone with her thoughts and Tim was more then happy to get tomorrow started as soon as possible.

He shut the door and got ready to sleep. He sort of hoped Rachel stayed out for a while. Alone in the room it was dark and quiet, his far preferred sleeping environment.

He must have drifted off fast, because the next thing he knew he was awakened by the sound of Rachel silently slipping into the room. She was trying to be quiet; she was betrayed by her stink. Camel Joe would have bowed in respect to the cloud she brought in with her. Cheech and Chong too.

Tim re-closed his eyes, awake but in that tenuous half-sleep where if you really don’t try you can fall asleep again. Rachel turned on the tv but muted it, a surprising consideration from her that only helped his consciousness start to relax deeper and downward.

“Tim.” softly.

Shit.

“Yeah?”

Silence.

“Yeah?” She might as well say it. Tim was close enough to sleep he could talk a tiny bit without breaking the dive towards unconsciousness.

“I don’t know what I’m doing. I have no idea.”

Tim couldn’t identify the emotion in her voice. Sleep had dulled his senses.

“You’ll be fine. You’re tough.” Drifting further.

“I don’t even know what I did wrong.” The anguish in her voice was obvious enough to cut through his haze.

“I’m sorry.” His consciousness was an untethered boat and floated free.

“Me too.” To the darkness.

They spent the rest of the night listening to each other try to sleep. Neither wanted to actually speak and break the thin illusion they were peacefully slumbering. Tim had never been prone to regrets. It didn’t make much sense to him to let the past ruin the present and future. Something far more horrible had happened. Something he had done had destroyed his past. Not only did his future hold only the prospect of more pain, every single memory he had was now tainted with regret. Ruined. There was nothing he could think of that didn’t fill him with shame and regret.