Faith

That made Tim wonder if this did happen, at least sometimes, how could they put people like Rachel through this? A final grasp of eternity. It seemed needlessly cruel to him. He wasn’t questioning the provenance that had given him this chance. He knew he had done things he should atone for. Hell, he had done things he didn’t believe he should get forgiven for. This was his chance and he was taking it. If for some reason he was found wanting at the end of this journey he would be able to clean up his act. He knew this probably was his last chance, but he would have hope. Rachel had none.

“Hey!” Even morose Rachel could stay quiet only so long.

He sheepishly realized that he had been staring out their front windshield, gaze unfocused. He blinked and gave her wan smile. Between being assaulted, having to drive again and navigating Rachels emotional minefield Tim had been too focused on surviving to think ahead. The enormity of forever wasn’t something he was comfortable thinking about.

Action helped diffuse these thoughts so he pulled the key and unbuckled. If tomorrow was the end of this the best thing he could do was sleep and make it morning.

Rachel seemed to have the same idea, pocketing her things in various layers before pushing out the car door. Tim briefly pictured her as a squirrel, poking around for its various buried goodies. He had to smile, almost despite himself. Rachel was earnest if nothing else.

Tim got out and shut his door. He went around the back and grabbed their duffle bag, wondering about its fate as he carried it. Did he leave it in the hotel room in the morning? In the car when he left it tomorrow? He found himself oddly concerned with what would happen to the contents of this duffle that had clothed them through their journey.

He shook his head as he trudged towards the corner room. Unimportant. He stopped for a moment halfway to the hotel room.

It was dark in the parking lot, no tower lights, even at the periphery. Uniformly but distantly placed box lights lit the area around the hotel itself, shadows starting just past the door mats. Tim could not see the moon in his view of the sky, even though the night was clear. It was cool to the point of becoming chilly, tiny beads starting to condense on the cars already in the lot. Tim could hear some insects in the woods around them, a closer accompaniment to the faint passing of cars and trucks on the highway. There was a faint sheen of sweat on Tim’s hands, making him cross the duffle strap against his palm for a better grip, closing his fist hard around the course fiber.

Tim closed his eyes. Time stopped… And then it went on. As it always did. People traveled the highway he had just been on. Animals in the woods woke and hunted and died. The Earth hurtled through space and the universe expanded. Fuck it.

Tim usually only prayed when he was desperate or happy. He believed in God, kind of, and did appreciate much of his life. He did not believe in whatever it was that created reality was really personally listening to him. So, he sent his prayers out into the universe, never expecting (hoping) for anything. Hedging his bets and keeping a good relationship with the big G. He did truly think there was more to life then they could ever comprehend, he felt that made him spiritual.

The blinders, however, had come off. Tim spoke to God.

“I’m sorry. I am so sorry.” Tears poured unimpeded, he didn’t even care. “…Thank-you.”

It was a short and heartfelt prayer. This thought did not float to the infinite, he directed it to someone he knew was listening.