12. The Story about Dark Mode

Ahhhhhhh! Fuck!

Damn!

I hate Society. I hate Humans. I hate Myself for hating them. I pity Humans. I don't like Humans. I love Humans. I sympathize with Humans. I hate everything....I don't feel anything about them. It's Complex. Why is everything so Complex?

Human Mind is Complex. Humans are Complex. Human relations are Complex.

Society is Complex. Everything is Complex.

It's the Survival of the Fittest here as well...

I wanna survive as well. I'm Scared.

It doesn't Suck to be Weak.

It Sucks to know that You Are Weak.

It Sucks to try to be the Not-Weak guy.

It Sucks to know that you are Weak. So, you don't even want to try hard. It Sucks to know that you are lazing around. It Sucks to know that, and still be the loser self. It Sucks to have low self esteem. It Sucks to not act your age. It Sucks to dream big, and only dream big. It Sucks to stay weak. It Sucks to not have discipline. It Sucks to keep Sucking at so many things. And, it Sucks even more to realize that there is this much of stuff you suck at, after typing them down.

It Sucks to see how scary it is to write this much and feel almost no emotions on oneself. It Sucks to stay Calm. It Sucks to not act like your trueself, because others are acting better than you. It Sucks that You have to wibe at their frequency. It Sucks to be powerless. It sucks to seek Power. It Sucks to do everything half-heartedly and still demand hundred percent results.

It Sucks to not have someone to teach you things. It Sucks to have a pride and a ego, even though you know they can't feed you. It suck to stay as Human. But, it Sucks even more to know that Humans are the most suitable living to be, in this planet.

It Sucks to hear those lofi and acoustic songs right now when you are in your dark mode and still like them. It Sucks that you can't even babble with all your heart.

It Sucks to see how lonely you have been, my poor dark side.

I knew Something was wrong, When Nothing was wrong. I don't like myself. I love Myself. I hate Myself. I prefer Myself.

I am Me. I am Incomplete, Imperfect, Incompetent, Dumb?, Inconsiderate....

But, I am Sokomon. And, Sokomon never dies, just because he's a mob character who don't even have a specific role....

I think his role is to make others shine like the Main characters they are....

That's his duty, I believe.

HUMAN MIND IS COMPLEX. THAT'S WHY I CAN'T HELP BUT EXPECT.

THAT IT STILL HASN'T REACHED ROCK BOTTOM. THAT IT CAN EVOLVE.

I don't have what you might call a high quality mindset, So, I can't do self study on life. But, I do have the confidence that, I can master everything I am taught to. That's why, I need someone to point out my mistakes. I need someone to teach me greatness.

I am Honest. I lie pritty well...

I am Competent. I am Responsible. I have Leadership qualities. I am Confident in my Soft Skills. I am hard working. I am easy to be around. I can be harmless. I can be possessive, passive, obsessive, caring, calming, ....well let's say I'm Adaptive.

I am Strong if you want me take responsibility. I am weak If you like to take the lead. I am Great. I have a Growth mindset. I am good in nature. I can be as bad as you like. I don't mind, good things. Neither, I mind bad things. I am Shy. I am Nice. I am Simple. I am Complex. I show everything on my face and voice. I don't show myself to even those I'm close with.

I easily trust others. I don't trust anyone totally. I let my guard down, almost all the time. I always have my guard up when I'm not where I want(in my room). I like literature. I want to learn tech as well. I want everything. I don't expect anything that much, It's like, if i can have it, it's fine..if I can't have it, it's fine as well....!

I care for almost every little thing. I couldn't care less about most of the things. I am selfless and selfish at the same time. I am physically weak, but am stronger than the average guy. I like to think, i can understand women's perspective...I like to think, i can understand men's perspective. I am straight. I am considerate. I am inconsiderate. I like pretty things. I don't really care much about beauty. I like to find someone attractive. I don't find anyone attractive enough to give a try. And, i don't dare try with someone who's above my reach. I am a coward. I am brave.

I am everything. I am nothing. I AM SOKOMON. THAT'S WHO I AM.

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See, Told you Human Mind is Complex.

As I have said before, THERE IS NO LIE IN THE ABOVE MENTIONED STATEMENTS AT ALL...

And, that is the problem. It makes me confused about my identity. It makes me question my identity.

But, at the same time, It gives me an answer to the question "Who Am I?""

It becomes my identity.

IT IS COMPLEX, YET SO SIMPLE THAT I CAN WRITE IT DOWN WITHOUT MISTAKING ANY WORDS WITH OTHER.

IT IS SIMPLE, YET SO COMPLEX THAT NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I WRITE IT DOWN, I CAN NEVER TRULY UNDERSTAND IT.

IT IS ABOUT MYSELF. IS IT ABOUT MYSELF?

I can't rule out the possibility that, I might be making my personal delusion to look special in my own world.

I can't rule out this possibility as well, That I might be being true to myself and all of this is true. I might be something no one in this world is...I mean, I too have a Human mind. There are endless possibilities. There are Endless Choices.

I started writing this chapter as My Dark Mode was ON. Now, I am feeling Calm right now...that I might go and study a bit.

One thing is for sure....

I CERTAINLY DO LOVE WRITING!!!