21: I feel Fine for Some Reason!

Today is another morning of my life. Spring is here after a long cold winter. It's still cold, but bearable.

My exams are only a few days ahead. I have been in a slump for around two months now. But still, I believe this was a nice break in my life.

.

I believe I have learnt many new things which were too small to notice.

I believe it was a nice depression moment. It'll still suck if I don't pass the exams though. But, besides that, Everything is good.

I have learnt about my physical, mental and social condition during this time. I have learnt about my desires, motivations and working pace. I have learnt about my barriers, my laziness, my awkwardness, my POV on relation management, etc.

It was not fun. It was not a good thing that I did nothing, for around two months. But, Nobody except me knows about it, So, it's fine. No one's gonna blame me for things they don't know,

I have realised that my body wants a healthy diet. I have realised that my mind needs some meditation. I have realised that I want to do yoga for an hour a day. I have realised that I need some critical conditions to write in my life, for it to flow smoothly.

There are three things I wish to achieve now....

Celebasy, Meditation and To Become a People's Person.

You guys know what? It was not fun. It's like the Thor from Endgame. Except for the drinking part, I did everything similar. It felt like....I was living in the moment. Not caring about the future or past or shit. I lazed around, screentime increased to an average of twelve hours. I masturbated, around two to three times a day, then felt sluggish for two or three days after. Then, did it again. for the momentary pleasure? I don't know.

My food intake was reduced. I didn't wanna eat anything and stuff. I ate junk food daily. My body began to look thin, and out of shape. My body didn't have any energy left most of the time. I started behaving awkwardly to the friends and classmates I had, then cut them off from my life, eventually.

Things were pretty hectic if I say so.

I guess this is what you call Depression.

It's called Being able to do Nothing. It takes a toll on your body, mind, soul and everything. It sucks.

It's not like I had anything sad or bad happening. It's just that I couldn't even motivate myself to do the basics. So, I eventually gave in. I thought, Let's see how long this can last. And it freaking lasted for around two months.

Right now, I was only planning on writing something. As I didn't have any other thing in mind. Then, suddenly I started talking about my depression in the past tense. Even I was surprised by how I wrote these in a past sense.

This means I can move on, right?

It's my fourth day since I started practising meditation. I still worry about the Exam, But, Let's see how things go now.

If I fail, I'll learn something.

If I pass, I'll learn something.

So, We'll see how things go from here on out.