Chapter 49: Any News Would be Good News

Ema is lost for words. So am I. 

What is he saying now?

Ema wavers. Natsume hasn't let go of her hand.

"Natsume-san?"

He must not realize how soft his eyes look. It's almost like he's trying to soothe her, as if Ema is the one whose brother ran away. If they weren't siblings I'd have other thoughts as to their relationship. 

I shake my head. Now's not the time to be thinking about that.

I brush past the two of them and step into the hallway. This reminds Natsume that I'm still here. He quickly draws back and clears his throat.

"I'll take you," Natsume says, to both of us this time. "I'll drive you to the station."

"Natsume-san?" Ema asks. 

"It'll be faster that way," he explains. "And if Shin is still there we might catch him before he decides to leave. Let me come with you." He turns to me. "Your family is your business, but I'd like to help if I can."

His words give me pause. What's going on behind those serious violet eyes? His face takes on a faint shadow, though that could be my imagination. I consider asking again why he's keen on helping me when we're not even close, but refrain. Now isn't the time for courtesies. I've got to find Shin as soon as I can so I can call my mother back.

"Thank you, Natsume-san," I say. "If you don't mind."

Natsume gives a brisk nod before releasing Ema's hand and letting us out the door. He locks his apartment behind us and leads us down to the parking lot.

—————

The atmosphere in the car feels strained. I don't know what I should say. Should I explain the whole situation? But is it okay to out the entirety of mine and Shin's life stories? Would that be appropriate in this situation? Or should I stick with the basic information?

Ema knows a little about Shin based on what I've told her in passing. I once mentioned that the two of us have a complicated family history, or something along those lines, and Ema had nodded in understanding. It seems she has a complicated family history, too. 

What I don't know is if Natsume knows about it. Would he be okay to hear about a story like ours? Most people don't know what to say when I tell them, and given that we already don't have much to say to each other, I'm reluctant to widen the gap of silence any further. 

Shin's and my family histories are no secret, per say, but I come to the conclusion that now is not the time to unload the heavy details. 

But still, I should let them know the essentials of what we're dealing with.

"About Shin," I begin. I stare down at my hands. To my left, Ema angles her head toward me. Natsume's eyes flicker up in the rearview mirror. 

"Hai?" Ema encourages. 

"Our family situation is complicated."

"Hai. I think you told me about it once."

Natsume returns his focus on the road.

"It sounds like he had a fight with my parents about his parents."

Silence. As expected. 

"I see." Ema presses her lips together. 

She's told me about her past once, too.

"I'm not optimistic enough to think that he's come to Tokyo to find me, but in the slim chance that he has, I want to find him first. Just in case, and so my parents won't need to worry."

"Okay," Ema says. "We can figure things out from there once we get to the station, right? There's no point in worrying too much about what we don't know."

"Right," I agree. "For all I know Shin might still be at home at another friend's house."

I highly doubt it, but like she said, there's no use in worrying about what I don't know at present. 

Natsume is silent the rest of the way, like he's trying not to show that he's been paying close attention to the conversation. No need; I meant for him to hear it. If he has any questions he can ask me directly. If not, then that's all that needs to be said.

Ema tries to keep me calm by walking me through the other things we could try doing. I tell her how I called Shin, and she suggests sending him a mail as well, just in case his phone is on silent. She also suggests that I ask my friends back at home if they know anything. Sometimes when bad things happen families try to keep things quiet and private, but in this case I agree that parental worries trump conflict avoidance. True, it's a family matter, but when one of your own goes missing what's the point of keeping it to yourself? My priority right now is finding Shin. Everything else can be dealt with later.

I go through my list of friends from middle school and politely ask them if they've heard from Shin. They all know that I'm in Tokyo for school. They've known since I took the entrance exam for high school. The ones who weren't so pleased that I was switching schools send some icy responses, if they respond at all, but Ema points out that they've at least seen the message, so they know to contact me if they've heard anything. 

"I'm sure they'll call you if they hear anything," Ema says.

"It's something," I agree, not feeling very calmed.

I could be more panicked about Shin running away from home. We're close enough that we message each other now and again, but I'm not sure if close enough to share secrets like, say, a pair of close sisters or best friends. 

There also comes a point in your life when you stop telling your siblings everything. If Shin and I ever had a time when we did, it didn't last long. It might be because we're sister and brother, or maybe it ended when I moved away. 

Whatever the case, I feel a little responsible for not having talked to him lately. With all the stress of moving and midterms I hadn't been able to message him as much. Could I have helped him more if I'd talked to him? Have I made things worse by not calling him until he reached the point where he felt he couldn't talk to anyone anymore?

I clench my fists. I don't know if it's worse knowing that I could have done more, or not knowing if what I could have done could have prevented this situation in the first place.

Internally, I debate if, after I find Shin, I should yell at him first or interrogate him right away.

"Mai-chan." Ema places her hands over mine. "It will be okay. We'll find him. Shin-kun will be okay."

I gather a deep breath and nod. "He'll be okay." 

I wonder who's trying to convince whom.

—————

We reach the station and Natsume parks the car. Once it's safe I practically fly out from my seat. I check my phone again for any new messages, but there's only a message from one middle school friend saying that she hasn't heard from Shin. Grimacing, I close the car door and head toward the station. 

Y Station is quite large. Many trains from outside the city converge here, so it's going to be tough figuring out where exactly Shin could be. 

I first try the platform where he would have come in on. Ema goes with me, and we leave Natsume behind to begin our search. 

While I check out the platform Ema asks security if they've seen a young boy of high school age.

"There are lots of high school students," the security guard says.

Unhelpful, but not wrong.

I pull up a picture on my phone. "It's my younger brother... No, I don't know if he's wearing his uniform... He's from out of town, so we're trying to find him..." 

The usual questions get us nowhere, so Ema and I agree to split up. We'll cover more ground this way. She lets Natsume know he doesn't have to wait for us.

I dart up to the nearest platform, but there's no sign of Shin. People walk along both sides of the platform, a mixture of age groups and genders. Students from middle schools and high schools, salary workers dressed for work (unlucky to have to work on the weekend), young people like us dressed in casual clothes, people my mother's age out running errands. 

I try to inspect all the students, seeing which ones might be Shin. He's about average height for a kid in his first year of high school, with cropped hair last I saw him. I don't spot any semblance of his school uniform or the muddied shoes he always wears. 

Passersby must think I'm odd, running up and down the platform like this. A train pulls in on the one side and the announcement sounds overhead. A wave of people exit the train into the crowds, and the next group gets on. Overall, the platform doesn't get any less busy. 

After bumping into another man, who shrinks away before darting toward the stairs, I lean against a pillar to catch my breath.

The humidity isn't helping. It's been a while since that last tea. Sweat gathers under my bangs, so I wipe my forehead. 

What am I doing? There's no way I can find my brother on this platform, let alone an entire city. I should have just gone back to my apartment first and waited. Shin would have called me if he wanted to talk. Or I could have gone to the police first instead of trying to fix things on my own. The weight of it crashes down on me, and my legs shake. 

"Shin, where did you go off to?" I mutter. I prop myself up against the wall as best I can and take another look around. With the crowds ebbing and flowing from the trains, my hopes of finding Shin sink further and further. 

Again, I check my phone, hoping—praying—that someone called me back. At this point any news would be good news. 

The lock screen stares back at me, as blank as my expression.

With a dry cough I slide my phone back into my pocket. 

I did my best here. I did, I tell myself. There's nothing more I can do. Instead, I should find Ema and Natsume and thank them for helping me. Then I should go back home by myself and wait for any news. There's no point in dragging anyone around any longer. 

Shaking my head, I open my phone again. All of a sudden, it vibrates, startling me to the point where I almost drop it. 

After a clumsy save, I manage to read the caller ID. 

"Natsume-san?" 

Why would he be calling me and not texting me?

I accept the call.

"Hello? Natsume-san?" I ask, confused. 

"Tsukiyo-san, are you on Platform 1?" His voice his ragged, like he's been running. 

I glance up at the sign. "Yeah. Why?"

Something pokes my shoulder and I turn. 

"Tsukiyo-san." 

It's Natsume. His bangs are slick with sweat, and his shirt clings to his body. 

"What are you doing up here?" I end the call. "I thought you were going back home."

Natsume shakes his head. His frown is back and his brows furrow. 

"I got a mail from Ema," he explains. "She said she found your brother."