Chapter 56: There's a Lot I Can't Do

After the embarrassing stream of incidents at the noodle shop Ema and Natsume take me home. Natsume vaguely remembers the way from when I first moved in, though I open my GPS app to help him out.

The rain has cleared, and sunlight peeks through the parting clouds. The air is still humid, but at least there's AC indoors. 

"Thank you for driving me," I say from the back seat, bowing my head. 

Natsume nods. He turns to Ema. "Why don't you go with her? I can pick you up again later."

"Eh? Me?" Ema points to herself in confusion. In the rearview mirror she glances my way. "I don't want to impose on Mai-chan..." 

"Actually, if you wouldn't mind." I place a hand on the car seat by her shoulder. "I-It would be nice to have someone there with me when I call my mom." 

For emotional support, you know? Besides, if Ema is there then my mother might hold back her tears to the latter half of the call. 

"If you're sure..." Ema hesitates. 

"I think Mai-san could use the company right now," Natsume adds. He gives her a meaningful look. "And if Shin does come back here she might want someone to wait with her."

Whatever passes between them is not for me to know, but I can't help but wonder if they're remembering the time when Ema didn't come home after finding out she was adopted. I can't imagine what that was like. All the more reason to be glad to have a brother like Natsume, I think.

 "Alright." Ema nods. "I'll stay with you until Shin-kun comes back, Mai-san."

That's not exactly what Natsume meant, but I'm okay with it. My apartment will feel a little less lonely. 

The two of us go up to my place, leaving Natsume to drive away on his own. Ema assures me that he's going to reach out to some people he knows as well. When I voice my concerns about Shin being made out like a wanted runaway, she chuckles and says that they'll make sure to clarify to the authorities that Shin isn't a dangerous person. 

"Tadaima." I let us into my place. My dishes are still left out from this morning, along with the empty nattō tub I had with the rice. Blushing, I quickly shove things into the sink and garbage bin. "Make yourself at home."

"Arigatou." Ema removes her shoes and tucks them neatly at the front entrance. "Why don't you have a shower, Mai-chan? I can make tea."

"That would be great," I say, my shoulders sagging with exhaustion. I grab a change of clothes—coloured this time, no more white—and head to the bathroom. I'm careful to wash around the war wound on my thigh, but otherwise the warm water is soothing, washing all the chaos of this morning away. 

Once I've changed and stepped out of the room I hear the sound of ice clinking against glass. Ema's poured us both a glass of cold tea from the fridge. She's putting the pitcher away when I come out. 

"Here you are, Mai-chan." She nudges the glass across the counter. "I noticed you don't have a table yet. Were you able to get one?"

In the main room between my dresser and bed the stained cardboard box sits squat on the wood floor. I'd forgotten how much of a good impression having a table can make on your guests. It's been how long since I've moved in here, too?

Blushing, I set my glass down on the cardboard box and sit behind it. Crossing my legs, I feel around behind me on the bed, hoping to find a pillow for us to sit on. That's wishful thinking, considering I only have the one pillow. Even so, I desperately offer it to Ema in the hopes of seeming like a good host.

"I-I wasn't expecting guests," I mumble. 

Ema simply smiles like she's happy to be here at all. She takes a seat across from me and delicately sets her glass down on the cardboard. She doesn't seem at all bothered by the fact that it's not a real table.

"It's alright. I guess I should start thinking about these things when I move out," she says. "Right now I only have the computer desk in my room. I wonder if my brothers would help me carry a new one when I move out?"

"I'm sure they would." I can think of a couple of them who wouldn't hesitate to help her. Not least of all a platinum haired bundle of joy. 

Ema laughs. "It's been a while since the two of us hung out like this."

"Yeah." We sip our tea. "We've both been busy with midterms, right?"

"Mn. We only have a little while until finals, too."

"University life seems just as busy as high school."

"Ne? Sometimes it feels like nothing's really changed."

We share a laugh. 

I down my glass halfway and feel my pocket for my phone. I should call my mother before it's too late. My heart pounds in anticipation of breaking the news to her. I don't want to tell her anything of what happened today, but I need to. If I'm even a little worried I can't imagine what she's feeling. 

"Ugh. I really don't want to call Kaasan right now." I knock my forehead on the edge of the box. My bangs fan out over the cardboard. I must look like a child, but I'm too tired to care. 

"I get what you mean." Ema sips her tea. "But it would be good to call her soon. She hasn't heard from Shin-kun at all. She must be so worried."

She's right, I know. Kaasan hasn't had any contact with my brother at all. She's been stuck asking me how things are going on my end. Meanwhile, she must be pacing around the house at home waiting for any bit of news. Tousan might be more worried about her than Shin. 

I take out my phone and plunk it on the box. I stare at the keypad for a while, trying to gather the courage to make the call. Ema calmly drinks her tea, patiently following my lead. It's a wonder how she knows what to do in these kinds of situations. 

Eventually, I make myself hit call. The phone rings. My breaths quicken as my mother's ID appears on the screen. 

"Mai? Is that you?"

"Hi, Kaasan," I say timidly. "Uh. So you're going to want to sit down first."

"What do you mean, Mai? Did something bad happen? Is everything okay?"

I rub my forehead. "Gomen, I shouldn't have started with that. Nothing super-bad has happened just yet but... Well, let's just say I messed up."

Ema shoots me a look of encouragement as I explain the situation to Kaasan. She goes quiet as I tell the story, determined to soak in every detail. When I end with Natsume offering to help out, Kaasan heaves a long breath. I tense, waiting for reprimand. I was responsible for Shin running away again, so I deserve everything that's coming to me.

"Well, that's about what I expected to happen," my mother says. 

"Wait, what?"

"Shin didn't seem like he wanted to talk to anyone," Kaasan says. "It makes sense that he wouldn't want to talk to you about it, either. But running away again? Wah! Your friend Natsume-san must like you very much to keep helping out like this."

"I'm pretty sure that's not the case, Kaasan. He's Ema-chan's brother so of course he wanted to help."

"Well then, Ema-san has a good brother. He must like both of you a lot."

I would say he just really cares about his sister, but apparently my opinion doesn't matter.

"Do what you can on your side and we'll keep asking around here. I'm sure the police will be able to help in the city. Shin might actually listen to them."

"I hope so." For all the toughness Shin puts out, I don't think he'd try running away from police officers. Not unless he wanted to be tackled in the streets. "I'm... I'm sorry I couldn't do any better, Kaasan." I lower my head. "It's my fault he ran away this time."

There's another pause, and that sinking feeling returns. 

"I shouldn't have yelled at him. But I won't apologize for punching him," I mumble. "He was being so rude to everyone. It doesn't matter what he's going through. That doesn't excuse him from being rude to Ema-chan or to you. He—He isn't the only one with problems, you know."

I shouldn't be saying any of this, but the anger inside me hasn't fully gone yet. It didn't all get expended with that one punch to the nose. 

"That makes two of us," my mother finally says. "I... I didn't want to talk to Tousan about it, but I messed up, too." 

"What do you mean?"

"I said things to Shin I didn't mean, either. We were both so emotional that we weren't thinking straight. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to keep trying to talk about things then. I should have let Shin cool off in his own room. But I pushed him too hard and he ended up feeling like he couldn't be at home anymore."

Kaasan sighs. 

It dawns on me that my mother and I really are alike. 

I chuckle nervously. "I guess neither of us is very good at comforting Shin, huh?"

"Fuu... I guess not."

Ema tops up the tea in my glass. I shoot her a "thanks" and take another sip. I need it. 

"Well. We've both messed up. Now what?" I ask. "I don't know what I'm going to do tonight. Do we just wait on the police?" 

"I think that's all we can do right now," Kaasan admits. "If Shin doesn't want to be found then he'll keep running. I'm just worried because he's in Tokyo. I know it's a safe city, but there are places that aren't so safe, right?"

"If he's smart he won't end up in those places." 

But who am I kidding? A vulnerable high school aged boy is a perfect target for the creeps. I want to smack myself again for driving him away. 

"I'll go back to the station again later to see if he's come back. He's never been to Tokyo before, so I'll check in all the stores around there, too."

"That sounds like a good idea. Make sure you rest, Mai. I shouldn't have put all of this on you. Shin is my son. As his mother I should have handled things better."

Her voice breaks; she's fighting tears. 

I bite my lip. "I know. That's why I wanted to try helping as much as I could. Being a mom doesn't sound easy."

Kaasan laughs. "It's a joy more than anything."

"If you say so. I can't imagine it's been easy with all the other drama we have."

"I suppose you're right. Shin might not like it, but that's the way things are. I hope we can talk about things again without being angry at each other. There are some things I can tell him if he wants to know, but yesterday he didn't want to hear any of it."

That's news to me. I look at Ema in surprise. Her expression mirrors mine. We still don't know what exactly was said in the fight. 

"What do you mean by that, Kaasan? When I talked to Shin he was just mad. He wouldn't say what about. What did you two fight about in the first place?"

With my express encouragement, Ema and I both lean toward the speaker, awaiting my mother's next words.