Freedom

V A T I C

Father didn't meet me at all. That immediate thought floods my groggy mind the morning after. Thinking about it, that's probably the reason why I don't have a proper memory of him. Anything. I only base how I picture him from Mother's tales about him. Questions. Tons of them are piling up and I demand answers. Who to give those answers I seek but Mother herself. What really happened to Father? Is there anything else she's hiding aside from these letters? I must know. If she won't tell me what I need to know, I'll take this matter into my own hands. I'll do something about it myself.

          The combined scents of coconut and lavender welcomed me as I came to. I'm just realizing that I'm not in my room. I'm in Mother's. Did I do something I'm not aware of again last night? The warmth of day couldn't cease the feeling of panic building in my gut. Something is definitely adrift and that something is within me. I muster myself and head to the kitchen where I believe Mother is. She holds all the answers I'm seeking. If I'm not brave enough to face them, what will become of me? The thought of me being weak and frail shot through my mind and I loathe it. I will never be weak. Not anymore.

          "You're finally awake!" Mother rushes towards me, offering me a hug as she leans to my space. I want to mirror but my body won't allow it. "Vatic? You look drained. Here. Come have breakfast with me."

          "Mother," I start, watching her set the table for me but I just stand there idly with a blank expression flashing from my face. She looks at me. Behind those hidden eyes lies all the answers I'm looking for. "Father didn't meet me at all, did he?" With all the questions I want to ask, that's what my mouth decides to start spewing.

          The corners of her eyes start to water. I hit a nerve. I'm right which feels so wrong. "Please, sit." She avoids the question as she puts food on my plate.

          "Mother!" My tone sounds more intense than I want it to be. Mother's posture stiffens.

          "Vatic!" Hers has more tenacity to it that my knees almost lose their strength, threatening to lose my balance. Calista's glares are enough for me to imagine that Mother is the one doing that. I take my seat.

          Neither of us dares to break the ice. This is the most awkward breakfast I had in my entire life. It's so stiff that Masid decides to take his meal to the next room. I sense Calista wishes to do the same but can't. I can taste the bitterness of the situation from every bite I take. The meal is exquisite as usual but my mind doesn't let me enjoy it like I always do. Only the clinks of the silverware are being heard throughout breakfast and the occasional hisses from Calista. I can sometimes catch Mother gesturing to start a conversation but it's apparent that she's struggling to go through with it. If she won't answer my questions, might as well not speak at all.

          "I'm sorry, my child." She mutters, the beading tear on the corner of her right eye sparkles as it catches the first of the sun's rays. "I know I'm not the Mother I want myself to be–"

          "Stop." I cut her off mid-sentence, dropping the knife and fork on the table with a force I failed to control. "I admit. I'm quite furious right now but it's not at you. I just can't fathom the idea that there are things I don't know and things I can't understand about myself. Who am I really?" A single tear breaks free. "I may not look it but I know something strange is happening around here. Around me. And it seems that you're doing everything you can to hide them all. You know that I love you with all my heart, Mother, but every secret you keep taints my once unyielding trust in you."

          She considers me for a heartbeat. "I'm doing this for your own good, Vatic. You'll one day understand." She fights back to prevent her tears from falling.

          "Did you ever stop and think that keeping me locked up in here is not for me but for you? If Father's alive, I bet he will let me go places instead of me just cooped up in here and cower away from the forces we're not even sure exist." The intensity builds up with every word. I feel bad talking to Mother like this. Even Calista's expression switches to utter surprise.

          "Stop bringing your Father in this conversation…" Her voice dies down as she wipes her eyes.

          "Why? You know it's true! He's been out there in the world exploring while his, stranger of a son, is incarcerated in this rock." I gesture my arms around.

          She tries to be calm and then collects herself, offering that very familiar innocent smile of hers. "I get it. You're just overwhelmed with the letters you've read. Go take some more rest. This will all pass." She starts to fix the table since it's obvious that neither of us is still in the mood to finish our meals.

          "No!" A resounding disagreement echoes from my lungs, making her stop from what she's doing. I sense her aura shifting into something,.. sinister. For a heartbeat or two, I started to believe those harrowing stories about the Witch of Hiraya and her equally harrowing deeds. I take a few steps back. The gravity seems to be multiplying as I feel myself becoming heavier by the second. Cold sweats gush out from the pores all over my body. My eyes are filled with terror. No. I must stand my ground. My fear won't make my resolve waver. 

          Mother seems to realize the threat she poses as she reverts to her usual aura. The whispers of death itself vanish through thin air. "Drop this, Vatic. This is for your own good." She looks at me with what I can only imagine her pleading eyes.

          "I wish I can, Mother. I really do but I can't." I stand firmly. "If you're not willing to tell me, I'll seek the answers myself."

          "I forbid it, Vatic! You will stay here under the protection of the barrier or else..." Her fury starts to pile up again with every breath.

          "Or else what, Mother? You'll use your magic against me, your child? Won't that break your promise to Father?" I see her eyebrows rise in surprise, her mouth agape. "That's right! I read a letter from the many Father wrote that you swore to not use your abilities against him or me."

          The tension in her tone intensifies. "If it will straighten you out, I won't hesitate. Do not test me, boy!"

          "Then do it!" I challenge her, my knees tremble in fear. "Give me your worst, Mother."

          My mind may just be playing tricks on me but I swear to the Gods and Saints I know that time appears to slow down as soon as Mother raises her arms. Silence surrounds me, making me focus only on what's in front of me. The Witch of Hiraya. I can see her lips moving but no sound is being heard. Not even a single squeak. This immense horror I'm feeling seems terribly familiar. It is exactly what I felt the night Mother lost her vision. A vicious volcano of emotions is forming from within me and it's about to erupt any moment now. There's nothing I can do but brace myself for whatever it is Mother is about to throw at me.

          I feel the ground rumble, presenting a different threat for me to fall flat on the floor. I tighten my grip on the edges of the table. The doors of the cupboards and drawers in the dining area and the kitchen start to violently open and close, throwing most of the glassware and silverware to places where they shouldn't be. The shattering of glasses and clinking of metals to stone adds another level of terror to the already frightening sight Mother is hosting. Does she really plan to ruin this place just to make her point? She wouldn't, would she? 

          My vision blurs. Flashes of white and black lights overpowers everything making it hard for me to witness everything else that's about to happen. Every muscle of my body flexes as I beckon myself to flee but the attempt fails me. My feet appear to be glued to the ground where I'm standing. The usual smell of coconut and lavender was superseded by the smell of utter fear emanating from deep within me. I'm never this terrified of Mother. Nevertheless, I must get past this. I have this strong intuition that if I came out of here in one piece, she would finally open up to me.

          "Father, may you welcome me to the land of the beyond." I mutter under my breath.

          As an attempt to accept whatever it is Mother is about to unleash, I slowly close my eyes, digesting every bit of terror frantically havocking from the depths of my core out to my trembling flesh. The wrath I'm witnessing bombarding her insides seems to hit its limit but my effort of bracing myself was deemed useless. With a single controlled breath, that monstrous intensity she's emanating all around her starts sizzling down. I literally see her slowly but surely coming back to her senses. However, the engraved tension within me doesn't stop me from succumbing to my fear. I completely shut my eyes off.

          "Fine." She unsheathes her mantle of pure terror and goes back to her usual self. My loving and peaceful Mother. It's as if all that sinister energy she built up were swallowed deep into the ground. "Tell me what you really want."

          I open my eyes and everything seems to be back to where they should be. No hint of animosity anywhere. Everything is back to its place as if nothing horrifying just occurred. I collect myself and respond, "Freedom." A sense of defeat overpowers her emotions. She couldn't look me in the eyes. "I want to be free like Father was. I want to go to places like he did. I want to meet people, interact with them, and make friends."

          "I'm afraid this day will come, Vatic. Truthfully, I wished it didn't come at all." I feel the sadness echoes from her flesh to mine. "Your Father is right. We can only keep a Kindred Spirit in one place for so long."

          "I am a Kindred Spirit?"

          "You are, my child. And so was your Father. As much as I despise him leaving and exploring places I can only imagine, I can't help myself but let him. So now, I will let you." She finally cries. The softness in her voice makes my heart ache. Is it really wise to confront her like this?

          "I'm sorry, Mother. I didn't mean it to turn out like how it did." I hug her, placing my cheek on top of her head.

          "No. No need to mention it." She responds. I nod. I know I've won her approval of me finally leaving the place but I feel something is not right. There's something that's still not in place. I better shoot my shot now before it's too late.

          "About Fath–"

          "Yes, I'll tell you everything I can about him but not now. This exchange of ours fogged my mind a little. I need some rest."

          I will finally get proper answers from Mother. After all these years, I'll be able to piece out everything that happened to me and my parents' history. Mother heads to her room with Calista. They exchange a few glances to each other probably contemplating everything that just happened and the things they'll tell me. I ran to fetch Masid who just finished eating his meal in the next room and beckoned him to spar with me. This stored energy has to be exerted on something else. I'm beyond elated that Mother finally sees my reasoning and allows me to go out there. This is simply exhilarating.