Welcome Home, Daughter

N O I C N U S A

A celebration isn't warranted but it's certainly a must. The half of my revenge has finally been enacted. The love of my life has finally been stripped from the face of the earth and the most entertaining part of it is that he's been killed by his own flesh and blood. Also, it's a bonus that Portia, the pirate girl, died as well. Father truly is smiling upon me all this time. I wonder what the witch is thinking now. Is she devastated, mourning, or even killing herself? That is part of my grand scheme but I'll let her suffer more before I'll let her die.

          "You thought you bested me, witch?" I scream from the top of my lungs in the comforts of my cabin. "You already lost when you decided to go against me!" Laughing hysterically, imagining her face once she found out that the man she loves is dead and their child is on the verge of coming to the other side.

          Having such relations with a mortal isn't forbidden but is looked down upon by other deities, especially the Gods themselves. My very own Father almost denounced my affiliation with them and the entire realm after knowing I fell in love with a common merchant. I couldn't help myself. My curiosity got the best of me. Stragis, with his talented hands, offered me the most intricate and the most alluring offerings. He may just be offering me those gifts as a form of respect but he didn't expect what he got in return. My heart.

          However, he doesn't know the owner of the heart he captured was mine. Noicnusa, the revered forest nymph of Hiraya. Eventually, we built a home in the cave atop the rock-filled mountain next to the seas. I never felt so alive in all my living days. Being a woman is a blessing when I'm with Stragis. He may not have learned about my true identity but that doesn't hinder his love for me and my love for him. One day, I decided that I could finally be able to bear his child which made him so happy because what he really wants is to become a father.

          I opened up myself to him and I accepted everything that he could offer. I remember the songs of the crickets echoing all over the cave as well as the calming breeze passing our humble yet love-filled home. That night was filled with undeniable magic. A kind of magic that I never experienced before and I don't want to experience it again if it's not spent with him. He let his essence gifted to me and I felt whole –complete and fulfilled. I felt the majestic tree in the middle of the cave pulse, sending me a reminder of what I had to do next.

          In the dead of night, when Stragis was deep in his slumber, I paid the tree a visit. This tree feels like a conduit to the realm of the Gods. If I remember it right, this tree hasn't withered even once whatever the season is. As I approach, a calming sensation envelopes every fiber of my immortal flesh. The wind caresses me and the light of the moon intensifies. I let my instincts take control of me. The tree is ready for me and for my child. Slowly, I raised my hands, called out to the Gods watching over me, and finally embraced its body. I felt a surge of energy coming out of me and into the core of the tree itself. At that point, I knew what I had to do. Wait. Wait until the tree flourishes which can only mean that our child is about to be born.

          Since I'm more familiar with the town, I always invite my love to go out so I can show him around. Every time the topic of our child arises, I always feel that he's more excited to become a parent compared to me so I'm really looking forward for our child to be unveiled to this realm and to the next. However, it all went downhill when the tree wilted. All the worlds collapsed and crushed me to my very core. I wanted to die right there and then but my blood wouldn't let me. The most devastating of all is that I failed Stragis. I failed to fulfill the love of my life's greatest dream.

          "What's the matter? You look so down today?" He asks, sending me his warmest smile as we enjoy our supper back at home.

          "I have to tell you something, my love." A tear falls from my eye.

          "Are you ill, my love? Why are you crying?" He responds, rushing over next to me so he can console me. "I know being with child is hard but I'm here for you. I'm always here for you." He gently placed one of his hands on my stomach.

          "I'm sorry, my love. I truly am." I watch as his expression becomes slightly disturbed. "I've lost our child. The child is gone, my love." I slowly put my hand to his which is still on my stomach.

          "N-No." He mumbles but the pain in his tone is undeniable. His eyes start to water. "How? H-How did this happen?" He stands back up and paces back and forth, holding his temple as if to better understand things. "Did I fail? Tell me, my love. What did I do wrong?" The way he pleads sends arrows impaling my heart. I cry with him.

          "You did not fail, my love. No one wanted this to happen." I tell him, eyeing the withering tree through the window from my peripheral. "If there's someone to blame, it's me."

          He watches me with that heart-aching pleading expression on his face. I want him to blame me instead of himself. His dream of becoming a father was crushed because of my neglect. Is it because a mortal and akin to the Gods' are fated to not bear a child even how much they want to, even how much they try? Has this union been doomed since the day it's been established? I don't want to think that. We don't deserve this kind of hardship. If there's a grave sin we committed, that is only we let us fall in each other's arms.

* * *

We still love each other but something has changed. Whenever we see a child, all I can think of is how I failed to fulfill our dreams to become parents ourselves. We've been trying since but to no avail. The Gods have never gifted me with the same blessing anymore. I felt guilty every time we made love, I felt guilty every time we touched, and I felt guilty even with just the way he looked at me. It felt like I don't know him anymore. My love for him is still as stable as the townspeople's faith in the Gods but I'm not sure if the same can be said for him.

          "I'm leaving, my love." I finally say.

          "What? Why?" He asks as panic seeps through his eyes. "Where are you going?"

          "I need time to mourn. I need time to recuperate."

          "We can heal together, my love. Whatever it is that's bothering you, we can go through it together. Please, don't leave me."

          "It's not you who has a problem. It's me. Please, understand."

          "How can I understand if you won't tell me anything?" His tone towers over mine as his arms wrap tightly around me. He doesn't want to let me go. "I love you."

          "I love you, too, Stragis. But, I have to do this. I have to do this for us." I say, trying to push him away but he doesn't budge.

          "I can't live without you!" He cries. "My body would simply cease in functioning if you leave me here."

          After our every failed attempt, I've finally decided to seek assistance from the Gods themselves –my Father, Ayuu Gharap. If someone can help me, it will be him. After all, he's the Almighty God of Prudence. However, my love's cries weighed over me so I stayed. I stayed for a day or two more. But then, while he's fast asleep. I left him behind and headed straight to the realm of the Gods where I originally came from and will always be my first home. I always believed that the other Gods and deities would have my best interest in mind.

          I headed to the clearing in the heart of the forest as it's where the portal to the realm of the Gods is. As soon as I was in the heavens, I was greeted by a bright golden staircase that stretched from where I was to where the golden castles of the Gods were. I was welcomed warmly by my kind. I saw other nymphs, some of my respected deities, and some of the Gods as well. My Father welcomed me with open arms and he beckoned everyone to have a feast until all became full. I almost wished that I could stay here until the end of time.

          "Daughter, how's the mortal realm? Are you still in that island that's so… compact?" My Father asks. Every God and deity in this long golden table looks at me. Silence made its presence known.

          "Good, Father." I smile, reluctantly. "Maybe we can talk about it later. Privately."

          "Why? Are you hiding something from us?" He chuckles, eyeing the next God sitting next to him who's wearing an unusual crown.

          "Are you finally head-over-heals with someone?" One deity asks. She wears nothing but red-colored clothing.

          "Is that it? Who's the lucky dryad? Or is it a God?" One other deity banters. "You lucky nymph!" She teases.

          "Whoever it is, we're happy for her." My Father proudly announces. "So long as his not a mortal, of course." 

          My insides went cold. There was a side of me telling me to talk about this in a more isolated setting but there's also a part of me pushing me to open up about it now. But with my Father's remark and how the others seem to agree with him, I'm more than sure that this topic should be spoken about later. I don't actually know how he will react but I would trust that, as his own daughter, he would find it in his heart to help me however he can. I don't know who else can help me with this predicament I'm at. All I want to do is give Stragis a child.

          "I'm in love with a… mortal." I mumble. I didn't know what got into me. I shouldn't have said that.

          I heard some audible gasps from nearby, utensils clang to the table and the floor as they fell from the Gods' grasps and some were already leaving their seats. The disappointment on my Father's face was so palpable that I couldn't look him straight in the eyes. I couldn't think of anything to save myself. If I say anything else, I have a feeling that I'll dig my own grave even deeper. I just have to reason out with him later. I know in my heart that he will hear me out. As long as he realizes how much I love Stragis, he'll understand.

          "Let's all go get to the Great Halls and continue this to a ball, my fellow Gods!" My Father announces to divert the situation and as usual, the rest of us follow. I sense everyone eyeing me and judging me.

          The Great Hall is a shared space for all the Gods wherein all significant milestones happen from wedding celebrations, christenings, the birth of a God, the death of one, and everything else. In my case, my much-awaited come back to this realm. The Goddess of Music handles the ambiance, the God of Fortune almost always hosts the event, and the deities are in charge of the food prepared. I missed these kinds of gatherings. It makes me think that this place is where I really belong. But, I know where I belong. It's with Stragis.

          Father hauled me back to his throne room after everyone else left and commanded, "Now. Speak, daughter."