Chapter 8
( Maria ☼) - ( song of this chapter: six feet under )
I was shocked by Lucas…I didn't expect his reaction to be like this.. I took Autumn home with me. Autumn was really quiet all the time. I was shocked because he didn't look confused at all, he looked like he was expecting what was going on…I had a stressful time because Lucas was a really helpful person in my life …and I lost him now…I regret cheating on him but he couldn't tell anyone what I have done … I will destroy his life before he destroys my … No one can ever know how many times I cheated…
When we came home Autumn got to his room as I started to figure out how I could destroy Lucas life before he tells anyone of what a cheater I am… I could send the video I took of him crying but this wasn't enough evidence to get him in a mental hospital. Then I remembered when I was young…. I used to write suicide notes because I hated my life… I hated everything… my parents , my sister , my friends… everyone …. I didn't know much about Lucas life… I didn't know what I should write about… Lucas was the perfect guy… anyone wished to be like him or to be with him… I took a deep breath as I started writing: " Dear Maria, I can't take this anymore… I miss my mom too much and I think want to follow her… I'm stressed from school and from everything that is going on… I don't want to be here anymore… I don't belong here…. I'm a useless person who deserves to die… I know that you will miss me but I would be in a better place…. A place with no pain or problems… I also need to tell you that I got hurt when I saw you cheating on me…. But it's a lot of other things in my life that are messed up…. I hate everything and I just will die… hope you accept that and remember me in every moment you see the snow ". After I wrote this I started crying, with every word I wrote my mind was running with memories… I remembered every time I wrote I real suicide note … I felt guilty for the pain I caused Lucas …. Why was I awful like this?…. After I wrote this note I took some moments to cry and calm down…. I felt like I could be a hero like Lucas is but… after everything I went through I still was the villain of my story…. Maybe I didn't know how to be a hero because no one saved me from pain…. After I calmed down it was time to send the note and the video to Lucas doctor, I sent his doctor the evidence with the following message: " hello sir, I'm worried about Lucas mental health, he has been acting weird lately and he has many mental breakdowns, I hope that you can help him. I found this note when I was at his house last time ". Of course I didn't forget to edit the video and change some words Lucas said. The video looked so realistic and you couldn't tell if it's was fake or real. After a couple of minutes his doctor responded that he would talk to him and they would take him for a mental hospital for a week. The doctor was shocked though because Lucas was a mature young man and everyone liked how respectful he was to everyone. Even that I felt bad I knew I did this for my own good… I couldn't let Lucas tell anyone that I'm a cheater…. I would end up as a loser who use young men for their money…..
No one should know the truth …
Autumn was quiet after what happened….he slept every night hugging the 5 cars that Luca brought him... I wanted to erase Lucas from Autumn's memories in anyway I could... I brought Autumn new toys but he still just liked the 5 cars from Lucas…..so I decided to let him forget Lucas and everything that reminds him of Lucas…
One day when me and Autumn were eating breakfast I asked him: " Autumn? I brought you many toys. Why do you still like the car?". Autumn smiled sadly and said: "it's - it's because". He didn't answer and I didn't want to push him to answer…because I know the answer already…so I decided to get rid of these cars as fast as I could...
I involved Autumn in daycare so I could have time to go to school and work to get money for both of us. One day when he was in daycare I took three of his cars and boiled them in hot water so they melt….After few minutes the toys started melting. Autumn came home from the daycare and started screaming and crying as he got to his two last cars and hugged them as tight as he could …Autumn was comfortable around me and was started calling me "mama " before I burned the cars that he got from Lucas ..Autumn looked at me in tears and said: " WHY DID YOU DO THIS!? I'M NOT A BAD BOY SO WHY DID YOU DO THIS? I LOVE LUCAS AND YOU MADE HIM SAD AND YOU ALSO WANT ME TO BE SAD!? OKAY, I'M GOING TO MY ROOM AND I'LL NEVER BE OUT UNTIL LUCAS GETS ME OUT OF HERE! I DON'T LOVE YOU, MAMA" …I was really shocked and hurt by what Autumn said…did I really hurt Lucas that badly?.. and why does Autumn like Lucas and respect him more than me…
For days I had tried to let Autumn get out and talk to me but he only got outside his room when he needed to eat or go to daycare….
I did my best to contact Lucas because everything got of control…but he didn't answer…. And left me read…
Naya♤