Always a silver lining

Genesis.

I'm a regular sixteen year old, I think. I was born to be a social figure but motherfuckers don't allow the girl to be herself, instead I come off as shy and anti social.

Every school day I walk down that hallway with the usual stare.

I honestly wish the school would allow me to print a picture of me to stick on every locker so that people could tire their eyes on that.

"Hey you, "A voice all recognizable to my ears said, "sup".

I closed my locker and looked up to a 6'2 figure of Caesar Ramìrez. He was the only friend I ever had at my school. Hearing his name alone you'd thing his some Spanish business man, but Caesar was brown skinned and looked nothing close to one from Spain. He looked more African American than I did actually.

"Hi". I responded with a smile that escaped my mouth.

"I was tryna text you last night, what happened? "

Me and my had it before seven the previous night. And like the crazy person she is, she took all my gadgets as a punishment.

"Oh did you, sorry. My phone was dead last night and I only found my charger this morning. " I proceeded to lie. I could have just told him that my mum and I had an argument but he'd probably ask why and God knows I'm not ready to explain just yet.

"Walk you to class? " he asked.

"Yah, let's go. " I replied, following his lead.

He took it upon himself to walk me to class everyday, people looked less. Or rather I was less insecure when I was around him, so I took no notice of the glances.

Sounds like ground for a relationship but no, I was forever going to roll solo. I liked Caesar, but as a friend. And These other guys all wanted the same thing 'to fuck'... Even Caesar showed to be on that idea when it came to dating. I was never going to strip myself off to shame..... Not again.

I had Vitiligo patches on my forehead, my arms and some of my fingers, my chest and my thighs....

2004

'Seven minutes of heaven'... A game played so often among sexually active crowds of boys and girls. I knew not to be a part but "my best friend" Kelly knew to take me anyway I'd be humiliated.

"Come on, go on in there. " A boy said to me and Benji after spinning the large bottle.

Benjamin Kross was the hottest boy in sixth grade and I was one of the many girls that liked him.

"Before I kiss you.... I should see you boobs first, to you know. Get me into it. "Benji ordered.

"I don't have boobs yet. " I confessed, because well I didn't. I had a chest flatter that most boys in my class.

"I'm not blind girl, just do it. " he continued to insist.

Before I knew it Benjamin Kross 'Benji' had my T-shirt in his hands, holding it back from me. Before I could get the kiss I thought was coming, boys filled the room scanning my bare chest to their amusement.

"Gross she has it on her chest too. " I heard a loud boy say from among them. That comment resulted into a whole roar if comments that I wish I couldn't remember but simply can't forget.

2008

Benjamin Kross was here..... Here at Scott West High, in all my classes. Each time I looked at him I felt this pain in my chest because as much as I remember everything I went through at the hands of him and his friends, he was fine living like nothing ever happened. What comforts me is our turn ups..... I'm here in this little town because my mum got a big job here well as Mr Kross is here because his dad went broke and now they're trying to make it through the mud.

"Your test scores are ready, " Said my teacher as she sped into the noisy classroom, "pathetic is an understatement for these grade scores. "

The class got even noisier as Mrs Samson gave out the sheets of paper.

"I need to see you after class. " Mrs Samson said, a little too loudly when she reached Caesar's desk.

I wonder what they need to talk about. I thought to myself.

2:30pm

After school I walked home with Caesar , my house came before his.

As we walked down the path all I could hear was Caesar's soft breathes. We never walked like this, he was always making jokes and I was always laughing even when the jokes weren't too funny.

"Are you okay? " I proceeded to ask.

Caesar said nothing. He never liked conversations outside humor and fun.

I didn't ask anything else afterwards. I already knew anyway, I just hoped to talk about it.

Caesar's dad was really strict, not just with school but everything. I understand why he cheated on the test. That week we watched every basketball game at the center and goofed around tryna play when everyone was gone. I didn't care to flunk my tests, but I feel bad that our recklessness led Caesar to take such a step.

"See you tomorrow. " he finally said as we were seven feet away from my house.

"Text me. " I said knowing all too well that that was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Yah. " he said, not really meaning it anyway but only to keep more things from being said.

"What did I tell you about that boy, Judith? " my mother asked the minute I walked through the front door.

What the hell she calling me by government name for, I thought to myself as I got slightly irritated.

"That boy is a threat to your physical and mental health. " my mother blurted, reminding me that she read my journal once again and could thus come to that conclusion about my friend.

Caesar made me do a lot of bad things at school, minor things but my mum thought otherwise. He also had his minute of depression and talked a lot of death. But that was two years ago.

"Judith that boy wants to kill you both, I don't want to lose my only child. " my mum said as she walked up to me.

"Stop calling me Judith mum and his passed those things okay. His okay now and his such a good friend. " I defended Caesar.

My mum knew not to argue with me about Caesar because no matter what, that's one thing I never agreed to with her.

"Okay. Enough of Caesar. For now. Mrs Samson called me and.. "

"It was the whole class. " I quickly said in my defence, knowing what she was about to say.

"Phone, laptop, tablet..... Now. You will have them when you get better grades. "

I obeyed and did as she said.

After dinner my mum and I laughed to tears watching our favorite show. I tried not to laugh at first because I was mad at my mum but I couldn't hold myself together.

And besides, I have never told her to her face but I love my mum... No matter how annoying she may be or how crazy she gets, I always get a good laugh with her.

2005

"Blake wants nude pictures of me, he promised not to show anyone. " thirteen year old me spoke, dumbly waiting for advice from Kelly.

"Look, Blake is hot and his so nice, " she said knowing for a damn fact it was far from true, "he won't show anyone if he says he won't.

"I believed Kelly... I believed Blake.... I believed all these motherfuckers because I really wanted to fit in.

"And besty, you got boobs now so those pics you're gonna take will be fire. " Kelly added to make sure I fell for her little trap.

Without knowing that the whole school would have my nude pictures that same day. I sent nude pictures to Blake.

I'd say luckily I didn't show much but I hated every part of my body. At least at the end of that year, they all got what they deserved.

"Goodnight sweet heart. " my mum said at my door, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Goodnight mum. " I replied, hugging my pillow even tighter.

........

"Hi Mr Ramìrez, I'm Genesis McCoy. I bet Caesar has talked about me to you. " I said so surely as I stood outside the door to Caesar's house.

Mr Ramìrez gave me a puzzled look that shrunk my confidence immediately. I figured that he actually never heard of me.

"Maybe he talked of a Judith, that's my government name. " I added knowing all too well that Caesar never calls me Judith.

"No actually. " He responded, still looking puzzled.

We just stood there, him inside and me outside. He looked as though he was trying hard to remember but he just couldn't.

"You can come in, " he finally said, "Caesar is in the backyard. "

I thanked him for his courtesy and walked right into the house following his lead. He led me to the door inside the house that leads to the back.

This is some fine house compared to most houses in this area, I thought to myself as I walked behind Mr Ramìrez.

"There he is. " Mr Ramìrez assured me as we both looked through the glass door, leading to the back.

I walked out of the door. Caesar was there shirtless, glowing in the sun chopping up some wood on a stump. Lots of wood actually, by the looks of it they were about a thousand branches chopped up.

"Hey. " I finally said when I reached him.

"Hi. " he replied, turning to me like he just saw me.

"One week off school..... I'd ask if you were sick but you out here chopping them branches in this heat".

"Why are you here and how do you even know where I live. " he asked rudely.

I don't know why he got this attitude but I don't play like this.

"I don't see the need to be rude. I was worried and I asked about you. " I replied.

He chopped up what looked like the last branch and then faced me again, tossing down the axe.

"I got a week of reflection from Mrs Samson. " he finally said.

A week of reflection was a soft punishment teachers gave. It was some how like a suspension except with a week of reflection, it didn't get recorded in your school files.

"Why didn't you tell me. " I asked feeling kinda offended.

"I wasn't in the mood for none of that and I tried to text you but you ignored me.... You answered a call too but you hung up on me". He added.

My mum was reading my messages.... Wow.... Just wow. I thought to myself planning how mad I'll be when I get home, not realizing that Caesar was waiting for a response.

"Caesar my mum has my phone, " I said, thinking of how she got it unlocked, "I didn't read your texts, probably she did. "

Caesar was just as shocked as I was. Scared for a minute but calmed down because he ain't texting me no extra shit.

"Did you text anything bad. " I asked for assurance.

"No.... I was just asking why you was ignoring my ass. " he answered.

"I swear when I get home. " I said getting mad.

Caesar broke into his annoying laugh and all I could do was stand there in confusion.

"What? " I asked curious.

"You and your empty threats. "..

Before I could answer him he started explaining what the wood was for. A family bonfire. A reunion. He made me remember DC.... I kinda felt guilt flood my heart cause how the hell do I forget my family so quickly and for such long intervals.

"You should come over that day. " he proceeded to tell me.

"Boy your dad doesn't even know me. " I said remembering that I was supposed to be angry at him for that.

"I have talked about you though, I just don't say your name... He tripping. " he said as though that was any better.

"Come in for some lunch kids. " we both heard his dad call out.

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