Terror of Truth

Genesis

After a good laugh with the Ramìrez boys, I headed back home with Caesar by my side. He walked me back home and we talked about everything, or rather I did Caesar barely tells me shit. I really missed him. The moment Caesar left, I had my mad face on. My mum was about to get it.

"Mum.... Mum.. Mum. " I repeatedly called from downstairs till I got upstairs.

Where could she be at this time of the day, I thought to myself. It was a Saturday, her free day. We usually spent it watching our favorite shows or cooking up something special for ourselves.

"Mum. " I called out again, by now knowing that she wasn't home.

I walked into her room to look for my stuff. Ain't no way she was going to yell at me because why was she checking out my phone. After reading my journal she promised never to snoop around but ask me directly.

I went on to open the cabinet next to her bed and of course I found my gadgets there. My mum was bad at hiding things.

"West hill therapy center. " I read out loudly what I found to be a receipt of basic payments.

Why would my mum be going for therapy, I questioned myself. I got worried for a second. What was wrong with her and how didn't I notice. My nosy ass proceeded to find even more West hill therapy brochures and documents.

Fuck......... That was the only word that fits how I felt at that moment. Reading paragraphs I recall my mum saying to me, she memorized all this shit.

looking at brochures that clearly weren't for me to read.... 'Accepting and progressing with a child with Vitiligo'..... Maybe it was a poor choice of words but it still hit...

............

I slept early that night.

I felt played, lied to and pretty much questioned my mum.

Caesar

I gave my dad the ridiculous look as he continued with his aimless throws at me with a topic I greatly disagree on.

"I don't like seeing your friends anywhere around my house because those boys are no good. But that girl today she was amazing. " he continued talking.

"Yah okay. " I followed up to say trying to end the conversation I knew too well would end up being awkward.

"Son do you like her? Cause you have my blessing. " my dad said plainly.

"She's my friend, close friend...... And she doesn't date, I don't either. " I added.

"Close friend can change you know..... And she's never tried a Ramìrez and you haven't tried her either. "

I rolled my eyes without him seeing. This old man was crazy. One minute his making me chop wood cursing at me for cheating the next thing his being all weird about Genesis.

We've been friends for three years and I have never thought about her like that. That night I did though.....

...............

Genesis

I left the house with no good byes at all. I made sure my mum didn't see me. My eyelids were swollen, the dream I had was all too real..... I was crying yesterday, in my sleep and in reality. Apart from my truth reveal, I got my period a week early. I was angry very angry....

Caesar

I am avoiding Genesis. I think she's avoiding me too..... I didn't walk her to class and frankly she didn't look like she wanted that. She looked upset, her mum probably won the fight she planned to win yesterday.

I was avoiding Genesis because though I said I don't got no feelings for this girl, I felt a million shivers run through my veins when I saw her at the gate.

Genesis.

"The glomerulus is a filtration site as well. " the teacher taught loudly.

That's the only statement I remember her saying during the whole hour period of biology. My mind was out of this class it was thinking of seven year old me, eight... Ten....

My mum was this comfort to me and I had no idea that she of all people had a hard time seeing me as me, like therapy and shit.....

2003

Genesis.

"I hate myself. " I said to my mum who was sitting with me on my bed.

"Baby....... Why would you say that? " my mum replied worriedly.

I did hate myself, I just never told my mum. She used to worry about me too much. But honestly this Vitiligo thing was suffocating and I was running out of air.

"I just want to be normal, like you and everyone else. " I answered, looking at my fingers.

"Look at me, "my mum demanded, "you are an amazing soul. People will always be cruel and its your decision to make sure that no matter what anyone says..... You know where you stand and you know your worth. "

"So what am I supposed to say to them? " I asked with a heavy sigh.

"Nothing...... You don't owe anybody no explanations. " my mum gave her advice.

She always said that, I thought. She always said not to care or big strong. The thing is I don't know how to do that but anyway.

"Okay. " was my only reply. I could see that she felt my pain and that supposedly makes me feel better.

2008

Genesis

I was snapped out of my thoughts by a tap on my shoulder. No one in this school touched me so I knew who did. The only person who actually did, Caesar. The class was surprisingly empty, everyone went out for lunch and I didn't even realize it.

"Are you okay? I saw you from my desk, you were day dreaming or some shit. " Caesar proclaimed.

If cry baby ass was a person it would be Judith Genesis McCoy. Are you okay were words commonly used when it came to me. These were words that also activated my tear glands.

"No. " I barely said feeling my tears forming in my eyes.

"Hey hey hey. " Caesar said helping me out my chair.

He was hugging me tight as I cried my eyes out. His hold always felt beyond comforting, our height difference made sure of that. He felt wider too, that wood chopping must have made him buff or some shit.

"I don't even know if I should be sad about this. " I said immediately we broke the two minute hug.

"Talk to me. " Caesar offered kindly, wiping the tears off my face.

"Accepting and progressing with a child with Vitiligo. " I said knowing all too well that statement didn't make much sense to someone who knew nothing.

"What's that. " he asked confused.

"A therapy program my mum is going to. I don't know if its a poor choice of words bro but.... Accepting? ". I said now feeling pissed again.

Caesar clearly thought I was being petty as usual. I could tell by his face expression. We both just stood there looking at each other, him not saying shit and me waiting for him to tell me I'm petty.

"Don't get mad at me, " he warned, "I think its not bad I mean, she clearly wants to help. "

Bitch ass. I knew this would end in some debate to knock some sense into my head.

"Caesar, "I said calmly, "from the age seven my mum has always been this shield of comfort for me. She always told me these things.... Things she memorized by the way, from her therapy sessions. "

He still looked at me in disagreement.

"These classes make me feel like she wasn't honest to me. They make me feel like she's like everyone else. Looking at me like I'm this diseased outcast. " I broke it down further.

"I'm with your mum on this one. She just wants to support you in every way she can. " he replied.

"Well I don't agree". I said keeping to my opinion.

Caesar was quiet again, giving me time to think, was I over reacting? . I wasn't I concluded but sucked up my feelings so that we go for lunch cause I started feeling hungry.

Caesar

What the fuck is happening to me, I thought as Genesis and I walked to our table with our food. My mind kept replaying our hug from earlier. It wasn't the first time I hugged her but I felt different...... I felt her breasts touch against my torso. And when I wiped her tears off her face I noticed her beautiful brown eyes that were complimented even more by her long eyelashes.

I hated myself for thinking like this. She came for comfort vulnerably but I was staring at her lips questioning if they were soft or not and wondering how they tasted.

"Maybe I was wrong about the therapy thing. " she finally admitted, considering a silver lining.

"Yah. " was my quick response as she brought me out of my thinking circle.

"But I had the right to feel bad though right? ". She asked, trying to justify herself as usual.

"Yah. " I said again, realizing that that was a poor response choice, because of the stare she gave me.

Genesis' hair was neatly tired together at the center of her head. Her side hair had them semi circle shape shit gelled in, like most girls at this school. She was mixed, you could tell from her hair.... the nature of it curls.

All in all I was fucked thinking this shit right now.

2:50pm

Genesis

I knew I had to tell my mum where my head was at. I didn't want to but I had to.

"What's with the formality? You're scaring me. " my mum said as she sat at the dining table, facing me.

"I just wanted to talk. " I said letting out a laugh.

"What? Caesar got you in some shit again right?. She asked all too surely.

"No... ". I said before giving a minute of silence. "I saw your therapy brochures. "

"I know you did because you sneaked out your gadgets. " my mum said with her crazy tone.

"At first I felt bad about it but I talked to Caesar and... "

"Why would you feel bad? " she said cutting me.

"Accepting and progressing. "...

"Baby, " she said with a frown, now holding my hands, "I have no problem with accepting you. I'm for the progress only. " she assured me.

"I thought it all came naturally, I felt a little played. " I added.

"Listen and listen good. "

My mum went on to explain her emotional break downs each time I reported something bad when I was younger. Apparently she was weaker than I was and just wanted to be stronger.

All this goes with no say, I love my mum.

2001

Genesis.

Once upon a fitting in scandal....... This was my least proudest moment really. Putting my mums make up on the Vitiligo patches, patting them to blend in with my skin. My mum is darker than me so we all know how big a mess I really made.

Pool day was moved to that day. I planned to just watch everyone else swim so that the make up doesn't come off. However, my class loved to play push in the freak.

"No no no no don't push me in th...". I barely finished my sentenced when I felt the pool water hit my body.

Yes the make up come off and yes everybody laughed at the peeling off freak. That day I cried hard, harder than usual.

"Hey, are you okay? " I heard a little girls voice say as I cried softly in the locker room.

"Yah. " I lied, getting my stuff, storming out of the locker room and the school generally.

DC was great at home, but at school it was hell. DC was hell at the mall.... Hell at the park... Hell at restaurants.... Hell at games.

We moved to a little neighborhood in new York, West hill. People saw me as odd but they never pointed out nothing. I felt better here.