Circle of Light

8:45pm

I sat on a small stool next to Caesar by a small fire, talking to him when really my eyes and mind were somewhere else. My eyes fell on the many other people around me...

Caesar's cousins, uncles, aunties and every other family title there is. I looked at them in admiration as they laughed with each other, talked, hugged, argued and simply admired each embrace they awarded each other.

They were little fires everywhere. The wood Caesar chopped up was finally in use.

I'm generally insecure about everything but around them that feeling turned off for a while.

"They gone think you're weird now if you keep looking over there and laughing like you with them. " Caesar said making me aware.

I just smiled. It was embarrassing but I just loved his family.

"Why can't we go over to the braai and the music? " I asked watching most of his family dancing by the braai.

Caesar wasn't so social and always made excuses to avoid company.

"They said I can just stay here with you.... To avoid it being awkward for you. " he answered.

"Well I want to go there. " I said now getting up.

I knew Caesar didn't want to go to the braai because of how he looked at me and also because of his hesitation to get up.

Caesar

I was thinking I'd have a moment with Genesis and maybe tell her how I feel. But this girl was dancing..... She was singing and clapping with all my dorky family members.

I could see them love her. They danced with her like they've always known her. Most of my family couldn't even say a simple hi to me because I supposedly had the most unapproachable facial expressions all the time but with her it was a pass at first sight.

"That was so much fun. " Genesis said as she walked up to me with a drink in her hand.

"Yah. " I said.

I have to find a better response, I thought to myself because 'yah' was getting irritating even for me.

"Why did you leave me alone for an hour though, you said only a song. " I asked.

"It was an hour? It felt like ten minutes. " she replied now fanning herself.

Genesis was actually over there for an hour, talking about God knows what with my cousins.

"Your cousins told me that you're not so nice sir. " she added.

"They capping. We've just out grown each other and they from the big cities. They're spoiled or whatever." I defended myself.

Genesis went back to them because of a call from my cousin Maya. Its like they knew I'd hate that they kept calling her and continued to do it throughout the bonfire.

11:45pm

"You can stay here for sure Genesis. " I heard my father say in the kitchen.

The party was over and all my family people up and left. I was clearing up after they're messes asses.

"Hey... Why are you staying over? " I asked Genesis as kindly as I could when my dad left.

"My mum is working late and sleeping at some hotel. I can't sleep in that house alone. " she said.

"Where will you sleep though? " I asked knowing that my house only had two beds.

"In your bed fool. " she replied plainly.

"Genesis a hand please. " my dad come in interrupting us.

In my bed?

I slept over at Genesis' a couple of times. In her bed actually because she was scared. But that was years ago, before freshman year.... Before puberty..... Before we changed and shit.

I didn't have weird feelings for her then and I was cool with us.... But now, we grown and I....

Then I realized her statement could mean two things. Her sleeping in my bed alone and me on the couch or her crazy ass actually thought we'd be in there together.

00:15am

Genesis

I was in Caesar's bed. I've never been in his bed. His been in mine a couple of times when my mum worked too late years ago.

"So are we going to watch a movie or something? " I asked Caesar as he walked into the room.

"Yah sure. " he answered. "Here or in the living room? " he asked.

"Here. So that we don't have to walk back here when we get tired. " I answered.

"We? I'm sleeping on the couch. " he said.

"Oh. " after a long pauses of consideration I finally said. "Then here I guess, God knows I don't want to walk back up here. "

"Cool. I'll just change and then yah... " he said then quickly walked into his closet.

He was acting odd .He was probably mad that I chose his family over him tonight.

Caesar

This girl had her head laid on my chest like we was on some boyfriend and girlfriend shit. I was barely watching the movie, despite the laptop being so close to my face. I just laughed when she did. I kept thinking about these possibilities in my head.... Possibilities of her liking me back and possibilities of her laughing at me if I told her or her getting mad at me.

And then at last I thought.

Genesis loves love. She's always wanted a relationship like those perfect loves in the movies. With this thought I knew I was being selfish to even think I had a chance to date her. I could never give her the love that she needed.

"Oh my God this movie. " Genesis said finally getting off me and sitting up. "That was so cute". She added.

"Yah. " I said even though I barely watched anything.

She gave me a look and then made a face I couldn't quiet guess what would come out of her mouth next.

"I want to ask you something. I've always wanted to ask but I either forgot or chicken out. "..

My heart was filled with an unknown emotion, I felt my body getting hot. I felt like I was from a run and was sweating.

"Do you always see the patch on my forehead and ignore it or its whatever? "

"Why would you ask me that? "

"Do you ever just stare at my arms and think its weird that my skin isn't uniform? Some fingers are like a lighter brown and then the others are white"

"No and no. I see it and I treat it like anything else. Like any other feature on your body. " I answered honestly.

She never got insecure around me, I wondered what triggered her question.

"Okay. Now get out of my bed. I need my eight hours of sleep." She said quickly, making sure an awkward moment doesn't follow her two questions.

"Goodnight. " I said when I walked out.

"Goodnight. " she answered, getting under the covers.

...............

7:45am

When I woke up Genesis wasn't here anymore. Apparently her mother was looking for her all morning because she never asked for permission to be at my house.

Genesis

"Under no circumstances would I allow you to sleep over at that trash can". My mum blurted with no consideration whatsoever.

I just stood in front of the kitchen counter with no words at all. My arms were folded too. I knew my mum hated that posture, but I did it anyway.

"Wait wait wait, "my mum said as she looked to have remembered something, "those people live in one bed roomed houses. "

"Two bed rooms mum. " I defended.

"You didn't sleep with that Caesar boy did you? " she asked.

"No. They have couches you know and why does it even matter? " I asked knowing all too well why it did matter.

"Are you crazy? " she asked, now pissed off.

This yelling session had been going on for at least fifteen minutes now.

"I just didn't want to get between you and Brian. " I said knowing that that would add fuel to the fire.

My mum just stood there quiet because she knew where answering that would lead us. Brian was her lover. I won't say boyfriend because these two never really talked they were more like hook up partners.

"Go to your room, now. " my mum said without looking at me.

As much as I wanted to feel bad that I crossed it. A girl needed more sleep. Besides Brian was home last night and I wasn't tryna hear nothing I wasn't supposed to.