Chapter Seven.

2016

This was Josh's lucky year. Last year Josh didn't get invited to the video music Awards but this year he had four nominations to his name. This years VMAs were being held at Madison Square Garden, new York city in America. Firstly I was excited that my baby was getting so big and important to the world. From the beginning of this year Josh and I centered all our time on fixing our relationship. We didn't go for counselling or anything but we just talked more and listened more.

I aired out and shared pieces of me I hid so deep and so did he.

This afternoon our clothes for the VMAS were being delivered and I was excited to try on the dress I picked out. As we all waited for the delivery to occur, Josh and I enjoyed our time by our pool.

"Let's get in. "Josh told me and got up.

"I just dyed my hair..... You know how I feel about dyes and water. "I told him. Though it never really happened I was always scared of my dye being washed out by water.

"Baby...... They don't wash off.... Come on. "Josh told me and dive into the water. When he entered the water he made such a large and loud splash.

"That definitely hurt. "I told Josh laughing.

"Come on Vanessa...... Just for a few seconds. "Josh begged me. "Just my knees down. "I told him and sat at the base of the pool with only my feet in the water. Josh swam up to me and picked me up into the water.

"I'm proud of you..... And congratulations. "I told Josh as he held me close to him. "I didn't get to say that earlier. No thank you.... No smile. Josh just kissed me. The kiss was long and probably messing for anyone watching.

I know Josh could lose all the nominations but the fact that he did get them was a big step to developing his career and making a mark.

The clothes finally come in. I was so excited. I had a thing for fashion. I couldn't design but I was good at putting things together. I had a good eye.

"I think she should wear her hair straight. "One of the dressers said to her colleagues referring to Royalty.

"No let her wear it curly..... The pants would definitely stand out if she wears it like she usually does. "I contributed making the team pause to really look at the outfit.

"I'll wear it straight then. "Royalty said and rolled her eyes. I knew her decision was based on the fact that I made a suggestion. Whatever. As long as my babies looked good I was good for the day.

"How do you think Leigh should have her hair? "The dresser who was dealing with my kids asked.

"Natural of course. Her father sang a whole album about natural black beauty so why dress out of context. "I told the dresser making her see my point of view and agreeing with me.

"I like my hair big and curly. "Leigh added making me happy.

I was in the dressing room with the kids while Josh was in another with his friends and work mates.

Josh's parents were coming along too. They actually had their fitting here but hadn't showed up yet.

"Hey. "I greeted Josh when he walked into the room the kids and I were in. He looked a little sad. "Are you okay? "I asked him when I reached him not to drag too much attention.

"I don't think I'm going to win anything on that day..... And if I don't I'll be a joke. I don't want to go anymore. "Josh told me in a low tone so only I heard.

"Baby..... I can't tell you that you will win the nominations because I only had one vote but I can tell you this...... Out of thousands of artists you were picked out because you're that good. This is you first album and its already gotten recognition..... That's a win for me. "I told him and pecked his lips. "Now go try your clothes on."I added.

"I already did.... That's what got me all fucked up. "Josh told me and put his arms around me. "But I knew just who would talk me out of any situation. "Josh told me and tried to lean in for a kiss.

"Everyone is watching us. "I told Josh and swerved his kiss.

"Like I care. "Josh told me and kissed me. "I love you. "Josh told me.

"I love you.... Now go. "I told him.

"Nana is here! "Josh's mother announced as she walked into the room.

"Nana! "Leigh and King yelled at the same time and run for their hugs. Josh's father was right behind her but he wasn't the type to drag attention to himself. The kids hugged their grandparents and then Josh and I had a chance to greet and welcome them.

"I'm so proud of you my baby. "Ava said and hugged Josh. "Baby I know that you'll win those nominations..... Then you can take your father and I to Europe again when you go on your tour. " she added.

Tour? Josh didn't mention any tour to me.

"Daddy can I go with you too? "King asked resulting in Leigh asking as well.

I couldn't believe all this. I know Josh would probably be loyal this time around but the fact that he didn't tell me made me question everything.

As he talked to his parents I left the room. As much as I was excited to go for the awards, I didn't want to anymore.

Smallest bathroom in the house.

When Josh and I were at odds, I went to the smallest bathroom in our house to think. It wasn't small really but it was the smallest. No one ever used it too so I knew all privacy was mine.

I usually lit a blunt when I was in the room too. I wasn't a smoker but I did smoke.

"Why didn't you tell me? "I asked Josh who was leaned against the sink base behind him. I was sitting on the base of the tub. I usually sat on the toilet but a change in view wouldn't hurt.

"Because I knew that you'd get sad or annoyed with me because of my last tour. "Josh told me.

"I'm not sad or annoyed that you're going on tour..... I'm pissed that you kept it from me. That felt shady like you want what happened to happen again."I told him.

"And wreck our relationship again...... you know me better than. "Josh told me. His phone kept beeping so he switched it off and put it near the sink.

"Bro nothing is really certain in this world anymore. "I told him.

"Don't call me bro..... What the fuck? "Josh responded with his face reading irritation.

"It just scares me..... The thought. "I told him.

"I get that. "Josh told me and walked up to me. He sat next to me and we just sat there in silence for a while.

"I just don't want to be at the lowest point like I was that year. "I told him.

"I'm never going to hurt you....... I may but not in that way. Cheating is something I wouldn't want to drag you through again. "Josh told me. "We've healed and it would suck to open that wound again. "Josh assured me. "Do you trust me? "He asked me.

"I trust you. "I told him. He kissed me on the lips before he walked out of the room to check on things with his parents. I was on my way out too when Josh's phone caught my attention. I took it and headed for the door but a part of me told me to turn it on and check.

I locked the door to the bathroom and quickly turned the phone on. Guilt filled me up but I couldn't challenge myself to stop. Just a few minutes ago I told Josh that I trusted him. I did. But was this trust?

I waited for the phone to go on. When it did I went straight to his inbox.

"Steven. "I read in confusion. Josh didn't have any friend named Steven, that seemed a little off so I opened the chat. Wow. This was such a high school move for kids with nosy parents. Steven wasn't some friend. He wasn't even a man. As I scrolled up I saw naked photos of the same woman. She wasn't Aria but she was clearly getting attention from Josh. When I reached the top of the chat it indicator that he texted her first on December 21st 2015. Josh cheated on me with Aria in August of that year. I was there thinking he only cheated once but here the proof was of another woman. Who knows how many they were.

I looked through every contact. Apart from Aria....... There was a Zoe. I couldn't keep reading this shit.

He was literally talking to the Zoe whore during our healing process. What the fuck? The messages ended half way our healing process.

That means his done with that life right? I tried to encourage myself as I cried. I switched the phone off and put it right where I found it. My hands were literally shaking.

I didn't know how to feel. I did but I didn't want to feel like that again.

I felt so disgusted. I knew my body was a problem he should have just said that. He should have talked to me about my body not some whore. Shaming my gain making her feel majestic and special. I can't believe I shared a bed with Josh during this whole time.

Do I trust you Josh? Really?... The question should have been if I should trust him or not.

When I walked out of the bathroom I rushed downstairs. I was heading outside the house to the garage. When I got there I found Leigh.

"Mummy there you are! "She yelled in excitement. "I was looking for you.... Look what Nana bought me. "She told me as she gave me a 360 showing off her outfit.

"You look beautiful..... Baby mummy needs to go somewhere real quick. "I told Leigh and pressed my key buttons to unlock the car.

"Take a picture of me in your car. "Leigh told me excitedly and opened the door to the drivers seat. I had no choice but to help her up in the seat like she wanted. "I want you to put the pictures on Instagram. "She ordered making me laugh a little. Leigh really loved pictures.

I've put them on Instagram baby.... Now you can go inside sweety. "I told Leigh.

"No I want to come with you. "Leigh told me and rushed to the back seat.

I knew that if I told her no she'd throw a fit so I just carried her with me. Being with her surprisingly made me feel better.

Leigh and I only got back home after eight. When we got back Leigh was asleep so I had to carry her to her room.

"Babe..... Where were you all day?..... The dressers told me that you didn't even try your dress on. "Josh told me when I headed to the stairs. He literally popped up out of nowhere.

"I'm not going for the awards so..... Trying the dress on isn't really important now is it. "I replied to Josh.

"What do you mean you're not going? "Josh asked me.

"I'm not proud but I'm glad that I went through your phone today...... It was interesting to find that when we were "healing"...... When you told me to my face that you wanted to fix things.... That you loved me.... You were texting some side piece. "I told Josh making his face drop.

"You read everything? "Josh asked me.

"Yah. "I told him after a chuckle of disbelief.

"Then you saw that I ended that. "Josh defended himself.

"It doesn't matter if you did Josh..... You weren't honest and that's what hurts...... In fact knowing that I'm not enough for you is what hurts me the most. "I told Josh and walked up the stairs as I was supposed to. I had a tough face on when I was in Josh's presence but as I walked up the stairs I broke down. My relationship was a joke. A one sided joke in which I was the clown.

That night I slept beside my baby girl. I barely slept because I kept thinking about Josh and us. This was supposed to be the last strike but where would I go if I left?