Chapter Fourteen.

2011

We had been staying at our old apartment for about two weeks now. No more complaining or sitting done for hours hating our lives. Josh and I had to move on. Since I was the projector of positivity, I made sure I kept my light shining. Every time I felt sad for myself and my life I sucked it all up. When Josh felt like giving up I cheered him on and helped him in anyway I could. Since I couldn't work anymore, I stayed home and took care of Royalty and King. I helped Royalty with all her homework and school related projects. King had grown to be a less annoying now that he was one year old. He cried less and slept more.

For about four days Royalty had been telling her father about her school trip. It was a trip that her teacher explained to have been gifted to the A students in that class. Royalty was one of them and really wanted to go. She had a count down by her bed on her wall. She was really looking forward to it. The trip however was pricey. Josh wouldn't make such a bill without us going hungry, losing the house and selling all that we owned.

I knew that the trip was impossible but I waited on Josh to pop Royalty's bubble.

"I forgot to mark the days.... Its now two more days. "Royalty announced in excitement at the table and went to the room.

"When will you tell her that you can't pay for it? "I asked Josh who was eating his breakfast. I was sitting across him at the table. He didn't answer me. He just continued eating without looking up. "You should tell her right now. "I added but got no response again. "Now will cause less damage."I told him.

Royalty came back and finished her breakfast.

"You're not going for the school trip.... We don't have the money to pay for it. "Josh told Royalty without looking at her and walked away from the table.

When Josh left I looked at Royalty. She sat still in her chair with her tears rushing down her face with her making no sound at all.

I got off my chair and lifted her off hers and hugged her. I could feel her little body shaking as she cried. I rubbed her back and told her that she'll be okay.

Josh left for work and Royalty left for school. Both of them probably in the worst moods. I stayed home feeling both their pain.

When Royalty returned from school she was feeling worse than she felt after hearing the news. For thirty good minutes I heard her crying in the bathroom. I waited for her to let it all out because she had to. I waited for her on my bed. King was sleeping. He had just fallen asleep so I had some time to do other things.

"You're done? "I asked Royalty when she finally came out the bathroom. Her whole face was pink and her eyes were so swollen. It hurt me seeing her like that. "Do you wanna talk about it? "I asked her and she nodded. She walked up to me and sat with me on my bed. After a really long hug our conversation began.

"Everyone else whose supposed to go is going. All my friends are going. "Royalty complained between sobs.

"I know..... But baby we can't afford the trip. "I told her and held her little hand in mine. "Do you know why your father works so much? "I asked Royalty.

"No. "She answered and wiped her tears.

All that every parent in this world wants is to give their child the world. For two hours I explained to Royalty just how hard life is for us. I reminded her of child services. I reminded her of her birthday too. I wanted her to understand that her understanding is a gift of peace to her father and I.

"Remember what you said on your birthday? About your dad? "I asked Royalty.

"Yah I think so. "Royalty replied.

"You said that you didn't want another other dad.......... Sweetheart he knows that you really wanted to go on this trip and he'd sale everything just so you do. He loves you that much..... Hearing you say that you're okay with not going to this trip will make him know that you don't want any other father, because he probably feels like you do..... your father won't always give you what you want but his love is forever. "I concluded.

Josh would be back home in a few hours. I hoped that the two hours Royalty and I had sunk in.

To my surprise Josh took longer than usual so Royalty had to sleep. I was waiting in the kitchen.

"I don't think I'll be awake when daddy gets back so give this to him for me. "Royalty told me when she run into the kitchen. She handed me a heavily decorated letter. "Don't read it. "Royalty told me and chuckled. Before she left I gave her a kiss on her forehead.

"Goodnight. "I told her and watched her leave.

Josh was home at 11:30pm. Quite late. It was good that Royalty left a message.

"Hey. "I greeted Josh. I was on the couch watching TV. He didn't answer me. It was a bad day so I understood. Before Josh could walk away to the room I handed him Royalty's letter. He took it and opened it. I didn't read the letter so I waited to see his reaction to judge what was written.

After Josh read the letter his eyes tears up.

"Babe. "I reached out and held Josh by the sides of his arms.

He said nothing and just cried. I held him in a way that I could. Josh was taller than me. I managed to have his head rested on my shoulder when I was on the tip of my toes. I hugged him tighter with each cry I heard.

Josh never cried in front of me. The letter must have really been emotional or something.

Josh had been out the whole day. I prepared water for him in our tub. I figured he'd use some relaxation.

"I got it warm enough for you. "I told Josh when he walked into the little bathroom. I prepared to leave but Josh stopped me.

"Please stay. "He told me and I agreed. I made sure not to make too much eye. Josh was never this vulnerable around me. I didn't want him feeling awkward.

We took our clothes off in silence. The whole atmosphere felt weird and awkward. When I got into the tub he was already sitting in it. I sat at the other end but Josh pulled me closer, having me sit between his long stretched out legs. I didn't know what to say so I just waited for him to start the conversation. I avoided all eye contact still too.

"You know you can look at me right? "Josh asked me so I did.

"I just..... I don't know what to do.... I've never seen you cry. "I told him.

"With you making it this awkward I might as well never again." Josh told me and chuckled making me chuckle as well.

"What was in the letter? "I asked Josh.

"Everything I didn't wanna read...... Royalty is a kid. She's not supposed to understand all this..... What I mean is she doesn't deserve it. This fucked up life. "Josh told me.

"I talked to her. "I confessed.

"I know.... She added that part. "Josh told me. "I was just overwhelmed and I couldn't hold all the emotions in you know.... I failed. "Josh told me.

"So you're okay now? "I asked Josh.

"Yah..... Crying has this release to it you know. "Josh told me. Josh pulled me closer and had me on his lap. "One day I'll give you what you deserve. "Josh told me and I smiled. "I love you. "Josh told me.

"I love you. "I told him. I kissed his lips his lips and gave him a hug.

"Really baby? "I asked Josh after I felt his hard brushing against my thigh.

"You do know that you're on me.... Naked right? "He asked me and laughed.

"What do you want me to do? "I asked.

"The needful. "Josh answered and smiled.

"Ughhhh...... I'm really not in the mood. "I told him.

"I can get you in the mood. "Josh told me and and squeezed my ass rubbing my middle on his hard. He got me in the mood quicker than I thought.

I moaned loudly as Josh directed my body as I was riding him.

Getting an orgasm with my man was a feeling I couldn't explain. I laid on his chest begging for air after we were done. Josh held me tight too. I could hear his deep breathes. I could feel them brushing against my neck.

I could live in this very moment forever if I could.