Six Degrees of Separation

It is easy to mistake the intensity of first love for first obsession, especially when the object of desire has been coveted for decades and then finally obtained.

In this, Emiya was at a distinct disadvantage. Cú had loved before Ria, and in many more degrees than Emiya could even fathom. Some would say Emiya's first love was Rin, but that wasn't true, at least not for the man that became a servant. He had not been able to experience the full breadth of that love in his lifetime, so his love for Ria was his first true love. In many ways, it was still raw and untried, even juvenile, leaving him ill-equipped to deal with the range of emotions he currently, and would continue, to suffer.

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"So the faker finally joins us. About time; Ria is starving but wasn't willing to decide without you, nor would she let me make anything." Cú's irritation radiated from the couch where he was currently reclined.

Emiya's eye twitched. "I wouldn't have let her starve, idiot. She would have told me if she needed me." Or would she? He thought for a brief moment causing worry to cross his features briefly before he sighed and headed to the kitchen without seeking the reassurance of her gaze. He couldn't bear the thought that she would be looking at Cú and not him with those loving eyes he had taken for granted the last ten years.

"Well, while you are playing little miss Suzy homemaker, maybe you could grab me a beer while you are at it." He flashed Emiya's back a mischievous smirk that caused every muscle down Em's spine to tense.

Walking to the fridge, Em pulled out the ingredients for food before grabbing a beer, turning, and throwing the can at Cú's face, resting on his arm on the back of the couch.

Much to his dismay Cú caught it quickly.

"Thanks, man." Then he tapped the top several times before slowly opening it as Ria walked up to stand beside Em. Moving things around the pan with his right hand while his left reached out to rest on her hip, he pulled her against him.

"Anything I can do?" Sensing his distress Ria asks in his mind.

"No, it's fine. Why don't you take a shower and change? Dinner should be ready when you are done." He kissed the top of her head, letting his lips linger a little longer than usual.

Nodding against him, she turned and headed to the bedroom.

"Mmmmmh, I could go for that. Need any help, kitten? I could wash your back-" Cú rose and made it three steps from the couch before a dagger flew in front of his face and embedded in the door frame stopping him in his tracks.

"You fucking stay here." Emiya's voice was as cold as dry ice.

"Heh." Cú turned to head back to the couch. "Jealous I will do a better job, Archer? You never did like to admit your failures." Then he sat back on the couch to finish his beer as Em glared acid at him. "I guess I have all the time in the world now."

"If I don't kill you first." Returning to the food Emiya does his best to focus on what he can control despite Cú being like a dog with a bone regarding insults.

"Now, our darling Ria wouldn't like that, and you know it."

All Em could do was growl to himself as he angrily finished dinner. Meanwhile, Ria was up to her neck in the tub, stressed out. What was she going to do about tonight? Em had been sleeping with her for the past ten years, so she couldn't just kick him out, but she also couldn't ignore Cú now that they had begun to rekindle everything. Sighing heavily, she now regretted taking that mission. At the moment, it seemed like it could work, but now that she had a chance to think it through, the best she could do was try to keep them from killing each other.

"It would seem I am even more in tune with your thoughts and feelings now, Mo 'gra. I can feel your stress. Are you that upset about tonight?"

"I am my heaven. I do not wish to ignore you, but I do not believe he can handle the shock of being suddenly thrown out now that you are here."

"I am fully aware, seeing he is out here being twice as sensitive to my jabs. He was never this prickly before. Though you know once is not enough for me, I am willing to let him stay with you at night as long as you come to me willing during the day when you have time and the energy. At some point, though, I will be allowed to share your bed at night."

"Are you sure you are ok with that?"

"There is no way I am ok with it. It tears me apart inside, but I love you, and I swore to love you the way you deserve. That love is separate and not dependent on anything else, so this can be worked around."

"I love you too. Endlessly." A smile crossed her lips before she drained the tub. She truly had missed him, and the way even his thoughts in her mind made her entire body relax.

Wanting to wear something more revealing getting out of the tub, she wasn't sure how she felt about sleeping with Em now that Cú was here. Everything she did in an intimate setting turned Em on, and flaunting that for someone else was rather tasteless.

Instead, she chose loose-fitting pajama pants and a women's V-neck tee. Nothing too revealing but also comfortable.

When she stepped out into the kitchen, dinner was waiting. Smiling at Em, he blushed slightly, like he always did, at the praise hidden in her smile. It was things like this that she knew wouldn't change, making her love Em in ways she would never love Cú. Sighing, she mentally crossed her heart, knowing this polar love would be her death. After dinner, she kissed Em on the cheek and then walked over and kissed Cú on the head.

"Should I lick your breast or try to kiss you? The temptation is too great."

Pounding him on the head lightly before turning and heading to her room, she called over her shoulder. "Goodnight, boys. Don't kill each other while I'm asleep."

Em watched the door close before turning to the dishes to put them in the dishwasher with confused sadness.

"Ugh, put that puppy dog face away and sleep with her, Jesus. I swear you have gotten disgustingly soft in the last ten years."

"You have no idea what she wants, so the last person to tell me anything should be you!" He snapped.

"I wouldn't be too sure of that. I know more than you think. Anyway, I have places to be and things I need to take care of. You two have fun. I'll be back in the morning." Then Cú chucked his empty beer in the trash before disappearing.

"Call if you need me, Mo 'gra. That includes in bed if he doesn't satisfy you."

Ria snickered a few moments softly before Em knocked on the doorframe and opening the door. "Can I come in?"

"You don't need to ask Em; of course, you can."

"May I lay with you?"

"Of course." His defeated voice tore at her heart.

"But you don't sound like you want it. It sounds more like a courtesy."

I sigh. "It isn't a courtesy. A lot has happened, and I didn't expect to reignite all these feelings I had sworn I had gotten past."

"I see. Well, I'm here if you need me." Then he turned and walked back out, closing the door behind him.

Too shocked to respond appropriately, Ria wasn't sure if she felt a little betrayed or annoyed that he had told her he wouldn't stop loving her, yet he chose to act like this. Why had he told her he would always love her and couldn't stand someone else having her if he was going to give up? He had even held her in his arms and guarded her heart for all those years, and now...now he was closing the door and walking away.

Curling up on the bed, she stared at the spot where he had been the last ten years. He had been strong, reassuring, and gentle as he lay there and reached to caress the emptiness. Without him, her mind wandered back to Cú as they made love in the marble. His body still held all her carnal desires, but her mind and soul were starving. He was like a hit off a cigarette or a bite of cake during an extreme diet but did she love him? Yes, she did but was she also in love with all of him? At this point, she couldn't say that she was. His words had been words. They were the ones she desperately wanted to hear but thinking back; they held no weight. There were no actions to back them up, only the foundation of lust and the bad habits there had been.

Scooting over to smoosh her face into the other pillow, trying to breathe in Emiya, she knew her body needed love, not lust, and being alone in this bed brought back memories of those days long ago. She didn't want to push him away; she just needed to be able to sort everything out.

"I want to be back on the couch in your arms; I want to be here in this bed tangled in you, not knowing where either of us began or ended; I want to feel your innocent kiss over and over. Please, Em, don't leave me."

After the door closed, tears fell freely from his eyes. She wasn't supposed to push him aside. She was supposed to love him still. So why did it feel like he didn't even exist on her emotional radar? Stepping away from the door, he walked to the couch. Smiling through the tears, he touched the armrest. This was the place it had all begun. The place where he had let his guard down and let her into his heart. He didn't regret that day, nor could he ever. It was a beautiful memory, but it broke his heart that it might stay a memory, that he might never be able to express those things for her ever again. Then a single tear fell as her voice rang clear in his head.

"I want to be back on the couch in your arms; I want to be here in this bed tangled in you, not knowing where either of us began or ended; I want to feel your innocent kiss over and over. Please, Em, don't leave me."

He turned to the door and stared, wondering briefly if he had misheard her. His face was pained, and his heart ripped apart, but he couldn't have misheard her. In that instant, he realized he didn't care. Storming to her door, he burst into the room to see she was curled on the bed crying into the pillow. She looked up with red, tear-filled eyes.

"Em. Em, I'm-"

Then his lips were on hers as he frantically pulled off her clothing and dematerialized his. He wouldn't let Cú have her even if it killed him inside and out. Even if it destroyed his very soul yet, at that moment, he had no idea how accurate that thought would prove to be.