Life Choices

The phrase 'If you don't see it, then it didn't happen' didn't apply here. It was the fact that she didn't see him that meant it did happen. She would have thought that his dying twice would have made her a pro at dealing with him being gone, but then again, those deaths had a chance not to be permanent. This time there was no going back. There was nothing to say when she walked into the house and looked around, becoming more depressed when she realized there wasn't a shred of proof that he had ever been there. He had kept nothing, owned nothing, left nothing. She had images, a set of earrings, and a broken heart once again.

Making it only as far as the couch Ria's legs gave out, and she crumpled to the floor. Having not slept with him last night as she had been with Em, there were no previous moments for them. Like always, one minute he was there, the next he was gone. Curling up on the floor in the smallest ball she could make, she didn't want to get up or see anything. She tried to stay in that moment and not think.

"Rina?"

When she didn't reply, Emiya tried again.

"Rina, please. I know you feel like your heart is being shredded, but you can't stay like this. He wouldn't have wanted you to stay like this."

"Go away, Em."

"Don't be childish. I'm not leaving you."

"All to yourself now, just like you always wanted. Bet you are happy."

"This isn't what I wanted."

"You didn't care how I ended up yours, so his death is convenient and beneficial to you."

"Ria, stop. That isn't true."

"Heh. Whatever."

Frowning, the frustration starting to get the better of him, Emiya snapped at her, "I may have been his rival in love, but Cú was my friend no matter what you believe, and whether you believe it or not he entrusted you to me and I intend to honor his wish."

She looked at him with surprise and confusion at his sudden outburst and unexplained anger, only to see a face riddled with sadness and frustration. Ria felt momentarily guilty. It never occurred to her to inquire how Em was feeling since she had only ever seen them battling over or against something.

Sighing, she looked away. "I'm sorry that was inconsiderate. It didn't occur to me that you two would be friends."

Lowering his voice, Em collected himself for his subsequent response. "We have been friends since we first met, long before you. It was an odd friendship, but a friendship nonetheless. It was the only reason we could be in this situation together. We respected each other as much as we loved you."

Bowing her head, Ria bit her lip. "I can't believe he is gone." The tears began to fall all over again.

"Neither can I." That's when Emiya came over and carefully wrapped his arms around her as she cried against his chest.

After a month went by, things slowly begin to recover. Though life still hadn't returned to normal, both spent most of their time in silence, but Ria's color improved. By month two, she had started humming again as she did things around the house, though she still wore Cú's earrings but didn't toy with them absentmindedly as much as she used to or feel the need to touch them constantly. She still stopped in the middle of things, lost in thought, and a tear still came to her eye when she thought of certain items, but everything had become smoother despite Em and her not being sexually active since the night before the singularity.

By month four, her appetite had returned entirely and, if anything, had improved. She also found herself eating random things like pickles or having to have conversations with her stomach in the morning when she brushed her teeth because toothpaste made her want to vomit. She asked Em if he had changed the brand he bought, but he said no. She also couldn't be anywhere near mushy foods. Though she didn't like them before, the thought of them upset her. She also began to rediscover her sex drive. Unfortunately for Em, it was rather demanding and erratic. Some nights her ass was practically in his face multiple times; others, she didn't want him touching her at all. By month five, she had noticed the weight gain, which had begun to concern her.

"Em?"

"Yes?"

"Am I getting fat?" She looked at him with anxiety to see a face riddled with indecision.

He finally sighed. "You aren't fat; you're pregnant."

"Excuse me?"

"You're pregnant. Couldn't you tell?"

"No! And how the hell are you so sure that's it?"

"Well, besides the fact Cú told me before he died you were, saying his Alter self picked up on it being a more bestial servant, your symptoms over the last several months seem to confirm it."

"Wait, what? He told you that! Why didn't you tell me?'"

"Because I couldn't be sure he wasn't just trying to get under my skin since he said he couldn't tell whose it was, only that you were pregnant."

In a stunned daze, Ria walked over to the couch and sat down. "What else did he say?"

Em's eyes turned sad, and he waited a moment before answering. "That he was scared of it not being his because it would mean that you truly didn't love him. Scared that if he died, you would think he was abandoning you again. He regretted all the things he never got to do with you and that your relationship had turned into a chore."

After a moment of silence, Em Continued. "I never realized how sad he was. I was so wrapped up in keeping you I neglected to notice he was suffering." He then turned to look at Ria. "We should see the doctor and make sure everything is okay."

Unable to give any verbal response, all Ria could do was nod.

Able to get an appointment later that day, Ria was excited.

"So congratulations, Ria, you are finally pregnant!"

All she could do was give a shocked look as the doctor continued.

"You look to be 4.5 months pregnant. We can also do a sonogram to tell you the sex of the baby if you like."

"Um, I think I need a moment to process this. Can I take a rain check?"

"Sure. Just come back when you are ready, and make sure to take your prenatal vitamins."

"Sure thing." She slid off the exam table and Em and her headed home, Ria in a daze.

"Em?"

"Yes?"

"What if it isn't yours?"

"I think the more appropriate question is, do you even want to keep it?"

Ria balked at his frankness before realizing she hadn't even taken a second to have feelings on the issue. Did she want this child? What if it was Cú's? Would she be able to love it with him gone, or would she reject it because it reminded her too much of him? What if it was Em's? Could she love a child Em and she created knowing she would never have one from Cú and she had squandered her last chance to make something beautiful with him? Sitting down on the couch with her head in her hands, Em leaned against the back of it with his arms across his chest. If she chose not to keep it and it was Cú's, would she be killing him again? Ria felt like she was going mad. She wasn't ready to deal with this without him. How could she have his child without him? How could she have ANY child without him? Digging her hands into her hair, she bit her lip.

Please, someone ...anyone...

Then Em was there kneeling in front of her. "It doesn't matter whose child it is. All that matters is that we are here together, and we love each other. Do you still love me, and if so, do you trust me enough to take care of us?" Then he placed a hand on her stomach and smiled. "Even if he hadn't asked me to, I would have taken care of you. I love you too much not to." Then he kissed her softly before picking her up and carrying me to the bedroom.

Love had never been sweeter or more reassuring than at that moment. The question was, could it last?