chapter 23: how I see you

[Aiden P.O.V]

School is really boring, I can't stand it anymore. All I can think of at school is, when can it end? That was until a guy who I find annoying, caught my attention. His name is Han, he has a charmingly adorable face with soft, expressive, boba eyes that sparkle with warmth. From a sweetly curved smile to a nose resembling a button, his features exude an endearing adorableness.

"Han... is kind, don't you think so?" I asked Harvey.

"For sure he is. If his parents are late he will help the janitors pick up the rubbish." Harvey explained. The view of him willingly helping the juniors carrying books to the teacher's room, with his face lit up with a serene and genuine smile that stretches from ear to ear. His eyes are delicately closed, and the corners of his lips curve upwards, forming a gentle arc that shines warmth and happiness, letting something unexpected come out of my mouth.

"He's cute." Upon realizing what I just said, quickly I turned my head to Harvey who was looking at me with a teasing smile.

"I don't have a crush on him." I immediately said

"I didn't say anything, I didn't speculate anything." He smirked.

"Harvey, don't get the wrong idea! I mean who am I supposed to lie when the whole school has the same thought! Han is cute and you have no right to deny it!"

"Okay chill... I didn't say anything okay? Yes, Han is cute." Harvey laughed and walked away. All I know is that he's already thinking nonsense stuff.

For the next few days, I kept observing Han. I always tried to find a way to witness him being kind towards others. It was simply because I find it fascinating and entertaining to see that there are still good people in this world. That was my original purpose, but that was before I realized that I no longer only tried to watch him helping others. I started to find a way to be the person he saw once he left the toilet, watch him from afar at the canteen during break time, and get excited to receive letters from him in the morning. At first, I thought it was just because I was excited to read the girl's confession letters, however, I started to realize that that was not the exciting part when Han was absent and not available to give me my letters. He is the reason why I'm excited to get the letters. The next day when he was back from being absent and as usual exchanging letters with me, I suddenly felt my heart beat faster in excitement, not like yesterday.

"Fuck, I like Han..." I said to myself.

I was in denial for weeks; however, his charm was so irresistible that I couldn't help but keep having a crush on him. For years, I only watched him from afar while getting all jealous whenever he read confession letters from other boys. I didn't have the confidence to approach him so for two years, our interactions were only limited to exchanging letters. I sometimes (a/n: it's everyday, he's in denial) asked him whether he will just throw the letters away or read them, he always reads them.

That was until this year when I couldn't stand any longer being in a one-sided love. Not being able to tell him my love affected my crush's feelings to grow from a normal crush to an obsessive crush. I started to anonymously write letters to him. During break time, I used to sit at Alex's table and quietly smelt him from behind, I even once cut a few strands of his hair. It got even worse when I was alone in class after PE. I saw his already used towel and there was an urge to smell it. I inhaled it so deeply, the scent of his sweet fresh sweat turned me on. As if possessed by lust, I started to rub my already hard crotch while continuously inhaling his towel. Suddenly I heard some students coming and started to panic. In a hurry, I put his towel on Alex's desk and sat on my table while pretending to be asleep.

After that incident happened, my lust for Han continued to grow. Every night, I can't help but masturbate while remembering his tantalizing scent, however, I'm craving for more. I started to steal Han's pens and pencils that he used to bite. I licked and put them into my mouth, imagining that I was kissing his lips. I thought that it would be enough, but whenever he walked past me, his scent awoke my lust. I chose to just ignore my feelings for years.

Suddenly, one night, came the desire to make him all mine, to make his smile belong to me, to make him 'I love you' only for me, to make his body only serve for me, to make him spend the night sweating with me, to make him my boyfriend. Something about his naturally pinkish-plump and soft-looking lips makes me want to kiss him. However I don't know how to start, but thankfully, a chance to start was given to me. It was when I heard the sound of someone crying, I checked who it was and it was Han.

"Why are you crying? I asked. He denied that he was crying and quickly wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Wiping your eyes with an unwashed hand is so unhygienic; you're so disgusting." After saying that, instead of stopping, he continued to wipe his tears. Maybe to him, it sounds like I'm teasing, but I do genuinely care. An unholy and disgusting idea suddenly came to me, an idea to feed my desire.

I grabbed his hand, held it away from his eyes, and wiped his eyes with my handkerchief. While wiping he just stood still in surprise, watching me with his other unclosed eye. I acted like I didn't see him and continued to wipe. Although there weren't that many tears because he had already wiped them earlier, I continued to wipe his face, so that I could get even just a little of his seductive scent.

After finished, he complimented me for caring about cleanliness. If only he knew my real intention, he would be so disgusted with me. He offered to walk me back to class together but I couldn't hold my excitement any longer and told him to go ahead without me. After seeing him leave the toilet, I quickly entered one of the toilet stalls and unzipped my pants. I inhaled the handkerchief that contained the scent that I was longing for while stroking my fully awake cock. The scent wasn't that very strong when compared to his pe towel, but my throbbing dick can't help but get excited by his scent, even if it was only a little. I don't care if anyone is entering the toilet, I'm going to pant and moan silently in pleasure.

Later that day, I accidentally heard Han and Saff's conversation. Saff asked Han to meet up that night at a cafe. My jealousy and curiosity started to build up, there was no way Saff liked Han. I was so curious about their meetup that I decided to spy on them, even if my parents didn't allow me to go out at night. I drove to the cafe in my dad's car without his knowledge, I can't think straight anymore. At this point, I would even jump off a building for Han, just how crazy in love I am with him.

I spied on them from the outside window but my curiosity instructed me to enter the cafe and hear their conversation. I wore my cap and mask and sat at a table away from them but could hear their conversation. I was at ease at first, until Saff asked Han to act cute and called himself 'Han's boyfriend', Han even spooned Saff his cake! With the spoon he used! I can't believe that Saff managed to indirectly kiss Han before me! My hands really wanted to punch him. I felt my jealousy starting to control my coolness, but I didn't want to make a bad impression on Han so I just held it.

Suddenly Saff excused himself because he had to go meet his family at the mall and left Han alone. I wanted to sit next to him, but I was too shy. Just when I'm starting to get confidence.

"FUCK MY WALLET!" he screamed to himself silently yet hearable by me. I was so confused about what would happen if he left his wallet, until he got a call from his mother, asking him to go home. Han complained to her, saying that he don't have his wallet with him however her mother don't give a fuck about it. He eventually hung up the call and just sat staring at the table blankly.

I saw this incident as a huge opportunity. I took a deep breath before grabbing Han's wrist and dragging him outside. I offered him a ride home which he agreed with no problems until he realized that I'm still a minor. He freaked out so much and it brought a smile to my face, he was so cute. If only I was brave enough, I would pinch his cheeks. Throughout the drive, I flirted with him. It was fun, and although upon arriving home I got scolded by my parents, I still don't regret a single thing. I'm glad that I did it.

*

It annoyed me when I saw Han and Saff getting close, I had to know their reasons so I dragged Han to the toilet. He then explained to me how they started to be close, Saff asked for Han's help to get his crush. Suddenly a beautiful idea came to my mind.

"So will you also help me to get my crush?" I asked. I'm so desperate for an interaction with him. If Saff managed to get closer to Han by doing this method, then I must try it also. Of course it's a fake crush, it hurt me so much when Han agreed to help me because it showed me that he doesn't have a crush on me back. This love is heavy on one side while the other side is extremely light. However, this might be the only way for me to get closer to Han. I really like him and I need more than just an interaction per day. I need more, I want more.

*

During the exam weeks, Han looks so tense. He took his studies so seriously. How can anyone be any more perfect than him? On the first day of the exam, I sat three tables away from him. I answered the paper really well, it went so smoothly until I encountered the last question. I was having a hard time answering the question, so I decided to while thinking about the answer I went to look around to get an idea of it, until a figure of a boy elegantly writing his answers caught all my attention. His face shows no sign of stress or doubt. His hands look so light writing the answer. In a crowd of people stressing, giving up already, he's there with his slight smile and pen. I want to continue looking at him, but my question is still unanswered and I don't know the answer.

I continued to stare at him answering his paper after writing a totally out-of-topic and wrong answer. It's like when you were asked to describe meiosis and then you answer it's a cheap copy of Mentos. That's what my answer sounds like, but I don't care. I spent the rest of the test remaining time staring, mesmerized by his beauty. Sometimes when he is done early, he will sleep until the test is finished. Even when sleeping he still looks cute. It excites me even more to sleep with him.

That's what I did for the rest of the exam papers. Once we are allowed to open the paper, I will quickly answer each question. I don't care if my answers are wrong, most of them are. I don't even take a single minute to answer the inferential questions. Once I finished, I immediately turned to my right to see Han. Just by looking at him, it disappears all my worries about my wrong answers. I don't mind if I fail, as long as I can stare at him, I'm fine.

I notice everything when he's answering his paper. The way his forehead is wrinkling while thinking will change to a slight smirk after finding out the answer. When he finishes answering his paper early and has time to sleep, he will smile in pleasure and lay his head on the table pillowed by his arms. But my favorite of all is when he's focused on his paper, his lower lip is more forward than his upper lip. It was so nose bleeding to see, his cuteness got my heart accelerated. I will find myself smiling like a fool.

On the last paper of the examination, it was physics. Han is nervous about physics because he has a hard time acing the subject. On that day, I accidentally heard Han's conversation with his friends. They were suggesting him to take a short nap at the nurse's office. Before the exam starts, we will have periods free where teachers will not enter our class. Throughout those free periods, I purposely walked past the nurse's office so I could get at least a glimpse of Han's sleeping. Suddenly when I was walking past for who knows how many times, Kim called me and asked to watch Han sleep as he had to go home early. My heart was beating so fast like a hummingbird in excitement but I still kept my cool and agreed without any exception.

That time also I learned that not all smart or academically ace students are gifted. Han is one of them, he doesn't just sit around, and just by skimming through the notes he is guaranteed an A, but he strives hard for it. Pulling an all-night study because he took his studies extremely seriously.

Actually, Han is more insecure resulting in being awake all night awake for study. I went to comfort him with my words, although I don't know what he was actually feeling inside, but he thanked me with a flourishing and heart-stealing smile. Knowing that this perfect guy has his flaws, his imperfections just makes me love him even more.