What is happening to me?!

I quietly made my way to the hallway outside of the throne room and tried to peek inside. I wanted to hear what my father was saying to Alexander. Maybe I could get a hint about what happened between them. I crouched down and kept myself out of sight, hoping to not get caught. 

I was a little surprised by how handsome Prince Alexander actually was. I still hated the fact that he was so narcissistic and arrogant, but in terms of physical appearance he was certainly quite attractive. I felt my cheeks getting warmer when I looked at him. I was still ashamed from our previous interaction in the throne room, but I couldn't help but take a sneak peek now. 

I had to admit, I was relieved to see my father in a good mood as he was talking with Alexander. But I was also confused. If they hadn't gotten into an argument or upset each other in some way, why would Alexander want to conquer the kingdom? Perhaps I had assumed wrongly, and it wasn't actually a bad conversation? I wouldn't know until I heard the actual words of the conversation... 

I was caught in the act. I had been so focused on watching their conversation that I hadn't noticed that Alexander had noticed me. He hadn't said anything yet, but he was clearly observing me. I could feel my neck burning and my cheeks becoming hot as I quickly looked away from him. I had screwed up. Big time. I couldn't believe he had caught me staring at him. It made my earlier embarrassment in the throne room look trivial. Now, I just looked like a complete idiot... 

As I left the throne room, I felt utterly defeated. Now, it seemed like my mission to prevent Alexander from becoming a tyrant was pointless. He won't like me if I act like a crazy in love. And if I didn't show him any affection, there was a good chance that he'd conquer the kingdom. I didn't know what to do or where to go. I was just wandering aimlessly through the palace, not really focused on where I was going. I felt like giving up... 

It seemed like every decision I made was worse than the last. I thought that by coming here and faking my feelings for Alexander I would save the kingdom. Instead, all I managed to accomplish was embarrassing myself twice and making the situation even more complicated. At this point, I was feeling truly discouraged and hopeless... 

I was on the verge of tears. I hated the situation I was in. I had ruined this perfectly planned mission with one stupid mistake. I kept thinking about how Alexander had looked at me and how my father had reacted to me declaring my love for Alexander. And the worse part was that I couldn't change any of it. I didn't want to imagine the ending if everything went the same way as it did in the book. 

I sat on a bench in the garden, a place where I could be alone to think and contemplate. I was so frustrated and I wanted to take a moment to just process everything that had happened. I was so angry with myself for making such a big mistake. I had come here with a plan to prevent the tyrant and save the kingdom. Instead, I was the one who ended up acting like a fool. 

I sighed. I felt so dumb. I couldn't believe I had acted so foolish. My only task was to fake my love for Prince Alexander, yet I had blown it completely and messed up. There was a good chance my entire mission would fail if I couldn't make good on my declaration of love. But somehow, at the same time, I was also experiencing real and genuine feelings towards Alexander. It was such a confusing situation... 

I couldn't help but think about my own personal life. I had never been in a relationship before and my crushes had never worked out. Could this have anything to do with why I was feeling real emotions towards Alexander? Did I have some latent desire for romance that I had never explored? If so, then that would certainly make me more susceptible to falling in love with him... 

I continued to think about this, pondering whether or not my lack of romantic experience was influencing my current feelings. Although I couldn't be certain, it felt like a possibility. But at the same time, I didn't want these thoughts to distract me from my primary goal. My mission was to keep Alexander from becoming the tyrant in order to prevent the kingdom from being overrun. Even if I was experiencing genuine feelings for him, I needed to keep him at arm's distance... 

That's true. It wasn't my life. I was supposed to fake being in love with him, not actually falling for him. I needed to get it together and stop thinking these thoughts. Love was irrelevant in this mission. I had one job, and that was to prevent Alexander from becoming a tyrant. I would have to deal with my romantic feelings towards him at a different time. I needed to focus on my mission, even if deep down I felt differently.... 

I sighed as I looked at the sky, remembering the book's description of the evening. I was supposed to meet Robert today. But I didn't want to meet any guy. Even tho i imagined spending the rest of my life with someone like him. I wanted my feelings for Alexander to disappear, but they were still lingering and getting stronger. That's why I couldn't have a relationship with anyone else. I'm sorry Robert... Not in this life... 

I closed my eyes and sighed. "Pff I hope I'll never meet that ugly bastard again...." I smiled as I imagined him. His face was so handsome, I could barely take my eyes off it. I felt my cheeks heat up when I remembered the look of disapproval he gave me in the throne room. The thought of him scolding me in such a stern manner was kind of attractive. I tried to push that thought out of my mind. I couldn't be attracted to him. I had a mission... 

I felt a presence nearby. I didn't need to open my eyes to know that it was Alexander. His tall, attractive physique was unmistakable. I kept my eyes closed. I needed to resist the temptation to look up at him. My heart was beating quickly and I tried to slow down my breathing. Was he going to say something? Do something? The suspense was killing me. 

I peaked at him, just to get a small glance of his handsome face. He was just standing there, staring at me. I felt completely embarrassed, like he could see right through me. I closed my eyes quickly but not before I saw the slight smile on his face. His charming attitude was driving me insane. I wanted to be annoyed at him, but he made me feel so drawn to him. I didn't know what to do... 

I hid my face in my hands as I tried to hide my intense blushing. I had already caught Alexander's attention once today. I couldn't risk doing it again. But I couldn't help it. The way he was looking at with that charming grin on his face and those lovely brown eyes.... I felt so drawn to him. The urge to speak to him was overwhelming. 

I pretended to cough as I took my face out of my hands. I tried to look away from Alexander as if I was a complete stranger to him and didn't know anything about him. It was an act, of course. But I had to make sure he didn't think I was one of those crazy women who was stalking him. So, I put on this fake serious face and asked.. "So.. who are you?" 

I lost my grip of the act when I saw him start to walk away. I was not just going to let him walk away like that. I stumbled and ended up tripping. Alexander immediately caught my fall and held my body close to him. I felt the softness of his hands against my skin. It was a surprising touch that left me completely weak and utterly speechless. The fact that he had caught me like a knight in shining armor somehow made me even more attracted to him. I was so startled by this sudden turn of events that I didn't get to say anything. I was just stuck in his warm grasp.... 

I still couldn't get over the fact that he had caught me like that. His warm hands were holding me up from falling right now and I was grateful. My heart was beating so fast, I could barely breathe. I felt completely drawn to his attractive features and personality. The fact that I didn't say anything for so long just made it even more awkward. I looked up at him with wide eyes, and I noticed how handsome he really is. How did she miss this in the book?...