90. I understand...2

Honestly, I didn't understand any of it, but on top of the regret I felt, I was tired of convincing him to see things from my point of view, after all, it turned out I was the only one who thought we could survive this, we could be together through it all. See, Walter was right about that, I did harbor that 'us against the world', kind of love for him. To me, there was nothing we couldn't overcome, as long as we had each other, as long as I had his love and he had mine. I was willing to risk it all just to be with him, I had proven that already. So he was not wrong, maybe that's why his words cut deeper than I imagined. He outright rejected my love, he was indirectly telling me that my love was dangerous and irritational. He broke up with me before we even began, funny right?

I was broken, he broke me, he did it...he made me break my promise to never let a man make me cry. But can I really be mad at him? Looking back, he was doing what he thought was right for him, but why was it so hard to accept? 

"I understand Walter", I said nonchalantly as I put the glass on the counter preparing to march to my room, "You'll see yourself out", 

He grabbed my arm, his face covered in worry, "Thandie, please don't misunderstand me... I'm not saying I don't love you...because I really do, I'm just saying-"

Although I was now feeling numb, somehow the tears didn't stop, "-it's not enough... I get it. I understand. I just need to be alone.", I yanked my arm from his grip to continue my walk to my room. I banged the door behind me just to slid down it with tears streaming down my face. 

After a short while, I heard the front door open and close and just like that, he was gone. After having collected my emotions, I went to the kitchen to find all the food he was cooking perfectly packed into containers and the dishes were clean. He even left a note that read:

"Eat well, don't drink too much alcohol, you shouldn't lose any more of your weight, it could cause health problems. Make sure you continue with the therapy sessions, you will feel better in no time, I promise, Dr. Windslor is great at her job.

P.s. I do care about you Thandie and seeing you cry breaks my heart. This is what I want to protect you from. I rather you cry now and get over it, than cry later, over and over again. I hope you understand. Goodbye."

I thought I was done crying, but as I read his note, my heart began to tighten again, was it really over? Was that really it? Have we finally put an end to us?

As I placed the containers in the fridge with tears streaming down my face, memories of our past began flooding my head, as if that was not enough, I started imagining what our future would've been like, and boy! That really sent me wailing. I was bawling my eyes out, he was gone and this time he said goodbye.

That night I couldn't sleep a wink, and thanks to Prince Charming himself, I couldn't drown my sorrows with alcohol so I had to binge on ice cream and drink a lot of juice, and it didn't have the same effect. The sun came up while I lay awake staring at my beautiful white ceiling, my eyes were feeling heavy and I could even taste the salt of my tears in my mouth. Amazing, I spent the whole night thinking about Walter, one would expect to have no thoughts of him left, but no, there was more, at some point I even imagined him getting married and growing old with some red-head woman I made up. It was only when my phone rang that I could finally catch a break,

I sighed heavily as I looked at the caller ID, "Hi ma", I said in a distressed tone instantly alarming her,

"Thandie, what's going on....why do you sound so down?", she asked anxiously, 

"Nothing, nothing... I just woke up, what's going on?", I lied

She sighed heavily, her voice falling into even deeper despair, "Honey, it's your father... It's not good..."