94. We can't be friends...

Our first day of exercise with Walter was a bit hostile and might I add, unbearable for Ntando. The back and forth between me and Walter really put him in a weird position, so difficult that he had to hold a meeting to tell us that we were acting like children and so, he created rules. He was very disappointed in us and I felt bad because I owed him a lot, so I promised to be civil going forward.

And it had been two days since the meeting and I could honestly say we were failing. The bickering only stopped for a few hours after that meeting then we went back to our old selves the next day, but Ntando changed... he developed a new coping mechanism. He would turn up the volume on his headphones and just ignore us.

"Thandie, I don't know what your problem is, I'm only here to exercise with my personal trainer whom I pay a lot of money for.", Walter argued, and I can't tell you how many times I've heard that line. And my response was always, "Not in my house, but gym. That's where your membership is.."

"Linda, phone...", Ntando pointed at the phone ringing next to me, because of the bickering, I almost missed my mother's call. I instantly took it and rushed out to the balcony.

"Mom..", I panted,

"Did I make you run?", she asked worriedly and I instantly cleared her conscience and she sighed,

"Honey, your father and I will be coming home in two days..."

And my heart sank, through all of that, I hadn't had the chance to actually think about my dad's situation, actually, no, I didn't want to think about it. I was losing the greatest man to have ever lived, and what about my poor mother, how could I face that reality? I sat down on the patio.

With a low, trembling voice, I whimpered, "We are really losing him, aren't we?",

She sniffled, "Yeah honey, it looks like it", she must have been crying because her voice was lower than usual,

"Okay, I will leave tomorrow. I will be waiting for you...".

"Thank you, honey, please prepare the guest rooms, I will be coming with your grandmother and your aunt...", she said,

"I will Mother, take care. I love you."..

I hung up the phone and sat there for a few minutes. It wasn't long before Ntando came out,

"When are you leaving?", he asked. I told Ntando everything that was happening and his friendship was really my lifeline.

"Tomorrow..", I don't know how, but a tear just rolled out, and Ntando rushed to hug me,

"Oh, No, Thandie, don't. Listen, I will drive down there with you. You need as many people as y-"

I pulled back softly, "No Ntando, it's fine... Besides, my mom will be coming with my aunt and grandmother-"

"Not taking no for an answer. I will be there for you...", He insisted. I appreciated Ntando, but he had already done so much for me, i couldn't possibly expect him to do that, but it was like he wasn't listening.

"What's going on? What are we there for-", Walter rushed to where I was and held my face with both his hands, "Are you crying? Why are you crying? What happened? Who was that on the phone?", I tried to speak, but I couldn't so instead I rushed out to my room,

And sent a text to Ntando,

"You guys will see yourselves out and please deal with Walter for me.",

Ntando replied with a yes and shortly after, I heard the door close. I came out with swollen eyes only to find Walter sitting on my couch, looking pissed.

"So, you could tell Ntando what was happening but not me... You'd rather I hear it from him.."

I was surprised by his line of questioning, also Ntando really did that?, but I can't blame him, I never specified what I meant by "deal" with him.

I walked past the couch to the kitchen counter, and took out a bottle of vitamin water...but Walter didn't appreciate my silence, he stood up looking angrier than before,

"Oh, so you're ignoring me now?!", he fretted,

Feeling annoyed, I sighed, "Walter, what do you want from me? In fact, what do you want? You wanted to leave, I let you... And now you're here, what is this?"

His eyes instantly looked guilt-ridden, "Thandie, I know what I said and I still stand by it- we can't be together but-",

"Then leave me alone Walter. I owe you nothing...", I said walking away but he grabbed my arm and twirled me towards him. I was now so close to his chest that I could smell his aftershave and I could see the sweat from earlier trickling down his long neck. My heart instantly picked up a tempo, beating faster the longer he held me, I even felt a small tingle between my legs just from looking at his Adam's apple. I instantly jumped away from him, "Don't ever do that", I said in frustration, mostly frustrated with myself. Despite everything he had said, I couldn't believe I still wanted him, and I couldn't believe my body still reacted that way just from a scent and a second of skin contact. I was really hopeless.

He lifted his hands in surrender, "I am sorry, I didn't mean to... What I was saying is that we can be friends... Like you and Ntando. I can be that to you too..."

"No thank you...", I said turning away from him,

"Why?? Why not? Why can't we be friends?", he yelled,

His question left me flabbergasted, I mean does he have to ask? On top of my sadness and frustration, I felt myself losing control of my emotions. With everything happening at home and only having it sink in that I was really losing my father, the last thing I needed was to explain myself to a man who couldn't love me the way I loved him, the love I lost, the man who just emphasized we can't be together a second ago.

To avoid saying anything I shouldn't, I just watched Walter derail in pure frustration, "Is it because of Ntando? Do you have a crush on him? Are you guys perhaps more than that? Is that why you can't befriend me..? I've seen the way you guys interact... What's-?"

"Whoa... Walter, what's happening right now? You just told me we can't be together, so why do you care so much about what I do with Ntando...", I was astonished, 

"I don't... It's just that he said you were friends... And you are telling me you can't be friends with me... Thandie, I'm trying here... I know we can't be like before, but I'm sure a friendship is not out of the question... So why?", he really looked offended and hurt, but I didn't care.

"I don't want to be friends with you Walter.. Please understand... And leave me alone..".

"Why not though...we did it before", he asked 

"Walter, why are you being like this.. You don't want to be with me and I accepted but you can't accept my friendship rejection..."., I really didn't get it,

He dropped his face and sighed, "I didn't reject you Thandie... It's not a rejection... It's just a- you know what, fine. I gave you my reason... Can you at least give me yours?"

"No...I don't want to and I don't have to. I don't want to be friends with you..."

"is it Ntando...",

"What the hell is wrong with you?", I was getting annoyed at his accusation, and it was like he was not paying attention to anything I was saying, 

"I just don't get how you can be friends with him but not m-"

"Because I didn't fuck Ntando and I don't want to fuck him...", I blurted out

"... you want to fuck me..?"

It was only after he repeated it that I realized what I said, I tried to run off but he caught me and pulled me towards his lips...and his hands never let off my wrist.