11th Kiss

My friends and I, including Aries, agreed to go to a grill bar. They said the bar had just opened, and the food was delicious. I didn't really want to go, but the guys were insistent, so I had no choice.

"Hey! What's wrong with you?" Aries scolded me when he saw that I was still frowning while sitting at our table. Honestly, I just wanted to sleep. I have an early shift tomorrow. "Can't you at least dress properly if you're just going to pick out clothes? Look at yourself, Arianne. You look like an elementary student right now!"

"I don't care!" I replied to him and slumped on our table.

"The drinks are here!!" Vicky excitedly announced as she placed large glasses of beer on the table. They all clapped. They started grilling pork one by one. Meanwhile, I just stared at my beer.

"Psst! Why are you so gloomy? Are you sick?" Chito asked me while poking my cheek.

"No. I just want to sleep, but Aries here is so insistent!" I complained to Chito, sounding like a child tattling on someone.

"Aww! My poor baby." he said. "Okay, just rest your head on my shoulder. If you manage to fall asleep, I'll take you home."

I immediately nodded and smiled at him before resting my head on his shoulder. The music in the place was loud, but my sleepiness was really dragging me down.

Mama's voice echoed through the hushed corridors of our home, breaking the heavy silence that enveloped Joseph and my room. "Arianne, why are you taking so long to come down?" she inquired, her eyes revealing a deep concern for me.

"Ma, is Joseph not here yet?" I asked the question escaping my lips for what felt like the hundredth time today. Her sympathetic gaze met mine, and the ache in my chest intensified. I missed him terribly, his absence a constant reminder of the growing void between us.

"Not yet Arianne. Come downstairs. Have your meal. It's not good for you and the baby to go hungry," Mama urged. I nodded mechanically, my hand instinctively reaching for the small bump that held our dreams and hopes.

"Let's eat, baby," I whispered to the tiny life inside me. At three months, the world had yet to witness the visible signs of our joy. But within, the promise of a future cradled delicately in uncertainty. The doctor's warnings lingered in my mind, the fragility of life within me echoing in every beat of my heart.

As I descended the stairs, a sudden wave of dizziness swept over me. "M-ma," I stammered, my hands gripping the banister as the world spun. Joshua's voice reached my ears, but he stood frozen, paralyzed by the unfolding tragedy.

"A-Arianne," he called, his terror evident, yet he dared not approach. The pain in my abdomen grew sharp, and as I looked down, a sight unfolded that shattered my world.

"Arianne, Joshua—My God, Arianne!! You're bleeding!!" Mama's voice pierced through the fog of confusion as I teetered on the brink of unconsciousness.

I awoke to hushed voices, a clandestine conversation about my fate. "Doc! Don't say that" Joseph's mom pleaded, her grief palpable. I feigned sleep, a desperate attempt to shield myself from the impending truth.

"I'm really sorry, Mrs. Jang. We already tried the best we could to save your daughter-in-law and the baby but at the end we lost the baby," the doctor's remorseful words sent shivers down my spine. Mama's sobs intensified, and my heart raced with foreboding.

"H-how do we tell Ate Arianne, Ma?" Joshua's voice trembled, mirroring the anxiety that gripped my soul. I prayed silently, but deep down, I knew.

"M-ma," Joseph's voice wavered as he entered the room. A heavy silence followed, broken only by Mama's revelation.

"She's gone. Your baby is gone!" The words hung in the air, a verdict that crushed my spirit. I opened my eyes, meeting their tear-filled gazes by the door.

"Mama, that's not true!!" Joseph's desperate plea echoed through the room. Papa and Joshua restrained him, the harsh reality sinking in.

"I'm sorry. We tried everything, but we could not stop the bleeding," the doctor explained. "Maybe now is not the time for you to have a child."

Mama's words pierced through the numbness that enveloped me. "Why do you always prioritize something else, Joseph? Your wife is here, waiting for you. She became sad because you're always busy. I love you, Joseph, my son. I love Arianne, too, but if you continue like this, it won't just be your baby you'll lose."

Silence embraced us again, broken only by my stifled sobs. I wept silently, grappling with the pain of losing my baby and the haunting notion that it was somehow my fault.

"A-Arianne," Joseph's voice called out as he noticed my wakefulness. Tears streaked down his face, and for the first time, I saw him break down in front of us.

"I'm sorry. Forgive me," he pleaded. I cradled his tear-stained face, forcing him to meet my gaze.

"It's not your fault," I whispered, my heart breaking anew. Yet, as I embraced him, the widening gap between us seemed insurmountable. The ache of loss lingered, and in the aftermath, love was too fragile to endure.

I woke up to a loud noise. I was slumped on the table now. I must have slept for quite some time. I dreamt about it again. I tried to shrug the heaviness in my heart. I looked for Chito, but I couldn't find him. Maybe they invited him to dance when I fell asleep, so I didn't bother looking for him. I'm really going home now. I don't know who I'll say goodbye to. They're really mean. They left me here. The dance floor is quite far from our table. I'll just text them later.

I stepped out of the bar, and the cool breeze welcomed me. No jacket to shield me, so I wrapped my arms around myself. Ugh! All those memories flooded back, hitting me like they just occurred yesterday. The ache in my heart feels raw, as if the wounds are still fresh. It's a constant pain.

Jiro and Kristine's joy over their adorable baby made me genuinely happy for them. I used to dream of having that joy too—of a bustling home filled with the laughter of many children. I longed for the chaos, for a swarm of little versions of me running around. But that dream now seems impossible.

I suddenly halted, anxiety creeping in. I recognized this feeling. My head throbbed, and in a hurry, I fumbled for my phone. Trying to call Chito, my vision blurred. Relief washed over me when it finally rang. Answer! Answer! I silently pleaded. On the third ring, a voice responded.

"Arianne?"

"C-Chito. Help! S-O-S! S-O-S!" I exclaimed, pinching my nose. Blood. There's blood. Vision fading, I desperately looked for Chito. Where are you? Help me. My sight dimmed further, and the pain in my head escalated. The last thing I recall is someone approaching me. I strained to identify them, but everything plunged into darkness.