12th Kiss

I woke up, my head pounding like a relentless drum. The kind of pain that swirls your whole world into a chaotic dance. Memories flooded back, a cruel reminder of a long-forgotten ache that had resurfaced last night. Stress, the unwelcome visitor that haunted my early days in the U.S., seemed to have found its way back.

"Arianne," Chito's voice sliced through the fog.

"What time is it, Chito? Please, turn on the lights. It's too dark," I pleaded. Silence lingered. I assumed he went to flip the switch, but nothing happened. His response was delayed, and then came a gasp, like the shattering of fragile glass. My heart raced.

"T-the lights are on, Arianne," he stammered. Dread enveloped me. No, not now. It's too soon. "I'll call the doctor."

His panicked steps echoed as he rushed away. Panic seized me. What now? What am I supposed to do? Why? The door creaked open again. I expected Chito, but it wasn't him.

"Chi—"

"You're alive!" a voice exclaimed. I strained to recognize it, feeling like I was meeting someone for the first time.

"W-who are you?" I asked.

"I'm your biggest nightmare," the male voice declared. Even though I couldn't see him, I sensed that he could see my gaping astonishment. How callous could this person be? Couldn't he see this wasn't the time for jokes?

"Haha," I mocked, frustration evident in my voice. "Can you not joke around?"

"Tsk!" he clicked his tongue. "You're only pretty when you're asleep. Otherwise, you're too fierce for me, like a lioness."

Ugh! This guy is infuriating. Why is he so talkative? I want to snap at him, but what can I do? I can't see anything.

"Uh-oh, you're crying again," he observed. "Hey, angel face. It's not the end of the world."

"Who are you?" I asked again, my voice laced with frustration. I couldn't see anything, and here's a stranger making light of everything.

"A concerned citizen," he replied, unexpected warmth in his voice. "I'm the one who helped you last night. I found you on the street, on the verge of passing out. I rushed toward you, but before I could reach you, you fainted. Sorry for rummaging through your phone and bag; I needed to

find out who you are. Turns out your doctor is also here."

"You said too much, but I'm asking for your name," I told him. Even without seeing his face, I felt like I could hear him smiling.

"Never mind. It's not important as long as you're okay, angel face," he said.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"You're welcome?" he mused. "Weird, but I have this feeling that someone likes you—" Before he could finish, the door swung open.

"Why are you here?" Chito's voice cut through, laced with anger I could feel. "Hello to you too, my dear brother," the voice replied, dripping with sarcasm.

"Y-you're siblings? Who are you?" I asked, but the door opened once more before I could get an answer.

"Arianne..." The room echoed with the weight of that voice—Joseph.

I fell silent, his presence approaching.

"W-what do you feel?" he asked. His voice trembled with a vulnerability that cut through the air.

"Helpless," I replied, my voice a fragile whisper that lingered in the room.

"Don't say that. You'll get better," he assured, his words hanging like a fragile promise. His thorough check felt futile. What if there's no improvement? What if... a warm hand touched mine.

The door creaked open again, a departure or arrival I couldn't discern. Frustration and helplessness drowned me. Panic gripped me, yet I masked it, not wanting others to worry.

"Hey! I don't want you to give up right now," Joseph pleaded. My chest tightened, an unexplainable urge to cry overcoming me. "I-I promised to treat you. D-do you remember?"

I will take care of you, Arianne. I will do everything in my power to help you. I know there is a way through this. You are my wife, and I am committed to being here for you. I will take care of you no matter what. I remember him promising that to me a few years ago.

"I'm scared. I'm scared, Joseph, that I might become a burden to you. I don't want that," I confessed, tears streaming down my face. He embraced me tightly.

Tears welled up as I remembered his promise, though we were no longer married.

"If you pity me, I don't need that," I said, anger bubbling up. Was it all just empty words, a pity party?

“It's not pity—"

"I want to be alone," I declared, but I didn’t hear any footsteps or anything that can indicate that he walked out.

"You need me. I'm here," he insisted.

"I don't need your pity!" I snapped. How dare he make promises he couldn't keep?

"Arianne!"

"Joseph, please. I'm tired. I want to rest," I pleaded, energy draining away.

"That's how you are, right? When you're tired, you'd rather be alone. You'd rather leave everything we worked so hard together because... because..." His words hung in the air, anger palpable even though I couldn't see him.

"Joseph..."

"Arianne, who do you really think I am?" Joseph said, his voice carrying a sigh of resignation and pain. He's hurting. But why? He was always fine when we broke up.

"Joseph, you don't need me. I was just a hindrance to what you should be," I said, chest heavier.

"And what should I be?" he challenged.

"A successful doctor," I said. "You have so much to offer. You do not need a stupid person like me!"

"Did you think that... maybe I want to be with you every step of the way?" he revealed. I was silent. "That maybe, Arianne, I was also trying my best to hold on to us."

"A-Are you blaming me that we broke up?!" I said.

"Yes!" he declared, and I laughed at his audacity. So, it's my fault.

"What do you want me to do? I can't, Joseph. You weren't there when I grieved for losing our child," I said, tears streaming now.

"I-I am grieving too, Arianne! Because it wasn't just my child that I lost. You died along with our child. You died along with our baby, and seeing you only hurts me even more," he admitted. Is that... is that how he really felt? Is he crying?

"J-Joseph..."

"I am just a smart guy, Arianne. I'm not perfect. I have my flaws too, you know. But all of you... all of you think that I'm some kind of robot, that I don't feel anything. God! I do. I do too! I also cannot handle everything," he said. His emotions caught me off guard.

"Joseph..."

"It's so easy. It's so easy for you to leave me. It's so unbelievably easy for you! It is so easy for you to think that you are the only one hurting when, in fact, it was also my baby we lost, and I lose you as well. I lost you when we lost the baby," he said. I cried even more.

"You don't know what you're saying!" I protested. I waited for him, reached out, but he pushed me back. And now he's throwing it all back at me like I am the only one to blame?

"I didn't fall short for you. God knows how much I love you. And yes, until now, I still love you so much, but hearing him say all of these. After all these years. Why? Why is he acting like this?

"All of this is just to prove something to me, right?" he said, his tone firm.

"What?" I said, unable to grasp his words.

"You want to prove to me that you can replace me. Is that it?" His voice turned cold.

"What are you talking about, Joseph? I don't understand what you mean!" I said.

"No, you know what I just said. You just don't want to understand," he said. "You wanted to prove to me that you don't need me, right? I get it. I get it. Now, you won. You won, Arianne."

After he said that, the door opened. He had left. I was left in my room crying and mourning because it felt like something just died. I am not sure if it was my heart, but it sure feels painful.