chapter seven

I lift my head from my pillow, and it is wet with tears, two days later. The salty tear water leaks into my mouth. I feel like I lost my best friend, not just because he broke up with me, but because he seems like a completely different person.

Logan please I text him. 

I want to beg him for forgiveness even though I know I did nothing wrong. My life with him isn't complete. I am hurt by him, but I will forgive him because I love him. 

I move into the kitchen and glaze at the clock. 8:30 am. I didn't feel like going to class but I knew I needed to go. I move towards my closet and grab a pair of baggy sweatpants and a T-shirt. I quickly throw my hair in a bun. 

I see everyone's eyes looking at me, as I enter the classroom. I move to my seat. My head pounds from a beating headache. Opening my bag, I grab a water bottle and popped some ibuprofen pills in my mouth. 

I see a fellow student Danielle approaching me. I try to smile and appear composed.

"Are you okay?" She asks.

I nod. "Fine."

"You never wear sweatpants and look well, not yourself," she says. 

"Yeah, I am going through a hard time."

"Pregnant?" She asks me under her breath. 

I shake my head. That's the last thing I want people to think. 

"The opposite, I'm going through a breakup."

 "Oh, I am really sorry." she frowns. 

"Yeah well we've been together for a while and it's just really hard."

"I understand, I have been through the same thing and it does get better," she tells me. 

" I hope so."

I see the Professor in the room. We pulled out our books and began to study. 

After class, and later that evening, I find myself staring at a plate filled with food. My stomach growls with hunger but for some reason, my depression won't let me eat. I force myself to have a bite of Spaghetti which I ordered from a local takeout. 

It tastes very good, despite my feelings. I pull out my phone. Are you ready to talk? I sent Logan. 

I have probably sent him a million messages which all go unresponded. I guess I keep hoping he'll change his mind. 

I flip through my phone. I look at Logan and my pictures. We were so happy. I loved him so much. I still love him, even with the pain. 

Walking over to the bookshelf, I grabbed a romance novel and began to read. It was my favorite book. It's about a popular high school student who falls in love with a girl who has cancer. 

I wake up on the chair, with my book lying on my chest. Rubbing my eyes, I search for the clock. 4 am. I am glad I unknowingly got some sleep. I stretch my arms. 

I search for my phone" feel extremely happy when I receive a text message from Logan.  He changed his mind. 

Move on Tilly. This is getting pathetic. His message read. 

I feel like he just broke up with me all over again. I have been rejected twice by the same person, who I still loved. I saw Logan every day, I pictured our future together and now that's over in a blink of an eye. I am so confused. 

I move from the chair. All I want to do is crawl into bed and cry. Hideaway forever. I look in the mirror and suddenly I don't feel beautiful anymore. I don't feel worth it. I feel tossed away. 

Laying in bed, I pull the covers over my face. Logan wasn't coming back. I need to face it. He doesn't love me anymore.

Suddenly, I missed two days of classes. With my mental state, I couldn't leave the apartment. I need to grieve. It feels like I literally lost someone. Because I did. 

I hear a knock at the door. 

I drug myself out of bed to answer the door. Moving to the door, I open it slowly. 

"Tilly?" I see Rick.

"Oh, hey."

"You look terrible, '' he tells me.

"Yeah, I could imagine." 

He laughs. "We are going out."

"I don't feel up to it, sorry."

"Tilly, you need some socialization," he argues. 

He is probably right I have been trapped in my apartment the last few days. 

"Fine." I held the door open completely for him to enter. 

He walks in. "Don't worry about your notes from class. I made copies ."

"Thanks."

"What are friends for?" He asks. 

I smile.  I do. I still have friends.