Chapter 7
"Are you sure you're okay?" Olive asked.
"Of course. I was just a little shocked."
In the end, they ended up back at Rain's place, sitting on the couch.
"Are you sure? I can stay," Olive insisted.
"I'm just going to sleep now. There's no reason for you to stay."
"I told him to come back soon so you won't be alone. Okay?"
"Alright. Go home now, Olive. I'm tired."
At the sound of the door closing, Lykes eyes closed. His head hurt so much from crying. He was so tired. He didn't care about staying up any longer to wait for Rain. Olive claimed he would be back so he wouldn't be alone, but he would feel even lonelier if Rain were there with him. He didn't care anymore.
...
...
This dream again?
Who is Rain fighting?
Lyke stepped closer slowly as the drama unfolded before him, but no matter how much he stepped forward, the figure fighting with Rain was still blurred.
"Shut up. Go. Walk behind me."
He was close enough to hear the person's voice.
Undoubtedly.
Lyke watched as Rain lunged forward, grabbing the object in the figure's hand. It fell at his feet, a bloody knife.
"Rain?"
Lyke looked back up to an unblurred image in front of him.
Why was it like this?
Rain's hands were bloodied.
"Stop it, Ti."
Another familiar voice joined through the confusion.
Undoubtedly.
It was his own voice.
He looked to his side to see himself holding the knife to Ti's neck.
"I'll kill you."
Those were the words that left his mouth.
Or, what he thought was his mouth.
He couldn't be sure that what he was seeing was real. Of course, this wasn't in his memories. This wasn't anything he'd seen before.
But Rains hands. They were cut exactly like they were in his memories. When he woke up that morning and changed his bandages, it was the same.
How could that be?
Why was he threatening to kill Ti?
How could he even think about doing that?
How?
Why?
He felt sick. So sick.
"Lyke?"
Lyke jolted straight up.
"What's wrong?" Rain asked.
He wanted to respond, but couldn't form the words in his dry mouth. They just looked at each other for a couple seconds while Lyke tried to gather his thoughts.
"Are you okay?" Rain stared back at him.
"Can you talk to me, please? Just for a minute?" Lyke finally choked, but Rain was silent as he got up.
"Can we talk for a minute?" Lyke repeated.
Rain went to the kitchen and poured a glass of water instead of responding.
"Hello? Can you hear me?" Panic rose in his voice.
"..."
"Can't you listen to me for a minute?"
"I'm listening." Rain finally said.
"But are you listening? I've been asking myself what I've done to be ignored by you, but I couldn't find anything. I couldn't find a single thing. Why, when I want to speak to you the most, do you ignore me? Was this your plan? To make me think I mattered then throw it all away in front of me? You made me think you were someone I could rely on, but you just left me. You left me all alone. You want me to be here with you so I'm safe but why do I feel so fucking empty? Why do I feel so alone when you're here? You've made me feel so alone." Tears poured from his tired eyes.
"Lyke..."
"There's so many things in my head. It hurts. It hurts so much, but I can't do anything about it." He looked up, "I had a dream. I don't remember it. It's all wrong. Everything is wrong with it. But it was so real, too. Your hands were cut by the knife and... standing in front of my house, you were fighting and I said I would... kill him..."
"Lyke"
"Why would I do that? It doesn't make sense. It's all wrong."
"Just calm down," Rain came over to the couch.
"It doesn't matter. I'm calm. I don't have the energy left. I want to know if he actually found me. That's all I want to know."
Rain finally pulled Lyke into a tight hug.
"I'm sorry. I had you move here so he couldn't hurt you. He can't get to you here."
"No... no," Lyke cried into Rain's shoulder.
"It's okay. I promise you you're okay."
"Why can't it all just stop? I want to go to sleep, Rain. I want to go to sleep and not get up again."
"Don't say that. Please don't say that," Rain placed his hand on the back of Lyke's head.
"Why did you leave me? Tell me why so I can forgive you already." Lyke begged.
"Forgive me? No, you shouldn't do that. A person like me is selfish. I care what people think. I thought that if I ignored you, I could fix myself. If I could fix myself, I thought I could hate myself less. But I hate myself even more now. I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to accept it."
"There was never anything that needed to be fixed, Rain. You don't need to be fixed because there is nothing wrong with you."
As the words left his lips, Rain gave into the tears that had been filling his eyes.
"I'm sorry," He said.
"I already forgave you, so don't cry. If you cry, I won't forgive you."
"Why are you forgiving me? You should never forgive selfish people who've hurt you."
"But I know you aren't selfish. You aren't selfish at all. Why would a selfish person give so much to me? Why would they do so much for someone without asking for a single thing in return?"
"..."
"You've given me so much. That's why I hate the thought of waking up and you not being there. Don't disappear from me because of the way you see yourself, because the person I see is worthy."
"I don't want to disappear, but I'm scared. I feel like I don't know myself at all," Rain admitted.
"It takes time to be able to accept yourself. It's never easy to do."
"..."
"If you think you aren't strong enough to do it by yourself, then do it with me," Lyke looked at Rain, "We can take it slow. Day by day, just like that."
Rain stared into his eyes, unsure what to say or do.
"Did you hear what I said that night?" Rain softly.
"You don't need to be afraid of loving someone, Rain."
Rain started to cry, his head in his hands. Knowing that Lyke knew the whole time was like a knife in his heart. Lyke knew exactly how he felt, but Rain acted so coldly, thinking it was only his problem to deal with. Unbeknownst to him, it also became Lyke's problem that night when he heard.
"I'm sorry, Lyke."
"Stop apologizing. I forgave you from the moment you first ignored me."
"Are you not mad at me?"
"No," Lyke whispered, "I never was."
Rain grabbed Lyke and hugged him tighter than he had ever hugged anyone before.
"Enough talking about me. Are you okay?" Rain finally asked.
"Yes. I'm okay. I want to know everything. That's what I should have done in the beginning. I need to deal with it properly."
Rain explained everything, from the beginning to the end, starting with the attack in the gym and ending with that day at the house. Lyke sat silently, nodding here and there so Rain knew he was listening. It sunk in slowly, but Lyke didn't seem affected by the information coming at him. His face was quite listless.
"That's everything," Rain finished.
"Okay."
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. I know I'm safe here. He can't get it without valid ID, so I'm okay. As for Nicky, I can drop out of the club. That's fine. Jay seems like he isn't interested in messing with me, so everything there is okay too."
"If you aren't okay, you can say that. You don't have to act like it's fine. I'd rather you tell me you're hurting than you keep it to yourself."
"It would be odd if I were fine. In this world, the one thing I wanted was to get away from this. But once I finally thought I got away, it came back. There's nothing that can make me okay with that."
"As I said, you don't have to be okay. When you aren't okay, I'm always going to be there. You don't have to struggle by yourself anymore. There's people that want to help you."
"But it would be selfish to ask for help in a situation like this. Rain," Lyke looked at him, suddenly very serious, "You can't win. Ti isn't a person you can play a game with and win. You guys can't help me. I won't let you."
"That's not an option, Lyke."
"But it's my choice. If, in the end, something happens, promise me that you will not risk your life. Not you, Olive, Lin or Sana. Promise it to me."
"..."
"You all deserve to live your lives. Don't waste them protecting me."
"I promise to make your life worth living. You also deserve to live your life. Don't throw it away trying to protect us."
"..."
"I promise you that you will never be hurt again. If it's the last thing I do."
____
November 13th
Weeks had passed since the day he remembered and learned everything again. Strangely, Lyke was okay. Any way he looked at it, he was protected as long as he didn't go places that left him alone. Ti couldn't get him at home, and he wouldn't try anything with people he didn't know present, so Lyke was safe at the University. Other than that, Lyke didn't go anywhere. If he did, he was with Rain. As for Nicky, nobody knew what she was up to. What was her reason for approaching Lyke again? He wouldn't tell anyone what they had talked about, claiming it wasn't anything. If it wasn't anything, they thought perhaps Nicky had simply been interrupted by Rain before she would do and say what she wanted, so they left it be. In everyone's eyes, Nicky wasn't worth the time and energy anymore, as long as she stayed away from Lyke.
"It's November."
Lyke looked at the picture of himself on his nightstand. A smiling face looked back at him, unaware of the cold weather and feeling that hung in the air.
November was never a good month.
It always left Lyke feeling even more empty every time it passed. In his 18 years of life, his mother tried her hardest to make his Novembers full of happiness, but she was always too busy trying to provide to follow through. He understood, of course. It wasn't until he met him that he felt November get a little bit better. It wasn't as cold. The festive lights looked brighter. The snow looked prettier. When it came time for that day, the song he always hated sounded completely different.
Happy birthday... to you.
Happy birthday... to you.
Happy birthday... dear Lyke.
Happy birthday..... to...
The sweet song didn't stay sweet.
When his 15th birthday came, his friends smiled brightly at him as a cake was set down in front of him. The first time he had friends at a birthday party, and it was all thanks to Ti.
When his 16th birthday came, friends sang for him, but the only voice Lyke could hear was him, the one he loved most in the world.
When his 17th came, Lyke wished as a drug slowly washed over him, yet he still wished for happiness with Ti, not knowing that he was no longer loved. The night of his 17th was the reason he hated every November. The betrayal and pain was engraved within the words they sang and in every part of his body.
When his 18th birthday came, he wished he could die. There was no longer any wish of happiness. He thought it was too far out of his grasp to ever be recovered. He was tired, beyond exhausted by the life he was living. A hell created by the devils' hands, a place he lived but a place where he wasn't really living.
After that night, he told himself he deserved better as he laid alone with only his two hands to hold himself. It was a seemingly empty want and something he didn't think he deserved. He shoved everything he could into a backpack that day, as much money he could find, including the money his mother had given him for exactly this moment. Ti stepped out to smoke a cigarette as always, and with that, Lyke finally left the room. He ran and ran, never looking back, his lungs burning as he took in the cold air. Everything was in place, he just had to escape before Ti realized.
"West a mile, turn right on Red Ave, one mile. White car, blue house, white fence, and red door," He repeated to himself as he ran, hoping he could make it without Ti finding him. Knowing Ti's habits, Lyke knew he had at least a half hour before Ti would come back. If he was lucky, he had forty-five minutes, which would be more than enough. If he was unlucky, Ti wouldn't be gone for more than fifteen minutes, but still, Lyke could get pretty far.
In the end, everything went exactly as planned. As he stood in front of the house his mother described to him, emotion overwhelmed him.
He knocked, and an old gentleman opened.
"Lyke? Are you Lyke?"
Lyke burst into tears hearing his voice. This man knew who he was. He knew his story.
"Is it over? Is it really over?"
"Yes. It's over." The man hugged him tightly then ushered him inside. "He didn't follow you?"
"No, sir. I'm sure he didn't."
"And your phone?"
"I smashed it in the room before I left. I erased the phone logs and messages. He won't know anything."
"Good. Are you hurt anywhere?"
"No, sir. All the injuries are old."
"Here's a new phone. Your mother's number is all ready on there. Are you sure you're okay?" The man set down a cup of hot tea and wrapped him a blanket.
"Yes, sir."
"Do you know the plan? Did your mother get to tell you?"
"She told me the directions here. That's all."
"Okay. I'm taking you two hours from here. There's a house there, it's all yours. You will finish your High School there. They already know the situation so you needn't worry. He will not find you."
"What if he does?"
"He won't. The police here are watching him carefully."
"Sir."
"Yes?"
"What about my mom?"
"She is protected, too. Her husband has security, you shouldn't worry. Ti is smart enough to know what will land him in trouble."
"And why are you helping me?"
"I can't sit and watch a young soul continue to be destroyed. I've heard what you've gone through, and I'm also sure I haven't heard it all. You deserve someone to hear your voice. You should finish High School happily, go to College, make friends, and do everything you haven't been able to do for so long."
"..."
"I know what you're thinking," The man looked at him, "You didn't deserve it. You didn't do anything wrong."
Lyke cried until it hurt. He let everything go after keeping it in, finally realizing he was free.
"Are you ready to go?" Rain yelled through the door.
"Why do you have to have early practice even on game days? It's Monday. Let me sleep," He responded as he opened the door.
"Good morning, Sunshine," Rain smiled.
"Trying to avoid the question?"
"No, just saying good morning. Why are you grumpy?"
"Sleepy."
"You always are. Have a sandwich."
"Thank you. Let me sleep."
"Denied. Let's go."
(Later, Lunch)
"He always drags me to morning practices, I feel like I'm falling apart. Look, I can't even keep my head up straight," Lyke complained.
"Hey hey," Rain grabbed his head, "Stop making me look bad."
"Stop waking me up, then."
"I keep saying you should drink some coffee. How about I get you some coffee cake? Can you eat that?"
"Yuck, no. No coffee cake. That's a horrible combination."
"Why not? You like sweets, right?"
"Not coffee sweets."
"Then what kind?" Olive cut in.
"Chocolate is obviously superior," He responded.
"I like mint chocolate," Lin said.
"I love mint chocolate ice cream. You know, I've eaten entire containers of that stuff. Chocolate frosting, too. I've eaten so much it made me sick a couple of times." Lyke's eyes lit up.
"You need to stop eating stuff until it makes you sick. You won't be able to eat anything soon enough," Rain said.
"I didn't say I couldn't eat anymore. I still do. And will for a long time."
"That sounds healthy," Sana said.
"It won't take years off my life. It's just frosting. Oh, are you guys going to the game on Wednesday? I don't think I am, so I need a ride since this loser stays all day on game days."
"Can't. I have a project. I'm leaving right after my last class."
"I have club activities all afternoon that day. Oh, I'm going to be so bored."
"Sorry, Lyke, I have a family dinner, so I can't drive you. You're going to have to stay all day."
"But Lin just said he's doing club activities. Is he skipping this family dinner?"
"I-"
"He's adopted. They don't like him," Olive shouted.
"Yes. I am an unloved child," Lin said swiftly with a serious expression.
"It's so sad, really it is." Sana patted Lin's shoulder. "Ever since he hit that dog with a tennis ball..."
"Could you shut up about that dog?"
"Hehe"
"'Hehe' my ass, Sana."
"Another reason why he isn't loved."
"Goddamn it, I agreed with you because of your poor accu-" Olive put her hand over Lins mouth quickly.
"You guys are weird. What are you up to?"
"Nothing," Everyone said simultaneously.
"Why don't you want to come watch the game? You don't want to watch me play anymore?"
"Oh, stop it, Rain. I just wanted to go home and have some alone time. Don't think too much about it."
"You don't have a choice but to come. I'm forcing you."
"Hmm. We can talk about it later."
_____
"Why do I need to go? Are you okay with me going?" Lyke asked later that day.
"I wouldn't be telling you need to go if I didn't feel comfortable with you being there. Don't think about me too much. I've been working on myself these past weeks. Day by day, as you said."
"You want to talk about it?"
"Yeah. Why not?"
They sat facing each other on the couch.
"What's up?" Lyke asked.
"Well. I've been thinking," Rain said.
"Yes?"
"At first, I was scared about what other people would think about me because I wasn't sure what I would be without others' approval. I've tried to keep an image of myself that I thought was authentic, but I've realized it's not entirely who I am. I don't want their opinions if they can only see the image of me that was created over the years. If I said the only approval I want is yours, would that be selfish? As long as you are cheering for me, I don't need much more."
"Is that your conclusion?"
"What do you mean?"
"I want you to listen to yourself fully. I don't want you to rush yourself. You can tell yourself you don't care about them, but it might turn out that you still do," Lyke smiled.
"..."
"Don't pout, Rain. I'm not saying you are still conflicted, I just want you to be sure. You should be comfortable with yourself, but that's something you can't rush. You know I'm with you no matter what you are feeling."
"Although there's still fear in the back of my mind, I'm more sure every day about how I feel. I don't want my fear to hold that back. What others think will pass, but the way I think about you every day won't."
"I've never met someone so upfront," Lyke laughed.
"We said communication is key."
"I know," Lyke smiled, "I never said it was bad."
"Of course."
"Rain."
"Yes?"
"I think I need more time to think."
"I've told you many times, but I can always wait for you. Yes?"
"I know, but I don't want you to wait and be disappointed in the end."
"I'll only be disappointed if you don't come to the game on Wednesday, okay?"
...
...
Happy birthday... to you
The '17' candle flickered in front of him again.
His eyes blinked.
Once
Twice
He blew the candles out.
As the smoke swirled, he stood up and reached forward for Ti's hand, but he couldn't reach. He fell forward, and suddenly, he was in that room again.
Ti's blurred face pinned his body, his face looking down at him.
"You're awake? Maybe I didn't use enough."
"What are you talking about?"
"Oh, stop it, Lyke. Don't act so stupid."
"Why are you doing this?"
"Shhh. Stop talking."
His own scream filled his head.
The taste of blood grew in his throat, ripped raw by his voice.
A wish is only a wish, after all.
The clock glowed when he woke up.
5:56, Wednesday, November 15th
"Happy birthday to you," He whispered.
A tear slid down his cheek as a reminder of another year. He stared at the ceiling for a while, eventually deciding to get up and do something instead of lying alone with his thoughts. As he walked down the stairs, he heard noises from the kitchen.
"Rain?" He hesitantly said.
"Lyke? Why are you awake?" Rain responded, surprised.
"I couldn't sleep. Why are you awake?"
"I'm making breakfast today, so I got up early."
Lyke was puzzled by his odd behavior. On a Wednesday, especially on a game day, Rain would never be up this early. What was even stranger was that he was making breakfast; both he and Lyke lived off microwaved breakfast sandwiches on weekday mornings. They never ate anything else because they could barely wake up early enough to microwave the sandwiches.
"What are you up to? What's going on here?" Lyke asked skeptically.
"Can I not make breakfast?"
"But it's Wednesday. A game day. You got up early, and you're making breakfast. Everything is wrong with this picture."
"I wanted to make breakfast for you today. Is that so wrong?"
"No. It's fine, I just don't understand why."
"Why couldn't you sleep?" Rain changed the topic.
"Bad dream, I guess. Are you going to answer me?" Lyke laughed.
"It seemed like a good day to wake up early. The birds were chirping, and I had the ingredients to make breakfast. Lovely day, lovely life."
"If you won't give me a real answer, maybe you shouldn't answer at all. I got chills, I thought you were possessed for a minute."
"Right. I'm possessed for making breakfast."
"No, the way you spoke was creepy. Like you suddenly were 60 years old on the brink of death appreciating the fact the birds woke up and the grass was green."
"Eat. Stop saying I'm old."
"The bacon is burnt," Lyke picked at it with his fork.
"Oh," Rain pouted, "I tried my hardest. It's not even that bad."
"Rain..."
"Okay! I'll try harder next time."
"Can you take me home? I want to leave," Lyke asked later that day.
"Why? You said you would go to the game. No taking it back," Olive responded.
"Let's go to the cooking club and have fun. Come on," Sana pulled his arm.
"I thought you had a project?"
"It got moved, so I don't have to do it today. Come on. What do you want to eat? We can make cookies, pastries or... donuts?"
"Donuts sound good, but..." Lyke paused and looked at the three people walking beside him. "What are you guys doing? Whatever it is, I'm on to you. All of you are so suspicious; it's driving me crazy. What is your reason? Do you want something from me? I've got nothing. I don't have a dollar to my name."
The group's behavior was very odd. They all insisted Lyke stay at school, avoiding the topic and acting suspiciously. Whatever it was, it was something only Lyke didn't know about. When he wasn't looking, he got the feeling they were talking amongst themselves. Not knowing left him thinking about any possibility. It was impossible that they knew what day it was; he hadn't told them. He made sure that nobody knew. That being ruled out in his mind, he thought maybe they needed his help with something. If not, they wanted something.
"All I want is a donut now. Bring one to me later," Olive smiled.
"We need to go now." Lin hit her arm.
"Right. Bye! Go to the cooking club now. See you later," She shoved him to walk with Sana.
"I'm on to you. No donuts for any of you. Liars."
The hours passed slowly, but they were filled with laughter. The club members always seemed to know how to make him smile, and on this day, they were especially good to him. From letting him make whatever flavors he wanted to letting him choose every topping, they listened to him attentively. As the sun set, his heart was certainly happier. Sana took a box of a dozen doughnuts with her when she left quickly at the end of club time.
"I'll have Olive drop these off at your place later. Go to the game and don't worry about it," She said.
"Can I at least try one? I haven't gotten to have one..."
"You can have one later. You should eat dinner first. I have to go now. Go to the game, or you're dead. Go. Bye!" She ran away quickly.
"I want a doughnut though!" He shouted back, but she didn't turn around.
"Are you going to the game, Lyke?"
He turned around to see a group of club members smiling at him. Among the group were Nicky's friends.
"We'll go with you," They said cheerfully.
"Okay! I'll meet you in the gym then. I need to grab my stuff. You guys can go ahead."
"We'll wait for you," Three hung behind.
"Oh. Thanks." He said hesitantly when he turned to see Nicky's friends staring back at him.
"Let's go! It's going to start."
Even if he didn't remember, he made sure to keep his guard up high. However, the friends didn't show any signs they were up to anything at all. They talked to him throughout the night, staying close by his side. It was as if they were genuinely interested in getting to know him, and despite everything that had transpired, there wasn't the slightest feeling of evil intentions between the three. The only thing that stood out to him was that they didn't let him go anywhere by himself, not even the bathroom. This didn't bother him, though. He thought it would be best to stay with people anyway, but for people he had never really talked to before, it was odd. By the time the game came to an end, everything was just fine. The girls walked with him down the bleachers until he reached Rain, who stared at the girls skeptically.
"What are you doing with them?" He asked.
"They watched the game with me."
"Rain," One of the girls spoke up, "It's okay. We didn't do anything. We just watched with him."
"Ani, you should know that I can't trust you."
"I know that," She replied, "But you should trust me this time. Take him home, and we can talk later."
Rain stared at her for a moment, contemplating whether he should yell at the girls, but he decided against it. There was no point in upsetting Lyke. As long as he was okay, that was fine.
"Let's go," Rain said to Lyke. "I heard you made doughnuts earlier? What kind?"
They walked away from the three and out the door.
"All different kinds. All vanilla but different icing and toppings," Lyke smiled, "But Sana wouldn't let me eat one. Why would you make me make them then not let me eat one?"
"Really? I would eat them still."
"She ran off with the box!"
"I'll tell her to bring them to my house. She can't hold them hostage."
"She said she'd have Olive drop them off."
As always, the dark house greeted them when they pulled in. Something about the picture felt eerily similar but different. The empty house seemingly welcomed the lonelinesst Lyke always knew on those days, but he didn't feel alone this time. N, thiss day was different. For the first time in a while, a weight felt like it was lifted off his shoulders.
"Today was a good day," He whispered as he sat in the passenger seat.
"Was it? I'm glad." Rain smiled. "Should we go in?"
"Let's go. I need food."
"Wait," Rain said and quickly opened the car door. Racing around the car, he opened Lykes door, "Come here," He said.
"What?"
"Come here," He laughed.
Lyke slowly got out and Rain grabbed his shoulders, guiding him towards the door whilst leaving him in confusion.
"Okay, you can go in."
"You're weird," Lyke said plainly, staring at him.
"Go in quick!"
Lyke opened the door and was greeted by pitch black darkness.
"Can you turn on the lights?" He asked as he took off his shoes.
"Yeah, yeah," Rain closed the door.
They stood there for a moment, neither moving. Lyke stood staring at Rain, waiting for him to turn on the lights as he said he would, but he didn't move.
"What are you doing? Turn on the lights, I can't see anything."
"Oh? I don't want to anymore."
"Just turn them on. The switch is right behind you."
"I don't feel like it."
"Rain," Lyke laughed and walked towards him, "Turn it on."
Rain suddenly grabbed him, preventing him from flipping the switch. In a moment, they were fighting each other, laughing.
"Rain, let me go. At least turn on the light before fighting with me."
"Okay, okay. I'll turn them on."
They stopped fighting again and stood there.
"Okay! Lights."
Suddenly, warm fairy lights lit up the kitchen. Lyke, caught off guard, stood frozen, staring at the scene before him.
"What is this?" He asked.
"Come here," Rain once again grabbed his shoulders and guided him to the kitchen island. "Do you like it?"
"Yeah. They're beautiful. But.."
"I'll be right back," Rain interrupted.
Lyke was left alone, staring at the decorations he didn't notice until he was up close. Stars and streamers covered the area, the lights dimly lighting them up. Seconds passed as he admired them, taking in the situation that was entirely new to him. As he heard whispering and footsteps, he slowly turned and was shocked to see Rain, Lin, Sana, and Olive, who was carrying a cake with two lit candles, '19'.
"Happy Birthday to you," They sang.
Lyke didn't say anything as they walked forward, smiling brightly at him. He was overwhelmed with emotion, a tear slowly falling down his cheek.
"Happy birthday... dear Lyke... Happy birthday to you."
At the conclusion of the song he hated so much, he put his face in his hands. The silence was cut by the sound of his soft cries and the footsteps of his friends coming closer to pull him into a hug. As they all embraced him, Lyke only said one thing: "Thank you."
Even though he was crying, they weren't tears of sadness or anger. He thought if this were to happen, he wouldn't be able to bear the memories and sadness of the past, but as he stood there, he felt only relief and happiness. He had never had anyone throw him a surprise party. He had never even had anyone throw a party for 'him.' A chocolate cake, a quiet, decorated setting and people who cared for him were all he needed to feel alive, and it was all there in front of him. He felt seen, and most of all, he felt loved.
"Are you okay?" Olive asked.
"Yes. I'm okay," He replied, and everyone pulled out of the hug.
"Here," Sana grabbed the cake from the counter, "Make a wish and blow out the candles."
Lyke closed his eyes tightly and cupped his hands to his chest. He didn't wish for much. He only wished for the happiness he felt in that moment to stay with him in the coming days, weeks, and years. If he could feel that again, he thought going through life would be a lot better.
As Rain stared at Lyke standing with his eyes closed and his tears glistening in the candlelight, he also had a wish. Even though it wasn't his wish to make, he wanted Lyke to live a life without sadness. If Lyke could live like that, he thought it would be better for him to go through life.
Lyke opened his eyes slowly, scared that his wish would once again come crashing down on him. After a pause, he blew out the candles, the smoke swirling in front of him.
"Happy birthday," Rain said softly.
"We got your favorite cake! And look," Sana pulled out a box, "I have the doughnuts."
"We decorated all evening and made the cake, too." Lin smiled.
"I think you already knew we were lying about having plans, but we wanted to have time to slip away and decorate."
"I'm confused," Lyke said. "How did you know it was my birthday? I didn't tell you. I didn't tell anyone."
"It doesn't matter how we knew. We wanted to do something for you, so we did," Rain replied.
"And all of this you set up? Did you tell them I like the stars? And soft lights? But how did you know my favorite cake?"
"We brought cake up in a conversation, so it wasn't suspicious. And yes, I told them, but they bought it all."
"You guys are a bunch of sneaky liars. You told me you had meetings and dinners, but instead, you were doing this," Lyke said.
"It was a surprise. Even if it wasn't and you knew, you wouldn't allow us to do this. Am I right? I mean, you didn't even tell us it was your birthday or anything," Sana asked.
"I'm sorry. Birthdays aren't really big for me. It's just another year older every time it comes around." Lyke shrugged it off and smiled, "Can I try a doughnut? I want a mint chocolate one."
"Eat something else before!"
The party carried on as they passed around pizza, doughnuts, and cake, talking about anything and everything. Laughter vibrated against the walls, but a calming peace still rolled over Lyke. There was nothing to disrupt from the fact that he was happy; not a flashing light or a crowd of people. There was such a close bond between the group in front of him that he didn't need to think about anything that happened in the past. He was focused on the now. He thought he could really start over, and for once, that hope was real. The people surrounding him, he was sure, wouldn't let that hope die. They wanted him to live well, free of fear and full of love. It felt possible for his birthday wish to come true.
As Lyke laughed, Rain noticed Lyke's phone light up. He glanced at the screen: an unknown number. Immediately, it was suspicious. He knew Lyke always saved numbers he texted because he liked order and was paranoid of texting the wrong person. Secondly, Lyke didn't message a lot of people, so it was very rare for him to get a text from anyone other than the four of them. As he quickly read, he could briefly see the contents. It sent a chill down his spine.
"I'm going to the bathroom. Be right back," He quickly said and grabbed Lykes phone, hoping he wouldn't notice. Luckily, Lyke went back to his conversation quickly after acknowledging what Rain said. When the door shut behind him, Rain plunged into darkness, his eyes glued to the messages in front of him. His heart sank with every word he saw written.
"Happy Birthday," The first text read. Nothing out of the ordinary.
"I remember your 17th. Don't you?"
The second one puzzled him.
"Remember what I told you? Nobody will ever have you. Just because I don't have you now, today, doesn't mean I'm letting you go."
He opened the message, the 'Delivered' turning to 'Read'. The sender smiled down at his phone while Rain's face dropped at the next message was sent.
"You can stay with your friends. You can run away all you want. But no matter what, I'll have you back. You know that, babe. You wouldn't think you could run away forever, right? I wonder if your birthday wish this year was to see me again. I know you've read these, so you'll block me now. Goodbye then, I'll see you soon."
Rain only then realized his mistake and blocked the number. It became obvious who the sender was, but even then, he didn't quite understand the messages. There was nothing he could do but delete them. Lyke didn't need to know. That guy, no matter how much guts he had, wouldn't be able to reach Lyke. He was only talk.
Rain walked back to his friends, concealing the truth with a smile and setting down the phone where he had grabbed it from.
"Did you take my phone?" Lyke asked.
"Yeah, I accidentally grabbed it when I stood up. Sorry."
"That's fine. Did I get any texts? Any calls?"
"None. Were you expecting something?"
"No, I wasn't. Have you had a doughnut yet, Rain? They are seriously the best doughnuts I've ever had."
"I did," Rain laughed.
"Oh yeah, there's something else we wanted to give you," Olive handed an envelope to Lyke.
"What is this?" He asked as he opened it. Inside was a card with the names of all the club members sprawled in vibrant colors.
"They all knew?" Lyke asked, surprised.
"We told them, of course. They wanted to give you this. Everyone signed and wrote something for you. Even we did," Sana pointed to the back.
"I'll read it all later. Thank you guys," Lyke smiled.
The night closed on that note, the three helping to clean up and then leaving.
"Did you have fun?" Rain asked.
"Of course I did. No matter how you found out about it, it was a good birthday." Lyke looked at Rain for a moment before sitting up on his bed. "Do you know why I didn't tell you?"
"About your birthday?"
"Yeah."
"No. I thought you just didn't think it was important."
"Rain."
"Yes?"
"Can you listen to me for a while? I want to tell."
"Of course I will."
"I'm scared you will look at me differently, though."
"I wouldn't. I would never. I've stayed by your side all this time, I couldn't imagine seeing you any differently. I'll listen to you."
"I trust you, Rain. It's not an easy story, though. And I don't want you to think about everything that happened today and in the past. Everything that's happened, don't feel bad about it. You couldn't have known."
"What does that mean? What about today?"
"Calm down. As I said, you haven't done anything wrong. I'm okay, aren't I?" Lyke reassured and took a deep breath. "All my life, my mom worked hard to provide, but in doing so, she was never around. I woke up alone, I went to sleep alone. I never had a birthday party, and holidays consisted of a slightly nicer dinner. My father died when I was young. My mother thought it would be better if she had money to give me rather than building a relationship with me. I always wanted her to love me like other moms did, but she never showed me that love." Lyke took a deep breath before continuing. "I met Ti when I entered high school and joined the basketball team. He was a Junior. We got to know each other through that year, and that was the first time I had a birthday party. At that time, I had just turned 15. People started joking that we were like a couple, but I just thought he was taking care of me as a freshman on the team. During the summer before my sophomore year started, he asked me to be his boyfriend. At that time, he was 18 and starting his senior year, but I said yes anyways."
"So you were 15, and he was 18?"
"Yes. He said to keep it a secret until I turned 16, so I did. After we were public, everyone adored our relationship. Everyone except Sam, my best friend. The nurse we saw. To be honest, I told her as soon as we started dating. She told me it was wrong from the start, but I didn't listen. I stayed, and everything was fine. Until the summer before my junior year. Ti got held back, so he was still a senior. He started acting more distant and would sometimes act oddly towards me, but I wrote it off as stress. When my 17th birthday came, I was hopelessly in love with him. He set up a huge party for me, at a club this time. There were a hundred or more people there. I didn't know many besides Sam and a couple of his friends. It was overwhelming, and I told him that. He handed me a water to help me calm down and gave me some medicine. After that, I sat at a table by myself. As he brought out the cake, everything suddenly sounded muffled. I could see their lips moving as they sang to me, but it was like someone put their hands over my ears. I laughed, I remember. That was the first time I was drugged."
"..."
"I blew out the candles. Then, Sam came over, grabbed my hand, and dragged me towards the door. Before I could think, someone grabbed my other hand. It was Ti. The look on his face... it was the first time I was scared of him. He pulled me away from her and dragged me back through the sea of people, but I was so scared of him, I didn't want to follow. I started yelling, asking if anyone could hear me... but nobody listened. He dragged me into a room and closed the door. Then he hit me. He hit me really hard in the head and kicked me back down to the ground. I told him to stop. That I loved him. But he just told me nobody would ever love me. Nobody else could ever love me, that he felt sick whenever he saw me." A tear dropped down Lykes face.
"Lyke..."
"I stood up to leave, but he tackled me. He beat me. It hurt. It hurt so much, and I didn't even know why it was happening. No matter how hard I fought, it was hard to escape." Lyke wrapped himself in his arms. "When I broke free, I crawled to the door, but it was locked. I yelled and banged on the door, but nobody came. The next time I woke up, he was on top of me. I-" Lyke began to choke on his words, a mess of tears and blinding emotion.
"It's okay. You're here with me now. It's all over." Rain tightly hugged him, allowing him to cry into his shoulder until he calmed down.
"I-" Lyke started again and then stopped.
"You don't have to continue. You should take your time and tell me when you are absolutely ready."
"No. I can do it."
"Okay."
"That night was the beginning of it all. After that, I told everyone that nothing had happened, but everyone knew. As time went by, for the rest of my junior year, everyone knew it. They saw the bruises, they saw the pain, but I still told them it was okay. I was like a hollow shell of myself. I used to be so outgoing, so active, but after that day, a part of me just died. He would beat me every day. When it got bad, I would count to myself to make sure I was still breathing. It felt like I was dying. I didn't want to live anymore. The part of me that loved and looked forward to living was just dead. My senior year, when I turned 18, I finally had enough. I was forced to live with him against my and my mother's will. He didn't let me leave his apartment, even for school. My mother was aware of everything and did all she could for me, but in the end, he always won. A month before my escape, my mom was sending me money, just a little bit every week, so I would have something for when I left. We would call when he wasn't there. She gave me directions to a house and said if I could make it there, I'd be okay. So one night, I just ran for it. I knew when he went to smoke, there was a period when he would be distracted by his phone, so I smashed my phone and ran. When I got to the house, an old man drove me here. I had that house to live in, and I finished high school. Then I met you. When I met you, I was scared of any man. I was scared of touch, of speaking. My final year of high school away from his grasp helped me to start healing, but I don't think that I will ever feel whole again. The way he treated me at first, every time he told me he loved me, it was all a lie. What did I do to deserve being beaten almost to death when I gave him so much? In the end, I found that he only wanted me because I was young. I could be manipulated to his liking. The moment I got closer to the age of 17, I was undesirable to him. So he abused me while keeping me all to himself. He didn't love me then; he just used me when he wanted to. He fed me the idea that nobody would ever love me because I was just a broken body. That's why I can't let him get to me again. If he has me, I'm sure I won't make it out alive. He's almost killed me so many times. He only needs one chance to finish it."
Rain sat in silence, thinking about the rush of information he had just heard. It tore his heart out. The way Lyke explained everything he had been through made him want to throw up. How could someone do that? Lyke had only just turned 19, but he had to escape death already. His sweet boy, his sunshine, went through as much pain the average person would feel in their lifetime in only 18 years. Suddenly, everything made sense. The way he acted when they first met, how scared he was of Ti that day, and the text messages Lyke had just received from the unknown number. Rain put it all together but still said nothing to Lyke.
"Why are you crying?" Lyke asked.
"You didn't deserve that, and I can't even imagine everything you haven't told me. You didn't deserve any of it."
"But it's okay now. I can start over. I can live again. You don't need to cry for me because I'm still here. I'm still alive."
"All the times we've talked before, you made it seem like you were a bad person. But no matter how I look at it, you were the one that was a victim. Why is that?"
"There's always something in the back of your head that tells you you've done something wrong. I shouldn't have been so naive. I should have listened to Sam. Maybe if I had done something different, I wouldn't have ended up as the victim. I'm the one who allowed the relationship to start. I was the one who desperately wanted to be loved. I was the fool for thinking he cared all that time. In the end, I was just naive to it all, wasn't I?"
"Between a 15-year-old and an 18-year-old, there is only one adult. There is one adult that knew what they were doing was wrong. Only one who knew how innocent you were, and only one that knew you just wanted to be loved. That 15-year-old is not to blame for the actions of the adult who knew everything they were doing when they approached you with the intention to manipulate. You didn't deserve it, Lyke. You've done nothing to deserve that."
Lyke knew how much Rain waited for him. Everything rushed out in a sudden burst that was probably confusing, but Rain nodded as he listened to show he understood despite that. That simple thing provided a comfort that Rain could never understand. There were few people in the world he would dare let hear his story, but he didn't feel scared to let Rain know it.
"Are you okay?" Rain asked after they had sat in silence for a couple of seconds.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay. It feels better to get it off my chest."
"..."
"It's weird to think I've come so far in a year. A year ago, I sat on the floor counting to myself and now... I feel alive. I've never felt so alive in my life. I have a home to feel safe in. I found a family when I thought I would never make a friend again. People are willing to help me. Protect me. And I want to live my own life now. Why did it take 18 years for me to want that?"
"We love you, Lyke. There's nothing I want in this world more than for you to be happy."
Lyke smiled.